If you harbor the hope of saving your marriage, you're not alone. Marie Starrantino tried to keep hope alive, going to counseling and planning fun activities with her husband but in the end, separation was inevitable. In the process of her divorce, Marie navigated a jumble of emotions, and successfuly navigated her way through an amicable divorce.
I've been reading the articles lately that say the beginning of the year is the most common time to file for divorce. That means that more than a few couples are sitting their kids down right about now, telling them that by next year, Mommy and Daddy won't be in the same house for Christmas.
I've had to break the news to my kids that my partner and I are splitting up more than once — it's not an easy conversation, but it's a conversation that not only needs to be had, but one that needs to be handled delicately and with a ton of TLC. So, here are a few things I've learned for all the Mother's out there:
I'm not one to mince words. If you think I'm talking to you, then decide to be offended or decide that there may be merit to the advice — either way, your child's welfare and happiness is my only real goal in writing this.
This isn't a fun time and both of you feel hurt and victimized right now. Whether you are or you aren't is not up to me to decide. Whether you give yourselves the opportunity to move forward in the best way possible is ENTIRELY up to you. Your goal is not to 'get yours' or 'see justice done'. Your goal is to move on, gracefully and with as little damage emotionally and financially as possible.
Ex Number Two had been causing me some definite grief. But like the sun rises in the east, he makes a sudden mental shift and it's all coming up roses again.
I knew it would; he cycles through his pattern faster than my washing machine cycles through a heavy load.
His lows remind me every time why I left him. I feel nothing. The abusive behavior comes back, the mind f**k returns and I feel like I've been tossed five years back into a quagmire of mental hell - and I don't even live with him.
But when that cycle spins around, ooooh...
I had been having a bad time during the March break. Both kids had been at home for the week. The teen slept until 2 p.m. every day and didn't want to participate in activities. The toddler screamed and bounced off walls begging for an energy release.
I watched my workload pile up with no chance to dig in and earn some money. Fine, I thought. This is my chance for some forced vacation. We'll go to a museum. In the city. Two hours away. In winter.
Christmas is going to be rough if it's your first since the breakup. But the truth is that you can survive regardless of whether your STBX is living in the same house or whether they are off partying with their personal version of NEXT.
Here are five rules to follow as you move into your Holiday season:
Take a look at this picture. Some people would see a woman in cheery red celebrating with a sparkler. Me? I see a divorcee looking at a lit stick of dynamite. I mean, really, how else would one celebrate the holidays when you have to deal with your Ex, your Ex's Next, your Ex's family, your own family, your family that you never talk to, and your kids who think you are losing your mind?
Bruised Egos
In my little world, I get to deal with Pam [name changed to protect the guilty]. This woman is a little piece of heaven. I mean she's blonde, had her nose, eyes, and boobs done as well as a tummy tuck [cause they were doing the chest anyway] and has declared me her enemy. She also told me in blunt terms that she thought I had no honor. Because I was forced to report her son for theft.
This little ray of love sent me an email over the Veteran's day holiday thanking me for my military service. I'll let you decide on the amount of irony that little email put in my perverse little heart.
I know as human beings we shouldn't be looking for revenge. But in early recovery of divorce revenge and having your EX feel your pain is a major want.
I understand the trust issue. I have trust issues and I felt that I would never have a man walk into my live and give my whole heart. Through reading, attending a support divorce group and therapy, I learned that we cannot control others, while only ourselves. You will become strong enough to trust YOURSELF. When you trust yourself you'll know when the right person is there for you and you will trust that your relationship is strong. But you still can't control what others do.
This is such a process. Although the pain of my early journey in this divorce process I wouldn't wish on anyone. It did make me stronger. Yes I didn't want the strength at first. I wanted my home, family intact. That was not so, so I had to re-learn everything in my life again.
