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by Delaine Moore on Wed, 02/08/2012 - 6:36am
It's a taboo subject in our culture: Married women, who dislike -- even hate -- having sex with their husbands.
It's a subject usually held in silence, behind embarrassment, confusion, sometimes even apathy. It's consoled with inner placations, like "There's more important things in a marriage than sex", or "This is just a phase" or "My attraction will increase when the kids are older."
But at the back of minds, a thought lingers: What if this is forever? What if I'm abnormal? What would outsiders think if they knew the truth about "us"?
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by First Wives World on Tue, 02/07/2012 - 8:26am
I am about to become a divorced woman. Divorced. I may have entertained that idea at some point during the 6 years I spent with the man I married thinking I would die with or die for. But never thought it would become a reality.
What does that really mean? That I failed? That I could not be a “good wife” or a good companion? That I was not able to keep that man in love with me for more than a few years?
Or does it mean that I married the wrong guy? Maybe we were both
I am about to become a divorced woman. Divorced. I may have entertained that idea at some point during the 6 years I spent with the man I married thinking I would die with or die for. But never thought it would become a reality.
What does that really mean? That I failed? That I could not be a “good wife” or a good companion? That I was not able to keep that man in love with me for more than a few years?
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Posted to Community
by First Wives World on Thu, 02/02/2012 - 8:57am
To put it bluntly, when it comes to your own emotional and personal challenges with your divorce, the truth is all your firm cares about is if you do the job you were hired to do. Although this may be hard to hear, your firm does not owe you anything, as most companies expect their employees to leave their personal issues at home.
Further, no matter how evolved your workplace may be, most working environments are not equipped to handle an employee's personal issues. And unfortunately, divorce is a personal issue, and HR departments are often unsympathetic and do not offer adequate support (certainly in the cases I have seen and experienced).
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Posted to Community
by Laura Caler on Wed, 02/01/2012 - 8:46am
(I wrote the following blog two months after my Ex-husband left me for one of my best friends. While my life looks amazingly different nearly four years later, I hope many of you can relate, or perhaps find comfort in this article.)
It’s been almost two months since I’ve become single; although, technically I’m not single. Legally, I’m still married. Emotionally, physically and in every other way, I’m divorced. The day my ex left was the day my marriage ended.
I never had the opportunity to actually be single before. I met my ex in high school when I was 15. Aside from a 12 month break up, we had been together until I was 35.
Since becoming single, I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned so many life lessons, that I feel like I’ve lived two years, and not two months.
Time has crawled by with its daily pokes and prods, loneliness, fear, anger, resentment, and yes, even joys.
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Posted to Community
by Laura Caler on Thu, 01/26/2012 - 6:57am
In one month, I will turn 39. That’s simply one year before I hit my 40’s. I don’t feel 39. I’m not sure I know what 39 is supposed to feel like. Half the time, I feel like I’m a 12 year old disguised as an adult. I cannot begin to tell you how many times a day I just kind of look around and think, “How can anyone even think I’m remotely responsible enough to teach teenagers, and to have two kids of my own?” When did I become a grown up? Because when I look in the mirror… that’s what I see. A grown up.
But that’s not the worst part. The worst part when I look in the mirror? The laugh lines.
Oh yes. If I ever doubted my “adultness,” those doubts are quickly erased when I smile…and then don’t smile, but the laugh lines remain. Laugh Lines: Those deep creases that surround my eyes to let the world know my true age.
However. I’m not overly upset about growing older, getting gray hair, and most importantly…the laugh lines.
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Posted to Community
by First Wives World on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 8:23am
This has been rattling around in my head so I thought I’d put it out there. I’ve noticed with new members joining and recalling my own story, how the man I’m divorcing is a complete stranger.
This seems to be a common thing, something in them changes and suddenly we find that the man we are dealing with is completely different from the one we married.
Then it hits; it’s over! The marriage, your friendship, everything from those shiny dreams of a house full of kids to growing old together. Now what are you left with? You are mourning the loss of the man you knew, morning the loss of your marriage and dreams. It really is like grieving the loss of a loved one.
Well that brings us to the stages of grief; we’ve all been through them or are going through them:
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Posted to Community
by First Wives World on Sat, 01/21/2012 - 4:43pm
(posted by adri2374) "Things will get better. These will be the darkest days you are facing. But be strong and stay strong. Have faith. Take it day by day, minute by minute. Things will get worse before they get better. We have all gone through what you are feeling, and it is ultimately the worst feeling and the worst part of this all. The pain you feel now will make..." (read more)
(posted by Blueheronwoman) "There is no shame in admitting when you need help or providing for yourself and your daughter. You are a wonderful role model and certainly not a failure. My mother raised three of us on next to nothing. To this day I don't know where the food came from, but I do know that my Mother loved us and provided for us. Hold your head high..." (read more)
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by First Wives World on Thu, 01/19/2012 - 7:19am
Ouch. This one kind of hurts a little...
I recently ran into an old boyfriend from my very early 20's at the grocery store and discovered that he and his wife had just made the decision to divorce. We chatted for a bit, caught up on our lives, and went our separate ways. The next day, I received a FB message from him asking if we could get together for coffee to: "b*#&h about divorce" and get my take on the whole divorce process (!)... I said "yes, of course" and gave him my phone number.
Now, while we don't socialize on regular basis but, we've run into each other off and on over the past years...he's a sweetheart and knew both my Ex and I before we married. Nice guy, but any romantic feelings ended 24 years ago and they're not coming back... I agreed to meet with him one on one, because it's always nice to have the support of someone who's been there/done that.
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Posted to Community
by Laura Caler on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 6:29am
She is building her marriage on the foundation of the marriage she ruined.
He is creating a new life on the blame he is laying at his former wife’s feet.
Starting a relationship on the ruination of another simply cannot be healthy, yet so many, many people do it.
Two people – one or both married – meet. There is an attraction. Hey, I get it. I was attracted to a LOT of people when I was married. Soon an emotional intimacy is created. Next it turns physical. Promises are made. Egos are stroked. Next thing you know, both are looking over at the other side of the fence at the MUCH greener grass.
Well hell. Of COURSE it’s greener. It’s fertilized with bull sh**.
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