The pastor of my church is a friend of mine. We don't hang out socially or anything, but "Ted" is fun to chat with and we work together splendidly on church projects. He has acted as The Voice of Reason for me a few times when I needed a man's perspective, and I like how we have a casual rapport.

A few weeks ago my husband told me that Ted had offered to start seeing us as a couple again for some counseling. Both my husband and I thought this was a good idea, so I ran the idea past my therapist.

"What potential problems do you think might arise from seeing Ted for marriage counseling?" my therapist asked.

"My husband might feel like we're ganging up on him because Ted and I have a good rapport, and I think that threatens my husband," I responded after thinking about it.

"Does your husband have a reason to feel threatened?" he prodded.

"No," I answered, not liking the direction this was going.

"What are the chances of you and Ted evolving into an inappropriate relationship?" he asked.

I was a little offended by this. "He's a married man, and the pastor of a church!" I blurted out, then realized this may not be the best defense since we've heard of scandals like this before, haven't we?

He continued. "Have you and Ted ever had a conversation about boundaries for your relationship?" My response was, "No, why would we? There has never been any reason to."

"I think it's a talk you should have," he concluded.

On my drive home my head was spinning. Can't a man and a woman have a good rapport without it turning into something scandalous? My therapist said that by going to Ted for advice, I was trying to get my needs met by another man instead of my husband, and that's a recipe for disaster. And there I thought this whole time that I was merely looking for advice from a person I trusted.

Ted and I did talk about it, and we both said that we didn't think we had ever crossed any lines or anything like that. Now I feel a little awkward around him. Great. I'm alienating my friends in the quest to save my marriage.