I Don't Need the White Picket Fence, Thank You Very Much

I Don't Need the White Picket Fence, Thank You Very Much

(check out my blog every Tuesday)

Posted to House Bloggers by Joy Rose on Tue, 10/14/2008 - 2:54pm

This was a busy whirl of a week with travel, flirtation, airport fantasies and lots and lots of moms. In 2008 Jennifer Kampmier founded www.IndyBabyExpo.com, after dumping her online dating biz, and falling in love with a baby — her own, of course.

Her baby fair is an extravaganza of merchandise for moms-to-be and new moms with tots. Even though my children are way into high school, Jennifer and I synced up over the whole Mamapalooza and Moms Who Rock phenomenon and decided to team up for Spring 2009 events. So I jetted out to meet her in person.

We connected right away. As we sat on her deck into the wee hours, with the Indiana moon hovering, we spilled our stories of men, marriage, online dating, babies and being women entrepreneurs.

Past midnight and way into drinks our stories came spilling out, and I knew I had found a kindred spirit. For someone in the mothering expo biz, Jenn has made independent choices that I admire and respect.

She's single by choice, and raising her 3-year-old son, Zane, on her own. Long term plans for her mean growing her business and perhaps ultimately moving to far off places so she and Zane could have a chance to experience other cultures.

I met and stayed with her family for the weekend, and got to chat with her delightful parents, who've been married for 36 years.

As self-described flower children in the late 70s, they bought a mobile home and moved their young family around America. Jenn is in her early 30s. I'm 51. Even though, technically, we're different generations, and our choices have led us down different paths, we had both read every single one of the same books on health, wealth, spirit and empowerment.

When our conversation got deep, our philosophies turned to alternative ways of thinking and being.

When we think family, we don't automatically think "alternative lifestyles," even though more and more families are not the standard nuclear variety: dad, mom, two kids and a dog. (Jennifer didn't have a dog either.)

I had a lot of time in airports going back and forth to Indiana to think about my newly formed romantic relationship, and where I hope it will lead. Since I'm not looking for anther dad for my kids, and since we live pretty far apart (long distance is an ongoing theme in my world these days), could I ever see setting up house with my new squeeze? Could I see myself in a well-groomed sub-division in a suburb somewhere?

Chances are, not.

Especially since I've worked so hard to establish my privacy, to get proximity to New York City, and create an alternative lifestyle that means my hours, meals, bedtime, and space are my own.

But, then again, who can say what the future will bring; If you told me 30 years ago I'd be a flirty cougar, with a rock band, dating a guy I met on Match.com, living on my own, and raising kids with a wide circle of girlfriends (including the women at First Wives World), I would have said you were crazy!

Can you keep a secret? Mums the word on this, but we're all a little crazy now, aren't we?