I'm not one to mince words. If you think I'm talking to you, then decide to be offended or decide that there may be merit to the advice — either way, your child's welfare and happiness is my only real goal in writing this.
This isn't a fun time and both of you feel hurt and victimized right now. Whether you are or you aren't is not up to me to decide. Whether you give yourselves the opportunity to move forward in the best way possible is ENTIRELY up to you. Your goal is not to 'get yours' or 'see justice done'. Your goal is to move on, gracefully and with as little damage emotionally and financially as possible.
This week’s “D-Word” is a special double feature! First, the ladies delve into the nature of divorce itself. Is it just a break-up with paperwork, or does the very word “divorce” imply something much more significant? And, next, what does one do with the wedding ring once a divorce is finalized? The answers just might surprise you…
I know as human beings we shouldn't be looking for revenge. But in early recovery of divorce revenge and having your EX feel your pain is a major want.
I understand the trust issue. I have trust issues and I felt that I would never have a man walk into my live and give my whole heart. Through reading, attending a support divorce group and therapy, I learned that we cannot control others, while only ourselves. You will become strong enough to trust YOURSELF. When you trust yourself you'll know when the right person is there for you and you will trust that your relationship is strong. But you still can't control what others do.
This is such a process. Although the pain of my early journey in this divorce process I wouldn't wish on anyone. It did make me stronger. Yes I didn't want the strength at first. I wanted my home, family intact. That was not so, so I had to re-learn everything in my life again.
Lately, I'd lost my feeling of being settled and getting into the groove. I felt disjointed, tired, and fed up over my situation.
My mortgage application is still pending approval, and I'm tired and stressed over it. So close, and so far... yet I received some unexpected encouragement.
"You really should congratulate yourself no matter what happens," the bank manager said. I was confused. Congratulate myself on barely qualifying for a mortgage?
"You've come a long way in two years," she went on. "You left your husband. You had to grieve. You were alone with two kids, and you found a place. You built a successful business by yourself."
"Look at you," the woman stressed. "You're back on your feet and doing fine. If it's not this house, it'll be another. You're almost there, and you're on the path back to a healthy life. So congratulate yourself."
Debbie, First Girlfriend of First Wives World, has an awesome interview lately with Lili Vasileff. Lili is a Divorce Financial Analyst and had some awesome insights that you should definitely check out.
As I was watching this video, I was comparing what I know now to what I remember happening at the time of 'the great unveiling' to what Lili and Deb were discussing. The truth is that I saw all those signs. I knew all the signs but I didn't recognize them. I just didn't know.
I was never, and am still not, close to my mother. I'm not close to my grandmother. I know a lot of women are really close to their moms and the more 'jewish mom' stereotype not-withstanding leaves a LOT of women better prepared in a marriage than I was. A lot of women know the signs that their man is cheating because they heard about those signs from their mother. Not me.
The following was recently posted as a blog by a wonderful member on the social network, within which she shares some insightful points about navigating the process of divorce:
You've decided to end an unhappy relationship. Good for you! That's a great first step towards a more healthy life.
Now what?
Many women who decide to leave their husbands or partners bite off more than they can chew. They put their foot down, they announce the end, and then they pack all they can fit in their cars to get out of the house as quickly as they can.
This is not a smart thing to do, unless the relationship is dangerous.
While it may be painful to stay a little longer in the household, planning what comes next is a good way to move from your current living arrangement to your newfound freedom with relatively little upheaval.
Does it make sense to drag yourself and your children to your mother's house or a friend's apartment, then move out two weeks later into a place you don't really like because you couldn't stand not being on your own? No.
