You Don't Know Divorce

Until you've been there!

Posted to Community by First Wives World on Tue, 01/17/2012 - 8:19am

Devastating. Disaster. Dark. Dirty. Death. Dishonest. Divided. Destitute, Demeaning. Dysfunctional. Deranged. Difficult. Delusional. Destroy. Displaced...

Isn't it strange that divorce also starts with the letter "D"?

Lately, I have been blessed with so much support. I cannot complain, but as well-meaning as the people are, they just don't get it. Honestly, I wouldn't have understood either if it wasn't happening to me.

I know they are thinking, "get over him, move on, sign the papers, get out of your house, find someone new, quit moping, etc, etc..." Well I guess I can understand why they don't get it, because this is how I feel as I navigate my divorce:

I hate him... I love him
I want him to die... I wish he would hold me again
The sound of his voice makes me sick... I wish we could sit and talk again
I have loved hard... but feel unloved
I'm usually easy going... my anger is out of control
I have to move, but do not know when or where...I want to stay
I cry often... I laugh a little
I have to file... I don't want to file
I want my kids to learn strength and happiness...but I show them fear and sadness
I don't want to talk...I wish someone would call me
I have to continue on with life...but I just want to stay in bed

Like many of you, I am so lost. I feel like the world changed overnight, and I am still trying to open my eyes and focus. What is happening? My marriage is over? He doesn't love me anymore?

I am still trying to make sense of it all, but I have a hundred decisions I'm supposed to be making: Where am I moving? When? Who gets what? Did you figure out custody? Did you find a job? Are you going to take more classes? ... I could go on and on.

It is hard, but I am going to take control of this situation on my own. I did not ask for this. I did not want it, but here it is. I need time to focus. I don't know the answer to any of these questions, but I will find them. I will find me again, amongst the haze. I just need for people to let me find it on my own. Give me time. I will figure it out!

Comments

I LOVE this blog. You have

Submitted by Melissa (not verified) on Tue, 01/17/2012 - 10:51pm.

I LOVE this blog. You have hit all the right points that I, and I am sure allot of people navigating divorce feel. It is so very very overwhelming and draining emotionally, physically and spiritually. I do not have any friends who are divorced and no one gets it. People keep putting a time limit on my feelings INCLUDING my STBX, which is so insulting and heartbreaking at the same time. He will be gone 2 years this February, we are still not even close to coming to an agreement on a settlement. All he tells me is move on, get over it (he left me for his current girlfriend). I was/am a stay at home mom. My kids are now 4 & 6. Its still so hard trying to figure it all out. His life didn't change other than his address. I need to find a job, a sitter for the kids, figure out where we are going to live, and, on top of all this, literally start my life over without him, something I did not plan for. I didn't want this either, but here it is, starring me in the face. I feel for you and understand how you feel to my very core.

You Don't Know Divorce

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