Is Sex Truly An Absolute Physical Need For Men?

Posted to House Bloggers by Megan Thomas on Fri, 02/18/2011 - 8:30am

I have a question that I can't ask anyone face-to-face without blushing, so I'll present it here. My husband has always given me the impression that sex is an utter physiological need for all men.

Without regular sex, men have physical pain that is tough to endure. According to what he has told me, men can't control the urge to want to have sex and if they don't get the sex they need they need to masturbate in order to relieve the pressure brought on by lack of sex. One time shortly after my baby was born I accidently walked in on my husband as he was "getting busy" by himself in the shower, and his immediate response was, "I gotta get it somewhere!"

For the record, I'm blushing while I'm typing this.

Because of this apparent physical need, I have always had sex with my husband whenever he expressed a desire to get intimate. During those times when I didn't feel like having sex I still did, because I didn't want to be the person standing between my husband and physical comfort. He needed it and I could give it to him, so it seemed like a logical solution. Nevermind that there have been times when I felt like I was absolutely betraying myself for getting intimate with him...at least I was still performing my wifely duty.

What I have been wondering about lately is this: Have I been duped? Is sex truly an absolute physical need for men? I think about the celibate men in the world, and I wonder if they spend their days in sheer agony from pent-up sexual frustration.

In my days as a single gal there were certainly times when I would think to myself, "Sure would be nice to have some sex right now," but it never was a physical ache. I also recognize, however, that men and women are different and I can't really compare my sexual needs with those of my husbands. I can't help but wonder, though, if my husband's claims are real or if I've fallen for some line men use to make sure their wives give them sex regularly.

Comments

not exactly

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 6:21pm.

I recommend those interested or concerned about these issues read the materials on the website 'your brain on porn'. Men's desire for sex is by no means comparable to a woman's menstrual cycle. Men's sexual desires are more similar to addictions to drugs or alcohol or other addictions. Like addictions, sexual desire can get out of control and dominate a man's life, and lead to ED and other problems. But men can also assert mental control over these desires. "Blue balls" is vasocongestion and is also a reaction that men can control and prevent, once he knows what causes this problem and can anticipate it. The OP's description sounds like her H was somewhat sex addicted and a somewhat domineering type, and that's why the OP is writing this, she sensed intuitively that something was wrong about this pattern.

It is biological

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 5:36pm.

Just as women experience a hormone rush that causes them to cramp and flow, men are building up sperm every minute of the day and hormones cause men to "feel" sexual desire as well as the need to release the sperm. A woman's hormonal cycle is 1 month, a man's hormonal cycle is every day. Although it is common for sex to be at the time we go to bed, a man is actually at his daily hormonal peak first thing in the morning for some reason - so that is why we get "morning-wood". Do you hubby's a favor and take care of them first thing in the morning sometimes. If release doesn't happen for several days - the buildup does become uncomfortable...even further reminding us to have sex - with or without our woman, and that is why when a woman says no to her man - there is still a need to release whether she is up for helping or not. It is commendable that you do not turn your hubby down Megan, I would appreciate that from my wife for sure. If we don't take care of our needs to release then eventually it will leak out when we urinate or as a "wet-dream" or just all by itself throughout the day. But - there are emotional and physical benefits to taking care of it through regular sex - dopamine, oxytocin and, Vasopressin, and other hormones are released that cause a bond with your mate and help regulate for a healthy body. I feel that God designed men this way, to have this desire to mate and bond and repeat the cycle over and over so that we stay together with our mate.

I agree...partially

Submitted by Anna (not verified) on Sun, 10/21/2012 - 7:59pm.

Well, some of this post is correct. Let me just say that, as a heterosexual single 26yr old woman who has been sexually active for the last 6yrs...sex is wonderful. In my own personal categorization, sex is a definite NEED, not a want. I have a fairly stable lover right now, but due to our busy workloads, this means we have sex (at most) twice a week. I would prefer to have it 4 or 5 times a week, but obviously that is not possible. I really have no idea how I'd be able to handle the pain and frustration of not having sex. This poster seems to think that us females don't experience any pain from lack of sexual release...nothing could be further from the truth! I'll honestly say that there IS a female version of "blue balls" and it is a horrible thing to suffer through. I feel very sorry for people whose lovers/spouses can't (or worse, won't) give them the release they so desperately need. Now, this poster seems to believe that while women have a 28 day hormonal cycle, men have a 24 hour one. This is incorrect...men have a hormonal cycle of about a week, which has little to do with how quickly they can regenerate semen (which is usually 1 tablespoon in a 32 hour period). He also seems to believe that women's hormones cause us to ALWAYS cramp. As a woman who first started menstruating at age 10, I can honestly say that I've NEVER had cramps, bloating, migraines, cravings, mood swings, etc. Other than the 4 days of bleeding, my life is 100% completely the same as usual. Perhaps it's because I'm vegetarian, or because I'm a tomboy to this very day...but these absolute horror stories of rampant PMS and horrendous cramps has never been my experience. I thank the Goddess and God for this blessing anytime I hear about other women. This gent has some good ideas, no doubt. But he does need to realize that the Gods made us as individuals in Their images...and each of us has our own bodies and minds. Generalization works for some topics...but certainly not this particular one!

There Is Truth

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 5:10am.

There is truth to what her husband is saying, on two levels. 1) Men have emotional cycles that do involve the strong physical desire for intimacy. When the availability for this physical intimacy is available and denied it can negatively affect his mood. 2) On an even more physical note, if your husband is attracted to you, and he has sexual feelings for you, these produce physical reactions. No release, and there is a deep ach in the groin and testicles that is referred to in the streets as Blue Balls. This is a real physical condition. It can be painful, and is only permanently relieved through orgasmic release. Nothing is more frustrating as having a need, the answer is within grasp, and you ate constantly told no.

Bentham's Utilitarian Theory

Submitted by Johnson Tao (not verified) on Wed, 05/11/2011 - 12:17pm.

Your husband is using Bentham's Utilitarian Theory of Nature has placed mankind under two sovereign masters, pain and pleasure, as his moral compass. Which is IMHO an oversimplified logic, that's not even close to the objective reality of why are we happy as rational beings. Furthermore, this oversimplified rationale has earned the criticism of pleasure hogs, from those with a more disciplined lifestyle. And quite rightfully so I think, because Bentham's Utilitarian Theory had both led us to be manipulated by unrealistic feelings of security, and prevented us from the benefits of vulnerability. Moreover, these illusions of self-esteem had created arrogance, not real confidence backed by humility and gracefulness, which can only result to recklessness.

Just as all people are

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 05/10/2011 - 10:28pm.

Just as all people are different, so are their sexual preferences. A man can abstain for years, perhaps even his entire life, from sex, if he has the discipline, and a good reason to. Healthy as sex can be for us, it is a double-edged sword like all things. The passion between lovers can involve more than two people, extending to numerous others beyond the knowledge of participants. This translates to the possibility of your man having multiple partners with you not knowing about it. But, before I go way off on some rant, I will say this; as a 27 year old virgin man, who is straight, sex isn't the most important thing in the world to me, due in part to my ignorance of it, and the fact that I am not a huge risk taker. Excuses excuses. I know. Sex is important on a biological level, given how without sex, we wouldn't be here, and self-confidence often depends on our sex lives. However, I am the type who wants to "wait for the right time to have sex", yet there have been numerous personal issues I've dealt with keeping me from all that. I will not go on about them here, since no one really needs/wants to hear about it. Really, it is up to a person's choice in the matter of how much sex they have, but our own sex drive will effect decision making, overall. I concur with a man's ability to separate sex from emotional attachment, but some guys do get a bit clingy, or "whooped", if you prefer. The variables are infinite, but yes, a man can control himself if he has practice at it. We can be very faithful, so long as we are treated as worthwhile individuals with the respect for our own personal needs.

She is not joking. I also

Submitted by rowan (not verified) on Sun, 02/27/2011 - 1:37pm.

She is not joking. I also believed this. I believed that to keep a marriage going, you keep your man happy and he will never stray... They even joke about being "ruled" by it. The problem is that they have an infinite capacity for it which allows them to not only enjoy it with you every night (and every morning), but also every afternoon and after work with someone else. They are living like the top dog and we are the fools....

My husband has in not so many

Submitted by wmb (not verified) on Tue, 02/22/2011 - 6:51am.

My husband has in not so many words tried to lead me to the same conclusion. What I think is that they believe it, which justifies their actions to themselves. In reality, they can wait without dying they just don't want to. In my husband's case a lot of things are all about him so it's not surprising that he thinks this way about sex too. An occasional "doing it" just for him is good but don't make it a habit or you will resent him. I know this cause I've been down this road. Take care.

I keep thinking this post is

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sat, 02/19/2011 - 11:53am.

I keep thinking this post is a joke. Are you serious? Do you really believe that? Obviously you are starting to doubt or you would not have posted! You poor thing..... Once you get older, it will be the reverse!

Is Sex Truly An Absolute Physical Need For Men?

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