Identifying The Right Girlfriends To Help Get You Through Divorce

Identifying The Right Girlfriends To Help Get You Through Divorce

Posted to Resource Articles by Cathy Meyer on Fri, 02/04/2011 - 8:16am

I've talked in the past about the friendships that need to be cultivated during the divorce process. Now I'm going to talk about girlfriends who are important in their own way but may not be girlfriends who aren't able to offer the kind of support you need.

Please don't think I'm saying, throw your friends away if they are of no use to you at this particular time. Not at all! Keep all your girlfriends; just know that there are some you want to keep closer than others when going through a divorce.

Our girlfriends always have a place in our lives. They play a role and fill a need. What you need to do is be able to identify the girlfriend who will help you through and the girlfriend who will only add to the stress and confusion you are already feeling.

For example...

• You call a girlfriend and tell her the latest irrational thing your ex has done and her response is that he needs his ass kicked or even worse, she suggests someone who can kick his ass. She is a girlfriend but she is also an instigator. She hasn't learned the fine art of listening. She inadvertently fans the flames and escalates the conflict. That is her job in life and right now, you don't have an opening in your life for that position.
• You feel like talking so you call your girlfriend. The only problem is, every time you call she is in a hurry...she has an errand to run, has to get dinner on the table or needs to finish her manicure. You need to talk but she never seems to have the time. This girlfriend either can't be bothered with your problems or has such an aversion to conflict that your problems cause her anxiety. Whatever her problem is, she doesn't belong on the list of girlfriends you go to for support.
• We all have the girlfriend who has to know all the gory details. She seems to thrive and feed off of the problems in other people's lives. You may call her to talk about the movie you saw last night but you can bet she will steer the conversation toward your divorce. She has questions about personal details of your life and inappropriately feels she is owed an answer. If you're interested in the latest juicy gossip from your circle of friends, give this girl a call. If you are looking for support, choose another number from your speed dial.

In a nutshell, you want to surround yourself with those girlfriends who, when it comes to doing what is best for you, take no prisoners. They know you and what you need and are able to put your needs during this time before their own.

Cathy heads up About.com's Divorce Support channel. Go to About.com's Divorce Channel to hear more from her.