Divorce And The Road To Recovery

Divorce And The Road To Recovery

It does get better

I should be working on gathering documents for my financial planner meeting next week, but I want to post something.  It's Good News, really.  My husband left me four months ago after 24 years of marriage.  When he told me he was moving out, I shook uncontrollably and then was in shock.  I met him when I was 19, and I'm 47 now. When I raked leaves in the fall, I wished I could trade places with my terminally ill neighbor.  I was never suicidal, but I didn't care whether I lived or died. I was in a hole of deep, dark, black sadness for several weeks.  But it's really true, what they say:
"IT DOES GET BETTER."

What's amazing to me, looking back, is that I have made progress.  At the time my sister and good friends said repeatedly, "You are strong, you will get through this.  I know you and you will come through it."  They knew him and they knew me, and they put their faith in me and said good riddance to him and his mid life crisis.  I tried to believe them. 

I'm using this time before we split finances to get things done.  The exterior of my house is going to be touched up and I chose to replace the forest green front door and shutters with a pretty dark slate blue.  I didn't have to ask his approval.  I could choose whatever color I wanted.  It will look great with my white and pink azaleas.  Progress!  At the time he left I thought my life was over because the person I enjoyed doing things I loved with would be gone.  Well?  I'm still here, and I can still do things I love.  We loved classical music.  I can still love it and listen to it.  We loved to visit New York.  I can still love to visit New York, and went there with my two daughters after Christmas, when I was still hoping he would change his mind.

At first I thought I would skip the holiday circuit, but I love Christmas parties so I went and wore a pretty Audrey Hepburn ****tail dress because after the weight loss I could fit into it.  I sobbed hysterically after coming home from my first Christmas party "outing" as a left behind wife but at the next party, I put a smile on my face and didn't cry when it was over.  Progress.  We loved to travel.  I can still travel!  I want to take the Sunset Limited across the country on Amtrak in a sleeper car, knit and read for three days and look out the window.  Maybe next year.  What trip would you like to take someday?

I've never bought a car by myself in my life but I will someday when my old one dies.  Red?  Blue?  Two door?  Honda Fit or Italian Fiat?  A Fiat would be nice.  And very cute too.   I am rambling because I'm so glad that I can even THINK these things.  At first I couldn't.  My husband wants a fast fast fast divorce (in our state it takes a year) because he wants to marry his girlfriend.  I tell him I need time, and now I know why I need it.  I am building myself up so that when the papers are filed, I will be strong.  It will be difficult, I know, but I am strong, just like my friends say.

Advice to the new here: Surround yourself with people who support but don't pity you.  I don't want pity, you don't need it either,  We need support.  Tell yourself it will get better.  Any progress any day, even paying a bill or brushing your teeth, is progress.  I laughed hard for the first time last week, for good reason, and that's progress!  Will I go through sad times?  Of course, but I will ride them like a wave, crest, and come back down again stronger.  I'm just going to enjoy this NOW, TODAY, and little by little this will be my new normal and I will be better than ever.