The Legal Rights Of Step-Parents

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The Legal Rights Of Step-Parents

Debbie Does Divorce with Susan Reach Winters

Posted to Debbie Does Divorce by Debbie Nigro on Thu, 03/11/2010 - 8:35am

Do you know who really has legal rights over step-children? From signing report cards to drafting a will, legal expert Susan Reach Winters has some surprising answers in her informative chat with Debbie.

Click the following to return a directory of articles and resource videos on Kids, Family and Divorce.

Comments

Step mom facing hostility

Submitted by Kat (not verified) on Thu, 02/02/2012 - 10:42am.

I have a wonderful stepdaughter with whom I have a great relationship (she is seven and I have been with her dad for 5 years. Her mother has always been hostile toward me, even though Ive always "played by her rules." I have also never tried to take over her role, although I am very involved with my step child. I do half of the transporting between homes (my husband does the other half, because the mother refuses), I take her to the park, the movies, and her extra ciriculars (girl scouts). However, because of her jealousy, she (the mother) now says that she does not want me doing any of these things wih my stepdaughter. Can she legally keep me from doing things with my stepdaughter????

I have a wonderful

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Mon, 02/06/2012 - 7:27pm.

4 year old step daughter's bio dad threating bullying wife and i

Submitted by Tx step (not verified) on Wed, 02/01/2012 - 11:31pm.

Hello. I have no one knowledgeable in this area so here i am here asking for help. I have been married to my wife for two years now and we have 2 kids, a 1 year old boy and 4 year old girl. She is my step daughter and we get along great and have a great relationship. I am in the military in california and the bio lives in texas where the divorce decree was filed. We have done our best to let him have a meaningful relationship with her but he refuses to do many things. He didnt send her a xmas present this year and all he does is talk on the phone for 30 min or so if he calls. He also only sends 200 child support and nothing more. He refuses to buy underwear for her and anything like that, it is very frustrating as the step father for me. He doesnt help but when he gets on the phone he is super dad, you know saying my little princess etc. I have many questions but ill just ask this one. The other day he was on the web cam with her and my baby boy walked in the room and whoever was on the web cam told my step daughter to get him out of the room. This was totally unacceptable and stopped the cam. When my wife confronted him he defended who ever was on the cam and he got verbally abusive like he usually gets and ended up saying f your kid. That was the final straw and we started to go by the divorce decree which specifically states my wife needs to make my step daughter available to talk to her bio dad one time a week. We are doing this and tonight he threatened to call the police where i live from where he lives (texas). He is always doing this and i am tired. Tired like you would be after a long days work (or after reading this novel lol). My question is what would you do? Would you worry about the police? Thank you.

x everything

Submitted by bekah (not verified) on Wed, 02/01/2012 - 11:26pm.

Me and my x husband had been together for 10 years and he left me for my "best friend" of 13 years and she is unable to have kids and they are telling my 2 year old to call her mommy and when I told him shed better not be calling her mommy he said whatever got in the car my daughter said mommy and she said yes i am... Isn't this illegal or can something be done about this??

Stepmom is bathing with my 6 yr old daughter...

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 02/01/2012 - 5:47pm.

against my wishes but father is allowing it. Do I have a legal case to make this stop? Is it just me who thinks there is something wrong with this? Also, is she allowed to attend parent-teacher conferences with my ex and I without my consent?

I would think you could make

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Tue, 02/07/2012 - 1:36am.

I would think you could make a case with the bathing issue, but unfortunately not the parent-teacher conferences. My ex's mistress is allowed to attend them. I spoke with the principal of my child's school about it and he said anyone is allowed to "invite" whomever they want to come to conferences. Even if I stated she could not be there. Sorry I know its hard, thankfully my children's teachers are aware I do not like it and try to talk and make eye contact with only with their father.

Awful.

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sun, 02/12/2012 - 3:20pm.

That is awful and quite petty. If she is concerned with your child enough to attend a parent teacher conference in order to help your child become a better student and possibly more successful adult, then you are quite lucky she is in the child's life.

Stepdad rights..

Submitted by john (not verified) on Sun, 01/29/2012 - 4:03pm.

I am a step dad to two beautiful children that are 5 and 6 i've raised them and took care of them with no contact from the bio at all. just recently he decided to take my wife to court for my two kids and said that he doesn't want me around them.. the judge allowed it even though we are married and living together. I wanna know if that is possible and can the judge allow that even though we're married and have children together ourselves?

No, unless you have abused

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 02/01/2012 - 7:20am.

No, unless you have abused them (in which case charges would have to have been filed) your wife's ex has no say over whether you are around the kids or not. It would actually be very good for her case if he does ask for this in court because it shows that 1. he is being very unreasonable and 2. he is NOT interested in the best interest of the children. My husband is also raising my daughter and my ex doesn't like the fact that she sees my husband as her dad not him, but that's too bad because my husband has done nothing wrong. I think it's great you are giving these kids the dad they deserve.

step parents right

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sat, 01/28/2012 - 9:34pm.

Hi I am engaged to a wonderful man. My daughter is 10yrs old. I am 52 yrs old. I was wondering if in the event that I become deceased, would my fiance have rights to care for my daughter. He is the only man she knows as daddy. Her bio dad was killed in '04 in an auto accident. Is there a way I can make sure she is taken care of by my fiance? My family and her paternal families are not good candidates to care for her. I don't speak to either my family or her grandparents. long story not good. thank you for any advice you can give me

re: step parents right by Guest on 01/28/2012 9:34 am

Submitted by SunnySue (not verified) on Thu, 02/09/2012 - 1:14pm.

absolutely, in answer to your question. get a will in place for you both! as long as the bio father is deceased (which i am very sorry to hear), you can leave custody to anyone, including your fiance - tho it would be easier if you were already married. the only objections would be if he has ever abused her, if she objects, if she has godparents and they tried to step in or if either your parents or the bio fathers parents objected, but as long he is officially her step father and she is happy, then the most a judge would usually award would be visitation with the parents. def get those wills set up and get married tho, just to avoid her becoming a ward of the state (which is what would happen is you have no will and are not married). hope that helps.

I have a hard time getting along with my step mom

Submitted by Norma zermeno (not verified) on Sat, 01/28/2012 - 7:24pm.

Well im 15 years old and i have never met my bio mom and ever since i was 5 i haved lived with my step mom and my dad has full custide of me well now its up to the point me and my step mom dont get along because the days i have half day at school she keeps me home and makes me get up with the kids at 9 and she doesnt get up tell 2 pm and i tell her that she has to now that i still just a kid my self and i cant take care of tow kids my self and all she says is that i hve to do what ever she says and now i cant take any of this and i help her more then anyone and she says i dont do crap and their has been a point where she has kicked me out of the house 3 or 4 times their is also points where she hit me and left markson me and said good she diserved it and i just cant take this any more what can i do to get all this just to stop

Step Parents

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 01/26/2012 - 9:05pm.

Im 16 Years Old, I would like to know what rights a step parent has in disciplining step children. What lines shouldn't be crossed?

You have no legal right to

Submitted by Kat (not verified) on Thu, 02/02/2012 - 10:55am.

You have no legal right to discipline your stepchildren. Your partner can allow you to use time-outs and such, but that is it. The boundary -- nothing that could even be close to physical. It would be best to leave any discipline up to your partner aka legal parent.

future stepdaughter

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 01/26/2012 - 6:44pm.

My ex husband and I divorced 5 years ago - we have a 7 year old and he gave me custody and he has open visitations, he lives out of the county. Now after 5 years he is marrying the woman who caused our split up. He has threated me that he is going to go to court to fight for 1/2 custody so our daughter can he lives with him 1/2 time with the family that he'll build. My question is? Can I legally get a court order that states that this new wife (my daughter's future step daughter) "can't" get close to my daughter? As you my understand, it hurts me that this woman will get the affection of my daughter after what she did to us; besides my daughter is aware what did woman did to us and she doesn't like her.

I am so sorry for what you

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 02/01/2012 - 7:34am.

I am so sorry for what you have been through, I have a daughter myself and my ex isn't around her much. The bad news is, no judge is going to say you husband's wife can't be around her unless she is abusive. BUT what you can do is get right of first refusal. What this means is that if your child is with your ex, he has to be with her at all times, if he has to leave her for any reason, he must first call you and ask if you can take her. This way you have control over whether his wife is alone with her or not. Also, since it's been 5 years, he is not going to get 50/50. I am assuming an open visitation schedule just means he pretty much gets her whenever he wants? If so, the judge will probably just put an order in for roughly the same amount of time he has been having her if you ask for that at most, he might get every other weekend (possibly one day during the week after school till like 8 pm) and possibly 2 weeks in the summer. Especially since he is out of county, I mean the child can't go to two different schools every year. Usually, in order for visitation to change, the parent requesting the change must prove there has been a change in either their's or their ex's situation that warrants the change in visitation (and him getting married would not count). As far as this woman getting affection from you child, I know that is hard, I mean it must feel like this woman slept with you husband and now she wants your kid too? But your daughter is not a baby, she is 7, old enough to understand the situation and old enough to know that you are her mother. I know in some situations, step moms end up being a second mom but usually that is only when either mom is not around, or step mom has been there since the child was a baby. BUT in court, DO NOT seem like the bitter ex, because that is when the judge is going to take your ex's side. You are justified in your feelings but they look bad in court. The judge may listen to what your daughter has to say on the matter since she is 7, some will some won't until 12. Has he been paying child support? If not, you can get it retroactively from the time he moved out. Good luck and I am sorry for your situation. I hope I didn't come off sounding harsh, I just want you to understand the facts so that you have the best chance possible to fight.

what are my rights?

Submitted by C (not verified) on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 6:04pm.

What happens if a biological father has full custody and the biological mother only has supervised visitation? In this situation, if he dies, would I, as her step-mother, have any legal standing to fight for custody?

It depends on why mom has

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 02/01/2012 - 7:38am.

It depends on why mom has supervised visitation but more then likely no. First, even not including mom, there are a lot of people before you in line to get her, grandparents (yes, mom's parents can get her even though she gets supervised), aunts, uncles, adult siblings if any. Also, even though mom has supervised visitation, she will get a huge say in who gets the child if she can't, in fact, providing mom choosing a responsible adult, the court will probably let her choose.

response to letter to step-dad--I had a similar thing--

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sat, 01/21/2012 - 2:48pm.

I too was threatened in a similar way by my step-son 4 years ago. I'm not sure how old your step-son is, mine was 22 at the time, and it was all done via online. He detailed how he was going to come to my house and smash my head with a baseball bat among other things. I did nothing to him. He blames me for his dad marrying me and us moving back to my hometown which is on the other side of the state, and he's angry because his dad and I have had a son since we got married 7 years ago. He had an option to move with us, but he chose not to. He wanted to go live with his mother who was nothing of a mother, being a druggie who lost custody of all 4 of her kids, 2 prior to her marrying my husband (not his kids), and the 2 she had with him. Now he has a daughter who is 4 years old with an ex girlfriend, who had been taken from both parents custody and put in foster care for the last 2 years, and he's since had one or two more kids since. He was on probation at the time of these threats. I printed everything he wrote me and took it to my local police department along with the name of his probation officers name and filed a report. There was nothing they could do because it was just that. A Threat. They won't do anything until he made an action toward the threat....so yea, great, when I am laying dead with my head bashed in, then they will go after him. That is some good law there. I really was scared because my husband is a truck driver meaning he is always out of town, so I am always alone with my two children. I have demanded my husband take care of this situation, he told his son off, and refused to talk to his son for a while for this. I guess it was all he could do. :/ I refuse to acknowledge his two older children who are both in their late 20s now. They blame me for their problems, and I want nothing to do with them. His daughter married a convicted sex offender without telling my husband she was even married, then was upset with me when I told her to leave her husband at home, I didn't want him near my two kids. Since that time, they were caught dealing with meth, and both were sent to prison. Yea, she blamed me for that too, as if I had anything to do with her dealing and manufacturing it. I am no druggie, and on top of that both kids still live on the other side of the state from me. I know they are my husbands kids, but they are not my kids, I don't feel I have to deal with them, being they are basically 14 an 16 years younger than me, and they chose to live the way they did. I don't want them near my two kids, even though my son is their half brother. My son does not need to know them. I feel threatened by them, and don't feel safe with them, and I don't trust them to even be associated with my son. I may be wrong in this, but I really don't care. I am protecting myself and my two kids from these step-kids. I am currently going to be making a will for myself and husband, I want to know what my rights are that my two kids get what my husband and I worked for, I don't want to include his two older kids. They chose their paths, I want to protect my two minor children. I have my homework cut out for me, and hope I find something positive in the search in my rights to this..

School Laws against Step Parents

Submitted by DaVick (not verified) on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 11:10pm.

Ok, I am married and have been with my husband for nearly 7 yrs now. I have raised his son, whom I call my own, since he was 4years old. I taught him how to wipe himself of #2, bathe himself, read, manners, etc....yes his grandparents still had him in diapers come nightime to sleep in his crib at the age of 4. He is now 10 years old, and I have always been the parent to make sure he does everything he is supposed to do and so on. He has never wanted to call me by my name or "Stepmom" and has always called me "Mom, Mommy" (which I did clear with my husband and his ex first). My son's bio mom, is a not in the picture at all, her choice, her loss. I have never had a problem with him being in school or talking to any of his teachers, having single conferences with them or anything like that....until now. My husband and I grew upset with finding him not doing his homework assignments, lying, and hiding information we need from us. I have tried to contact his teachers (he has 2 in one class this yr) but never got a response right away, would ask one of them to call me, which they never did, or email me or my husband, which they also never did. I would always get a response to my letters no less than 3 days later! How are we supposed to correct and discipline my child 3 days later? Just not right. I tried calling her and it was the same delayed response, but not even to my phone, just my husbands. And he hates dealing with the school on these issues, which means I have to do it. Then I write her a letter about the whole situation and ask her to email us or call us with his homework assignments so we can better stay on top of things, and instead she writes me back 3 days later saying she had a talk with him about lying and responsibility......i feel she over stepped her boundaries as a teacher, and that is not what I was asking of her at all! So I try to schedule a conference with her(the other one is now out on maternity leave), and it takes forever and once again leaves it to my son to get the message back to me instead of contacting me or my husband directly, and my son leaves the message behind on the day before Christmas break. We finally get the "conference" scheduled and I go to school with my son, and the front desk admin calls the teacher to let her know that I am here, but the teacher asks her if my husband is with or not, I said no, then asks the admin to ask in front of everyone, if I am my sons "mom" or "stepmom".(My son is by my side). I dont lie and say I am his mom, but technically his step mother, and the teacher denies me and tells the admin, that by law, she cannot speak to me about my son without my husband present becuase I am "just his Stepmom". I had to call my husband and ask him to come right away and explain the situation. Only to ask why I wasn't informed of this in the begining of the school year. We are finally able to see the teacher and I ask her why she did not communicate this new law to us, when she clearly new I was trying to communicate directly with her. I never got an answer. I voiced my concerns over the lack of communication between her and I and that it was too difficult to communicate with her about my son, as well as not approving of her talk with my son. She told me she could not talk to me about him, she could only talk to my husband, unless he fills out a form in the front office, and tells me the issue with is homework is his responsibility, and she will not call me or communicate with me should he not turn it in. She also told me that she is not going to babysit him, that there are other kids in her class and she is too busy doing her job to communicate with me........ummmmm I believe that is part of the job description, my sis in law is also a teacher and disagrees with her. I basically have to beg her to let me do my job as a parent in making sure he is doing what he needs to do, and knowing what is going on with my child, and she tells me it's basically not going to happen, if I want I can talk to the principal.....(sorry for the long story, just helps to vent). Before my husband and I go to the principal, I need to know if there really is such a law in the State of FL? Has anyone gone through this? Any helpful suggestions? I am trying to research all of these ridiculous things the teacher has said and schedule a meeting with the principal, should I be right on everything, but will still talk to her about the lack of communication between teacher and parent, and in a timely manner. As well as the disrespect I received from her ( which i have not stated here) just becuase I am a "StepMom". Help!

How to cope with an angry ex husband?

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Tue, 01/17/2012 - 10:12am.

I live in texas and my ex husband and I have joint custody , our son is three years old and he is now saying he doesn't want to go with his dad, my ex is very aggressive and he has some anger issues , I can't talk to him about anything before he flies off the handle. I want to keep the peace for my son but I want to have the communication open so that we can address some of the issues my son has at his house. My ex lets me know a day before that he is picking him up , how far in advance does he need to let me know because one day before is not enough time for me to change some plans that we have already made. How to cope with a abusive and aggressive ex husband when the focus should be our son . Thankyou

i am a step mother

Submitted by guest (not verified) on Tue, 01/17/2012 - 12:14am.

ok i have a step son that is 8 years old his father my husband has custody of him the bio mother gets to see him on holidays ok his mother tells him not to listen to me tell me he hates me and just be disresectful to me. well what i was wanting to know is my step son plays both parents neither one of them disapline him in any way he thinks he cant get in trouble at all in school or anywhere he is disresectful to everybody if it dont go his way he starts hitting his self biteing his self and hitting his head i love him with all my heart what can i do to fix this problem and no i aint tring to take over being my step sons mom he has one i know this isnt normal

Possible Child

Submitted by Leila (not verified) on Mon, 01/16/2012 - 10:40am.

Hello i really need some advice. I have been married to my husband for 10years. Just last week a "woman" from his past, 14 years ago has said that he is her child's father. I am very emotional about this. I understand that he is doing the right thing by doing the paternity test. But now they "woman" is calling my husband baby and acting like we all already know that this is his child. What would you do? I have so many mixed emotions right now. I told my husband it would be diferent if we had children but we don't and i can't have children. I know now IF this little girl is his there will be a connection between him and the mother. She supposedly has cancer. I feel like she is trying to clear her mind before she dies. She isn't taking anyone else's emotions and feelings into account. And I don't understand why she is coming forward now after 14 YEARS to tell him this could be his child... IF she is his, he has already missed everything about being a parent. I mean it is 4 years until she is an adult... Why didn't she just keep her mouth shut!?

Maybe she thought 14 years

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 02/01/2012 - 7:46am.

Maybe she thought 14 years ago that for whatever reason, it would be better to raise the child on her own. I am not saying that was right to keep it from him but she did but on the other hand, your husband isn't a saint in this either, he slept with someone who he didn't even know well enough to know that she got pregnant. Now she could be dying and yeah, she wants her child to have a place to go, what's wrong with that? I think you are a bit jealous because you don't have a child with your husband (and it is clear by your attitude that you don't have children) and you don't have the right to be jealous. This did not happen while you were married, no one cheated on you. Besides, your feelings, her feeling and you husband's feelings don't matter here, what matters is the child's feelings and she has the right to know her dad.

Possible Step Mom

Submitted by DaVick (not verified) on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 9:31pm.

I am no authority on this, but I know "honesty" is the best policy. Before he takes that test, you and him should have a good sit and talk the whole thing out. I'm sure he already knows that this is going to greatly affect your relationship and marriage, and that you are most likely going through a world of hurt. But it's always best to take a moment when you aren't too strongly emotional on the subject and write down how you feel about it as if you were talking to him. Then when you are ready, ask him if you can talk, and ask him to wait until you are done reading the letter to respond. This way you are able to say everything you are feeling, and your concerns in a greatly productive and helpful way, without interruption, and without forgetting something you really wanted to get out. This will also help him to get the better picture and know how to better strengthen your relationship, and communication, as well as be better supporters of each other. Under NO circumstances, is it ok that she call YOUR husband "baby"! That is a hugely flirtatious remark, and a major sign of disrespect to your marriage, as well as directly to you. It is up to your husband to put an end to that right away, and make sure it is absolutely clear that no matter the end results of the test, there will be no tolerance for such disrespect. If that girl is his daughter, than that woman will have a lot to answer to when it comes to you and your husband, as a unit, as well as her daiughter, as to why she waited so long, and was so selfish, not to be open and honest about it from the very begining. Maybe you can be the kind of mother to her, her actual biological mother never was...completely open and honest.

She could never be the

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Fri, 01/27/2012 - 7:18am.

She could never be the mother, the child already has a real mother who loved her and raised her the last 14 years. The mother is introducing the daughter to the father to ensure her future is secure in the event the mother dies. Step mommy needs to understand the world does not revolve around her and her feelings. How can the mother respect a jealous, imature, selfish woman with no compassion for a dyimg woman or a child ?

Re: Possible child

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 6:20pm.

First thing first-this is a child...not a hamster! You need to get out of the picture now if you can handle it, cuz if the mother dies your husband gets sole custody....FOREVER not just 4 years. Also, be mindful that she could depending on the laws of your state go after past due child support...which could go back as far as birth depending on the state. But the good news is that if your husband is a person and not a robot he should initiate, keep and maintain a relationship with this human. He might want to reconsider his relationship with you however.

well trust me he has looked

Submitted by Leila (not verified) on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 5:48pm.

well trust me he has looked into our relationship and he put her in her place... And first off "Guest" i never said anything about the child being a hamster. You obviously have never been in this situation. I have/had anger at the whole situation. I have taken the advice of other comments and opened that communication with MY husband. So we are now on the same page... But thank you any way for you more than unhelpful comment .. :) have a wonderful day.

I believe she just wants a

Submitted by Shellie (not verified) on Mon, 01/16/2012 - 10:24pm.

I believe she just wants a clear conscious before she goes. My husband just received a phone call from a woman he was with before me saying that he is the father. We have a 7 year old and this other child is 8 years old. My question is why? Why 8 years later? I just don't understand. I believe she just wants money. The believed father found out he wasn't the father and he had been paying child support for all these years. I believe he wants his money back and that's where my husband is supposed to come in. I've been praying that he is not the father just because we already have our family. I don't want to seem selfish but I can't help feeling this way. Has this happened to anyone else? Any advice?

Re: I believe she Just Wants a...

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 7:02pm.

Well that could be true, but lets ask ourselves a few questions first: Does she have several children with different fathers? If so, then probably. I, however think not, because she or the state would have found you alot sooner then 8 years after the fact! Most professional child support queens, dont reproduce with the same man...it effects the amount of child support they get. Take my state for instance, 289 minimum for 1 child, but if there are 2 kids same dad 323...see far more lucrative to have different dads for each child (578). Also, they initiate the state to pay for all the costs associated with the pregnancy and birth...this is usually when an armed cop serves you you papers. You, are now made responsible to pay for the expenditures of the pregnancy back to the state. If the child support queen doesnt give you up she loses all or her assistance for all of her kids...low-income housing, daycare(my favorite), food stamps, housing allowance, gas/electric credits thru the winter...sure i left out a few! If she were really after the money she would have gotten to him alot sooner, I promise! If he/she moved, then that is a whole lot easier to explain as to why she did not find him. You see, as child support laws have continued to change following UIFSA. This federal law allowed for each state to intiate, find and enforce with some degree of accuracy cases which were never worked before. These lost cases were never followed up upon or not enforced due to conflicting rules of governing from each state...hope this clarifys! Goodluck

We do not know anything about

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 01/19/2012 - 9:56am.

We do not know anything about this woman or the child. I mean obviously my husband was with her and from what he said was that he talked to her no longer than a month. Also that he wasn't the only one. (teenagers!) This was over 9 years ago! My husband was what you would call a "rebound" guy. As soon as it was over she went back to her ex. I believe she found out she was pregnant but assumed it was her boyfriends. The child is now 8 and the believed father suddenly had a dream that the child wasn't his and had a paternity test. Well it came out negative. From what we know is that they hadn't been together since the baby was born but since the baby was "his" he paid child support. Well now she's not getting that and well she's looking for the Real father. The believed father WANTS his money back and to change the childs last name. I feel horrible for the child. If he is ours I will raise him like my own. We do have a 7 year old together. If he is not I wish the best for him, no child should have to go through this hurt. 8 years thinking the man that is your dad is not. I was (am) a stepchild and my experience was not that great. I wouldn't want that for anyone. I just hope that if he is ours that we can come to an agreement with the mother on an amount and hope we can get along. I don't want the whole baby mama drama. Wait we shouldn't have to pay any back child support or anything should we? We didn't know. We hired an attorney so we will wait to get a court ordered paternity test. I hope all goes well. Oh and in my state my husband would have to pay about 1000 for this one child! I don't even think we spend that on our own child!

EX

Submitted by pixie (not verified) on Sat, 01/14/2012 - 3:25pm.

I Hate His/Her Ex is a book for anyone having difficulty coming to terms with their partner’s past relationships - brilliant read! Available on Amazon or most bookstores - Kindle or paperback!

Narcissistic Mother- Your opinion ...

Submitted by Marie (not verified) on Mon, 01/09/2012 - 2:04pm.

Hello, Im the stepmom of my husband's 7 yr old daughter. He found out about her less than a year before we were married ( married 3 yrs now but together for 10 yrs). Of course It was devastating in the beginning and I had trouble accepting the situation- but im so over that. What happened was, the girls mother had NO IDEA who the real father was while she was married to a guy she THOUGHT was the real father- now divorced after he discovered the truth. Anyway, the mom seems bitter because my husband isnt "head over heels" and spends every free moment of his time and emotions on their daughter. She is now beginning to have issues with the attention I give their daughter because it seems to be more than what my husband does. I thought I had established a civil relationship with her and contact her with important decisions or ask my husband to do so. Just as I knew my husband found out about this child prior to our marriage, the mom knew about me. I just feel it will come to a legal issue down the road and I can tell by the way the child acts that she's being brainwashed- the child also calls my husband by his first name? anyhow, I have since decided to keep my distance and not contact the mother. I can sense she is having some issues with the level of disengagement and wishes my husband were closer to their daughter. He has regular visits and does financially support her. my husband and I never planned to have more children, well, that has since changed and he wants a child in our marriage as we are actively trying. I encourage my husband to be a good father and maybe he's still dealing with guilt and isnt telling me. However, I am his wife and the mom has absolutely NO CONTROL OR SAY when his daughter visits- these are my husband's words-but I believe the mom would rather I not be involved in their bonding-but there are a lot of lies from the past and trust issues which led to this situation in the first place. As a Christian, I do feel my marriage comes first, because if it doesnt, there was no need of getting married and my husband and I would not be one flesh. Good day!

Step-son

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 12:56am.

I have been in my step-sons life scene he was 2. Me and his father moved in together when my step-son was 3. He is now 14. He lives with us full time and always has. Iam the one who takes him to and from school, doctors app,dentist app,homework,ect. Recently his mom has shown more interest in having him live with her. We are open to that. However tonight there was a situation. She called to speak with him, she was upset that i was in the room listening to the phone call. She told her son that i was a bitch. When i heard that i took the phone away. She is now contacting a lawyer, and filing "charges" against me. What should i do?

Step-Mother & Abusive father with two daughters.

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Mon, 01/02/2012 - 5:24pm.

Im the daughter of a 55 year-old man & a step-mother , i have a twin sister.. & i think im under-age , but i got a question. So a while back , my father has beaten me & my sister to the point where he left 24 marks on my skin & 17 on hers. We told the guidance counselor & everything had gotten took care of . He went to jail & h had to follow some procedures , but i dont think he did. We followed the procedures . They were : Getting services & people coming in & out of our house to check up on us . I dont know what happened , but when it was the courts date , we arrived there , & they said the charges were dropped . He was allowed to come back home , but he didn't want to .. All he wanted to do was get a divorce , now hes back . But not back home , he thinks he can just come back , like nothing happened. When he came back , he made me & my sister's life horrible. He's Haitian , they believe that beating their kids is Discipline. I think you should discipline them , but not beat them enough to leave marks & damages to their body . They think in the US , getting arrested is a big disgrace to their family .. If they thought that , they would actually think twice bout their actions , because in Haiti .. getting arrested means that they steal . So for him , he holds a grudge . He came back , like a week after.. & he HIT US again. My step-mother does all she can to help us , but we're afraid of him & his actions.. I was wondering , can a stepmother file a restraining order against him ? My opinion , is that she cannot because shes not our ( Bio ) mother .. Help .

step parents rights

Submitted by LOVING STEP FATHER (not verified) on Fri, 12/30/2011 - 2:43am.

i have a question for you. a friend of mine is a step parent of two wonderful kids. she is in a bad relationship with her husband. she"s even thought of divorce. anyway she has basically been in the children's lives for about nine years. my question is the stepmother doesnt want to send the children back to live with their biological mother. the mother is on drugs and her mental state is in question at this time. she is very abusive mentally to the younger child who is thirteen. basically calls her filthy things i dont care to mention. she was sent to live back with her stepmother because the biological mother could'nt handle her anymore .she made her do all the housework while she got high and had men in and out of the house. the daughter is an emotional wreck because of it. she begs not to go back because her mother wants to confront her because of things she has said to her step mom that will probably get her into trouble. the older of the two, who is by the way is a boy doesnt want to live with her either after what he has been hearing. he refuses to go back too. the biological father wants to send them back to the biological mother against their will. the stepmother doesnt want them to go back. she has been in their lives for over nine years. she has loved these kids like her own. its breaking her heart that they are so depressed because they may have to go back. she wants them to stay with her and live with her even after a divorce arrives. this stepmother is a amazing women. she really loves the kids. they have bonded with her and love her.she even stayed longer in her marriage just to see them grow up . even giving up, her hopes and dreams just to mother them. i know this story sounds horrible but its. true. in fact i was also a step parent to these kids as well. we are both hurting over this. we love them like our own. they are good kids. my ex girlfriend is the one who has the problems i have mentioned she has hurt them both verbally and emotionally.my question is what rights do we have as step parents to keep these kids from going back to their biological mother? please give us some answers for the children"s sake. we are all headed to court soon. and this could get ugly. just need some advice.

Should I Allow My Son to See His Bio (Deadbeat) Dad?

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Tue, 12/27/2011 - 6:35pm.

My current husband has raised my son as his own since he was 3 (now 16). My ex was has probably paid less than $500 total in child support over the last 13 years, has never called or visited regularly, ignores birthdays/holidays and only seen him a handful of times over the years. Now my ex has started pursuing a relationship with my son via facebook and emails and has a new girlfriend in town, so he is visiting every other month or so (mainly to see girlfriend, not his son). My son and his bio father want to see each other, but my husband is angry, jealous and horrified and is now telling me not to allow them to see each other. My position has always been that even though my ex is a scandalous, self-centered deadbeat (ex-junkie), we do not have the right to keep my son from seeing him if HE wants to see his father. My son is well aware of his bio-dad's history and remembers all the promises he has broken, etc., but still wants contact. I am pretty firm that, unless there is danger, no one has the right to keep their child from having contact with their biological parent, no matter how big a scumbag he may be. My husband gave up a lot to take over the father role of my son and has put years of time and effort helping him grow (I failed to mention my son has Aspbergers, ADHD, GAD and possibly ODD), moreso than even most biological parents. I understand how he feels, and desperately want him to see things through my eyes and to not be so hurt...now he wants me to choose who is his "father". What to do, what to do? I try to reassure him that when my son is older, he will realize what great things he has done for him and will appreciate him and understand that he is truly his "father", while his bio dad is more of an "uncle", even though my son calls his stepfather by his first name and his biodad "Dad"...when my son refers to his stepfather in legal-ish situations, when he refers to his father, he is referring to his stepfather. I need help with this situation before it ruins our family...any advice on how to handle this?

Dead beat dad and mom

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 12/29/2011 - 12:26pm.

I am going through the same situation, only I am the Step Mom. I have raised my daughter since she had just turned 3. She is now 6 1/2 years old. Her bio mom sounds like your sons bio dad, she has probably seen her maybe 4 times since I have been there. She just now this last week, has been trying to talk to my daughter. I have the same feelings that your husband does, and my first reaction was to say NO. But after talking to a few friends, I decided to be the bigger person and hope and pray that she will know that I have been there for her and I love her just like I love my own children. I tried talking to the Bio mom to see what her intentions where but she refused to talk to me. If she continues to try to reach out to her, my husband and I will let her talk to her, and see where that leads to. I think that your husbands feelings are normal, and tell him that I feel exactly the same way and it really hurts me, but I have to remember that its not about me. I will continue to do what I do and hope that it will all come out alright. Tell him that he has been there this whole time and I dont think that your son will ever forget that, as your son gets older he will definatly know who was there and who was not.

Rights of first refusal

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Fri, 12/23/2011 - 4:47pm.

I have custody of my 6 year old daughter in Georgia. My x (her mother) lives in texas. There is a rights of first refusal agreement in the paperwork. I might deploy for the air force for 2 months during my daughter's school year. I am remarried and she would be in her step mother's care during this time. Should my daughter be kept out of school for this time if my x wants to enforce the rights of first refusal agreement?? any help?

Re: Rights of First Refusal

Submitted by DaVick (not verified) on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:06pm.

I am familiar with this law. Even though you are remarried and have full custody of your daughter, yes, unfortunately, the biological mother can try to be oh so caniving, in your absence. However, there is a form that you can get from an attorney's office that signs all rights over to your wife in your absence, this way, your daughter cannot be harmed and or taken away from her or you. As long as she has this paper, she will have all the rights you have, and can protect your daughter, as well as give you sound mind while away. I'm not sure how much it costs, I'm sure the costs are different everywhere, but it does need to be notarized.

Biological mother vs Stepmother

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Tue, 12/06/2011 - 5:43pm.

I happen to play both roles. As a stepmother, I respect the wishes of my husbands ex. I dont overstep my boundries because I understand both sides. I dont hesitate to clear certain things with their mother. Especially if they are important. However I do have the common sense to make small decisions along with their father when needed. More so it's house rules and losing privlages if necessary. I may be they're father's wife, but she is still their mother. My 5 year old son has a stepmother. She has taken over as if she was his biological mother. She had only known my son for a couple months before getting married to my ex. She wanted to put my son in a private school. She convinced my ex to take me to court when i filed for child support. We had a perfect arrangement before they met. She cut my sons hair!! She did it herself! I cant even tell you how it turned out!! I had to take him to get it fixed because it was so horrible. I just wish step parents would have the consideration, respect and common sense to remember that their stepchildren does have a MOTHER. May not apply to all situations, but in my case I am both. It helps me to see it from both ends. Yes care for your stepchildren as they were your own. But also remember when to pull back.

I understand and agree

Submitted by Billie (not verified) on Wed, 12/28/2011 - 7:56pm.

Wow I thought it was only me who was going though this. I'm a mother of two one my son is from my x husband I can't Tell how much I agree w/ you I hate my son step mother she tells My 5 year old that his mommy does not love him that his Mommy is ugly and is a bad person she tells him that She is his new mommy and to call me by my name!! That breaks my heart to hear my baby tell me these things. All I can say is I love you and as long as you know the truth That's all that matters!! She does not allow my sons father to Communicate w/ me if I text his phone she text me back on her Phone "loser" but I cannot communicate w/ her because I would love To tell her what I think and it would b pointless... So now I just Dropped my son off w/ her and I hear from his family that she's planning On leaving my sons father but yet she has our son.!! Where he is idk!! From what I've been told I have to let her pick him up because his dad works And cannot b present!? So heres this girl running my child around everywhere w/ her Friends and I'm his mother I can't do anything to stop her. I just wish his father would pick a better step mother is all one That doesn't tell him in front of me that shes his mommy not her:(!!! Any ideas?? An idea that won't put me behind bars!??

same thing here

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 5:38pm.

I have the same thing going on here. It is sad but u won't be able to get her out of your life juft like him. All I can tell u to do is make sure that everytime you see her and she is rude she whatches you document it. if that does not work then you have the documents to give to a lawyer or go back to court.

replying to Billie

Submitted by Nicole (not verified) on Wed, 01/11/2012 - 2:24pm.

I suggest that you go back to court and get a visitation sch. changed. Your ex's new girl friend does not have ANY rights to your son. The visitation sch. is so that the father and the child can have visitation. NOT your ex, his gf and your son. I just went to court yesterday, my ex was trying to force me to drop off our 2 young children to his gf or his mother when he is not able to pick them up. The judge told my ex that his gf has no RIGHTS to our children and that he was not going to force me to drop off the children to his gf or his mother. In mediation I express great concern about my children being left alone with my ex's gf. My children are not allowed to call me mommy, my children came home to me one weekend after bring with their father and told me that they wished I will die and that she her new mommy. My kids are 5 and 3 yrs old. they were sooo scared that they were never going to see me again and the gf told my kids this during winter break and my ex gets them 1 week straight. So you can imagine the fear my children felt when they didn't come home after spending 2 nights with their father. I told the mediator that I am fearful for my children being left alone in his gf's care, because when my ex and I were together she was married to my ex's nephew and was very hostile towards me and the feelings has not changed. She is almost 40 years old and can not have children and she wants mine. With all the things that is going on with step parents killing the step children. Don't get me wrong I am a step parent as well. My spouse has custody of his son. My kids HATE going to their father's house that he resides with his gf. If my children were excited that would be a whole different ball game. My 3 year old son flips out when we pull up to their father's pad. That is NOT normal behavior. So, I filed paperwork to make it a stipulation that the father's gf is not allowed to babysit my children and that the father has to be present to pick up the children. If he has to work I get first option of babysitting my kids. Document EVERYTHING. If you do not have a court order stating that you must drop off the kids to his gf. DON'T do it. If he is not there to get the kids, give him a 10 minute wait. If he is a no show. Take your court order to the police station, tell them that you want to file a child custody violation report. you fill it out and keep a copy. On that report it shows that you were there, this way he can not say you refused him his visits. You were there and he wasn't. You refuse to go through his NEW gf because she very disrespectful and etc. The judge will side with you on this matter. Because it was you and him that made your child not you and him and the new gf. Good luck

I feel so sorry for your son

Submitted by Red72 (not verified) on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 9:09pm.

My joint parenting agreement states that my ex can pick up our children after x time OR after he is done with work that day, whichever is later. I do allow his mother to pick up the children but I NEVER let his girlfriend pick them up. Remember, it's HIS visitation not his wife's...she has no legal rights to your son. I would check with an attorney but I really don't think you have to drop your son off anywhere unless his father is present. As for what she says to your kid I would definitely seek an attorney's advice. If you have insurance, I suggest taking your son for a psych eval to determine what damage his stepmother may be doing. It sounds like she's really messing with his head. It may be worth pursuing a restraining order.

I have never even met my

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 12/22/2011 - 3:46pm.

I have never even met my child's stepmother. I was in a relationship with her father right up to the day he decided to charge me with harassment. That was the only way I knew we were no longer together. Little did I know he was cheating on me with a married woman. My daughter was only a yr old when this all occurred btw. For over a year I did not know where my child was because of the courts order. When it was finally all settled and he lost, I discovered he was forcing my child to call this woman mother. Fast forward a few months and my ex got caught living with this woman. To avoid trouble, he married her 3 days later on my birthday of all days (but I dont care). With little less than a month to his deployment (Captain in the military police too) he has managed to get stepparent visitation rights for a woman that has only been a stepmom for less than 2 months. My daughter will be 3 in the Summer. I still have not met this woman yet I am to leave my child with her for a whole weekend! I can only hope and pray that when I go to drop off my child that I am just not handing over her to some random stranger on the corner claiming to be the stepmom. Through all his crap, I have never tried to take away his rights to be with his daughter. I have just fought for him to not try to use criminal courts for him to gain full custody. I don't know how to handle this situation because I am scared of him. I also have 3 other children to look after that he is also trying to have removed from me. The courts saw what he was doing in the past, I just only hope they can see it still and not pat him on the back because he serves our country. Anyone have any advice? I am exhausted!

My stepson wrote a detail letter to threating to kill me

Submitted by Jamey Wearing (not verified) on Mon, 12/05/2011 - 6:19pm.

The monday night before thanksgiving, I was going to my bed when I noticed some writing and drawing posted on my step-son's room door. So i got the 2 pieces of paper and I began to read them. After I read them,I started to confront my step-son about it,but I didnt. I instead,compose myself to catch my breath,because I was hurt and devastated. Instead of me saying anything to him that night, I went on into the bedroom and told his mother about the letter. Thinking she would have gotten up out of the bed and go confront my step-son,her son, about thee letters. She didnt bother to get up out of the bed,her reaction was " We will discuss it with him in the morning" . So the next morning came around and their was no discussion seemed to be initiated by her. So after lying in bed for about 10 to 15minutes waiting to see if she was going to say anything to him about it,she didnt. So finally I got up out of the bed and confronted my step-son about the letter. Thats when my wife came around near the bathroom and bedroom to where me and my step son was standing. So i precede to ask my step-son about the letter and at first he didnt say anything,so after my wife heard my voice getting a little louder,thats when my wife came around near the bathroom and bedroom where me and my step-son was standing. I spoke with him a little bit about it and ask him why he didnt it. He really couldnt give me a clear cut answer. So me and my wife both begin to speak wit him a little more,telling him if this letter wzas found at school ,we all could have been in some trouble. So I decide that I was not going to get him to upset by beating/punishing him before he leaves to go to school. i told him that we will finish the conversation when he gets home from school. So being that I told him that I was going to punish/beat him when he gets home from school,his mother/my wife decides she will take him to her mother's house until "things cool down" between the two of us -meaning me and my step son. So here it is 2wks later and it still has not been discuss. She refuses to talk about it and refuses to let me discipline him. What can I do about the situation ? I dont want to file charges or report it,but I will if its not discuss by all parties involved and immediatly.

About the "letter"

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Tue, 12/20/2011 - 7:17am.

Children do some stupid things when they get angry or when they feel they have been treated unfairly. Since, kids don't have the tools that mature adults have to handle stress or hurt feelings, that letter was his way of venting his frustration. With your insistence on punishment/beating (seriously?) you have closed the doors to productive communication. It is not your place to punish, it is your place to show acceptable behaviors. By all means, let him know how much the letter hurt you, and then get to the bottom of why he wrote it in the first place, WITHOUT the threat of punishment. It seems to me that this child is very stressed by the way you treat him. The issue isn't the letter, the issue is what is going on with him that prompted him to write it in the first place.

Thank you! What a tool that

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 12/29/2011 - 3:39pm.

Thank you! What a tool that man is. How can he really wonder what precipitated this poor child to write these letters when his answer is apparently "punishing and BEATING" him??? Wow. If I was his wife, I would take my kid and run.

Your a jackass

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 12:53pm.

Your a jackass

The Legal Rights Of Step-Parents

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