Mind and Spirit - Experts and Resources

Your Happiness is Your Responsibility

We can choose how we handle divorce

Posted to by Cathy Meyer on Fri, 02/03/2012 - 8:30am

It is an easy concept, but some have a hard time coming to terms with it. It is pretty basic — when we find ourselves in a bad place, the quickest way to change our situation is to look at our actions and what role our actions played in bringing about our problems.

Your life is your responsibility. You have no control over what happens to you or what someone else does to you, but you do have control over the way you respond. When faced with the end of a marriage, you have a choice. You can get bogged down in blame and bitterness, or you can take an honest inventory of your own shortcomings and mistakes during the marriage.

You can choose to be angry with a husband who leaves you for another woman, or you can look at what kind of wife you were. Let's face it, we are none perfect. You aren't responsible for your husband's choice to leave, but you may have played a role in his feeling he had no choice but to leave. It truly does take two to destroy a marriage. A happy husband doesn't leave for another woman. Before you get all red in the face and spew venom at me, let me qualify what I'm saying.

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Divorce is an Emotional Rollercoaster, But Are You Paranoid?

Posted to by Marilyn Stowe on Fri, 01/27/2012 - 8:30am

How healthy is divorce litigation for everyone involved: clients, their families, the lawyers and others? How healthy is it for anyone involved in these cases?

Paranoia is a profound distrust or suspicion of others, which goes hand-in-hand with the belief that one is being persecuted. In divorce, these feelings can have some basis in reality. There may indeed be someone out to get you. Usually, it is the person to whom you had hitherto been closest: your spouse.

Unfortunately, divorce causes some people to become irrational or even delusional. Their perceived “persecutor” is nothing of the sort and may actually be a spouse who wants nothing more than to move on with his or her life.

The painting above is called “Paranoia”. What are the figures in the painting staring at and so worried by? There is no-one visible outside, so what or who do they think may be coming in through the door? Are they right to be worried or are they paranoid?

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A Four-Step Plan To Healing After Divorce

Going from bitter to better post divorce

Posted to by Felicia Brown on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 9:05am

Your marriage was not a mistake. It was a collection of gifts and lessons. You can stay stuck in bitterness. But imagine the possibilities when you look at the end of your marriage as an open door, rather than a void.

What you need is a divorce agreement — not for you and your ex — for yourself. It doesn't replace your original decree; it's a healing tool to end your relationship on an emotional level. The good news is you don't need lawyers. And you can make it binding just by making the decision to become a stronger woman, not in spite of, but because of your divorce.

Here's how it works:

1. Make a list of all the ways you grew or benefited from the marriage and relationship.

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When You Need A Secure Phone Line Just For You

Protecting your privacy with Line2

Posted to by First Wives World on Tue, 01/10/2012 - 8:00am

In the stress and confusion of separating households, it often becomes necessary to maintain boundaries around what’s yours and what’s his. And as one life becomes two, you may find that your phone is ringing with people who are still in the dark regarding your situation, with calls from your lawyer, or perhaps from your newfound friends here at First Wives World.

Enter a smart, new App called Line2, a mobile communications app that adds a second line to your existing Android or Apple device, and turns your iPad into a desktop phone, enabling you to have a completely private second line without needing a second phone.

You can use this line for logistics surrounding your divorce, or perhaps when you’re ready to start dating again and meet new people, drawing clear lines around your newly private space and setting up a new phone number that belongs to you and only to you; one that marks a fresh, new, independent start.

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Creating a Context for Success in The Upcoming New Year

7 tips for keeping New Years Resolutions

Posted to by Maryanne Comaroto on Tue, 12/27/2011 - 8:37am

We all use the ritual of creating New Year's resolutions in different ways. For some of us, it's a reality check of our habits and lifestyle, a way to kick ourselves into gear; for others, it can be a cathartic way to let go of things that have become superfluous and inconsequential. Do you remember the resolutions you set this time last year? I remember that mine were to slow down and take life less seriously, and to try to be less judgmental. These things weren't easy for me to tackle, being the hyper-vigilant person that I often am.

Statistics show that a mere 40% of people who make resolutions end up reaching their goals. That number may seem depressingly low, but armed with the right helpful tips, you can become part of that 40%, too!

1. Decide what it is you really want. That may seem obvious, but if you choose goals that you think you "should" do or that you think others might expect of you, your chances of success are much less than if you do something that you really have a desire for. The desire has to be personal, and it has to be strong!

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Finding Moments of Joy in the Holidays

Tips to help you look past your divorce, spread the joy and celebrate

Posted to by Cathy Meyer on Wed, 12/07/2011 - 8:48am

At this time of year, families come together and it's a time of celebration. What do you do if you are in the middle of the divorce process during the holiday season? You may find it hard to sing, "Joy to the World" or light the candles on the menorah or share stories of Kwanzaa when you are feeling as if your life is falling apart.

Here is the great news about the holidays — they don't change! No matter what changes you are going through in your personal life the holidays will always come around. They're part of the solid ground that transcends what's happening on the surface of our lives. This is a season of peace, sharing, love and gratitude. You owe it to yourself to celebrate and dig deep to find that peace, sharing, love and gratitude.

Here are a few tips that will help you do just that:

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When Your Ex is a Turkey: What to Say to Your Kids

Posted to by Cathy Meyer on Tue, 11/15/2011 - 7:11am

This Thanksgiving I will serve turkey and all the trimmings. It is going to be a Martha Stewart holiday complete with the perfect table setting. A centerpiece of pumpkins and shellacked gourds surrounded by smiling family members sharing gratitude for family, friends, and life in general.

The only problem is, while I’m baking the Turkey I’ll be stewing a pot of anger inside. Recent contact with my ex has left me feeling less than kind toward him. I’m positive that when my youngest shares with the family how grateful he is for the expensive jacket his father recently purchased him, I’m going to have to bite my tongue.

I would like to be able to vindictively remind my son that that nice jacket is one of the few things his father has done for him in more than five years. It would feel as if I had been internally cleansed to be able to tell my son that a decent father doesn’t tell his child, “I’ve been right here waiting for you to call me.”

Waiting for five years for his son to come to him, instead of the father coming to his son!

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