Kids and Family - Experts and Resources

Can You Be Friends With Your Ex's New Wife?

Posted to by Brenda Rodstrom on Wed, 02/08/2012 - 8:25am

Many people ask me if it is a good idea — or even possible — to become friends with their ex-husband's new wife. This can be great if it happens, but basically I think it's a stretch!

We choose our friends, not our relatives, and in a sense your ex's new wife is a step-relative. While there is nothing wrong with being friends, it's pretty unusual. Friends are people who have dinner together, share thoughts and feelings, and have a strong comfort level with one another. Since she is married to the person who you used to be intimate with and then divorced — which is not friendly — sharing thoughts and feelings seems pretty unlikely!

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When Being Too Motherly Can Land You in Jail

Posted to by Marilyn Stowe on Sat, 02/04/2012 - 8:28am

I once read an article in the Sunday Times that ruined my otherwise very pleasant day.

The piece by concerned a mother who was being imprisoned because of her “over indulgent” behaviour towards her three children following the breakdown of her marriage.

The unnamed woman had, according to reports by social workers, encouraged her children to make “serious allegations” about her former husband that transpired to be false. The judge remarked that she had “serious concern about [the mother] infantilising the children…and encouraging them to want to take an inappropriate part in these proceedings.”

Banned from seeing her children for three years, it appears that the mother is also facing a second jail term for posting a video of her plight on YouTube.

The articles I read were the first I had heard of this case; therefore my opinions are based solely upon the facts as they are laid out in the newspaper.

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Red Flags to Avoid During Custody Evaluations

Posted to by Diana Mercer on Sat, 01/21/2012 - 7:57am

Custody mediation can be a dress rehearsal for a court-ordered child-custody evaluation, because if the case is not settled in mediation, an evaluation could be next. Mediation can help parents dig themselves out of entrenched positions, get them to evaluate their goals, and help them develop a child-centered parenting plan that will promote the best interests of their children.

The mediator's job is to reduce acrimony and get the parties to agree to a custody and visitation arrangement. If that process comes to a halt, they can at least prepare the parents for what an evaluator will want to know.

An evaluator in the State of California, where we work, will want to hear about the parental history: when the parents met, when the parents' relationship became serious, when the parents began living together, when the parents got married, when the parents first separated, the total number of separations, the date of the last separation, and whether and when couples or family counseling was ever done.

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Blending in as the Smart Stepwife

When the Ex is Still in the Picture

Posted to by Jill Brooke on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 8:44am

The pictures of his ex-wife are scattered throughout the house, as though she is not only renting space in our home, but also in his brain. There are the pictures of her with his daughters on the beach with their footprints carved into the sand and the one where she is laughing while making a funny clown face with the youngest child.

There’s also a group family picture with all the cousins and grandparents; to me it’s as if the photo has become a giant 3D image and she is literally jumping out of it, a menacing reminder that she will always be in my life.

Do I mention that these pictures bother me or do I ignore it?

While we are dating, I say nothing, realizing it is not yet my place to make such a demand.

He had a life before me. The permanent remnants, these children running up and down the stairs, will be forever connected to that past.

I literally bite my tongue — even though I have slept over several times now and glanced at her picture while scrambling eggs in the kitchen.

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3 Tips to Help Your Kid(s) Deal with a New Sibling

An exclusive interview with clinical social worker, Debra Burrell

Posted to by Debbie Nigro on Fri, 12/30/2011 - 8:07am

Has a new marriage suddenly thrown step-siblings into the already frenzied mix of your blended family? If so, you’re likely to have your hands full: Managing a bigger family, warding off negative emotions, and making sure all the kids get along. But fear not, help is just a click away in the form of clinical social worker Debra Burrell, who shares her expert tips with Debbie.

Click the following to return a directory of articles and resource videos on Kids, Family and Divorce.

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Managing Your Emotions In Your New Blended Family

You, On The Outside

Posted to by Dr. Dale Atkins on Thu, 12/22/2011 - 7:46am

There is a complexity in new familial arrangements that requires adjustment from all members. Your children are stressed by the physical and psychological changes that preceded and result from their family-system reorganization. Your ex is adjusting to life with a new family.

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Finding Moments of Joy in the Holidays

Tips to help you look past your divorce, spread the joy and celebrate

Posted to by Cathy Meyer on Wed, 12/07/2011 - 8:48am

At this time of year, families come together and it's a time of celebration. What do you do if you are in the middle of the divorce process during the holiday season? You may find it hard to sing, "Joy to the World" or light the candles on the menorah or share stories of Kwanzaa when you are feeling as if your life is falling apart.

Here is the great news about the holidays — they don't change! No matter what changes you are going through in your personal life the holidays will always come around. They're part of the solid ground that transcends what's happening on the surface of our lives. This is a season of peace, sharing, love and gratitude. You owe it to yourself to celebrate and dig deep to find that peace, sharing, love and gratitude.

Here are a few tips that will help you do just that:

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