Kids and Family - Experts and Resources

The Dark Side: How Teens Handle Divorce

Posted to by Susan Epstein on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 8:24am

It is a common misconception that, following divorce, teenagers become more self-sufficient and independent. The real truth is that teens often times appear that way, and their parents see this as license to back off and give them too much space, freedom, and not enough supervision and family time. The real danger is that teens can and will deal with divorce in potentially much more self destructive ways than younger children.

Has your teen...

• isolated herself?

•  stopped talking to you altogether?

•  developed a "whatever" attitude?

•  started skipping school and/or grades are plummeting?

•  begun hiding evidence of doing drugs or alcohol?

Or...

•  does he keep saying "Get the &%$# off my back, Mom?"

•  has he pushed or hit someone in the house?

•  is he showing signs of stress like: angry outbursts, talking back and swearing?

•  is he so angry and so out of control that you are scared of him?

And do you sometimes wonder to yourself that he will turn into an ax murderer?

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Preparing Your Home to Make the Best Impression with the Child Custody Evaluator

Posted to by Diana Mercer on Tue, 02/23/2010 - 9:14am

Before the evaluator comes to visit, parents should do a safety check and make necessary adjustments. The home does not have to be spotless, but sheets should be on the beds. Odors from cigarettes, trash, pets, and diapers should be minimized.

• A wide variety of fresh and healthy food should be in the refrigerator and cupboards. Everyone who lives in the home should be present for the interview.

•Anyone who is a frequent visitor to the home may be there at the beginning but should also be prepared to leave approximately ten minutes after the evaluator's arrival.

•The television should be turned off as soon as the evaluator arrives.

•The evaluator should not be offered anything but a glass of water.

•Let the evaluator choose where to sit and where to talk to household members individually and as a group.

• Inform the evaluator in advance if a household member needs to be seen first because of a work or school commitment.

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Elizabeth Edwards and the Toll of Infidelity

Posted to by Jill Brooke on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 10:03am

Maybe because I deal with a lot of divorced women who have had their hearts sautéed in a frying pan as a result of infidelity and disappointment, I am not surprised that Elizabeth Edwards could be both Saint Elizabeth and Lady Macbeth.

Some women are just driven to it. I am not making an excuse for her behavior, but I do understand it.

For me, the telling heartbreaking detail was what she said to one of her husband’s staffers after living in a bubble of denial for so long about her husband’s mistress Rielle Hunter and then having her illusions popped so publically. (Babies will do that). As reported in the book, “Game Change,” she desperately cried out, “I have to believe it. Because if I don’t, it means I’m married to a monster.”

The guy she married had indeed morphed into an unrecognizable, egotistical monster. But he was still the father of her children.

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3 Tips to Help Your Kid(s) Deal with a New Sibling

Debbie Does Divorce with Debra Burrell

Posted to by Debbie Nigro on Mon, 01/11/2010 - 9:24am

Has a new marriage suddenly thrown step-siblings into the already frenzied mix of your blended family? If so, you’re likely to have your hands full: Managing a bigger family, warding off negative emotions, and making sure all the kids get along. But fear not, help is just a click away in the form of clinical social worker Debra Burrell, who shares her expert tips with Debbie.

Click the following to return a directory of articles and resource videos on Kids, Family and Divorce.

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Holiday Gifts: How to Not Offend the Step-Kids

Posted to by Jill Brooke on Thu, 12/24/2009 - 9:24am

The politics of gift-giving — especially in blended families — can be fraught with peril. With kids being human calculators, knowing the value of absolutely everything, each one will measure exactly where s/he stands in the pecking order. Yes, families need to have the wisdom of Solomon to navigate these minefields but there are ways to diffuse potential bombs instead of igniting them.

Here's what I've learned over the years to create holiday memories.

Christmas Gifts

Sometimes, because of finances, you simply can't buy the kinds of presents that you could before. But parents have to be adults and not point fingers. Instead of saying, "Johnny, you can't get an X-Box and a bike because your Dad left with that woman and we can't afford it," you can say, "Johnny, there is a difference between luxuries and necessities. Right now, we can't afford to buy everything I would want, but you can have a choice between an X-Box and a bike. And at another time, I hope to buy you the other one."

That makes the choices value-based versus divorce-based.

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Your Child’s First Post-Divorce Christmas

Posted to by Cathy Meyer on Sun, 12/13/2009 - 3:02pm

You can assure your children that you will always love them and care for them, but a first Christmas post-divorce will be hard for them. A marriage lawyer in Scotland found that the holiday was one of the most contentious issues to be settled post-divorce.

"Christmas is always a problem,” Lesley-Anne Barnes said. She lectures in family law at Napier University in Edinburgh. “We would raise Christmas issues in October to try to get something in writing.”

Research by the Children's Society, a charity in England, shows that more than a quarter of children between the ages of 14 and 16 said they felt depressed, with one in ten being diagnosed with a mental health disorder. There are fears that the breakdown of marriages has led to a doubling of teenagers with emotional and behavioral problems from 1974 to 1999. And holiday season, with the stress of family get-togethers, and high expectations, can lead to an increase in behavior problems.

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Q & A on Preparing Your Kids For Divorce

Posted to by Tammy Gold on Thu, 12/03/2009 - 8:34am

House Blogger Megan Thomas writes:

Is it true that it's less psychologically damaging for kids when the parents divorce when the kids are relatively young as opposed to in their teenage/early adulthood years? Or does this not have much bearing at all?

Tammy Gold responds:

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