Building a Marriage on the Foundation of a Marriage She Ruined

Building a Marriage on the Foundation of a Marriage She Ruined

EX and OW are both lacking

She is building her marriage on the foundation of the marriage she ruined.

He is creating a new life on the blame he is laying at his former wife’s feet.

Starting a relationship on the ruination of another simply cannot be healthy, yet so many, many people do it.

Two people – one or both married – meet. There is an attraction. Hey, I get it. I was attracted to a LOT of people when I was married. Soon an emotional intimacy is created. Next it turns physical. Promises are made. Egos are stroked. Next thing you know, both are looking over at the other side of the fence at the MUCH greener grass.

Well hell. Of COURSE it’s greener. It’s fertilized with bull sh**.

What I don’t understand, what I still cannot wrap my head around, is HOW someone could or would want to build a life together with someone who helped destroy a family, or someone who left a family. It is delusional to believe that you can “change” someone.

I’m so very, very sorry, but the fact is, when a man leaves his wife and children for another woman, when he turns his back on all the years he spent building something with her, sharing dreams and hopes and joys, well, that speaks VOLUMES about that man’s character. The man you will now build a future with. 

A shaky future –Because you started to build on a crumbling foundation. And this man will not change.

And when a woman will destroy a family, crush children, leave a friend devastated, it proves irrevocable, beyond a doubt, that this person is lacking in some fundamental core value that most people not only exhibit, but nurture and cultivate. Lacking. Gone. And this is the woman you will create a “new” life with, who will help you raise the children you have, or who will potentially have more children with you.

A woman who is lacking in core values society holds dear. She’ll   help raise your children; she’ll “nurture” your children. And this woman will not change.

People like this, do not change. Because they would have to admit that some fault lies within themselves. And they will never do this.

Do you think, do you believe, that these two people will actually be able to find joy and happiness with EACH OTHER?

No. Oh, they’ll fake it. You damned well better believe they will. Because no way are they going to sit on their greener, grassy side, on the blanket they need to put down to protect them from all the BS, and admit that what they did was WRONG.

Oh hell no.

But unfortunately, what we’ll see, what they’ll show us is the façade. The pretend joy. And the kicker? They will never, ever, ever admit it to each other. He will never know that he cannot or will not meet her needs, just as he refused to meet yours. And she will never know that he is severely disappointed in how his life now looks. They will live a life of deception – they will keep these thoughts, these feelings, these truths to themselves.

Because to admit them, to say, “Oh hell. What did I do?” would be admitting they were wrong and cruel and selfish.

By admitting that they are in fact, NOT happy, would be telling the world they are some of the most despicable type of people. They would have to look deep inside themselves and search their hearts…and that search would lead to an emptiness – not a longing-type of emptiness, but a serious lacking of personal virtue and character.

Because by cheating, infidelity, adultery – whatever your word choice – you are putting all your personal problems, all your faults, all your negative behaviors, all your lacking onto someone else. And what an easy, easy thing to do.

What a cowardly thing to do.

Let’s blame the wife/husband. Yeah. That’s it. “If you had been (fill in the blank), I would never have been tempted; I wouldn’t have had to cheat.”

So, Mr. Infidelity, let me get this straight: You refused to communicate your needs. You refused to discuss the marriage. You left all the burden of the home and children all on your wife. And then along comes Ms. Home Wrecker. She strokes your ego. Placates that LACKING  - the core of what is really the matter, and you abandon your wife and children.

And then you blame the wife.

A man can cheat on his wife, leave his family, creating a single mom, broken children, and a family left in poverty, and this is okay.

Because of the happiness.

And a woman can tear a man away from his family with lies and false promises, and this is okay.

Because of the happiness.

But the happiness is just an excuse. It’s really their lacking that is the reason. Something is fundamentally wrong with two people who would intentionally destroy a home, a family. Something is seriously lacking in a woman who would take a father from his children. And then want this SAME man to father her children.

Something is lacking in a man who would walk away from his home, his family, his wife, only to place the blame on his wife, in order to NOT have to face who he is…what he is.

No. It’s not about their happiness.

It’s about their lacking. Not about yours. Theirs.

Remember that next time you see or hear about the “happiness.”

“They’re so happy together.” Tears at the heart, I know.

But no. They’re not.

No. They’re so lacking together.

(post by, Laura.. aka Sassy69)
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