Ever since President Obama's 2009 "beer summit", there's been a lot of talk of "teachable moments". And while divorce is far from a "moment" – it's more like what Hollywood types would call a "sprawling epic" – we can't help but wonder: Is there any life event that is more of a "teachable moment" than divorce?
Think about it. There is so much to be learned through the process of divorce (both about yourself and the world around you), and equally as much that can be taught to others. Just as Oprah's childhood struggles enabled her to help millions of others to overcome their demons and get on the right track, a woman who has gone through divorce has the ability to help countless other women when they find themselves navigating treacherous waters.
Thanks to a group called "Divorce Words of Wisdom", women on the Social Network have begun sharing their own "teachable moments" with fellow members. One member named Allie even compiled a list of 12 Hard Truths she learned from her own divorce. After reading over her list, feel free to add your own discoveries and hard truths in the comments section below, or join the Social Network to sound off!
12 Hard Truths I Was Forced to Learn Through My Divorce
- There are no books out there that can perfectly address your specific divorce situation.
- Divorce changes people and your ex will be no different.
- Be prepared for the ex to go for the jugular, especially if the divorce is due to infidelity.
- Prepare yourself for going for the jugular. It is the only option your ex will leave you.
- Kindness in divorce gives you about a 95% chance of getting screwed by your Ex in some way. More so if children are involved.
- You are working to get that other person out of your life. Give in on the small things and don't let small fights take up time that could be used for pushing that person out the door.
- It's over. Accept it. You tried. This isn't about you anymore. No matter how many times you think that if you had "just said" or "just done" something differently. When he walked, cheated, lied, it broke. You know it or you wouldn't be in this network. You need to put aside the pain for the moment and begin protecting yourself.
- Cry. don't be afraid to scream at your ceiling. It is natural. It is part of the process. Give into that inner woman who wants to just fall to the floor and sob. You will rise strong and even more prepared to do what has to be done.
- Cut contact with the Ex and his family as much as possible. If it's not a business phone call or text or email, it isn't answered. He chose to no longer be a part of your life. Help him realize exactly what that choice is going to get him.
- Be prepared to hear "I want to work this out" whenever you have him by the neck in the divorce. Don't fall for it. Don't be cruel but do not swallow an obvious lie. Ask yourself if he'd "want to work it out" if you were still the woman you were in the marriage. The answer is almost always no.
- Trust your gut. If you think you are about to get a raw deal, double check your facts and make no move without talking to a lawyer.
- Divorce is forever. Its effects are forever as well. Learn to deal with that now, or be prepared to suffer later.
These are the hard truths I've been forced to learn in my divorce. Hopefully someone out there will benefit from my hard-gained wisdom.