Experts and Resources

Divorce can be overwhelming, confusing, emotionally wrought and downright terrifying, with so much to consider and too much to do. We know having the right information at the right time is critical to you, so we've organized all of our resource content into a simple directory to the left to provide you quick, easy access to all the tools you need to make informed and powerful choices.

Your Happiness is Your Responsibility

We can choose how we handle divorce

Posted to by Cathy Meyer on Fri, 02/03/2012 - 8:30am

It is an easy concept, but some have a hard time coming to terms with it. It is pretty basic — when we find ourselves in a bad place, the quickest way to change our situation is to look at our actions and what role our actions played in bringing about our problems.

Your life is your responsibility. You have no control over what happens to you or what someone else does to you, but you do have control over the way you respond. When faced with the end of a marriage, you have a choice. You can get bogged down in blame and bitterness, or you can take an honest inventory of your own shortcomings and mistakes during the marriage.

You can choose to be angry with a husband who leaves you for another woman, or you can look at what kind of wife you were. Let's face it, we are none perfect. You aren't responsible for your husband's choice to leave, but you may have played a role in his feeling he had no choice but to leave. It truly does take two to destroy a marriage. A happy husband doesn't leave for another woman. Before you get all red in the face and spew venom at me, let me qualify what I'm saying.

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Divorce is an Emotional Rollercoaster, But Are You Paranoid?

Posted to by Marilyn Stowe on Fri, 01/27/2012 - 8:30am

How healthy is divorce litigation for everyone involved: clients, their families, the lawyers and others? How healthy is it for anyone involved in these cases?

Paranoia is a profound distrust or suspicion of others, which goes hand-in-hand with the belief that one is being persecuted. In divorce, these feelings can have some basis in reality. There may indeed be someone out to get you. Usually, it is the person to whom you had hitherto been closest: your spouse.

Unfortunately, divorce causes some people to become irrational or even delusional. Their perceived “persecutor” is nothing of the sort and may actually be a spouse who wants nothing more than to move on with his or her life.

The painting above is called “Paranoia”. What are the figures in the painting staring at and so worried by? There is no-one visible outside, so what or who do they think may be coming in through the door? Are they right to be worried or are they paranoid?

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A Four-Step Plan To Healing After Divorce

Going from bitter to better post divorce

Posted to by Felicia Brown on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 9:05am

Your marriage was not a mistake. It was a collection of gifts and lessons. You can stay stuck in bitterness. But imagine the possibilities when you look at the end of your marriage as an open door, rather than a void.

What you need is a divorce agreement — not for you and your ex — for yourself. It doesn't replace your original decree; it's a healing tool to end your relationship on an emotional level. The good news is you don't need lawyers. And you can make it binding just by making the decision to become a stronger woman, not in spite of, but because of your divorce.

Here's how it works:

1. Make a list of all the ways you grew or benefited from the marriage and relationship.

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Red Flags to Avoid During Custody Evaluations

Posted to by Diana Mercer on Sat, 01/21/2012 - 7:57am

Custody mediation can be a dress rehearsal for a court-ordered child-custody evaluation, because if the case is not settled in mediation, an evaluation could be next. Mediation can help parents dig themselves out of entrenched positions, get them to evaluate their goals, and help them develop a child-centered parenting plan that will promote the best interests of their children.

The mediator's job is to reduce acrimony and get the parties to agree to a custody and visitation arrangement. If that process comes to a halt, they can at least prepare the parents for what an evaluator will want to know.

An evaluator in the State of California, where we work, will want to hear about the parental history: when the parents met, when the parents' relationship became serious, when the parents began living together, when the parents got married, when the parents first separated, the total number of separations, the date of the last separation, and whether and when couples or family counseling was ever done.

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Are the Odds Stacked in Favor of "Gold Diggers"?

Posted to by Marilyn Stowe on Fri, 01/20/2012 - 8:20am

I have been fortunate enough recently to attend two horse racing events. I love the races, even though I’m not much of a gambler. The sleek lines of the beautiful horses, the roar of the crowd, everyone dressed up to the nines; intent on having a really good time and celebrating the King of Sports.

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How To Share Your Divorce News

Posted to by Maureen Wild on Sat, 01/14/2012 - 8:28am

Five years ago, one of my best friends got divorced. Her husband met another woman and left her and their two small boys. Heartbroken and alone, she and her kids moved in with my family while she tried to get her bearings. Oh, did I mention the jerk who left her was my brother?

Until then, I had never seen divorce up close and personal. Most of the people I knew were in seemingly healthy marriages. When my sister-in-law moved in, I honestly imagined that home-cooked meals, some pretty new clothes, a bedroom makeover in feminine florals and oodles of babysitting would get her right back up on her feet. After all, “she’d be better off without him after what he did to her.” She was smart, young and pretty. Why was she moping around? “Shake it off.” I thought. “Get over it and move on.”

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Can Women Have Trophy Boyfriends?

Posted to by Marilyn Stowe on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 9:07am

“Tell me,” asked Mrs Merton famously to the glamourous Debbie McGee about her well-known magician husband, “what was it that first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?”

The image of the not so stunning but very wealthy Paul Daniels flashed into everyone’s mind and the audience laughed. It’s a clever question that has stuck with me since then; every time a nubile young female is seen with an older man, the same thought goes through my mind.

Would these gorgeous very young women be hanging onto the arm of Silvio Berlusconi, Mel Gibson or Ronnie Wood — especially Ronnie Wood! — if these men lived hand-to-mouth? Would these men have the same appeal? The same charm?

I don’t think so.

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