Shed enough tears? Done second-guessing your actions, his actions and all the "what- ifs"?  

Great! Now it's time to start dating. If you're middle-aged like me, a new man won't come into your life without some effort on your part. In other words, you've got to get out there. Stop thinking about it and worrying about it. Just do it! Here's how: 

Prepare yourself. Get out your notebook. Jot down some places you can meet men. Ball games? Lacrosse matches? Try out an activity that's slightly beyond your comfort zone (join a bowling league, the library's book discussion group, a local hiking club). You may meet people you wouldn't ordinarily meet in your normal routine, and you might develop a new hobby or passion. Of course, you should also seek out areas that interest you, such as the local gardening club, health club or wine enthusiasts group. You may not meet your next date at one of these events but your circle of friends and acquaintances will broaden and you never know which of these new friends has a brother, friend or uncle who would be the perfect date for you! 

I spent over 10 years going to my Dad's House every other weekend, being picked-up on Friday and dropped off on Sunday, and if there is one thing I would share it's this — Insist that your Ex pick-up and drop-off the children.

My parents didn't really get along while I was growing up. My Dad never paid his very meager child support and my Mom was always going after him for it. As a result, I think my Dad did everything in his power to avoid my Mom. And this is the thing about the drop-off — its one time, every week, where they had to see each other. Only they didn't. As soon as my Step-mother was in the picture, my Dad sent her in his place. Right now you're probably asking yourself, like my Mother asked herself, "Well, what am I supposed to do about the way he behaves?" You probably feel that your hands are tied, and maybe they are. So all I want to suggest is this: Try. If he's avoiding you, and the drop-off altogether, by sending a stepmother, girlfriend, relative — talk to him. My Dad wasn't a "Bad Guy". He was just taking the easy way out, and I guess what I'm suggesting is that you make that a little harder for him to do.

It was a Saturday; I remember the morning distinctly because that was when it happened. I was sat down in a big brown and cozy recliner and told by my Father that he was moving out, along with some cock and bull filler words. You know the kind they use to make bologna in those huge factories? Anywho, I guess you could call me a lucky sod; I slept almost the entire day! Lucky AJ! Not really.

It's a strange kind of feeling when you walk down the stairs after taking a four-hour nap, step onto the living room carpet, and suddenly you look into the book case and the orange Disney trolley complete with goofy, Pluto, Donald duck, Mikey, and Minnie is suddenly gone. It's even stranger when you therefore realize that you haven't looked at that trolley since you were eight years old. Then, as you walk down the hallway leading into the kitchen you  notice that someone has removed your favorite hanging poem "Foot Prints" from the wall, and the nail that went along with it. It was then that it dawned on me that Dad was gone already. At first it was kind of Twilight-zoney, you know? But then I started to think and list off in my head everything that was gone. Suddenly, that trolley car meant more to me than all my limbs and extremities combined! And damn straight I wanted it back!! I'll have you know, I never got that trolley back.

A contested divorce, like any conflict, takes a path all its own. The stresses and strains often lead to dark places no one wants to go. This is when you need the right attorney. This is when you need a steady hand on your shoulder and the voice in your ear saying "sit down; collect yourself."

You need a lawyer you can trust. In a moment when all of life seems to spiral out of control you want the luxury of not having to rely completely on yourself. A good attorney is a shielding presence who will reassure you while giving you good advice. Here, five ways to work successfully with your lawyer:

1. Pay now or pay later. Beware of an attorney who takes a smaller retainer fee but doesn't file motions. Some couples wait for months on end to get court orders for spousal and child support payments because their attorney did not file the necessary motions.

2. Time is money. Remember that when you speak to your attorney on the phone, you are being charged per minute. Don't make the mistake of chattering on and on. Be to the point and use a timer. If it is a routine question, such as the date of a hearing, speak with the support staff rather than the attorney. Time for support staff is not often billed; and if it is, the fee is much lower than the attorney's rate.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, "kids aren't stupid" and they are very intuitive.  I never saw my parents fight or even raise their voices to each other, but I knew they weren't happy.  There was simply a shift in their behavior that didn't seem quite right to me.  They didn't seem quite as affectionate as before.  I noticed my dad started working longer hours than usual.  My mother started taking me on more weekend getaway trips out of town.  So what did I do when this started happening?  I asked my parents up front "What's going on?" 

Now I'm sure most kids aren't like me ... as a matter of fact, I know most kids aren't like me.  Most would probably become shy little snails, some would lash out with bad behavior and others might even try hurting themselves because they feel in some strange way that the divorce is their fault.  I never had that opportunity because of the forethought of my parents.

At an early age I got involved in the performing arts.  I started the drama club at my elementary school because I wanted to be on stage.  When my parents started the divorce process they really ramped up my involvement in performing so I was too distracted to see all the rest of the stuff that was going on in the background of my life.  As I stated in an earlier article my parents thought out everything they did concerning my upbringing and I see it more now (of course) than I did then.  They tried to keep my life as "normal" as possible and I thank them for that.  My father and mother took me to rehearsals and helped with fund raising for special events and they attended all my performances, of which there were many.  They were both really involved in my life and made me feel secure that I had a strong "family" foundation even though my parents weren't in the same home.

In my last article, I wrote about things to consider before making the decision to divorce. This article deals with accepting and recognizing when it is time to "throw in the towel." Below are a few signs that you are dealing with a marriage that has gone past the point of saving...in my opinion.

Are you to the point that your spouse just can't do anything right, does everything they do get under your skin?

Shortly before my Aunt and Uncle divorced, I heard her say, "If he died tomorrow I'd have to peel an onion before I could shed a tear." Their marriage had gone on way too long. So long that she had developed feelings of animosity toward her husband. If you feel yourself moving in that direction, do yourself and him a favor and move on.

Are you tired of the trying, so tired you can't muster of the energy to even engage anymore?

Trying to solve marital problems can turn into a cycle of the wife trying to get her needs met and the husband stonewalling or dismissing her. A woman will normally try to re-engage her husband. Women are natural problem solvers who don't give up easily. She will eventually tire of trying to engage her husband in finding solutions to the marital problems. She will withdraw, stop expressing her needs; and once this happens, the marriage is headed for separation or divorce.

Does the idea of sex with your spouse cause you to shudder?

Are you like Megan, one of First Wives World's Community Bloggers? Does the idea of sex with your husband cause you to feel trapped, like you want to cry, pack your bags and never come back? If so, it is time to act on your feelings.

Has the love you felt been replaced by resentment?

Most step moms don't expect warm and fuzz Hallmark greetings this holiday. But, you can have a loving relationship with your step children. It just takes time.

With about half of marriages ending in divorce and a strong remarriage rate, millions of women inherit children they are expected to love, honor and cherish the day they say, "I do." It's rarely easy. But it's worth the effort.

Here are some tips to help you bond with the brood you've been given:

Be patient with your stepchild and yourself. They key is to be realistic. Remember loving feelings do not spring up automatically on either side. As one step mom said to me, "I thought I would love my husband's ten-year-old son and I had a lot of guilt when I couldn't get past some of his bad behavior."

Be sensitive to the stress he or she is experiencing. Children of divorce have to deal with many changes during and after divorce. First they had to adjust to life with a single parent, now they have to adjust to remarriage and possibly a new family constellation made up of other children and a host of new relatives they didn't bargain for.

Learn to know the child as an individual. Spend quality time with your stepchild without your husband. During those times, allow the child to direct the activity — even if it's just spending a couple of hours watching cartoons.

Don't try to replace the parent or try to buy love. If you buddy up too quickly, kids are likely to get suspicious. Besides, kids can smell a phony a mile away.

Earn respect by being respectful of differences. Don't make judgments or compare your stepchildren to other kids — especially your own! Recognize that much went into shaping the child's personality. The more open you can be, the better.