Resource Articles

Will a Bank Lend You Money to Buy a Home Post-Divorce?

Often times in the case of a separation or divorce, one of the main topics of discussion will be what are we going to do with the house, and where will I live after? Will you buy a new home or rent? As a mortgage lender we often see people putting the cart before the horse. This means looking for a new home or selling the old one before determining what you can borrow to buy the next home.  It is important to get your ducks in a row with your finances. That includes researching your borrowing ability so you can determine if buying a new home or refinancing the current home is feasible and in your best interest.

Can You Be Friends With Your Ex's New Wife?

Many people ask me if it is a good idea — or even possible — to become friends with their ex-husband's new wife. This can be great if it happens, but basically I think it's a stretch!

We choose our friends, not our relatives, and in a sense your ex's new wife is a step-relative. While there is nothing wrong with being friends, it's pretty unusual. Friends are people who have dinner together, share thoughts and feelings, and have a strong comfort level with one another. Since she is married to the person who you used to be intimate with and then divorced — which is not friendly — sharing thoughts and feelings seems pretty unlikely!

When Being Too Motherly Can Land You in Jail

I once read an article in the Sunday Times that ruined my otherwise very pleasant day.

The piece by concerned a mother who was being imprisoned because of her “over indulgent” behaviour towards her three children following the breakdown of her marriage.

The unnamed woman had, according to reports by social workers, encouraged her children to make “serious allegations” about her former husband that transpired to be false. The judge remarked that she had “serious concern about [the mother] infantilising the children…and encouraging them to want to take an inappropriate part in these proceedings.”

Banned from seeing her children for three years, it appears that the mother is also facing a second jail term for posting a video of her plight on YouTube.

The articles I read were the first I had heard of this case; therefore my opinions are based solely upon the facts as they are laid out in the newspaper.

Your Happiness is Your Responsibility

We can choose how we handle divorce

It is an easy concept, but some have a hard time coming to terms with it. It is pretty basic — when we find ourselves in a bad place, the quickest way to change our situation is to look at our actions and what role our actions played in bringing about our problems.

Your life is your responsibility. You have no control over what happens to you or what someone else does to you, but you do have control over the way you respond. When faced with the end of a marriage, you have a choice. You can get bogged down in blame and bitterness, or you can take an honest inventory of your own shortcomings and mistakes during the marriage.

You can choose to be angry with a husband who leaves you for another woman, or you can look at what kind of wife you were. Let's face it, we are none perfect. You aren't responsible for your husband's choice to leave, but you may have played a role in his feeling he had no choice but to leave. It truly does take two to destroy a marriage. A happy husband doesn't leave for another woman. Before you get all red in the face and spew venom at me, let me qualify what I'm saying.

Divorce is an Emotional Rollercoaster, But Are You Paranoid?

How healthy is divorce litigation for everyone involved: clients, their families, the lawyers and others? How healthy is it for anyone involved in these cases?

Paranoia is a profound distrust or suspicion of others, which goes hand-in-hand with the belief that one is being persecuted. In divorce, these feelings can have some basis in reality. There may indeed be someone out to get you. Usually, it is the person to whom you had hitherto been closest: your spouse.

Unfortunately, divorce causes some people to become irrational or even delusional. Their perceived “persecutor” is nothing of the sort and may actually be a spouse who wants nothing more than to move on with his or her life.

The painting above is called “Paranoia”. What are the figures in the painting staring at and so worried by? There is no-one visible outside, so what or who do they think may be coming in through the door? Are they right to be worried or are they paranoid?

A Four-Step Plan To Healing After Divorce

Going from bitter to better post divorce

Your marriage was not a mistake. It was a collection of gifts and lessons. You can stay stuck in bitterness. But imagine the possibilities when you look at the end of your marriage as an open door, rather than a void.

What you need is a divorce agreement — not for you and your ex — for yourself. It doesn't replace your original decree; it's a healing tool to end your relationship on an emotional level. The good news is you don't need lawyers. And you can make it binding just by making the decision to become a stronger woman, not in spite of, but because of your divorce.

Here's how it works:

1. Make a list of all the ways you grew or benefited from the marriage and relationship.

Red Flags to Avoid During Custody Evaluations

Custody mediation can be a dress rehearsal for a court-ordered child-custody evaluation, because if the case is not settled in mediation, an evaluation could be next. Mediation can help parents dig themselves out of entrenched positions, get them to evaluate their goals, and help them develop a child-centered parenting plan that will promote the best interests of their children.

The mediator's job is to reduce acrimony and get the parties to agree to a custody and visitation arrangement. If that process comes to a halt, they can at least prepare the parents for what an evaluator will want to know.

An evaluator in the State of California, where we work, will want to hear about the parental history: when the parents met, when the parents' relationship became serious, when the parents began living together, when the parents got married, when the parents first separated, the total number of separations, the date of the last separation, and whether and when couples or family counseling was ever done.

Are the Odds Stacked in Favor of "Gold Diggers"?

I have been fortunate enough recently to attend two horse racing events. I love the races, even though I’m not much of a gambler. The sleek lines of the beautiful horses, the roar of the crowd, everyone dressed up to the nines; intent on having a really good time and celebrating the King of Sports.

How To Share Your Divorce News

Five years ago, one of my best friends got divorced. Her husband met another woman and left her and their two small boys. Heartbroken and alone, she and her kids moved in with my family while she tried to get her bearings. Oh, did I mention the jerk who left her was my brother?

Until then, I had never seen divorce up close and personal. Most of the people I knew were in seemingly healthy marriages. When my sister-in-law moved in, I honestly imagined that home-cooked meals, some pretty new clothes, a bedroom makeover in feminine florals and oodles of babysitting would get her right back up on her feet. After all, “she’d be better off without him after what he did to her.” She was smart, young and pretty. Why was she moping around? “Shake it off.” I thought. “Get over it and move on.”