Posted to Adult Children on Divorce
by Antonio on Fri, 08/24/2012 - 9:24am
Let me start out by saying I personally think my childhood was perfect. I had two loving parents who showered me with attention and affection and I never wanted for anything. I was very well taken care of and given a strong religious background that I can only thank my parents for today.
What might surprise you (now hold onto your seat)... I'm also a child of divorce. I know...how scandalous! Well, at least it was back then when my parents got divorced.
My name is Antonio Martinez, I'm 35, and when my parents divorced I was 12. Did it have an impact on me? I can honestly say, "Not that much". I was lucky. My parents didn't allow it to have a damaging impact on me. I guess I have to back up a bit and tell you a little bit about my parents.
I was what you would call an "extremely planned baby". My parents were married for years before they had me and they read every book they could on raising a well-adjusted child. So it is no shocker that they did the same when they decided to divorce.
read more >>
Posted to Adult Children on Divorce
by Vanessa M on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 9:10am
I spent over 10 years going to my Dad's House every other weekend, being picked-up on Friday and dropped off on Sunday, and if there is one thing I would share it's this — Insist that your Ex pick-up and drop-off the children.
My parents didn't really get along while I was growing up. My Dad never paid his very meager child support and my Mom was always going after him for it. As a result, I think my Dad did everything in his power to avoid my Mom. And this is the thing about the drop-off — its one time, every week, where they had to see each other. Only they didn't. As soon as my Step-mother was in the picture, my Dad sent her in his place. Right now you're probably asking yourself, like my Mother asked herself, "Well, what am I supposed to do about the way he behaves?" You probably feel that your hands are tied, and maybe they are. So all I want to suggest is this: Try. If he's avoiding you, and the drop-off altogether, by sending a stepmother, girlfriend, relative — talk to him. My Dad wasn't a "Bad Guy". He was just taking the easy way out, and I guess what I'm suggesting is that you make that a little harder for him to do.
read more >>
Posted to Adult Children on Divorce
by Amy J. L. Baker on Tue, 05/27/2008 - 8:48am
Julie Savard writes:
What if you're in an abusive relationship and you need to get out... but you can't bring your kids? Should you stay? Should you leave them behind if you know they're safe?
Dr. Amy J.L. Baker responds:
I am very sorry that you are in an abusive relationship and want to applaud the fact that you are willing to admit it. This is no small feat. Some abused people have a very hard time seeing the abuse for what it is. At the same time, I want to challenge your notions that (A) your children are safe and that (B) you cannot get your children out. Victims of domestic violence and emotional abuse often have distorted thinking, which reinforces the false ideas and misguided objectives of the abuser. In this case the abuser probably wants you to believe that your children are safe and that you cannot get them out. You should be seriously rethinking both of these notions.
read more >>
