5 Signs Your Ex is Turning Your Child Against You

5 Signs Your Ex is Turning Your Child Against You

Parental alienation after Divorce: Part 1 of 2

Posted to by Amy J. L. Baker on Sun, 02/22/2009 - 4:00pm

Has your loving and affectionate child suddenly become unrecognizable to you? Does your child make you feel like you are the worst parent in the world?

If so, your former spouse may be turning your child against you. Known as parental alienation or parental alienation syndrome, simply put it means your ex is manipulating and pressuring your kid to reject you.

Part 2 of this series will give you the tools to recapture your healthy relationship with your child. But first you need to arm yourself with knowledge. How does parental alienation work and how to do you spot it?

Typically, your child's pattern of rejection results when your ex engages in destructive acts such as:

  • Speaking poorly of you
  • Limiting contact with you
  • Interfering with communication between you and your child
  • Emotionally punishing your child for expressing anything positive about you
  • Telling your child that you do not love him or her

Parental alienation occurs often, but not always, in the context of divorce and custody battles. No one knows how many children are exposed to parental alienation or show signs of the parental alienation syndrome, but we do know that it can happen to mothers as well as fathers, to custodial parents as well as non-custodial parents and to kids as young as toddlers or as old as teens. It is marked by sudden changes in your child's interactions with you and you'll see new personality traits begin to emerge.

Here are some attitudes and behaviors to watch for:

Leave me alone. Your child is filled with animosity toward you. When confronted and reminded of the good times you two once shared, she insists you two NEVER had a good relationship — although you know that is not true. Suddenly, your once-loving and affectionate child seems to fear and, in some cases, despise you. He may even be reluctant to share a meal with you as though merely being in your presence is unbearable. When you question this, your child gives you frivolous and absurd reasons for this newfound negativity.

It's all your fault. Your child acts as if the other parent can do no wrong. Everything the other parent does is perfect in his eyes — something your child never seemed to feel about your ex during the marriage. Your child seems to forgive your ex — even the most inexcusable behavior — while ridiculing you for minor flaws and infractions.

Yeah, what he said. Your child consistently sides with your ex. And it seems she is following a script when she is talking about you, using some of the same labels your ex has used to describe you. He will repeat the same words and phrases, as if he is relying on words that are not his own and may have been rehearsed beforehand.

Family ties no longer bind. Your child shows no guilt about her shabby treatment of you. And she not only rejects you, but by extension, your family as well. Formerly beloved aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents are now shunned. And your child doesn't want to attend important family events such as weddings, reunions, even funerals.

Influence? What influence? Your child vehemently denies being influenced by your ex. When you note that he is using words and phrases that appear to parrot the other parent, your child dismisses you. In fact, he scoffs at the idea of being coached by anyone.

Check out Part Two of this series: 7 Steps to Combat Parental Alienation

Click the following for more articles and videos on Kids, Family, And Divorce

 

 

Comments

im going thru the same

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sun, 02/05/2012 - 10:11pm.
im going thru the same thing..My x has pulled every alienation stunt possible..When my daughter was 12 she really started acting up, in school, outside of school...wouldnt come home, running away, being disrespectful...I'm not a door mat and will not be treated with abuse by she, and her father...Talk about parrot behavior..im not putting up with it...I was devestated three and a half years ago, she and I had a great relationship always prior to this, then she wanted everything her way, calling me filthy names and talking disrepectful...if she wants to act this way then so be it...I was always good to this child, and im going to give the same respect i get...If she wants to act like her father, she can have atit...She's not going to tear up my car kicking it,...and running up my cellphone biill...I was an excellent mother, and always good to her...she had love, the best of everything, and this is what i get for being good to her...well she knows, and i know what i was...she will be an adult in nine months...just like one lady said...she and her father will get theirs...karma is a bitch...I've been thru hell for being a good mother, and ijust cant take anymore...I wont beat myself up anymore...I never dreamed this would happen, but it did...I'm glad I only had one child with this xhusband monster...Omg, I can only imagine u poor ppl out there with 2,3 or more...I was devestated enough...She doesnt talk that much too me...Oh well, I did the best I could...The best advice i can give, is to forgive yourselves...remember where the toxic lies are coming from...and pray that someday these kids will see it all for what it really is...PAS I will say a prayer for all on here going thru this...I've been fighting a very serious medical issues....I really think stress brought alot of it on..I love my daughter with all my heart...but she's acting just like him...im not a doormat...beleive me ...if you let these kids treat you without respect...im not walking on eggshells anymore...ive had it...she's old enough to know better...i just hope someday she wakes up...the whole situation is pretty easy to read...I'm so glad like i said, i only had one child with this monster..and he is a monster, beating me when i was pregnant, and treating me like adog...all i can say is that i hope she wakes up, and gets out of that situation...I love her, but pray for her and him everyday....Hang in there people...were only human, and can only take so much...Just do the best you can, and know you did your best...good luck to all!

my son has out of the blue left me to live with his father

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sun, 02/05/2012 - 2:16pm.
I dont know were to begin .. I have had my son for his 11 of 12 years on my own .. and lately being in school full time and working part time and running around with my sons baseball practices and games.. my fuse has been short from over exhaustion ... but this past monday my son threw me a curve ball from I dont want to be at my dads.. and come pick me up from here I hate it here .... to MOM I WANT TO LIVE WITH MY DAD FULL TIME.... yes we had an argument in the morning but I nor anyone ever thought he would want to live with his dad ... he always put everyone else before my son .. and it totally has blown my mind... I was so shocked that I agreed as I cried thinking he won't last but as the days go buy the ex's wife makes sure to let me know how happy my son is and that he is doing so great .. I dont know what else to do but to reach out in the ciber world for help with this situation ... I am afraid of loosing my son and that is the last thing in the world I want to do...

I'm sure it's because he can

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sun, 02/05/2012 - 10:26pm.
I'm sure it's because he can have his way there...They will make it as easy as possible...I've been thru this if you ever want to talk ...I feel so bad for you...OMG...You sound just like me when this was first happeniung to me...and it usually starts when they are becoming teens...grass always looks greener on the other side...good luck...i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers..stay strong..

My name is Andrea. I'm

Submitted by Andrea (not verified) on Tue, 01/31/2012 - 10:23pm.
My name is Andrea. I'm seventeen years old and my parents got divorced about four years ago. Throughout those four years i have been caught in the middle of too many fights with money, custody, hours spent with what parent, and so on and so forth. I have been emotionally, mentally, and physically damaged in every way shape and form known to me. Four years since the divorce, i finally start to believe I'm finally getting my head back on my shoulders and moving forward from that horrible event in my life. Then here i am sitting on Facebook and i come across this link my father decided to like. I read the title and am intrigued to why he would think this website applies to him. After reading the points the writers have made and the comments people have so kindly made, the only thing I have left to say is this website and all of these ideas in complete bullshit. Being the child caught in a divorce, I feel as though I am one to be obligated to comment on this, unlike most of the above people who themselves were involved in the split. Those two are very different perspectives on the situation. As the child I can reassure that my mother had no input on how i feel about my father. What my father has failed to recognize is that HE left US. He was my hero, my role model, and i was his little girl. Despite all of that, he had an affair for several years and not only cheated on my mother but put her through complete hell during the divorce process. I have always been an independent thinker, so no matter what my mother had to say about my father, I would still think what i wanted to about my dad. What he put me through personally, such as trash talking my mother and putting me personally through court for custody battles, which i had absolutely no say in, i have learned to feel absolutely no sympathy for him. Not because of what my mother has said about him, but because my heart broke when he abandoned me and I wasn't going to ever love him the same way. After he left my home, he moved across the country to California where he'd hang up the phone on me to talk to his mistress/girlfriend. This website is ridiculous. Maybe in some cases, one parent feels anger towards the other parent and shows it through his or her child to influence their feelings, but this website suggests that all parents who feel their children no longer love them after a divorce is because of the other parent. I have my very own experiences to prove that theory wrong. I am extremely disappointed in my father for liking this on Facebook for me to see because that is simply just another one of his attempts to try to make me feel sorry for him. I'm sorry dad, you have out me through way too many tears for me to ever love you again. I can never be Daddy's little girl again because my daddy has a new daughter that he can coach her softball team instead of mine. Anyone who has taken the time to read my point of view, i appreciate the time and I do apologize if i have offended any person in any way shape or form. As i said before, I am an independent person and along with that, I feel the need to voice my opinion on subjects i feel strongly about. This website should be re-worded for the convenience of the children who have experienced a parents divorce because it truly does offend me and how society would blame my mother for my own feelings against my father.

Is this cult worship

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Mon, 01/30/2012 - 9:34pm.
Need some solid advice! I am a father who wants to be involved in my childrens lives (13 and 11 daughters). Been divorced for almost a year separated almost 2 years now. Obviously the children struggled coming to my house and sometimes had to force them from the car. Things got better, but my oldest began not speaking to me when I ask what is wrong. Things got better with me and the kids, met someone, got married. The marriage has never been an issue and has been helpful actually according to my ex and her parents. My ex began dating and told me she was seeing someone. Her parents strongly disagreed because he was not divorced yet (they are active in their lives). My ex began offering me my new spouse additianal parental times and things were running smooth. Then comes end of November and I seen changes in my ex. She was short, her tone with me was clear and soon followed with attitude. I asked some questions regarding medical information and she let me have it in and email. I had enough of her control and bs and gave it right back. I was precise and to the point. Then followed attitude with my children with me, they went to Florida and never heard a word from them when I even tried. They came home and continued with the attitude with me as well as thier mom giving me the same attitude. She began to have her dad come pick them up for school ignoring me like she does on a lot of things such as school, information, etc. I spoke my peace to my children and they are gone. My ex (on the advise of her new bf that is serious) came and talked to my ex. My ex didnt want to hear the truth when I spoke it and the entire conversation went pointless. My problem is a 12 year problem with my oldest, what I was told and I needed to fix it (mind you 10 of those years we were married). So I talk to my ex mother in law for advise and help who is very close to my oldest. I find out that my oldest has made comments that she hates me and that I am not her real father (2 years prior to my separation which I just learned this was said). I also hear that she basically wants to disown me and be fathered by the new bf. I am disturbed that she was not put in her place for saying these things. My ex mother in law said its her feelings and it was my fault I left, yet these feelings were happening 2 years prior. I was pointed out how wrong I was. I asked what will happen to my 13 year old..immediately answered with bf is a wonderful man. I stopped with that seeing where this was heading. I asked where is my 13 year old heading making these choices, was told she will be fine. As she left, I was told to hang in there that maybe one day they will come back to you. (as a side note, my ex and her relationship with her parents was a big problem in the marriage, too involved). According to my ex mother in law, the children loved the vacations and time spent, now they dont want contact and dont love me. Another reason given was because way back then working 3rd shift the children had to come in and wake me up when they got off the bus, and when I came back as if that was an excuse, Phil (ex father in law) never did that. When I questioned that every parent is different and deserves that respect, it was clear that is not the case when it comes to that family. I have no authority with my children and I seriously feel that Im out of their personal life. I see the changes happening, am I wrong that this is nuts to allow these children to believe these things. I learned that its their way and thats it, do it as they are. I almost feel as if this is a cult and my ex father in law is the leader. (he is the leader of the family I couldnt deal with no more). Help, I am out of rope I believe. My only option from my mind is to keep in touch and hope for the best that maybe one day. Advise please

Advice

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 12/21/2011 - 11:47am.
My partner is currently going through this. In a nutshell (because I could fill a novel with everything that has happened), they divorced 8 years ago when their son was 1 (they were only married for one year as well). She refused all efforts for reconciliation at that time and they have basically been in court ever since, she always trying to ensure that my partner has very little opportunity for a meaninful relationship with his son. Last year him and I decided to move forward with our relationship and move in together. We sat and discussed everything with his son and he was very excited and then we sent him home to his mother where she filled his head with nonsense about how "daddy is leaving them" "now we will never be a family" etc. Since then, we have received horrible emails and letters from the child (in many cases quite clear his mother dictated the letters), he became a danger to himself and had to receive therapy. The mother told everyone that she was trying to encourage a relationship between the boy and his father yet refused to allow them to talk, encouraged the child to cancel visitation and much more. The therapist, several sessions, could not get anywhere with the child because after he would leave therapy, the mother would just undo any good that was done. She encouraged the child to be defiant to his dad and the last time we saw him, she had called the police on us because dad gave the son (and his cousin) a 10 minute time out for not listening. We then found out that she had gone so far as to convince the child that daddy was hitting him (because she claimed that my partner had hit her when they were married). This of course was ALL a lie and the police were able to conclude this. We have now not seen him for 7 months and my partner is at a point where he just wants to move on with his life. He is done with court and spending hundreds of thousands of dollars fighting her, therapy didn't help, Family and Children's Services told us they could do nothing, and most of all, he can't take the pain, he has fallen into a depression and is trying very hard to live his life and not just cope. Several people have noted to me that he should go to his lawyer and have his visits reinstated and request supervision for the visits (maybe even reduce time to a few hours a day) to ensure that the child does not feel like daddy abandoned him. I definitelty think that we should do something to avoid the child thinking he is abandoned but the mother will undo everything anyways and I worry for the emotional well being of my partner who after fighting her for 9 years has no more fight left! What on earth do we do?

HELP

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sat, 01/21/2012 - 1:04pm.
I feel your pain. My husband and I know all to well going on 9 years the pain and suffering of PAS. My advise is educate yourself. This will not only help you cope with this horrible abuse inflicted upon the child/step-child and the target parent and step-parent but will help you find proactive and positive outlits to channel your emotions. There is some good information on the internet re: PAS and one site PAS awareness where you can share your story that will be shared with others and help get the word out about this horrible crime of abuse. If we all band together and use our painful experiences to take steps in bring awareness we can and will make a difference and that will help in our continued need for healing. A vilified and scapegoated step-mom

No Fight Left!

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Fri, 12/23/2011 - 5:37pm.
I understand this is a women's support group. But, I have to say as your partner has been fighting for the right to see his children for 8 years.. I have been in the same boat as your husband and still into it, all these many years since 96. Here, it is almost Christmas and I have the same feelings as your partner. I'm just done. Physically and Mentally, Financially.. she still accepts the CS with no problem. My 2 kids now 17 girl and 21 boy, They were 2 & 6 at the time of our Divorce. I haven't seen them close to two years and never talk to them on the phone since the Ex will give me another story why their not home etc. I call their Cell Phone or Txt they never pick up! The Ex checks the cell bills for #'s that called. My Ex remarried quickly and moved 4 hrs away and this guy has taken up the New Daddy and the Ex wants to keep it that way.. My daughter is calling him Dad now and the last time I have seen of my daughter she didn't want me around her friends because in her words I'm a REDNECK and TALK LIKE ONE.. I have to say, I Graduated from college with a BS in History/ Pol. Science.. I never laid a hand on my Ex. I had a Job,I wasn't a drug person or some type of drinker. I Divorced, after I found my Ex cheating for the 2nd time. I have no family at all the only person in my life is my soon to be wife and if she wasn't here I just don't know what I might do? Holidays are extremely difficult.. It looks as if you are a caring person. These times are hard on everyone except the one causing all the heartbreak for your partner and myself. If your partner is Moody it's just because "What's left to say about a issue like this?". He is dealing with the pain 24 and seven.. Thank you for being understanding of his situation. It's going to get even harder once the kids get older.. They have been programed against him totally when the kids are under this type of environment.. It's Very Heartbreaking for your partner and myself.. People can be so selfish. It's about them not the kids or their Dad's or Mothers going through this. Just can't believe after 15 years this is still going on?? Merry Christmas! Tell your Partner he is not alone..

Not Alone

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 01/12/2012 - 2:21pm.
I am so very sorry to hear that you have been dealing with this for longer than my partner has. It is hard to take comfort in that fact knowing that there are more people out there going through it, it is hard to know that there are more people like his ex-wife out there! But it is comforting to know that there is support. I can only hope that one day there is support that can fight these people to ensure that family connections remain in place during divorce, no matter what either parents opinion is.

I am so sorry to hear that. I

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Tue, 01/10/2012 - 11:37pm.
I am so sorry to hear that. I am a woman and am primary custodian so I have my kids most of the time. My ex still pulls off what you are describing. It's mind blowing really. My kids say things and generally act like they don't want to be around me. They act like I am worthless. I hold them accountable, treat and care for them well...I just can't seem to fight the destruction on our relationship that the ex inflicts......and I LIVE with them and am their mother! It happens to women and men. It is so sad. I feel like giving up fighting for their love.

Surprise of Suprise Can't believe my Son Called??

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 01/19/2012 - 3:00pm.
I had just about given up any hope of hearing anything from either my Daughter or Son? Maybe there is Hope!! I sent another of many Txt Messages off during the Holiday's Never talking to him on the phone in over a year and a half.. He Calls out of the Blue.. As always, I'm in a spot that I can't hear a dang thing and had people in my car..I was totally caught off guard.. We talked a bit when I could hear over the noise of the car.. I asked if I could call again back to him when I was at home. Sure! He said.. So He just txt'd again so Hopefully I can talk to him again tonight.. I have to say there is a God! It just made my day.. Maybe this is the start of more talks.. Others reading this, I hope that this may give you Some Hope! No mater if your the Mother being cut out of their lives or Father. One day I pray that you too get your call..your still their parent. Funny thing everything is Brighter! Thank You for your note to my Situation also..

Ive been alienated as well

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 9:25am.
I have three kids: an 18 year old boy, a 16 year fully disabled boy, and a 13 year old girl ( with some disabilities). I left my ex in 2001. In 2010, I had to get a PFA on him for sexual stalking. He stalked me all of those years, but told me if I told, I wouldn't get the small amount of visitation that I did. In 2010, I became single for the first time since I left him and took the kids with me. All the sudden, he started trying to hang around. I reminded him I had a PFA on him and to stop it or I would call the police. He targeted my daughter telling her all sorts of lies about me. He actually TRIED to target my 18 year old first, but he didnt fall for the lies at ALL. My ex actually told him " I wasn't around for ten years because I can't stand your mom!" My son almost hit him. Immediately after that, he ran straight to our little girl. He told her the same things and she fell for it. He became daddy of the year after not even calling these kids for CHRISTMAS or birthdays or ANYTHING. Of course he couldnt target the 16 year old, he's disabled. In september of this year, I had brain surgery. The surgeon messed up and caused me a stroke and quite a bit of other problems. My 18 year old son was there for me. My 13 year old daughter just said "what are we doing this weekend". Daddy involved himself in taking her to church and manipulating her. Heck, he even got SAVED- imagine that. Unfortunately for him, daughter is manipulating him back- she only went to church that much for a little boy, Andrew. You know just right before he walked back into her life, she had written a poem about her Father and it WASN'T NICE. She had also written one about me and it was lovely. Just a few days ago, after mediation and a recommendation to the court, I lost custody of our daughter. I was given custody of my disabled son though ( what the heck... but he didnt FILE for him, he only filed for my daughter, telling our daughter that Richy doesn't like it at his house so he would be better off with me). My daughter laughed at me for losing custody, publicly laughed on facebook, and will not speak with me. Consider me different and unusual, but I am not going to fight for my one and only daughter. I am not going to hurt over this. I am not going to put up with the rude comments from her. I deleted her off my phone, email and facebook and made my life pretty much private. I want nothing to do with her. Why does that make me sound like such a cruel parent? Sometimes, I have mixed emotions. Look, she knew to some extent what the real truth was and was blinded by someone TELLING her it was different and that she must have lived with me for ten years in some huge dream. She still knows what she is doing. If you read about parental alienation in depth, it says that usually the child is AWARE it is happening. That didn't make my decision though. What did is me. Him, grandma, her, anyone can say I don't matter. The truth is, I know the truth- I lived it. I'm not going to live the rest of my life trying to PROVE the truth. Why would I do that? Why would I keep giving into the abuse and control? Thats what he wants, and thats what she wants. Nah, I have a life to rebuild now and memory boxes of all her stuff to put away, and a disabled child to take care of the very best I can, and a stroke to overcome, plus financial difficulties to sustain. I never did need a child to complete me or love me and maybe that sounds harsh: but all I can say is I love my daughter, I won't fight for her, and I won't fight against her. According to me, she is as dead as she made me. Perhaps I need counseling to teach them to have me feel BAD over this but I don't. Whats wrong with me??????

Wow! This sounded bad at

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 12/29/2011 - 9:09am.
Wow! This sounded bad at first for you, and then towards the end sounded as though it was for the best of the child. Teen agers are the most difficult of times, and they say or do the worst things a person can do. You show true love to a child by not rejecting their emotions. Allowing them to feel these feelings, but reitterate that you love them regardless, and are here for them no matter what. You can not show a child an "eye for an eye". I know you hurt for the behavior she is displaying, but you are giving her the impression that you don't love her by rejecting her. I am so sad for the way you have displayed your hurt. You are putting the blame for her behavior on the wrong person. You are harming her by the way you are acting. I feel that you are wrong, and are causing more harm then good by your reactions to her hurt and confusion. I would know, because I was very confused as a teen, and acted out in every way towards my parents. I was made to believe that my father was a piece of crap, and just wanted me out of the picture. The more my dad rejected me or my feelings, the more I believed what was being told to me. Being a parent is not easy, and not always fun. It hurts beyond belief at times. I would know, I am a mother of 5. One child a step child who I began raising at the age of 5. My youngest boy goes back and forth between my ex and I to make the other one seem as though we are mistreating him every visitation. He tells many lies, or makes the stories more then they are to seem that he is a victim. He tells me he hates me and wants to live with his father when he doesn't get his way. He even acts out towards his other siblings at times. This is probably no where near the things you have had to go through with your child, but all I am trying to say is these behaviors are telling us that they are frustrated, or confused and need to be reminded of your love and commitment to them. Your daughter will rebel, until you meet her need for love. Until you convince her you are not going any where. She will reject you, but you are sealing your fate when you reject her. We are the adults and need to behave like one. We are not allowed to behave as a child, and react in anger to their behavior. Children will always run from us, and rebel, then come back when they need us. That is their way of experiencing life on their own terms. I understand your pain, but feel sorry for your daughter. You need to face your pain, and stop acting as though it doesn't bother you. You will face what you are doing one day to your daughter to the one above who created us, as we all will. It is better to make amends with it all now, then wait until it can't be undone. I am so sorry you have had to go through such a hard time with your daughter. When she is grown, and can get out of the box, she will figure out what is real or not real. Just remember not to prove her right though. Go back and make it right, be the bigger person. I will be praying for you on my end! I too have some things to correct in my parenting also. We are all human, but it takes a real person to face their wrongs and make them right. God bless, and Happy new year!

I can relate to you. My ex

Submitted by Alienated Parent (not verified) on Thu, 12/22/2011 - 11:24pm.
I can relate to you. My ex was abusive and controlling and threatened to take the kids if I ever left him. I stayed for 7 more years and there were six kids involved. I finally took the kids and left to a safe place and filed for divorce. My ex begged me to get back with him and to work it out but was bashing me in front of the kids so I booted him out. I later found out that he had actually devised a plan to set me up. He cause a fight and got it on video and played Mr. Victim and had alienated the children and got them to falsely scream abuse so that he could get out of child support, get them into another state and further turn them against me. I am allowed phone visits but they don't seem to want to talk. I am not going to fight for them anymore. I have no more money and he is just using them as pawns in his game...he is hurting those kids more than he knows and when they are grown up and realize they got cheated out of a mother I know they will hate him. The sad part is that I loved those kids and tried so hard to protect them from the abuse. There is nothing more I can do. I love them but it seems so pointless to keep trying or to keep calling. PAS and parentification is an awful thing and yes, I am dealing with a narcissist. Narcissistic people are like dealing with someone who had their brains blown out. They have no heart and they do not care. They stop at nothing to get what they want. They do not care who they destroy. I just cannot keep fighting for the children. It is a losing game. You do not sound like a parent that doesn't care. I know that you care very much. Sometimes in life there is just nothing more that you can do and not only that, the alienating parent will see to it that they further the alienation. You just realize one day how sad it all is and you know that no matter what you do it will not matter. It is like trying to shovel snow off of the sidewalk during a blizzard. All you can really do is pray for them and also pray that God will heal your broken heart and help you to go on. You feel dead inside and it feels like you could go on a lot easier if your kids were really dead and not victims of Parental Alienation Syndrome. I know it hurts and the ex will only continue to hurt you by using the kids. The damage that is ebing done to those kids is unreal. Pray God will help you to go on. It hurts so badly inside my heart. There is a raw and burning ache that never goes away and sadly my kids have only been gone for a year and one half. What a sad world this is. What is wrong with parents who do this to kids? The system is so messed up and actually helps the abusers. I know your pain and will pray for you. I have come to the realization that I may never see my kids again and that they will grow up thinking mommy doesn't love them and will probably hate me. That awful man stole my kids. He abused me day in day out and then took my kids and turned the table making himself look like he was a victim. God sees is all though and I promise you that God will keep His Word. The sinful abusive ex will pay for what they have done and God says, "Vengeance is Mine," sayeth the Lord, "and I will repay." I am leaving this up to God. God does not make bad things happen but He knows that all things happen for a reason and even though it seems awful now...in the end something good will come out of this. I believe it, but it hurts so badly now. Hang in there! You are not alone. My ex does not love God and I do. He played the same game...acting like he is a Christian around others but at home it is a different story. I am so glad God is watching everything and will someday set the record straight. I just have to trust Him. I wish I could give you a hug because I know your pain. You are a strong woman and must go on for the other people in your life. Please remember that God loves you!

Extreme Ex

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:47am.
My husband's ex wife has not only filled their children's heads w/toxic waste against their father both before and after their divorce, but now, 15 years later she is manipulating her son (the father of 2, a 3 year old and 3 day old baby) into divorcing his wife. I don't see my husband as an innocent bystander in this mess; he gets to isolate himself and avoid intimacy - and come off (at least in his own mind) as 'Mr, Good Guy" gratefully divorced from an awful beech. I see the entire family system as corrupted. And the corruption began generations ago on all sides of every family involved in this system. For myself, I'm on the threshold of deciding whether to stay within the family as my husband's wife or leave. My beloved son died suddenly just over 2 years ago. I no longer have room in my heart or any part of my life for nonsense. Losing a child is the worst thing that can happen to a parent. Losing a child w/in the context of a crazy step-family only compounds the loss. I've recently withdrawn what I call my application as family scapegoat -- which has a lot of family members disgruntled and looking for a new scapegoat. For now, I'm just waiting and watching. I have no intention of participating in the familial hunt for a new scapegoat. The only thing I can really do is become more honest w/myself and others. And if this entails leaving, that's what I'll do. I'm not interested in another marriage, I'm only interested in having an honest life lived w/the greatest amount of peace possible. Spiritually crazy people enjoy being spiritually crazed. I don't. I prefer peace.

How can this continue to happen

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Mon, 10/31/2011 - 7:21am.
OMGosh. I sat here this morning reading everyones stories and all I could do is flash back to the pain I suffered with my older children and the pain that I am going through right now with my youngest. It is unbelievable how many of us are out there that go through the same thing and think we are alone because no one will help us protect our children from the monsters that are right under our own roof (once). My ex told me that I would pay for divorcing him and believe me he meant it. I didnt know what he meant until I filed for divorce. He broke me arm. I wish that had been the worse of it but he knew my children were the most important thing to me. He turned my daughter against me. He called social services (an evil group in itself) on me and told them that I was abusing the kids and doing drugs. They took them out of my home and gave them to him where he turned around and took both of them in different directions (with the help of his girlfriend) and admited them into psych wards. He promised my daughter a car, clothes, cell phone, ability to smoke without punishment and all the drugs she wanted as long as she helped him not have to pay child support. He would spend the money on her. And at first he did until she testified in court against me and then he stopped giving her anything. She was out partying (on a school night because he says she isnt smart enough to get a good job with an education so she needed to get a good man) and got raped. When she was 17 she got pregnant, when she was 7 months pregnant he beat her up. Social services said "they knew he was lying but there was nothing they could do until my daughter told the truth". My daughter would throw herself on the wall or floor and hurt herself and tell them I did it. My daughter go caught with a bag of pills at school that he gave her and when they were getting ready to take her to jail he told her to tell them that I urinated on her so they took her from me and gave them to him. This all happened while I was sitting in my daughter's couselor's office trying to figure out what to do. My daughter told me all the time that I didnt love her that I never did anything for her and that I never helped her in any way. Daddy was the only one there for her she would say. My daughter is 23 now and she still hates me. We talk but she says sometimes that she just wants to put it in the past and forgive me for what I have done. I feel like my daughter is not my daughter. I look at her and see only pain. I suffered a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital at the age of 35 because of all the stress. Now I have a blood clot sitting on a anyersum in my heart due to the damage from the heart attack(s), Im unable to work and most days I can barely get up my stairs. I now have a 3 yr old and her father is starting to do the same thing to me my ex did. My 3 yr old came back from her father's yesterday and she said that I get my money from her daddy and her name is ***** and my name is "the B word". Dear God I can NOT suffer this pain again!! If there are websites out there that know about parental alienation then why is no one doing anything about it. We know the signs, we know what they are saying and doing to our kids an apparently Im not the only one this is happening to so why is no one doing anything about it. Sometimes I pray that I can win the lottery and move away so she wont see him so much and he wont have as much time to influence her, sometimes I imagine him not on this planet anymore so she can imagine him a "hero" and we wont have to suffer like this. This is so sad because so many of us live through this on a daily basis and so many know about it but wont help. If the same people that wont help had this happening to them they would holler how unfair it was. I pray for the people on this site and all the ones around the world that are living with this hell! My God hold you (us)

I feel your pain. I have been

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sun, 11/06/2011 - 3:58pm.
I feel your pain. I have been a single mom for 10yrs with my youngest son, which is now 11. Dad has been in the picture, 11 days out of the month for 10yrs. Now all of a sudden he wants to have ds 50/50, really?? After I sacraficed my job, my income, so that I could stay home with our son that was diagnosed with a rare disorder at 2mths and brought him up pretty much on my own, he now wants to be part of his life and have all say in medical, religion, etc decisions. I do not have a problem with that at all, it's about time he got his priorities straight. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, we went to court, judge pretty much laughed at his proposal but gave him another night during the week. Took me a little to get use to but it's in the best interest of ds to be with both mom and dad. However, in a few mths I noticed my son being very rude, back talking, telling me he didn't have to listen to me I wasn't his boss. Telling me that he could only get the things that he wanted if he lived with his dd. Ds was ridicruling everything I did, but when asked about all the times that dd wasn't there, in ds eyes dd did nothing wrong. I understand that all this could be his age also, however it only happened when he returned from his dad's house. I monitored this for a good month, maybe 2, very consistant. I spoke with ds to find out what was bothering him and letting him know that his behavior was not exceptable in our home. After he realized that I was very hurt by his actions and this was just not the way he was brought up, he confessed to me that he thought that I was being very rude and disrespectful to his dad. I asked him how he would even see that, we communicate through email. His response made my mouth drop............dd has been showing him our emails! Dd was expressing to ds that dd was never allowed to see him, that dm was the blame. WOW!! That's all I could say. Then I called my attorney, went to judge, judge was appalled by dd behavior. DD gave judge this "wose me" speech and how dm never gives him any leadway with more visitation, blah, blah, blah. Oh lied to judge, telling him he never showed ds emails, then decided that he better tell the truth. All communication is done through ds from dd, big no no, but dm is the badguy. At dd request ds now has to attend counseling because dd thinks something is wrong with him. Hello.....should not be ds taking the counseling should be dd, who does that to their own child. Looks like it will be a long battle for the next 7yrs for all of us. In speaking to my ds all he wants is for everyone to get along, but until he actually tells dd this it will never happen(dd says they have a very open relationship but ds is not willing to talk to him about any of his real feelings). Oh did I mention that this all came about when dd got a girlfriend(now wife), I am assuming she has some underlaying insecurity issues that she needs to deal with on her own, not bring my ds into her faults. DD speaks to me only when dw if not around, is pleasant and cordial, tells me that dw only wants what we want for ds, but I haven't seen that at all. You know that old saying "words will never speak as loud as actions", sums it up for me! Either way I have always and will always be there for my ds, he will grow up and realize how he has been manipulated by the 2 people he thought was looking out for the best interest of him, and as always I will be here for him. It's tough but I have to be strong for my ds. That's the only person I owe it to. Things are going fine now, we have weekly disscussions on anything that is bothering him. I put it in the Lords hands and know that ds and myself will never be put into something we can't handle. Get yourself a good attorney and take dd to court, it is against the law to do this. Best of luck and I will be praying for you and your family.

The pain is too much

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sun, 10/23/2011 - 9:33am.
I have two kids, 18 and 15, and an ex-husband with whom I am supposed to have joined custody for past 8 years. Over my kids lifetime he cut me off any decision in the most manipulative way, throughout the marriage he was psychologically abusive, extremely controlling, taped me and had me followed for no reason. If I had no kids I would have left US to get rid of him. Despite the joined custody he prevents me from making medical, educational or religious decision about my own children. My ex got the judge to force my children to judaism (they were even taken away from me on my visitation time to go to synagogue) while I was baptized in reformed church when I was 21 and was extremely against assigning any religious affiliation to my children until they would have a chance to decide on their own. I am not allowed to make any medical decisions about them and have to wait for my ex to find a doctor who he thinks is right to treat my own children and he always chooses schools for them ignoring any input (and telling the children mommy doesn't care and doesn't get involved). Now he got the judge to dictate how much I have to pay for out of town private school my daughter is choosing based on my ex's recommendations against my wish. Of course I can tell the kids that I will not be able to pay for the choices their father is making, but they will think I am lying because he tells them there is plenty money. I have immigrated to this country when I was 20, have family to support living in poor country, have barely made it myself since my ex took me to the cleaners when we got divorced. I guess you can say I am lucky compared to some of you, since my kids still "visit" and say they "love" me, but for any decision they turn to their dad and I feel like a puppet. I cry, I get angry, I blame them and than I try to make up for it.....It is a matter of time they will not want to be around me since I am acting awkward out of pain. Lately I am not doing mentally well, being nobody, just a person who once gave them life and now have no weight in their lives is killing me and I have thought of a suicide if I was not too scared. I love my kids to death and know their life has been a living hell just as much as mine because of this schizophrenic dad and double standard house situation. My life has been a failure, the one thing that was the most important to me -being mom, went terribly wrong and the pain is just killing me.

the pain is too much

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sun, 11/13/2011 - 3:38am.
I am so sorry about your situation. I know the pain that you are talking about. I have an 11 year old. He is my only child, and I am unable to have any more children. He was absolutely my reason for existing. After enduring a verbally abusive 14 year marraige, I decided to leave with my son. He still had contact with his father, but after every phone call or visitation, he would come back to me saying exactly the same mean, hateful words his father would say to me. Despite the abuse, because I work a 2nd shift job, my ex has been awarded custody of my son. So its not just a few nights a week he hears bad things about me, but constantly. I think my son still loves me, but I know its just a matter of time before I lose him completely. And the worst part is, I am worried he will grow up to treat his wife and children in the same abusive manner. And my hands are completly tied. There's not a thing I can do about it, and it's killing me a little more every day.

grow up

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Fri, 11/04/2011 - 5:14am.
That really stinks! When have you found out that your involvement for having him want to have a place with the children then let us know. I know it is only half the story. What makes you think you are right? I think the words "my own children" paragraph says it all. when will women understand and learn that kids are not born because they just want them? Yes, meet boy, fall in love, marry boy, have kids, toss boy/girl to the curb because you got what you over all wanted. Because you feel that way. Take ownership for your own actions and then it will be come clear. I do not understand why mothers seem to think they corner the market on children (perhaps because men cannot carry them inside themselves) . I can not imagine that.

Get a Life

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 11/09/2011 - 1:17pm.
I have read your varied responses. The sentence "When have you found out that your involvement for having him want to have a place with the children then let us know", makes no sense at all. Most women say "my own children", because yes she went through a pregnancy, labor, nursing for the child. By the way, in modern society, it is the choice of the mother to have the baby. Some women opt out, and refuse to have a child with a man that is abusive to her, and simply has an abortion. Or in some cases, the man wants and demands that she have an abortion, and she refuses. Honestly, you write as though you are a man that was thrown out and taken to cleaners in court. What happened? Did she make you pay child support? When you say "let us know", are you referring to the voices in your head? Take ownership of the crap you spill on here, and get some serious therapy. Take a course in English. Get a life. There is a saying, "When you are judging one person, someone else is judging YOU". Think about it.

My kids hates me and they are scared to be with me cos of my ex

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 3:28pm.
my evil ex and an evil father of my kids hates so much n my kids hates me too,my kids are scared to come in my home cos my ex who is their father scared them by telling them every day that i am a very bad mum who left them on the street for my boyfriend and i have dangerous friends and i do illegal things,all this accusations has turned up my kids against me,in my kids eyes i am an criminal mum and very bad influence for them,i got the chance to see them only on sun day only 4hrs and monday 3+30hrs, its not anough time for me to make my kids love me like be4 when they where with me,i am living through hell cos i hate to see my kids scared of me when im innocent and i have proved wrong my ex for 5 to 6yrs and i am gone fight till my kids love me again cos i love them so much and i can do anything for them,i will not give up on my kids all my life !!!!!!!!

PAS

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Mon, 09/19/2011 - 9:15am.
My daughter is 22. I also have a son, 17, and another daughter 14, and my ex is their father. I am remarried to a wonderful man and we have a 2 year old! My 22 year old has cut me out of her life completely, along with her step father, and precious baby sister (who she claims to still love but i wont let her see which couldn't be further from the truth). She will not talk to me or respond to my invitations or text messages. Her father opens up his home 24/7 to all her friends and treats them to everything under the sun...including VIP passes to concerts and sporting events, vacations, private plane travel, limo and driver etc. My beautiful first born child accuses me of horrible things with no evidence, tells me she doesn't trust me and, "lets face it mom, you stopped loving me a long time ago, dad has helped me through the pain of all of this, calling me every day to see if i am okay" What is she talking about..I have adored her and shown so much love by ALL of my actions, not just my words. My ex despises me for leaving him, after 18 years of living with an emotionally abusive child (him) and also my husband,,,he is so jealous. When i left him he threw law suits on me and my husband, and used the legal system to drain me financially and ruin my reputation along with my husband. That did not work, however, because I am strong and resourceful , I got amazing lawyers, and my husband is very smart and supportive...not to mention handsome!!My ex suffers from narcissistic personality disorder and now i am fearful that my 22 year old has fallen victim to his disease. He refers to me as "the cancer he cut out of his life" I miss my daughter so much but worse is i fear for her emotional and physical well being!

Face it

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Fri, 11/04/2011 - 5:22am.
Simply you cheated. That's Why the PAS. Probably went in like a victim into court too huh? instead of a adult saying what you did had been wrong It was blame and accusations on him. Perhaps you were abusive back to him, sound about right? Perhaps you wonderful husband you have now is scarfed to death of you but cannot bring himself to say it. Let go of agendas.

Parental Alienation

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 8:17am.
I'm so glad i found this site!! I'm not alone... My story is much like everybody elses. I'm 44 and had my first son at 16 and second at 18. They are now 27 and 24.I was married will be 25 years.I left last year because there was no more relationship.To much resentment,and just no more respect for each other.IAll those years it was all about the kids,and when they got older and moved on we were left with a relationship that wasnt really attended to all those years. I ended up with an old boyfriend who I was dating before I met my ex when we were 15.Funny how life turns out.I couldnt be happier with this relationship but its always clouded by the issue with my kids.They to will not talk to me,I can email,text,or go on facebook and they wont reply.I have a 7 month old granddaughter who I'm no longer aloud to see.I had contact with my oldest,but we just fought and fought because he was being thrown in the middle by his father.Nasty words he would say to me.We didnt have a great relationship before I left and my ex played on that.My other son just got out of the Marines.Came back from Afghanistan to this mess. Things were ok for awhile..Then the ex started on him to.I resent that fact because he has ENOUGH issues to deal with from being over there.I leave him alone and dont push him,we always had a better relationship,I know someday he will come around.At least I pray but it doesnt make the silence any better right now. My ex has a girlfriend got her a month after I left,ummmm,so upset I left "he says"What kills me is she is more of a grandmother to my granddaughter than I am.I have never been able to babysit her in her 7 months of life.When my ex has and his girlfriend.Might as well stick the knife in.I have NEVER in my life experianced pain like I have this last year. My whole life was my kids,I did everything right,and just wanted to be happy finally and all they can think about is what I DID to them. I cant believe my ex would do this.Hes so worried about being alone and his own selish acts are destroying my kids and now a baby.I cant believe it somedays. I have tried to explain to the kids whats going on but I get yelled at and nasty things get said. they wont see it. In this last year I have lost sooo much,my kids,my granddaughter,my mother,and a job I loved....Sometimes I wonder why I get up in the morning...The pain is unreal somedays,at night I just sit and cry uncontrolably for hours.My kids were my life,we grew up together and all I think is what a waste of 28 years,I will never get back because my ex wants to be selfish.. Amazing.... Galad to know Im not the only one and not alone.

pain

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Fri, 11/04/2011 - 5:27am.
Pain of deciding to break up a family and not get help?

Parental alienation

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sun, 08/21/2011 - 4:07am.
I have 3 children with my ex partner of 15 yrs, in january 2010 i found out he was cheating on me and threw him out. I am living next door to his parents and they have given me hell, they constantly slag me off in front of my children and when it is my contact time they cause trouble in the garden. Ive had my oldest son taken away by his father as stories were made up about me hitting him, when all i tried to do was help him with his agression (his father refuses to see he has anger issues), i proved to cafcass that my son was lying about me hitting him and they do nothing but support the abusive father. I havnt seen my oldest son since february and write him letters to which he never replys. Last wk after a row with my 11 year old daughter over tidying her room, she took her clothes round to her grandparents and then i had social services claiming i had hit her too, my own daughter was saying this too which is shocking as our relationship has always been close anyway social services had no problem with me as this was made up lies. now he is refusing to bring my daughter back saying ;she will come back when she forgives me' she is 11yrs old and he shouldnt be using her emotionally like this its shocking he is letting her get away this behaviour and seems to continually support feeding lies to his own child. I currently have my 6 yr old boy with me and im refusing to let him go to his father, this is very hurtful as i had no problem with contact unitl he started messing around but im terrified the same will happen to him and the father will slowly turn my little boy against me. Im up in court tomorrow morning with 3 sole residency orders, a court order to bring my daughter back and a harrassment order as he keeps coming into my garden when its my turn for contact. Has anyone been through this kind of situation how did you deal with it please? x

Karma a bitch

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Fri, 11/04/2011 - 5:33am.
You threw him out. Really? pissed? yes, he is, and yes they are. Why is social services involved? Were they ever involved before you threw him out? Or after? Think about it. The betrayed with the betrayer and both of you could not understand the impact it had on your children. I wish you luck in it. I wish you heal from the guilt shame and remorse you have.

WHAT!!!!

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 12/07/2011 - 12:01pm.
Really? You are going to blame this woman for leaving her husband after he cheated on her, she did the right thing. A marriage of lies and betrayal never works and is not good for the kids. She shouldn't have guilt or remorse, sounds like her ex is the one that should get down on his knees at night and pray for forgiveness for what he has done to this woman and their kids. I hope everything works out for her and that her kids will see that their mother has their best interest at hand.

Get a Life

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 11/09/2011 - 1:02pm.
First of all, adultery is a valid reason to end a marriage. He ended the marriage when he had the affair. Period. If you would take the time to read her story, you will learn social services was called in response to false allegations of abuse. This is very typical from parents involved in a bitter custody dispute. She was cleared of any abuse. The false report was a way to manipulate her and the system into making everyone believe she is a "bad" person. I am a victim of this type of manipulation. It is very real, and it is devastating. Empathy is a virtue. Perhaps you could find some along the way. Oh, it is "Karma is a Bitch", NOT Karma a Bitch. Instead of making these women feel even worse; go find an English class to take. It sickens me that you would get on here and add salt into the wounds of these women or even men. It can happen to men too. Your twisted wisdom is not welcome. Who are you to judge them??

All of this sounds so

Submitted by carmen (not verified) on Sun, 09/11/2011 - 2:51pm.
All of this sounds so familiar to me. My x and his "mom" my x mother-in-law have done wonders on my two kids.( put lies into their heads) The sad thing is, the kids wont even give me a chance to defend myself for whatever they were told. They are just ok with it.( I also dont feel they should be in the middle of it either) We went through a horrible divorce, meaning he harrassed me, threats make my life hell, I will never seemy kids again. uses kids to punish me. (I had to file...police reports, restraining order against him) My kids wont answer my calls and when they do I get hung up on. It HURTS so much. He is a very controlling, angry man. He has turned our kids to be him. :( His motto, his way or no way). I cant believe how evil and immature some people can be. Sometime I feel like... am I the only one who has an evil x and now hateful kids?? The pain is unbearable.

X wife X Grandparents an Grandparents Turn kids against Mom, Dad

Submitted by Guest RCL (not verified) on Sun, 08/21/2011 - 8:47pm.
My x would get me on the phone and have kids talk to me then she would get back on the phone and argue with me about nothing turn on the tears and my kids thought I was being mean to mommy. I had to stop talking taking calls no real healthy communication with X wife or kids for several months. I hired a lawyer got joint custody and she has worked top destroy my relationships with 3 of my 5 now grown up kids for the last 30 years and is still at it. My daughter told me if she were to visit and bring the Grand kids to see me she would never hear the end of from my X wife I kid you not. I could make a movie about my life, it has so many wild and bizarre twists and events. For example my soon to be x called and wanted to discuss the joint custody I filed for shortly after she filed. I originally was going to file do to a third party involvement by her. I was told by my Minister to let her be the one to file as she was the one who wanted to destroy the family. Well she came over came on to me and I fell for it. She left we never talked about joint custody but 1 hour later her Doctor called and said he would be a witness at my trial because my wife as we were still married went and told the doctor I raped her. Well I had set up a tape recorder in the living room with the thought of protecting me from threats and to verify our agreeing on joint custody. I was lucky I told the Doctor that would be fine as I had tape the willing consensual event, he the Doc hung up, end of that chapter and 29 to go. I could tell you many events that almost drove to the end of my rope and the stress it put on my new wife and I. My current wife also had lived at home and at 24 with one child, she was a victim before and after our getting married. Her only biological son has been turned against her by Family members. My current wife I found out after we were married had been raped by the closet of family member possible, the guy should be serving life in prison. We both recently went for advise from a professional and he said my wife and I were walking miracles, couldn't believe we were now married for 29 years and have nev er been separated. Praise be to God.

So One Please Help Me The Pain Is Getting to be TO Much!!!!!

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Tue, 08/02/2011 - 12:25am.
Divorce is something i don't take lighty(I'm guilt) I made some mistake! But why must the kids always have to be the one that really get HURT?????.... 23 years of marriage alot of great years and some not so great 2 wonderful Boys the oldest now 19 and the youngest 12. My 19 will have nothing to do with me clearly he has side with is mom! And I never wanted Side's. He has erase me from is Face book account and when i text him he pretends its not his number I'm really hurting about this one because I don't no how to fix it. and now T. the youngest is pulling away and if that happen to tell you the truth I will JUST DIE. !!!! I will have nothing to live for. I will not be able to go on knowing my kids hate me!! It would be better not to be on this earth with that type of PAIN.....

Im going through the same

Submitted by carmen (not verified) on Sun, 09/11/2011 - 3:05pm.
Im going through the same thing. My kids are 19 and 16. They have become so hateful towards me. ( hateful, like their dad ) They have deleted me on FB as well. When I call I get hung up on. This has gone on for some time now. It hurts SO MUCH. I know my X wouldnt be able to seperate from his mommy for no more than a day. But, thats what kind of person he is, sellfish, immature person who thinks of no one but himself. They are NOT looking for the kids best intrest. Im waiting for them to grow out of the hating phase, that gets you no where. Child support program only cares about $$, not the parenting plan or best intrest for the kids. For the parents who pay and dont get to see their kids, because the father acts like an ass. Its not right! I wrote a letter and a phone call expressing my concerns......... Keep your chin up, I know its so hard. Sometime I dont know how I do it.

Same situation

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 7:06pm.
Hi, I'm sorry to hear of your situation, however I am in the same. Were you able to find any resolve, if so, care to share? Thanks.

Try getting invovled with other needy kids be a Mentor

Submitted by Guest RCL (not verified) on Sun, 08/21/2011 - 9:06pm.
Hello, I have been there and still am 29 years and I have told my kids that rejected me I love and forgive you and please forgive me for what ever I did to you. You need to go help others, find someone you can be a mentor to someone that feels like you do and you will begin to feel better helping other people in need. I had God and my faith in jesus Christ to give strength, maybe you should consider.

Oh my gosh, I just read your

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 5:45pm.
Oh my gosh, I just read your post and it just brought me to tears. I totally EXACTLY feel the same way. When I have described what I am going through with friends I say the same thing. My two oldest boys have already been poisoned. My youngest daughter who is 7 is the only one who hasn't been influenced yet and that is because she has been with me the whole time. I am currently in a court battle where I am being made out to be a terrible person. I can not even imagine surviving if my youngest one is taken away and forced to hate me too. I won't make it. I know it.

Ex Controlling Me by Parental Alienation

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 07/07/2011 - 12:39pm.
I have been divorced for ten years but still I cannot free myself from my controlling ex-husband as he uses our son as a weapon. I have had two relationships since our divorce - each time I have had one my husband has 'removed' my son (who is now 15) saying that my son is unhappy and it affects his schooling - however I think it is his treatment of my son that have caused these difficulties, he was very abusive to him for years, shouting in his face, slapping him, constantly calling him an idiot. We went to an educational psychologist who more or less laid responsibility at ex H's door for sons 'learned behaviour 'and then ex H refused to go again. He always wanted a one to one relationship with me and resented our son - now he is the best parent in the world and I am just selfish and rubbish (or so he tells me). As my sons school is within walking distance of his house he stays there Mon - Thurs and I have him the w/e but have to have him every weekend, I am not allowed to go out nor to have anyone else in the house. If I want to go out on a Fri or Sat he will just threaten to take my son away as I am being selfish and a crap parent by wanting to have a life. However he would be quite happy to have our son taken care of by his mum if I was going out with him (the ex H) for a meal or something. It's just being going on so long I am sick and tired of it. I have got a chronic illness which he also uses to smother me. It got so bad I had a breakdown last year and have had to have 6 months of intensive therapy - I have tried to tell him this abusive behaviour has been a contributory factor but he won't acknowledge it. My psych therapy was covered by a family insurance policy he has and every time it was going a way he didn't like he would threaten to stop it. If it wasn't for keeping my son stable in school I would just want to pick him up and run, I wanted to 10 years ago and so regret I didn't.

Shame

Submitted by Guest on Sun, 12/11/2011 - 10:28pm.
Shame on these parents for poisoning their children against the other parent it only harms the children and its wrong. I can relate to that kind of poisoning to my children and pain, but only God can heal the poison and the pain and forgiveness can heal also.

I hate to tell you this but

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 5:57am.
I hate to tell you this but you are letting your ex control your life. It's going to hurt but cut it off. I assure you the laughter is endless on the weekends when you have your son. You don't need a therapist to stop this. Trust me...I've been in your shoes. Your son is 15 and despite what people say about kids at that age, he knows what your father is doing. But how can he have respect for you if you let your ex walk all over you even though you are no longer together? And what man will want to be with you? Go to court and modify the custody. Every other weekend with your son for you. Let your ex feel the pain of less time on the weekend. Plus he's not going to want to hang out with either of you as time goes on. If you don't make it a point to cut the cord TODAY, I'm afraid that the consequences may be more than you can handle.

I feel your pain

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 8:24pm.
I just wanted you to know that I feel your pain. I have to deal with the same issue with my ex H. My six year old son lives with him for school but every since my son has been staying with him, my son has begun to throw tantrums when I come to pick him up. Once my son is out of his dad's presence he begins to calm down and act happy with me. It's only when he is around his dad and my ex in laws that he acts up when my name is even mentioned (or so I've heard). Now his father doesn't want me to keep him on weekends overnight because he claimed myson's therapist advised against it and that I should only pick him up and drop him off consecutive days in a row. I have requested documentation of this from my son's father. I'm hoping to get it soon so I can understand why the therapist would say such a thing.

Seeing the light

Submitted by guest (not verified) on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 9:19am.
Wow I just can't believe they have a name for this...I feel like I've just seen the light AMEN! I've been wondering the last 8 years what's going on, why my boys won't say they love me, why they won't hug me, why they have no respect for me, and right here was the answer all along. He has been trying since the beginning to keep them from me, we had our little custody fight, I got 48% he got 51% they stay with him during the school year Monday thru Friday then with me on the weekends, summer it switches with me through the week and him on the weekends. This is not at all what I wanted however I didn't not have money to fight him, I remember years back after we signed the papers, he had a babysitter for them she had 4 kids of own that she couldn't control and my two on top of that, I would beg him to let them stay with me instead of her, I offered to sign a paper saying I didn't want support, nope he just kept saying over and over they are better with her....WOW what man would want his kids with someone who has four of her own that are running the streets, doing drugs, how would this women have time to give mine love and attention that they needed? I found out just the other day that he told my oldest son that the reason we broke up was because I was always cheating so he threw me out....flat out lie....I was no such thing, I was a loving mother, who worked, held down a house, and did everything, cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, took the kids to all their Dr appts he never helped with anything, the only thing the did was work and come home sleep...when I left, he told me to move and get settled and come back and we would talk about how we were going to raise the boys..2 days later I went back and he wouldn't answer the door, I didn't see my kids for 4 months until we went to court for custody. He is always putting me down, calling me names hoe, slut, tells me I'm the worst mother ever, says my kids hate me, that I'm stupid, I have been dealing with this abuse for the last 8 years, however I didn't think that he was doing this in front of them, now I see how stupid I really was because he clearly was painting a picture for them of me that wasn't nice. I would notice little things they would just eat at me because I didn't understand it....I would tell my youngest I love him, no response back, I would say I love you again, nothing back....I was always a loving mom, sure it hurt but I blamed me the fact the he is a boy and telling your mom you love her isn't cool...I would try and hug them, they would stand there almost emotionless, now all these years later I know why.....how can I expect my kids to respect me when their own father doe not. I am taking him back to court in a few months....I plan on using this...because it's clear this is what he's doing. Any advise I would welcome...God bless all of you....for having to endure this nightmare.

I've been divorced 8 years

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sat, 06/25/2011 - 5:52pm.
I've been divorced 8 years and my ex is using the alienation thing on my kids.I've always paid my support,got my kids whenever she allows it,and when she keeps them from me i haqveto take her ba ck to court and they wont do shit to her.Wonder why so many dads give up on their kids.Im love my kids to death and she feels nothing about using them against me.As a matter of fact it makes her laugh.How sick is that?

alienation

Submitted by Maureen (not verified) on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 4:39pm.
Sorry to hear your story, I have an ex and he has done nothing but throw me under the bus and tell lies, my son is 16 and my daughter now 18 and though I was the perfect stay at home mother for 17 years that did everything, I am now an out of control and overly emotional mom and I have no one to blame for my problems with our kids, how sick is this! He hates that he has to pay me alimony and he only wants to hurt me through alienation. Until a person walks in our shoes, no one can understand the pain we are feeling, yet we are suppose to carry on and forget our kids until they one day can comprehend the damage that has been inflicted upon us.

Divorced since 2007

Submitted by Andrea Romano (not verified) on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 5:52pm.
My name is Andrea and I'm so emotional!!! I was married for 15 years, I had 3 children . We were happy but had a lot of problems we still stuck together. Jan 2006 my husband met an 18 girl and he left me for her I was shocked cause he is 20 yrs older than her. We didn't get divorcedd till Oct 2007. Well ever since then I've been in pain .The stepmom and My ex husband turned my two of my children agaisnt me they told my children I was a looser, I didn't love them, and through out there life I wasn't there for them. which that wasn't true at all I even volounteered at the schools just to be close to my kids. I haven't seen my daughter for two and galf years and my younger son for two months, I really don't know what to do anymore, I have begged, pleaded and even shiwed up at their door, I'm depressed and I want them in my life.

I Feel Your Pain

Submitted by Michelle (not verified) on Wed, 11/02/2011 - 4:11pm.
I understand EXACTLY what you are talking about. With the exception of your husband meeting someone else and leaving you (I don't think he will ever find someone else since he is a control freak), your story is very similar to mine. I have 5 children who he one by one systematically turned against me. My youngest still answers my calls, texts, emails and genuinely loves me. I know the day will come when he too turns away from me. I don't know what he tells them or how he makes it happen. Nobody will tell me. It hurts so much cause I was the one who stayed home to raise all 5 for 18 years. It hurts so much. He is the one with the money and with the power, so they have no choice. I don't have the job security or income that he does. In fact, I have to return to school to make myself employable after all the years I remained at home. I escaped from this controlling monster but couldn't take my kids with me. He scill controls them and uses them against me. I'm not sure what mothers like us can do to try and fix any of this..... Stay strong!

posting

Submitted by Maureen (not verified) on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 4:45pm.
Wow, so sorry. My ex is now with a woman who is 33 years younger than his age, 56. I was married for 17 years, great mom, stayed at home, volunteered at school, really a mom like me is rare and my husband bragged about me to everyone but ever since he asked me for a divorce I am an out of control and overly emotional woman who doesn't love her kids My ex thinks that my alimony is suppose to go towards our kids affluent lifestyle and though I have been fair in giving my kids money I can afford to give them, they continue to ignore me and use dad's words as to why they are choosing not to have me in their lives. Also affected, their grandparents, my parents, my siblings my nieces and nephews, they have all been alienated from my ex as he continues to control their every move by money, money, money.

My life just became a disaster

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 05/25/2011 - 10:19pm.
I have been seperated since 2006 and my ex didnt care about our children when they were born I stayed with him for 6 years and out of the 6 years he held my oldest probably 1/2 a dozen times and the same with my youngest. When I left he didnt even bother with them untill 3 months after when he realized he could no longer controll me. I finally got into a relationship 3years ago and now I am getting married for the past two years my children dont talk to me they swear at me all the time they tell me that they want to go to dads house when I say no to them. My children are now hating me more then ever.... there are so much more that is going on with this but it doesnt matter what i do or how calm I stay or how much I tell them I love them they talk to me like im crap on the ground. Dad is god in thier eyes it is so hard for me. My babies no longer need me. What do I do..?

I feel your pain. I have two

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sat, 01/21/2012 - 10:35pm.
I feel your pain. I have two daughters, almost 16 and 14. They are so disrespectful and nastey towards me. My ex and I haven't been together since Oct. 2008, divorced May 2010. My ex and I have 50/50 custody. I started dating a man that my ex knew (as well as I). My ex has filled our childrens heads with so much lies. It hurts me everyday I have them beacause when I have had my boyfriend over, they treat him horrible. They have cursed him and accused him of breaking me and their father up. They won't give him a chance. They listen to everything their father tells them and won't let me defend myself. So, now my boyfriend has asked me to marry him. I hate the fact that I only get to see him everyother week because he refuses to come around when I have them. I can't say I blame him. I don't know what to do. My kids have just packed their bags and said they are moving out to their fathers and that they want nothing to do with me (because I am choosing him over them). Not to mention, it is ok for dad to bring every girlfriend around our daughters within the first week of dating them and sleep with them with our daughters rooms right down the hall. I cry everyday my kids are with me. I feel like their father puts all these lies in our kids heads so when they do come to stay with me, they give me hell and this is his way of getting at me. I can't live my life, but its ok for dad to. My ex is so sick, he even dated my now fiance's ex wife just to get at us. Please, HELP I feel like I'm loosing my world. Just thinking about them moving to their fathers tears me apart. :-(

Divorced since 2007

Submitted by Andrea Romano (not verified) on Sun, 05/29/2011 - 5:29pm.
I understand your pain, All you can do is tell your kids how much you love them and you will always be there for them no matter what. Also start writing letters to them reming them of everything you have done together nothing negative make a copy befor sending them the letter, keep the copies in a sheet protector and put them in an album so when they finally grow up and want u in there life you can show them all the letters.

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <br> <strong> <h2> <h3> <h4> <br> <p> <u>

More information about formatting options

Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.