Learning To Manage Fear and Anxiety Through Divorce

Learning To Manage Fear and Anxiety Through Divorce

6 tips to keep the fear from wrecking your life

Posted to Resource Articles by Naomi Dunne on Mon, 10/04/2010 - 8:50am

Over the years, I've felt my share of fear. I got pregnant at 17, married at 18, separated at 19. I have been fired four days before Christmas. I have realized on the 14th of the month that my welfare check is completely spent. Being a single divorced mom is scary.

Nothing, though, compares to the fear that comes with working from home. Yes, it's my dream. Yes, I adore it. But my God, it's scary.

Through my time, I've learned a few ways to handle being scared out of my mind. Whether my fears are business or personal, their impact on my psyche is still the same. Here are some things you can do to keep the fear from wrecking your life:

1. Try to be rational. Once you've figured out what you're really afraid of — let's say you're afraid you'll be homeless — start thinking about that in a logical way. Do you know anyone who's been homeless? Are you close to being homeless? How likely is it that you'll have absolutely no other options than the street?
2. There's nothing wrong with being afraid of being broke, but you need to figure out what that really means. Are you afraid that you'll end up homeless? That you'll end up going back to your ex because you have nowhere else to go? If it's an embarrassment fear, are you really afraid that failure means you won't be good enough? That people won't love you or respect you? Figure out where your fear is really rooted.
3. Figure out what you're really afraid of. When I work with entrepreneurs and freelancers, the biggest fear they mention is not being able to make it. That means different things for different people. For some, they're really afraid of being broke. For others, they're afraid of being embarrassed.
4. Think back to when you were younger and afraid. Try to think of a few times — one from when you were very young, and one more recently. Did what you were afraid of come to pass? If you were afraid of the water, you obviously didn't drown. If you were afraid of heights, you didn't fall. 
5. If you know the real likelihood of your fears coming to pass, it's a lot easier to understand that your fears have no actual basis. If your know your fears have no real basis, you're much more likely to be able to talk yourself out of them.
6. Keep things in perspective. It's really easy to think that whatever it is you're afraid of right now is the scariest and most important thing ever. We all do it. The thing is, though, what you're scared of probably isn't that big of a deal. As cliché as it is, there really are starving children in India. There really is genocide in Darfur. It doesn't always help, but knowing that my own problems are so relatively minor can snap me out of the belief that the whole world is about to collapse.

Just remember, fear will never completely go away. You can't avoid it, so don't try. The best thing you can do is manage it and try to get on with your life.