Sex and Love - Experts and Resources

Post Divorce Dating Rules

Should You Lend Your Boyfriend Money?

Posted to by Maryann Kelly on Tue, 08/31/2010 - 6:21pm

I wish I didn't have to give this speech. In fact, I wish I could just state the obvious that money and romance don't mix well. Sexual intimacy creates a vulnerable enviroment that prohibits rational thought.

In fact, that's kind of my favorite part of a new romance.The mutual willingness to suspend reality and remain light and playful. It's a time to dream and be reminded that all things are possible. Financial investment requires rational thought and a complete understanding of the risks. Not that I discourage risk- taking, but you're not rational when you're under the spell of sexual bliss.

So, should you lend your boyfriend money for his business?

Okay, it's so obvious that you're all screaming "no"! But let me set it up for you. It's a year after your divorce, you've lost some weight and bought some new clothes. The kids are in school full-time and doing well. You go out to a party and meet a nice guy who takes you out and you're inseparable for six months.

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Should You Take A Sex Buddy?

Posted to by Dr. Victoria Zdrok on Mon, 08/09/2010 - 8:00am

Sex buddies may be an option for divorced women who don't feel like getting emotionally attached.

You've been hurt once and now you want to take it slow. You don't want to get emotionally involved but you have sexual needs, so you decide to find "a friend with benefits."

Most men will eagerly accept a no-strings attached sex buddy. After all, men are biologically programmed to separate sex from love. The male body produces up to 100 times more of the sex hormone testosterone, making the male sex drive spontaneous, selfish, urgent and in the words of psychoanalyst Dr. Michael Bader, "ruthless" and driven to achieve sexual satisfaction at all costs.

Women, on the other hand, have difficulty compartmentalizing sex and love. It's not that women don't engage or can't enjoy casual sex — they certainly do — under certain circumstances. But women are much more likely to become emotionally invested during casual liaisons, imbuing them with romantic notions and visions of a shared future.

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Sex After Divorce

Debbie Does Divorce with Pepper Schwartz

Posted to by Debbie Nigro on Sun, 07/25/2010 - 9:00am

Are you finding it difficult to imagine yourself engaging in an intimate relationship after your divorce? Listen in as Relationship Expert Pepper Schwartz explains to Debbie the importance of reclaiming your womanliness, your sexuality and your bliss in life and how to go about doing it without feeling too vulnerable.

Click the following to return to the directory for Sex and Dating Post Divorce

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You Complete You: True Love Lies Within

Part Two of The Inner View

Posted to by Maryanne Comaroto on Wed, 06/23/2010 - 7:33am

I'm big on mantras, and here's one of my favorites: Before having sex, you need to use your HEAD, or else you'll break your HEART.  Notice I said that YOU will break your heart, not someone else.  It seems easy to back up and think before taking the plunge, but when you're near this person who makes your heart flutter and your breathing quicken, it's easy to throw all logic out the window and tell yourself that this other person is the one "causing" the love.  It's easy to confuse a feeling of chemistry with the real deal, but in order to distinguish between the two you have to realize that love happens within you — it's not because of this other person, no matter how much it feels like it's outside of you. When you share your internal love with someone, there is shared energy. If you break up, the shift in energy is painful. How can you avoid this pain?

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The 5 Best Dating Sites For Divorced Women

Posted to by Erika Moore on Fri, 06/18/2010 - 8:13am

In my view, finding the best dating site has much less to do with being a divorced woman than with avoiding overwhelm and considering factors other than marital history. Here are my picks:

www.match.com: Match is still the biggest site, with the best brand recognition — everybody knows about it, it's where most people start, meaning the biggest pool of available men. Online dating is largely a numbers game — at the beginning, you need a lot of options. Match is easy to use, relatively inexpensive, has great links to advice, and you can access Dr. Phil if you want for $10 extra a month. If you don't find someone in six months, and you follow the site's administrative rules, you get another six months free.

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11 Tips for Dating After Divorce

Posted to by Maryanne Comaroto on Fri, 06/11/2010 - 9:10am

Dating can be scary. If you've just come off a divorce or a serious breakup, you may be wondering if it's all worth it, or if you'll just end up in the same place again.  If you’re a single parent, you may be hesitant to start bringing someone new into your family's life. If you're newly on the scene after not having dated for many years, the thought of online dating can seem intimidating. For whatever reason, if you're not sure how to approach the whole dating game, try these tips:

1. Put your most important foot forward. If you start out with "sexy" then that's what people will value most about you.

2. Dating is not a sales pitch. Who you are is a sacred gift, it's not a product.

3. Know that the single people around you are not your rivals. Smile, we're all in this together! There's enough love to go around; you don't have to fight other people for it.

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The Condom Conversation

Navigating Birth Control After Divorce

Posted to by Andrea Nemerson on Thu, 06/10/2010 - 8:09am

So where did we leave the safer-sex discussion? I know I was letting my own probably-too-mixed feelings about defaulting immediately to latex in a new sexual situation flap freely in the breeze, but what about you? Are you a "partner picker," like me, or a "no glove, no love" lover like most of the women I spoke with for this segment? And why?

Partly, of course, it will depend on whom you're dating. Only go out with friends of friends, all of whom know a lot about sexually transmitted diseases and how they spread, and all of whom are connected by a loose web of social contacts, and you may be in a position to think outside the condom box entirely or make individual, specific choices about what would be safe to do with whom, and when.

Step outside of that cozy scene and into the big wide windblown world and you'd be better off being a little less flexible and a lot more more cautious.

Lee Ann, 38, is a champion dater and has never negotiated, nor has she ever had a problem: "I've always tried to have the condom conversation as soon as possible after deciding I was interested in sleeping with someone," she says.

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