What Cheating Men Really Mean When They Say They're Leaving

What Cheating Men Really Mean When They Say They're Leaving

While we know that not all men speak from between the lines, there seems to be a recurring tendacy for those that cheat to lace their reasons for leaving a marriage with a slightly (or not-so-slightly) passive-aggressive tinge of reverse-pshycologically-infused blame. So much so, a relatively new member wrote a blog about it, and the community joined in the dicussion with their own experiences.

She writes, "As I look through the blogs, it's amazing how our spouses that have cheated say the exact same things. Sure, some of them are more articulate then others, but when it comes down to it, here's what they tell us:

• "I've been unhappy for years."
  Reality: I've cheated on you and I need to explain my poor behavior.
• "I'm not attracted to you, and I haven't been in a while."
  Reality: I've found a new toy that is not the same thing I've slept next to for XX years.  She appreciates me. She listens to me. On a side note, when I asked my spouse why he didn't try to be intimate more often with me.  He replied, "did you expect me to just grin and bear it."  That ranks as one of the meanest things he's ever said to me.
• "I'm not leaving you because of another woman, I'm leaving you because you made me miserable."
  Reality: See #1. My spouse used the term "tormented."  I "tormented" him while I took care of our son exclusively and worked full time so he could be a full-time student.
• "You should go find yourself a better husband, because I never made you happy."
  Reality: I am not willing to do the work to be a better husband
• "I will always love you as the mother of my children."
  Reality: I don't want to have sex with you anymore because I want to have sex with other women
• "Can't we keep the best part of this?  Our friendship."
  Reality: I don't want you to make me look like the bad guy here.  Can you relieve me of some guilt and still like me?
• "We are two people moving in different directions OR We aren't they same people we were when we got married."
  Reality: I've got a better life planned out without you
• "The kids will be better off."
  Reality: Again, I need to relieve my guilt by believing spending less time with my kids is "better"

(click through to read the responses from the community)