What to Do When Your Kids Hate The Step-Mom

I've had 2 stepmoms in my life.. I can tell you that both of them SUCK. The first one didn't have kids and her and my dad were together for 7 years. I'm not that child who feels sad that her parents aren't together or anything like that. I love my dad and if something makes him happy I'm all for it. BUT this woman hated me and my brother. We eventually felt the same. She would ignore us, but I'd take her over my current stepmom ANY day. Because atleast my first stepmom let me spend time with my dad. I cannot begin to tell you how I feel about this woman. I stay out of her way. I do what I'm told. It doesn't make sense. She has 2 kids, a son and a daughter. She treats her daughter like the queen... (what a surprise). It used to get to me but now I ignore it and her.. but she still manages to make my life hell. I've told my dad many times.. he even sees it sometimes... he doesn't do anything though, she gives him ultimatums.. soooo annoying. I'm screwed... really. She ruins everything for me. My 15th, 16th, and 17th birthday were hell. I didn't even get a card from my own dad. I got nothing. She asks like such a child, I just don't know what to do anymore. She's also the biggest hippocryte. I understand that there are people out there that do love their stepkids and aren't as evil as everyone says but I haven't seen it yet. You have to understand that it's not always the kids fault.. I try so hard to make it work because she makes my dad happy.. and as much as I don't like her or her little brat I have to put up with them. It's just sad the way she acts sometimes and I'm not going to lie I cry because of how furious it makes me. Her dog doesn't even like me, I've been bit 4 times and 1 time sent me to the hospital for an infection.. and she coons over that dog and praises him. My dad claims he just wanted to play and that he's a family dog.. but he's bitten other people too. No matter what she defends him. I'm only 17, honestly I don't know how much more I can take of this.

My husband and I have been together going on 8 yrs. My step daughter is 10 yrs old. I have been telling my husband how his daughter is and he would't believe me. Finally he opened his eyes n seen it for himself. His daughter is for the most part a good girl except for lying n going back n forth n complaining. I use to play into her drama but I don't any more, as long as no one is hurting her i don't want to hear it. It's like she wants us to say something about her mother so she can go back n tell her. And every time she speaks to her mom on the phone when she is at our house she sounds sad and of course her mother is always asking her what's wrong. Well her father finally called her on it and asked her why she does that n she didn't say anything. So he asked her other questions like does she complain to her mom about coming over here and she said yes she doesn't like to come over. First of all we have rules at our house n we r on her about her hygiene , homework, chores, etc. at her moms its not that strict. Over there she knows about the late nights at the bar n what ever drama their is. At our house its none of her business as she is a kid n not our friend. She also has a habit of lying n we have grounded her for that. But the lying is a learned behavior from her mother n my husbands mother. They would tell his daughter to lie to her father by saying don't tell your father. Well my husband won't call them on it cause he doesn't want the drama. Also her mother tells her ask your good parents. Or ask your good mom. Really how childish is that cause im a girl scout leader. I don't have children of my own but when I do I plan to be the same for them. To be involved n show them responsibly. I just hope as she gets older she appreciates what her father and i do for her.

Thanks so much for dehumanizing us, all you traumatized stepchildren/biological moms! It's kind of funny, because my stepchildren were (and are still) taught to be open and accepting of others, and I have minimal issues with either of them. But what do I know, I'm "just" their stepmother and have no "legal" right to ask them to abide by my house rules, the ones that my biological child is asked equally to abide by.

I appreciate that some stepmothers are great and some not so much, just like biological parents can be, but what I don't appreciate is that some of the commenters on here are saying that their stepmoms are horrible because they ask them to do chores, or find fault in the way that the chores are done and ask the children to fix their mistakes. Would you accept this from your biological mother, or would you say that she's such an awful mother for asking you to do chores HER way in HER home? Why does one's being a stepmother make any difference? Your perception is your reality; I understand that. But think about whether you are REALLY being treated unfairly (which I am not saying is NOT a possibility, but...) or are you just upset because you are being asked to do something by someone who is not your "real" mom? In my home, all the kids (step and bio) are asked to do some minor chores on a weekly basis, and if tasks are not done to my or my husband's liking, we will ask that the job be fixed or repeated until it is. They usually only have to be asked once. Are you saying that because I am "just" a stepmom that I cannot have RULES in my own home? RULES that may or may not be different than your biological mom's?

Also, I agree with everyone who said that the "...responsible for the demise of your marriage" statement is WAY off in most cases and almost instantly reveals the bias of the author when in many cases there need not be ANY bias whatsoever. My husband was cheated on by the kids' mother when I was still in college 100 miles away; I met him six years and two relationships later.

It IS possible for intelligent adults to keep their mouths shut as to their own feelings in order to set a good example for all children involved, you know. Try doing THAT.

I'm a single mom. My child's father and I split up when she was only 6 months old. She is now 8. For awhile her father was very irresponsible and dependable would never have been a word that I would have used for him. A few years ago, he decided to join the Army. After years of him getting into trouble with the law, I was very hopeful this would help him to turn his life around so that he could be a bigger part of our daughter's life. He has been stationed in Korea for 2.5 to 3 years now, so visits between them have been very limited but I have always made sure to get them together whenever he has been on leave. We don't always get along, but I've always tried to make things work for our daughter. Last year, her father got remarried to a woman he met in Korea. I had my issues with this. While I know he has the right to fall in love and all of that, I was concerned with the fact that our daughter had never even met this woman and didn't seem to be considered in the decision making. However, I've tried to move past that. I've told my daughter her stepmother is someone her father loves and that this woman will be another person who will care about her. Now, last month, my daughter's father came home from Korea. He is here for a little over a month and then leaving for Kentucky. During the time he is home, he and his wife are going to be having a baby. Their little girl will be delivered by c-section Thursday (two days from now). My daughter has expressed how upset she is with me time and time again. I've always told her that we can't help our feelings, but that we can control what we do with them. I've encouraged her to talk to her father about how she feels. Keep in mind, she just turned 8. I talked to her father and told him what I told her and asked him to please be receptive and accepting of her feelings and help her to deal with them, rather than dismiss them. So she talked to him, and he called her selfish, because she said she didn't want to have a stepmother or a baby sister. Personally I think that her concern is more that this woman and their daughter are going to take her father's love from her. I've tried to help her sort through these emotions as best as I can, but her father needs to help and he's not. I've tried to tell her that her baby sister is going to be another person who loves her. (I'm a child of a blended family and have a half-brother who I consider nothing other than my baby brother.) My daughter has tried to tell her father that she wants some one on one time with him while he is home. He keeps promising it to her, but she's not really getting it. Now she is being called selfish, spoiled and disrespectful. I have tried to talk to the other adults in the situation and her father just won't talk to me. He keeps saying he is going to, but then doesn't. Now my daughter told me the other night that she wants to move with her father to Kentucky after the new year. A shock to me! As much as I know she loves her father, she has never really spent any long period of time with him. I was hurt, but I've been trying to understand the whys on this. I'm thinking she may be afraid that if she doesn't go with them, she will be forgotten/replaced. Again, her father won't talk to me. I don't even know if him and his wife would allow her to move with them. I can't keep her from him if that is what they both truly want, but I'm so scared. I live in Maine and aside her father and his new family unit, all of her family lives in Maine including his parents and siblings. That's so far and she won't be able to just come home if she doesn't like it. I've tried to convince her that we could consider it during her summer vacation. Have her go down there and see what she thinks before making a full fledged move. I really just don't know what to do. I called her school counselor today and asked that she meet with her. I think I'm doing all the right things, but it just doesn't seem to be enough, and I don't want to let down the biggest love in my life. Anyone have any suggestions or been in a similar situation?

I know what it is to be a step mom and the step kids hating on you. Bio mom helped with that. I have two daughters from my current relationship, but never married due to the fact that life with my significant other had been a difficult one with his two kids making it hard. I have three kids from a prior. My kids also have a stepmom, however they have not considered their dad part of their family, but never had any hard feelings towards theirs dads wife and half sisters. They just moved on with their lives now as adults and don't hold on to the past. The difference here is that I never manipulated my kids into thinking their dad was a bad person for moving on. On the other hand, I have seen two sides to the "stepmom" scenario, and I know what all these step parents are going through. When I met my "husband" 22 years ago, I vowed to be an understanding partner, to accept his kids (then 5 and 3) and be patient and compassionate and loving. We had all the plans in the world to get married back then, and to raise our kids as one family. When we got pregnant of our oldest daughter after about a year into the relationship, all things changed and life seem to spindal out of control. I dealt with an evil ex wife manipulation, the daughter always calling and giving her mom all the details of mine and her dad's daily activities. As 6 years went by, realizing I had enough, I was going to leave when I found myself pregnant again. Things took a turn for the worst. We are getting threats by phone, and may other violent acts started to happen between the exwife and step daughter. Finally the step daughter was out of control with her own illegal issues, leaving the state with her mom and without permission from her probation officer. To make the long story short: It is now twenty two years later and I still find myself having to defend myself and my kids from these people and thier mom still sending texts about how she still love her ex husband. It's crazy. It doesn't get better. You would think that after your stepkids have grown into adults they would change but they don't. Even after all the betrayal of this family, after all the scandals, and all the attention they brought to themselves, you would think their dad would have cut ties with them, but he is still trying to win their affection now that they are adults. They only call when they want money or something to do with money, and they still continue to blame me, and my daughters for him being their for our daughters as it was their fault they were born. Writing this makes me feel that I am not alone, and realize that there are other stepmothers in my shoes, allthough I feel like I have no energy to go on with this relatioship anymore. i only stayed for my daughters. After tenty-two years, I realized I wasn't the evil step mom. I realized the threats of violence were always there whether it was by false accusations, and manipulation, and these kids carrying grudges over jealousy, and thinking that they were daddys only children. So good luck to you all stepmothers, I have been strong one all these years, but those step children will always be their mother's children, and it isn't even about winning their affection. It's about family being one, and if you're lucky those kids will let you love them. As for my three eldest three children that were from a prior relationship, they don't have a close relationship with their step dad, because of how he never gave them the oportunity to be that father figure. It is sad to see a father always trying to win his natural kids love, even after alway being there for his kids when they were children.

My stepmom, Naomi...well...there's no words to describe her!!!! I HATE HER!!!!!! I'm only 13 years old, and she's been married to my dad for 2 years, and been with us for 4 and a half years.... Whenever I'm just sitting there, she stares at me and ALWAYS finds something wrong...like oh, go wash ur hands. Or, oh...go clean the dishes u haven't in a while...BUT HE SAYS IT IN SUCH AN ATITUDE!!!! She's a slut, she's always like half naked out in public, and whenever she takes a shower, she leaves the door open for everyone to see!!!!!!!! Why the heck??!! And she's also a MAJOR HEALTH FREAK!!!! She can't eat anything over like 1 calorie..I'm serious!! Oh, and ugh!!! Whenever I get something to eat that's a little fattening, like a snack or something...she calls me fat!!! (Im super skinny!!) just please help me to deal with her.....

The step kids and I have a good relationship...I've respected their boundaries and have tried to treat them like my own family--not like I'm their mom, but like a caring adult. I think of them like my nephews and love them the same way--I can't say I love them like my own children because I don't have any biokids of my own. It doesn't mean though, that I wouldn't do anything for them. I've gone into debt to support them when their dad wasn't working, and I've given them my blood, sweat and tears in order to keep our home functioning and make it a loving, caring place. My younger step told me at age 15, that he wished I was his 'real' mother... I didn't push that further or try to separate him from his biomom, but instead knew it was just his feelings of anger over her constant vacationing without them and his feelings of abandonment. I do however, have serious issues with the biomom. I tried from day one to get along with her, but she is a narcissistic, controlling, toxic person. She walked all over my husband during their marriage, divorce, and after... As I tried to cope with her incredibly boorish behaviors, I tried modeling a positive way to be for the sake of her children. After months of incredible verbal abuse by her, and invading my home by actually physically entering it on multiple occasions, I put my foot down and blew up at her in a complete rage. I'm not proud that I exploded at her, and it was in front of her kids, but from what I've heard she's provoked everyone around her to the point where they've reacted that way at one time or another. Now, 2 years after that, she still treats me like "the other woman". She makes it painfully difficult, or impossible, to attend functions for the kids... She interjects herself between my husband and myself...and all of it is under the guise of "I am, after all, the mother of his children..." It's said in such a venomous way and with such hatred behind it, that it just makes me want to vomit. I don't attend anything that she attends. My husband gets mad at me, but I can't be in the same room as her. I've stepped back so that I don't have another confrontation with her because she just loves to try to bait me--that's the kind of toxic she is. She has managed to turn the other parents on the boys hockey teams against me...I never come to games with my husband because she's there badmouthing me, so of course no one has heard *my* side of things...and my husband is the quiet type who wouldn't say anything to anyone about the truth. He just expects that his ex will "get hers" one day when the boys see what a terrible mother she's been. That's cold consolation to me though. What I'm saying is that I am a stepmother who just tries to pick up the pieces for a woman who walked out on her kids and husband for a large house that came with a wealthy older man... I don't try to "be" their mother. I would like to get along with their mom and have some kind of positive relationship with her --or even just be in the same room as her an not feel completely sick inside... But she likes being mean to me and making me "the villain". I wind up feeling like "the other woman" when their mom is the one who cheated for several years before finally walking out on them all. I live a life trying to do things to help these boys, but at the same time not step on their mother's toes...while all the while being provoked and maligned by her. It is not an easy life, and not one I'd wish on anyone... But marrying their father, it came with the territory...

I feel for everyone posting here -- so sorry for everyone's pain! My own story is a bit different, yet very similar. I am in a long-term relationship with a man who has two kids and was married when I met him (they were separated already...I had nothing to do with the dissolution of their marriage...). The father, my partner, is gay (as am I, LOL, and yes, I'm happy, too :-). He was in the closet, and the kids' mother knew he was gay all along (she told me herself...). She stayed with him because she "didn't mind," and their lives revolved around the kids anyway (the marriage was a sham).

Well, do you know what you get when your life revolves around your kids (in an unhealthy manner)? Spoiled, lying, manipulative kids who think they are God's gift to the Earth, and feel that they are superior to everyone else. Indeed, the most recent generations of kids seem to be getting deeper and deeper into that mind-frame. Methinks it has something to do with our culture (which is going to Hell in a hand-basket). Certainly, it has a lot to do with their parents' parenting skills (I think you should have to get a license before you can have a kid, LOL, just kidding, that would be a bit Nazi-ish...)

Long story short, I was brought into this situation as a gay male, and I had to step in to take care of two kids (one age 10, and one age 13) because their mother is mentally ill (literally, she is on meds...) and the father couldn't even take care of himself (that's what he needed me for, among other things!). I felt sorry for the mother at first, but when she began to blackmail the father and me, the sympathy ended pretty quickly. The mother never worked a day in her life, either, but she sure has expensive taste!

I cooked, cleaned, worked, sewed, cleaned some more (the kids were pigs just like their mom), worked some more, and got kicked in the teeth at just about every turn. It was a thankless job, and as a gay man, I NEVER would have envisioned myself in such a situation. Alas, love is blind and I was a blind fool.

The children used to come to me on a regular basis bad-mouthing their mom, saying she was a pig (actually, she IS a hoarder, just like on the TV program, LOL), that she didn't feed them (she didn't...), she locked herself in the bedroom for days at a time because she wasn't taking her meds, etc..., and that she was blowing all their child-support money on herself (she really was)! I can't count the number of times I wanted to call child protective services, but the father did not want to stir things up. I understood...but I speak my mind, so it was well known! We agreed to disagree, and the kids suffered. If I had called CPS, I think the kids really would have been better off. They ended up spending about half their time with us as it was, and they weren't supposed to. But their mom created such an unstable environment for them, they gravitated towards us. No worries, we STILL payed $3,600 per month in child support AND alimony, even though the kids were with us most of the time...

Now, it has been 8 years. Thankfully, both kids are grown up and they live with their mom. We have cut them off because of their attitudes, arrest records (the daughter was arrested with two boyfriends doing LSD and PCP...), and blatant disrespect. Although I feel terrible that they were brought into the world by a gay father and a crazy mother, they are grown enough to know right from wrong, and now that they are grown up, I am NOT playing their games anymore. I was happy to see the door hit them in the posterior region when I last saw them. I felt used and abused throughout the entire 7 years the kids were with us. Thankfully, the past year, since they moved out (of our lives), has been heaven. The father chose me over the kids because he finally saw just what manipulative, lying monsters they had grown up to be. Moreover, he is filled with self-loathing because he knows he HELPED create them the way they are (he never listened to me, his own parents, my parents, and the rest of the extended family's warnings about how the kids would turn out...).

The moral to the story -- if you love your man, stick with him, but stand up for yourself, too. Don't allow yourself to be walked on by your husband's ex, OR his kids. If your husband loves you, he'll see your side of the story, and he will defend you. If he does not defend you, kick him to the curb and find a man who will. IF AT ALL POSSIBLE, avoid getting into a relationship with someone who already has kids from a prior relationship. If you can avoid it, you'll be better off! Finally, IF you are gay, do NOT marry a woman under false pretenses and bring children into this world -- nothing good will come of it! Honesty (with yourself and others!) is, indeed, the best policy!

I hope this helps. Again, I am really sorry to hear about all the pain here. It happens to gay people, too. If I had it to do all over again, I would have listened to my mother and run in the opposite direction in the first place! :-) The only good news is that the father/my partner, is a good man and he is good to me (now). I think I rode out the storm, and he was worth it, but if I had known what I was getting myself into...

God bless (yep, I am a Christian, too...the kids and their mom are atheists!) :-)

Stepparenting is a tough job and the stepmom is often unappreciated. We bent over backwards to accommodate the needs of my husband's two children who are now 30 years old. The situation is complicated, but the ex-wife never promoted developing a good relationship with the father. Nor did she promote respecting the father. The major value appears to be monetary and on the last visit with my husband's son, the son commented that he wanted our house and his sister could have what's left. As both of us are fairly young retirees, talking about what he wanted from our estate was very off-putting and I was extremely disappointed that his father's monetary value is the main concern for him. We both realize that we do not have the familial relationship we thought we had established with them over the years. I wish them both all the best in their lives, as their value system is very limited and morally bankrupt.

This is a letter to my son who has had a tougher time than the rest of us adjusting to the divorce and a new stepmom and stepsisters.  These rules are tailored towards him and his "issues" at his dads and even though these rules are not new to him,   I thought if he heard them from me, it might make a difference knowing that I'm ok, and he can be ok now too. Dear Son, These are some rules from me that I want you to use while at your Dad's house, and with your step family, especially D (stepmother). 1.  You may not like D, but you HAVE to respect her.  Remember that before you start backtalking. 2.  D IS your stepmom, like it or not, and you do spend time at their house so you need to respect THEIR rules. (That's right, my rule is to respect their rules, weird, i know) 3.  When you are asked to do something, don't huff and puff and stomp around asking "why do I have to do that??". JUST DO IT! 4.  When asked to do a chore, do it right, don't half-way do something because you're mad.  You will just get in trouble and STILL have to go back and do it again, right!  Having to this is a waste of everyone's time, and wasting someone elses' time because of your bad "..TUDE" doesn't win you any points. 5.  Remember to say "please" when you ask for something, and "thank you" whenever anyone (including your stepsisters AND Grandma) does something for you.  It's important that you remember this, it shows them that you have manners AND respect for them.  (I don't want you to have to be told by someone to say please and thank you) 6.  DO NOT, let the television or one of your electronic devices get in the way!!!  Don't yell "wait, I'm watching this, I'll do it in a minute!". (in that ugly tone that you use).   If you feel you  MUST wait until commercial, ask VERY nicely, "I promise I'll do it next commercial, can I please wait until then?". If they say No, then get your booty up and do whatever it is they asked you to, NO ARGUING.   If they say OK, say THANK YOU, and when the next commercial comes on, DO IT! 7.  When it's time for homework, don't DEMAND help, ask nicely, and don't get so frustrated that no one wants to help or be around you and then blame everyone else that you didn't finish it. If you remember these rules from ME, then I promise you, life will get better for you at Dad's house. ALSO:  Remember to use NICE words in a NICE voice when something has upset you and you want to bring it up. This crazy yelling that you do at them and  justify because you're "PISSED OFF!" will not get you heard, no matter how loud you yell. Remember that little saying I've told you, "You can catch more flys with honey than vinegar!".  Think about what that means and how it applies to being heard or getting what you need or want. Surprise the pants off them by helping out WITHOUT being told.  How about ask D if she needs help while she's cooking dinner.   You don't need to be a "suck-up", you just need to learn that as a member of any family, you have a role and responsibilities.  The most important responsibility is to respect the other members, and appreciate their roles as well. You tell me you feel left out and disrespected at Dads house.  I think that might be a result of your own behavior there.  I know it's been a rough ride for you and you have felt displaced and angry at mine and your Dad's divorce, and it put you in a bit of a tailspin.    It's been 7 years now since our divorce and 4 years since Dad and D got married.  It's time for you to grow up and realize that your situation is not that bad, YOU have made it difficult for yourself as well as others.   It's time to settle down now into your place in your "other" family.  No one is taking you away from me or your dad, and I'm certainly always going to be your mom, right here when you need me. Son, you have 2 choices, as you do in every situation.   Those two choices will always be opposites:  You can choose to do the right thing, or you can choose the opposite. Always remember how good you feel inside when you make the right choice and compare that to all the bad stuff you feel when you don't. It might be tougher sometimes to do the right thing, but it's always worth it. Trust me. I love you! Mom Note to readers:    I'm sharing this because I thought it might help to dispell the notion that all ex wives are jealous psychos and all stepmothers are evil, and stepkids will always hate their stepmoms.    Once everyone can come to terms with what is, it's time to make a choice on how you want to continue living your life as it has become.  There are always 2 core choices to start with. Peace Out Moms!

Ok so I met my fiance after he divorced his ex-wife everything went good for the first year, his kids loved me. Then the bio-mother started with the drama and said he couldnt see his boys as long as he was with me. We tried everything we could think of to get things to work and now she as convinced the boys that their father loves me more than them and thats why he isn't with their mother. The other day his son (who is 5yrs) said he didnt want to visit for christmas break if I was here. So now he is torn between his kids and I. I dont want to be the reason his kids dont want to visit but I also dont want to lose him. Its gotten so hard now that he hasnt seen his boys for 6mon and now his youngest (3yrs) doesnt speak to him. Now I understand the bio mothers reasons but I told her that I am not here to try and take her place I would just like to be there friend. I am a genuinely nice girl, I try to avoid confrontation, never bad mouthed anyone even if they hate me I always forgive them. When they divorced from what I understand it was cause she was messing around and they were constantly fighting which ended up with him spending the night in jail she would make brusies on her self and say that he would beat her and people believed her even his parents until one day they witnessed one of the arguements she came home drunk from work and started argueing and threatend to take the kids to her parents and said he was a piece of dirt (to put it nicely) and he blocked her from the kids room and her parents heard all the racket and went to see what was wrong and she tried to hit him then his father so they called the cops. Where they tried to arrest him. So its gone from that to her trying to stab him with a screwdriver or knife. So I was not the other woman since for one we met after the divorce and they lived in Houston and I lived in Midland. Now I have offered to leave when the kids want to visit and even pay for him to go visit them (which is another thing she said he can go visit as long as do not go), but what else can I do??

My husband and I are thirteen years apart. I was in 9th grade when he divorced his ex wife. He had been divorced 14 years when we met. His 22 year old daughter still hates me. I don't know his ex and have never said anything about her. I am only 12 years older than my step child and have been more than nice to her. I don't take her dislike of me personally. For all the other steps moms my only advice is to not take it personally. If you go out of your way for his kids and don't feel appreciated then stop. If someone dislikes you it's not your job to make them like you and you should not go out of your way to prove how much you care. Instead focus your energy and time on yourself and those who know you and love you.

"It can be quite human to, well, not be so unhappy if your kids hate the woman who was responsible for the demise of your marriage." Why do you assume every stepmother was the cause of the breakup of the marriage?

I don't hate my step-mom because she married my dad. I hate her because she spent years badmouthing my mom who she had never even met. She was so jealous of my mom. Luckily I was older when she married my dad (13 yrs) and only spent every other weekend over there, but still it was hard. I even spent some years in therapy because those weekends were so hard hearing my stepmom tell me how she was a better mom, how she cooks better than my mom, ect. My stepmom was so incredibly jealous that my mom and I had a very close relationship, probably cause she never had a close relationship with her daughter who moved thousands of miles away and rarely visits. My step-mom was a very insecure and jealous person. Its been 20 years, and thankfully she has stopped badmouthing my mother. But that is something I will never forget. I have a very hard time completly trusting her. Even though she no longer badmouths my mom she is not someone I ever desire to have a relationship with or even spend time with unless its a family function. I'm cordial to her when I have to see her, but neither she or I make any kind of effort at a relationship. She pretty much stays out of my life and I stay out of hers. Its just always been that way and I like it that way. I'm sure not all stepmoms are like mine. Some love and care for their stepkids and would never think to badmouth the mom as that is parental alienation.

I was the other woman...for two seconds. He told his wife already that he wanted a divirce. She knew he didn't love her. He had already moved out of their home & children were adjusting to life without him there daily. He never abandonded them, he was always available to them when ever they called & needed to talk or wanted to see him. She never begged him to come back, she never asked if he was seeing someone else. And only then did he pursued a relationship with me. Given, this is all with-in a few weeks time. But his whole family seemed to be accepting the change now that their Dad was moving out, their parents were divorcing. Until, of course, his wife found out he was spending time with & seeing another woman - me. I'd never encourage a man to abandon his kids or betray his wife ever. If thats how she sees it- I'm sorry. Whatever happened between those two is not on me. They made that decision proir yet her immediate feelings of spite, compitition & vengefulness have made such a bigger mess of everyones lives its sad. I wonder how, one minute it's pretty much ok that they're splititing up and then the next, I am the one & only reason they are bound for divorce. I admit I have always been really attracted to him but I never let on- AT ALL- not until he approached me & said he was free to get to know me. Not my fault she wasn't prepared for not being the only woman in his life. Since then, she has thrown him in jail by falsely accusing him of hitting her, trashed me to anyone who would listen, passively pursuaded their children hate & blame me, played dispicable games with the their minds- all the while proclaiming to be "only interested in what's best for the children". Bullsh*t! $$$ & revenge. Period. If she cared, then she wouldn't have turned an alright situation into an unbearable one. They spend every other weekend with us- so instead of adjusting to the new stutation they fight it tooth & nail. And if I ever do make any progress with them & we do have a good time, all that does it make them feel guilty. Like they are betraying their mom. I don't want to be their mother. I don't want them to love me more, I don't even expect them to like me. But thats a choice she has made for them & it's just sick. It has been over a year now & she is still doing the stupidest things. She confronted me the other day " blahblah you witch" which is fine. She can hate me all she wants but she has to bring her two oldest along for the show. They are still young. What? she needs them to back her up? If she was looking out for the kids- why involve them in her fights? Anyway- shes the victim & Im a homewrecker right? whatever. But the kids arent going anywhere & neither are either of us so why cant she just grow up & quit screwing with their heads? Their Dad has never ever stopped lovong them- is completely there whenever they need him & they shouldnt have to carry their mothers issues with them like their own. It's not their fault or mine & its not their problem she's still angry. But all I can do is wait out the storm & hope she can find some peace & let her kids relax. Thanks for listening.