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I just thought I'd take a late summer moment to give a nice little shout-out to my husband's mistress: Hi, hon! Love your new Jimmy Choos! Oh, your boyfriend bought them for you? Wow.

I didn't know he — my husband, I mean — had such excellent taste in shoes!

So he went right into the Madison Avenue store with you? Did you sit on his lap as Francisco, down on his knees, measured your delicate, expensively pedicured foot? Maybe you got a quick little reflexology session while Francisco disappeared into the back to gather your requests? How cool!

Did you know that that same man yells at me when I come home with a fresh pedicure from the Korean salon next to the train station? Yells at me when he sees the shoe bill from Century 21, let alone Jimmy Choo right on Madison.

When I tell him that my pedicure was a Wednesday half-price special, he says, "Screw the pedicure... shouldn't you be going to the gym?"

Oh, he hasn't given you that disapproving little lecture? That's right, you haven't had two kids yet (and when he's with you, he doesn't have kids, either). You don't have to decide daily whether to run to the gym after work, or go straight to the big kid's hockey game, or indulge in a — oh god — a pedicure, before you hit the home front with all four cylinders running.

Oh, that's right: You can take a two-hour lunch for shoe shopping.

Right now, my lunches are spent at my desk, because I'm filling out back-to-school emergency forms, and figuring out which stores I have to zip through on my way home. You'll find me at JCPenny's, gathering back-to-school supplies.

You, you can have a Bellini at Cipriani after work (with my husband even — which is awesome, girl!) then stumble off drunkenly to the gym while he catches the train home.

Hell, after the gym you can even go to the fancy nail place that stays open until 11 pm and get that pedicure.

And darlin', no man is ever gonna complain about that, or tell you to do otherwise. No, you are your own woman! You just happen to be sleeping with my man.

A man who doesn't make you choose between the nail salon and the gym. And you get the Jimmy Choos to boot!

Heck, with him paying for the shoes, you can afford the fancy gym membership and the fancy nail salon. I love that "like linen" color on you — so sheer! It must go great with your new Choos.

That's workin' it, girl!

You must think I'm pathetic, if you think of me at all.

It must help ease any pangs of guilt if you think he is stuck with someone so pathetic.

What? No guilt pangs? What was I thinking?

But I'm not letting DH (darling husband) completely off the hook. I'm going to write about that next time. But for now, here's to you, Miss Jimmy Choos.

Hope you had a great shopping spree.

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  • Comment Link leslie Sunday, 10 January 2016 10:56 posted by leslie

    I find this open letter amusing and drama seeking. Evidently the man wasn't happy in the marriage. Its two peoples fault when a marriage fails. Stop blaming the mistress. Take responsibility for your life Cut the person loose. Life goes on. Stop the whining....grow up. Sincerely the former mistress of a happy man

  • Comment Link TOW now Wife Tuesday, 05 May 2015 10:06 posted by TOW now Wife

    Ok well here's a shocking discovery- to some degree everyone here is right. Yes the mistress is to blame even if she was lied to even if she didn't know even if she left, she played a role. Yes the husband is to blame because he made a commitment, he voided his obligations of his marriage contract and probably lied to everyone involved. Yes the wife is to blame, cheating is a symptom of issues in a marriage not a cause.

    There are opinions from every side of the triangle and each one may have valid points but what mistresses should remember is if he's going to leave his wife he'll move out in the 1st year, what wives need to know is that there is a reason he is cheating - look into your marriage find the source, lastly what men need to know is it is easy to turn to someone else for comfort but ultimately everyone including your children will be pointing fingers at you.

    A womans head is her husband. a husbands head is God. Marriage is a three fold cord between a husband a wife and God if God is missing there is an empty space that can be filled by anyone.A man who fears truly God will do what is right.

    I hope everyone thinks about that

  • Comment Link The other woman Wednesday, 01 April 2015 00:43 posted by The other woman

    From the "so called Mistress"
    I am a woman with a career, who is smart, educated and has a big heart. I met a man who came into my place of business. I helped him with what he came in for. We immediately hit it off. He was charming, funny, and full of life. I gave him my business card, as I do with all my clients and said goodbye. He called my work and left a VM asking me out for drinks. I excepted. From that day, we were together for two years. I went to his house, he was over at my house. We did normal couple things. I had know idea he was married. I only found out because we ran into another woman he had an affair with and she told me. I was heart broken. I was in love with this man. This man who ask to move in with me, who ask me to marry him, who wanted to be a family with my daughter and I. It was him who came to me, him who took me to the house he shared with her. It took decor off the wall, pictures, everything that would show any evidence that he was married. I later found out he hid everything in the attic. Sounds very exhausting to keep up with. I have txt messages, VMs of him telling me how much he loves me. So, to all of of you who want to call me "the slut", "bimbo", I am none of these. He lied to me a well. Please stop blaming the other woman because it is your husband that lied. When I confronted him, it denied he was even with her. He finally admitted he lived with her as they were not together and it was temporary until he found a place.... For two years????? The other woman doesn't even know she's the other woman. She thinks she is the only woman. Please put blame on the person who is to blame. You want to blame the other woman because you do not want to admit there was an issue with your marriage and you want to live in denial and see me as this seductive bitch who lured your husband to my bed and forced him to tell me he loved me and wanted to marry me. Please look inside your heart and be honest with yourself. Your husband lied to both of us and hurt both of us. I have never blamed the wife as her husband's actions is not her fault. I even apologized to her for being in her home. As I do not blame you, please stop blaming me and put the blame where is needs to be put..... on the cheating man

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 08 November 2014 19:11 posted by Guest

    If they cheat on you, it simply means one thing; they don't really love you anymore. And if they fall in love with someone else, then if you love THEM, why not let them be with the woman they love and go find someone who loves, respects and honors you. Should husband separate from their wives before they cheat? OF COURSE. Why don't they? Because most of them are cowards who are afraid of losing their houses, children, and - of course - the friendship that has grown over years with a wife. Mistresses are never to blame. You can't break up a happy marriage. Yet it's always amusing to hear mistresses described in such a cliche way (lazy, money-grabbing vamps who do nothing but get their nails done while planning which husband they'll steal next). Many so-called mistresses genuinely love the man they're involved with and, because they are HUMAN BEINGS, too, they find it impossible to break up with them and send them back into marriage that the man (obviously) finds isolating and loveless. People SHOULD NOT CHEAT. But for God's sake, have some humanity. Remember that nobody likes cheating, being cheated on, or being 'the other woman' (or 'other man'). And remember, you have NO IDEA what cheating husbands tell their mistresses ("my wife and I just live together as friends", "we have an open marriage so it's all okay", "we're planning a divorce as soon as the kids are in college", etc). He may be cheating on you with her, but in many ways, he's cheating on her, too. He has probably told her a million half-truths or out-and-out lies about the status quo of his marriage. Have some humanity, everyone, for all three people involved. And remember, there are reasons why people fall out of love with wives and in love with someone else. People grown, and often in different directions. Let your cheating husbands go and find the love that they can't find with you, and set yourselves free to find men who love and respect YOU. And when children are involved, it is cruel to force them to live in an environment where their parents are staying together 'for their sake'. That's what my parents did, and I swear I would rather they had split up than grow up with the arguing and resentment, as well as the incredible feeling of guilt that I had that they were staying together 'for my sake'.

  • Comment Link jayela Friday, 24 October 2014 04:06 posted by jayela

    don't just blame the mistress sometimes or should i say most of the time it is the husband's fault. we should all admit that it will not happen if the husband will stay and commit his self to his wife and choose to be faithful with her.. i'm not saying that mistresses are innocents 'coz they are not! what i'm trying to say is sometimes we have to be open minded don't just put the blame on one person.. 'coz at the first place it will not happen if not because of that someone who iniciated the first move. my advice to the wives who has been cheated by their husbands.. don't let your self be stucked on that situation,.. God prepared something good for you. you don't deserve someone like that. based on my own experience my parents are separated.. my father used to cheat on my mother.. after knowing all those things my mother chose to stay with my father to keep the family bonded.. but years passed by.. my father is still doing the same thing, he never changed after all the good things my mother showed him instead he keeps on beating my mother and hes always going out with friends and it hurts me as a child to see my mother crying .. eventually.. they got divorced.. now my father is married again with his "mistress" and have 2kids.. my mother is now happy with her new partner.. and i am more than happy as they found new life and new love from other person.. atleast now i am not seeing my mom crying.. LESSON.. be brave to do the right thing. dont be afraid to leave and have a new life.. specially when you think you are not happy anymore..

  • Comment Link HOME WRECKING MISTRESS HATER Thursday, 14 August 2014 20:32 posted by HOME WRECKING MISTRESS HATER

    To all of the heartless sluts who ruin and break up families...I will never feel sorry for you because I refuse to believe (unless you are a complete airhead which you most likely are), that you don't know you are dealing with a married man. He cannot hide his life from you without creating suspicion. If I were to ever deal with a man he would have to reveal a lot to me before I would ever get serious. It doesn't matter what the man's reason is for cheating it can NEVER be blamed on the wife. If this world were not filled with money hungry, lonely whores maybe the good old fashioned marriage sanctioned and blessed by God could survive. The Lord will never bless a union he did not put together for one that destroyed the one he united. Remember home wrecking whores...The same way you get them is the way you will lose them! They may tell you their marriage got old but the truth is "everything new will get old" including your relationship to the married man. For the married women dealing with this, in the words of the wonderful and glamorous Ivanna Trump, "Don't Get Mad Darling, GET EVERYTHING"

  • Comment Link athenaspell Wednesday, 05 June 2013 16:50 posted by athenaspell

    Well. Dont blame her.. It was HIS CHOICE... If you desire to deal with that kind of behavior from a man... cursing at this affair will not change who he is... Go try and find a man with CHARACTER

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 01 March 2013 10:02 posted by Guest

    OMG leave him already! Why live in that prison?

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 04 February 2013 10:40 posted by Guest

    To The Other Woman: Coquette,
    I feel your pain. I have been with my husband for almost 25 years. It would have been 25 March 19, 2013.
    I found out friday or should I say confirmed he was cheating. He would not accept the fact he was. I flat out said would you like me to call her to confirm she does excist. Still no response. I discovered he took her out on our boat for a romatic evening cruise down the river. Which him & I have talked about but did not have the time he was too busy with work.... Boy do I have egg on my face - they must have had a good laugh. I am wanting to contact this other women so she knows - she is only there temporary. Her plans of a divorce and life with him is laughable. She has small kids - our kids are 1 year from leaving the nest. I told him by evidence she is crazy in love with him and is planing a future. He is going to find himself 10 years ago- strapped down with kids, working etc. I however, have hired an attonery and filed for divorce ASAP. When my youngest son graduates next year I moving out of town (close to my family) and live my life with no worries of kids, husband- I will be FREE. However, I am still on the fence if I should contact this women. She is all I am not- and encourages him to smoke, drink, etc. Which his drinking was the source of our hardship. Is it wrong I want to warn her she is getting involved with an alcholic, work alcholic and that the attenation she is getting won't last long? I don't want to see any women even her feel this kind of hurt.
    What to do? what to do? Any advise?

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 02 February 2013 16:42 posted by Guest

    I need to write a letter to the "other" woman: My husband had an emotional affair that ended when he finally told her he was married. She sent me a "Dear Jane" letter exposing the affair, when I confronted him about it he did not deny it and we are working to repair the damage. What I need is help with is writing a letter imploring her stop her threats because she is threatening to expose this and ruin his military career. I cannot fix him, and he misrepresented himself and exposed our family to possible ruin, but I cannot standby and let another person ruin of my family's life because she is hurt. I can't be mean and threatening, but instead appeal to her decency.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 29 January 2013 16:07 posted by Guest

    To The Other Woman: I totally agree with one guest's response to you.
    I am also the wife of a cheating spouse. It was confirmed on 12/31/12 by voice mails to his cell from her. I never go into my husband's private stuff. However. He asked me to setup his new cellphone, apparently not knowing there were 10 VM's from her. I was so hurt, I checked his cell phone bills, afraid of what I would find. Sure enough his bills consisted of daily calls to her 7 - 8 times a day for at least the past 14 months. With all of this evidence, he still denies he is/had an affair.
    I have been with my husband for 45 years. Yes. My intuition told me that he was having an affair. I chose to ignore it and trust his lying words instead. So, yes. Women have a keen sense of when a man has someone else. Come on! There are always signs. So don't give this man so much credit. He is not that smart. He is as stupid as all men who have affairs. They always leave signs. We just choose denial.
    I feel no compassion for you. In fact, I'm glad you're hurting. It makes my day.
    You said the cheated on spouse was behaving like a 15 year old by writing this post. You are actually the immature one. I applaud this woman for standing up to the bitch.
    This is a star for all heartbroken wives everywhere. I feel her pain. I'm living her pain.
    You need to grow up.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 27 January 2013 00:14 posted by Guest

    Ms "Mistress" - Denial is a: Ms "Mistress" - Denial is a lovely place to live. Someday you will be honest with yourself. Women are very intuitive. That's what is eating away at you. Its why you posted here. Why you are looking at this website. Why you can't put it to rest. Guilt. You knew. You destroyed a family. You just don't care to admit it even to yourself yet.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 23 January 2013 01:42 posted by Guest

    Nicely written: I was just saying today that I need a support group for affair survivors! This is so aptly timed, and well written, too. Thanks!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 22 January 2013 00:37 posted by Guest

    Letter from the "mistress": I met this charming, handsome man during my shift at a retail cell phone carrier. I was 21, completely supporting myself while working on my nursing degree. I assisted him with all his needs and he went on his way. I later get a phone call to my work cell, my business cards have my work cell number, and it was him, asking me to dinner. What did I have to lose? I agreed and we met up at a local restaurant for dinner then headed to a movie. We clicked instantly. We had so much in common and shared the same sense of humor. One date turned into several and eventually led to many nights of amazing sex and weekend road trips. He was contracted to a local company for a year, originally residing out of state. Six months went by and we had fallen hard. Madly in love. We talked about moving in together, and I was willing to move out of state to be with him. We talked about marriage and children. He met and became part of my family. He seldom made a trip back to his hometown and when he did, we talked and texted 24/7. About 8 months into this relationship, I recieved a phone call that shattered my heart. His wife of 7 years. She told me how he treated her bad and how he had two small children. I had no idea of his real life. Never would I have suspected. I was with him all the time. Never any private phone calls, nothing. I was completely broken and decieved just like her. Yet I was the bad person. I was to blame for everything. So this is my letter on behalf of the "heartless bitches" who "seduced" and "stole" YOUR husbands, when in reality we were just as blind as you were.

    Dear wife of a selfish coward,
    Please do not refer to me as a bitch, slut, whore or whatever derogatory name you have chosen for me. I am not to blame for breaking ur family, ur husband is. Consider my side of the story before you bash my name in social media like a 15 yr old child. I am wounded also. I am hurting too, for I was also in love with the same man. I was blinded by broken promises and lies. I did not seek him out, he came to me and denied your family's very existence. I also lay in bed and cry at night and imagine myself in the imaginary world he created for me for his own reasons, whatever those may be. I live with all the memories of the good times and special moments. I also suffered embarrassment and humiliation at the hands of friends and family. i was frowned upon. I know you are broken to a million pieces and I pray for your healing. I would never cause such harm to another person. I didn't know. I am truly sorry for your pain. But consider that I am also a woman with feelings and a heart. What I thought as a perfect fairy tale relationship ended up being poison in my veins. Now I am empty. Not a day passes that I don't think of you and your kids. I am sorry for what he has done to you.

    The "mistress"

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 21 January 2013 21:40 posted by Guest

    Alienation of Affection: I am currently in divorce due to my husbands "Homewrecker" who has her claws stuck in him due to the fact she pay's his salary. He was the one who took responsibility and admitted however, recanted due to her wrath of anger later on. She has gone on and on about how she's "not that kind of woman". Recently, my husband admitted once again in his deposition of his affair with her. I gave a copy of the deposition to her husband who is now divorcing her. She continues on with her threats all because she will not allow the truth to be told and the fact that she suffers from "I can't keep my legs closed" disease. Now, I know it takes 2 to tango. However, in light of the fact that my husband had the decency to admit the truth. It is her directly as to why I filed for divorce. Her actions alone and the fact that she won't go away and continues to carry on. I believe a decent human being would have walked away and either waited for the guy when he became a free man or let him the opportunity to repair his wife and family if it was at all possible. In this case, it certainly would have been possible and I would have long ago moved forward and continued my life as his wife. I to agree that Alienation of Affection should in fact be an option for all to pursue. I also believe that criminal Penalties should be allowed to be brought against these Home wreckers when they will not step away after repeated requests. Had she done the adult thing I wouldn't even blink an eyelash but since 2010, this woman has been a constant thorn in my side, she stalks me on FB, she haunts me no matter what I do she is always lurking. She has in the past even emailed and texted me with emails to perk me up letting me know she knows how I feel, and passing upon her advice for me as she claimed I was lying and wrong about her affair with my husband until I blocked her from contacting me that way. She has even made friends with my kids frined on FB just trying to get so kind of info on me for whatever reason as if to manage a way to make me look like the dirty pig that she is. Now that the truth has been stated in a legal document which mind you was under oath, she continues to make her threats and refuses to take responsibility for her part and significant damage to myself emotionally and physically as well as the damage done to my home and my family. If anyone ever figures out how to change the laws and wants to pursue to make a difference for someone else that will one day walk in our shoes please let me know. I will stand behind each of you and stive to make a difference in what should be most important FAMILY. So nasty Home wreckers like "K" from New Jersey (I live in CT) will take responsibility for their actions and inability to control themselves and perhaps acquire morals and values and know when they should walk away. My husband does not want to divorce however, he is unable to get away form her grips because she is inevitably his boss and pays his salary and therefore I cannot stay within a marriage where he remains on a daily basis with the PIG and travels with the PIG on a weekly basis. Now of course this is quite a long story and as I said many things have gone on since 2010 and continue until this day. This is just the tip of the iceberg and I have quite a story to be told.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 15 January 2013 15:10 posted by Guest

    My husband had an affair with a coworker: My husband had an affair with a co-worker at a company I call Big D... - the companies initials include a B and a D. Yes, I confronted his mistress who's last name happens to be Cunningham...I call her cunn...short for, you know. I sent her a message threatening to sue for alienation of affection and I left her a voice message saying she couldn't possibly understand the pain she caused because she has no one. I told her it's easy to live in a fantasy world, when you don't have kids to care for, bills to pay or care for him when he's sick. Did I feel better afterwards - you betcha! For me, it was something I needed to do to move on. I didn't call to talk things over with her, I called to say what was on my mind. Beware - if you're confronting the mistress to find out what happened, don't do it! Think for a moment - her perception of the relationship may be totally different from how your husband truly felt. In fact, the other women is likely to lie to get the upper hand or she may be living in a deranged fantasy world. For example, "he really likes me because he had sex with me." Please, men don't associate "sex" with liking someone. Sometimes it's just a matter of his goodies getting stroked. On the bright side - my husband and I are in counseling and things are going well. He's disclosed everything about the affair including how often, when, where - and I even asked, "did you cuddle and what position were you in." The best advice I can give is affair proof your things the other women does...stroke his ego, complement your man for the little things, have sex once a week, talk openly and honestly, go to counseling if you need to - I highly recommend third party support. Set a date once a week and make sure to take care of yourself physically and mentally. And I can't stress enough, if you think your partner is having an affair, get "solid" proof and confront the situation head-on immediately. I intervened early, so my husband and his mistress were only able to do the nasty one time and because the affair didn't last long, he wasn't emotionally attached and was able to dissolve the relationship quickly and painlessly. Lastly, make sure to set boundaries. My husband found himself in trouble after repeated "innocent" lunch dates with his mistress co-worker, followed by the "other women" saying, I like you a lot. Which reminds me, if you live in Greensboro, beware of a home wrecker named Anissa Cunn... So, yes, confront the mistress if you need to. Just be clear with yourself that things may not go as you expected. I wish all of you well - it's going to be tough getting through an affair, but if you and you're partner are truly committed to evolving from a routine love to a mature love, good things can come out of this nightmare.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 14 January 2013 21:52 posted by Guest

    The "Other Woman": I am always amused and disgusted at how much animosity is given to the "other woman." I was the other woman but did not know it. She called me, texted me, called me "trashy," but didn't realize I was a victim just like her. What did she think, he approached me and said, "hey I have a woman and we have children together, but I want to have an affair with you? No! He denied denied denied. He spent many nights, sometimes consecutive days at my home, he never wanted to leave and always held me close until sunrise the next day. He never even glanced at his cell on the days he spent with me. There were days he didn't go to work, just so he could spend more time with me. When we weren't together, we were on the phone for hours at a time...

    When I found out about her, I left him and shut him out my life blocking ALL contact with him and you know made him want me more. The irony was I dumped Him and cut all contact and she accused me of going after him. It took him a long time to stop pursuing me and even now, every now and then he tries to come back, but I refuse.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 28 November 2012 18:00 posted by Guest

    the "other" woman: Hi..
    I just wanted to say.. your doing the right thing, fighting for your husband and family.. I've been where you are, the affair was 4 years, and we are working on it.. it's been a year and a half since he decided to leave her, but it took a whole year for him to finally stop all contact. It's been 5 months since he last spoke to her. At first he did not take me seriously, so I said that unless we went to intensive counselling, the marriage was over. The counselling was a real wake up for him, and we got the help we needed to make the decision and move forward.
    The other woman continues to email, weekly, and also hacked into my private email.. It was terrible. She tried to use an email I had sent to my counsellor to get my husband to leave me.. we've been bullied, blackmailed and harassed, and it is still ongoing.
    I don't want to discourage you, but my husband continued to see her and have sex with her, even at the risk of loosing his family and me, during that year. I"m really concerned for you because he won't leave the relationship with her. My husband has told me that it is an addiction, and he didn't care about loosing us.. these woman are master manipulators.. It is a sick, dark relationship, that is fueled by lies and secrecy.
    I am still trying to "get over it".. like so many good people tell you to do. You will have to be strong and let him know that it has to end. And, you will need to hold him accountable to his word. We have a completely transparent relationship now. I check his phone, computer.. and we are learning to trust. I wish the husbands know what a difficult place they put us wives in when we take them back. Your may loose your friends and family support.. but trust the Lord, and he will help you. I can't say that it's been easy, but I have everything I wanted. My family is intact, and now I have to learn to accept everything that has happened and shut the door to the past.. You have a long journey ahead my friend.. but your relationship with your husband can be even better.. We have a more honest, real relationship and we talk, talk, talk.. He hates it at times, but it is the only way to go.. It will take TIME.. and you can have as much as you want.. time does heal and you'll be fine. It's a start.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 20 November 2012 18:43 posted by Guest

    Really? Is that what he told: Really? Is that what he told you? I'd like to see how that's working for you a year later. What is it that makes a whore brainless? He's lying to his wife but he always tells me the total truth. Selfish people like you deserve everything they get; trust me, it will come back around.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 13 November 2012 18:39 posted by Guest

    Adultery: I think it is time that we fight to bring back Alienation of Affection laws in all states to deter unethical people from pursuing married men or women. I know of a single woman who was in her late 40s who aggressively flirted with a married man she worked with who had two children. She was so selfish and devoid of morals that she didn't care how much she was hurting others and destroying lives. This should be a crime punishable by a civil action. We should be able to sue women (and men) like this, because they actually do alienate our spouses' affection and take them away from their wives, children, and homes and threaten the financial stability of the entire family unit not to mention the spouses' job. Adultery should be considered a crime, just like it is in the military, because it is a crime and a breach of the marriage license and vows. If predatory women/men knew there would be consequences, I believe the divorce rate would go down, and both parties would think twice before engaging in this secretative, destructive behavior.

    The cheating woman I know, who now lives in Massachusetts, had lived in Cape Coral, Florida, while she was cheating. She is a major hypocrite who posts things on facebook about how honest she is and how she lives one day at a time and has no regrets about what she did yesterday. This type of person needs to be punished, before she hurts more people.

    Alienation of affection laws only exist in seven states. Does anyone know what adultery victims can do to band together to lobby for new legislation?????

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 19 October 2012 11:33 posted by Guest

    They just don't get it: My friend was a mistress. She went after a married man a few years ago at work. When I say she "went after", I mean she sought him out, and made herself very available. She used to brag about how great she is, and tell him how much she liked non-commital sex. She claimed she had a boyfriend (she didn't), and that her sex desire was huge. She knew he had kids and a wife, but her needs came first - they always do. She is the most selfish, egotistical, self-centered person I know, and frankly she is highly delusional. First of all, to think that a happily married man (and she won't admit he was happy because she doesn't understand that happily married men CAN have affairs) would leave his family for her, someone who has NOTHING, is ridiculous. But, she went after him anyway. She used to complain to me about his wife, and tell me that she was a bitch who didn't support her husband. She used to tell me that his wife was fat, and ugly, and that he would be better with her. She demonized his wife, probably because it allowed her to feel justified in what she was doing. After all, how can you betray another woman and sleep with her husband and ruin her family when you think she is nice, sweet, kind and compassionate? You can't, so you vilify her in your mind, and that is what she did. I used to ask her how she knew any of this about his wife, and never got an answer. She "just knew". When he tried to break it off, she went NUTS even though he'd told her many times, "Stephanie, I don't want to be with you". She wouldn't hear it and would turn up the heat, threatening to tell his wife and compromise his job. Eventually she told me she wanted to get pregnant so that he would be forced to make a choice. I told her that was stupid. She ended up getting pregnant and told him that she would abort it if he left his wife. Nice hunh? Hang your child's life in the balance to get a man - THERE is selfish for you. He didn't leaveh his wife, and from what I understood, she didn't kick him out. I guess they worked on things. I don't know if I could do that, that wife is stronger than I would be. Anyway, it makes me sad for this bastard kid of hers. Growing up without a father and mother who are together because her mother bore her out of manipulation over a married man who wasn't interested. She now lives off of his child support because he is wealthy (another reason she wanted to snag him, she is money-hungry). She doesn't use the support for her kid, she uses it for herself, buying her daughter stuff second-hand, while getting more than enough $$ to buy new. She went to school and paid for an apartment, car and school tuition on her daughter's child support, stuffing her into daycare from almost the time that she was born - poor thing. Her mother doesn't even love the kid cause she doesn't have a relationship with her mother - her mother is mentally ill - apple doesn't fall far... That kid is going to be so messed up living with a borderline personality mother, with no father, and knowing that she wasn't born from love, but from her mother's messed up sense of entitlement. Surely that relationship is doomed, and she will use her same twisted manipulations to control her daughter one day. It saddens me, but I never told her that I didn't agree with her actions - she'd fly off the handle. Last I'd heard she got herself a free lawyer and took the married man to court, claiming assault and being fired without good reason. She ended up with quite a settlement, while draining dry a family of three kids who rely on these finances to live, all so that SHE could profit. It's like a parasite. Who does that to a family? How cold does one have to be? It all comes from low self esteem. She doesn't like herself, and really....I can't blame her. I wouldn't be proud. Not to mention the cruel letters she sent to his wife when she found out about the affair. She made fun of the poor woman! She sleeps with her husband, compromises her family and when found out, kicks her while she is down! She even stalked her online, sending me screen shots of this woman's twitter feed. She is so jealous. Unbelievable. I am sure karma will have a field day with her, but I won't be around to see it - I try to keep my distance honestly, she is maniac. She has told me in the past, "Us Tanney family are crazy" and I believe it. I feel badly for the married man's three kids. They deserve their dad's financial contributions too and now they are cut down because my friend whored around with their dad. I feel bad for the wife, who I imagine is a nice person if she accepted him back, and who now shoulders this burden with her children because my friend was a stain. The only person I don't feel bad for is my friend. She mad horrible choices. She went into something prohibited and then screamed victim when it didn't go her way. She used the law to extort money and now gets paid by this family for years for a kid she doesn't even want. All of this to say that affairs happen for a variety of reasons, usually because two people are selfish and think of no one but themselves. The MM was lucky, his wife must love him a lot. My friend was lucky, she used the law and won. I know karma is coming for her though, it is only a matter of time. I don't know how she looks herself in the mirror every day. Shame on her really. I am sorry for all you ladies who are betrayed by these husbands and these women. You married for love and you don't deserve this pain.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 07 October 2012 07:22 posted by Guest

    Contacting the "other" woman : Unfortunately I am yet another soul who has found herself in the same situation. Recently, within the past month, I found out my husband of 18 years was having an affair for the past 7 years with the same women. The women knew my husband was married, had 2 young children and still had no problem with that. She even sent clothes home for my daughter-needless to say I had no idea what was going on at the time. I cannot describe the amount of pain and hurt I am feeling-I feel as if I have been run over by a bus a million times over. I confronted my husband about the affair, which I found out about thanks to a loan letter received from SunTrust Bank (thank you SunTrust from the bottom of my heart). Evidently he cosigned on a loan for the other womans daughter for college. Never in a million years did I think I would be in this situation. I was totally blind-sided and had all the breath sucked out of my body. My husband says he never meant to hurt anyone, but I don't understand that. He says he never intended for it to get to this point, but is glad it did because he wanted out, but didn't want to hurt anyone in the process. She was even pregnant at one point, but got an abortion. I will never understand the choices he made and will always live with this pain forever. However, somehow I have found the strength to forgive him and we are in counseling and have committed to making our relationship and our marriage our #1 priority. During a recent counseling session, I requested my husband discontinue all contact with the other woman which was still continuing almost on a daily basis. The counselor agreed there is to be no further contact, period. I have given my husband time to speak to the other woman and "end" it, but he just can't bring himself to do it. So right or wrong, I have sent her a letter asking her to please set my husband free and move on. I'm sure my husband will be upset with me, but this isn't just about him, it's about me and my heart. Hopefully, we can move past this and our marriage will only be stronger in the future.
    To all the other women out there who have found themselves in a similar situation, or are about to find themselves in a similar situation, love yourself to do what's right for you. Protect yourself and be truthful and honest about your feelings. Communicate and never be afraid to be yourself. Live by your morals and virtues and stand up for love and what you believe in. Go You !!!

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 03 October 2012 10:55 posted by Guest

    It really sucks when you find: It really sucks when you find the emails of all the things they do together......the lunches, the flowers, the affection, the constant emails back and forth........while you are home making sure your kids are getting into the colleges of their choice and are well fed, looked after and loved.......that was my life up until last week when I found the emails between my husband and a co=worker, CATALINA...or as he calls her "CAT". Did I print all the emails? YOU BET! Did I call CAT and threaten her that I would send them to her poor husband Julian? YOU BET! Did I tell her to stay away from my husband? YOU BET! So who do you think got yelled at for upsetting POOR CAT? ME, you bet! I am glad I called her (and later texted her warning her again) and would do it again. Are we in counseling, yes, but my heart is broken and yes, POOR CATALINA gets to go to work everyday with my husband doing god knows what, wearing slinky leopard clothing( yes I saw pictures), and tempting him again..........I hope I scared her, but I doubt it, and I hope that you can also find her number and call your Jimmy Choo wearing made me feel slightly better..even though I got yelled at! Go for it.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 02 August 2012 09:07 posted by Guest

    Bravo! I could not have: Bravo! I could not have agreed with the above statement more. My experience was quite the same. Unrepentant unfaithful spouses think they have love with the other but they just haven't got into a real relationship with the mistress in order to see that the grass isn't greener on the other side.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 26 June 2012 06:29 posted by Guest

    This guy sounds like a big: This guy sounds like a big jerk. You should both stay away from him.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 31 May 2012 03:19 posted by Guest

    my side : Thanks for sharing this, I'm in this same situation however I'm dating a married man for more than a year and yes they say, give it 2yrs. Lol I can afford to buy my own stuff though but just to share my own side, He wasn't with his wife when we were dating and with all the social pressure, we decided to do things right this time. The wife found out and talked to me and she acknowledged that they have been having issues right after they get married because she forced him to get married. But she loves him and they had a daughter and so she's not leaving the marriage. We talked for a very long time and she understood my situation and I clearly understood her pain and sacrifices some may call it stupidity. So I moved to another city and started a new life. He was back to his family. It's been 6 months now and then he wanted to be part of my life again. I have to agree that maybe because affair provides secret freedom away from reality but at the end, women should not fight over a cheating husband. Whether it's a bad marriage between him and his wife, that's his own side of story... Or true love between him and his mistress, he should decide and stand up for only one person! In my case, I'm afraid he's going to lose us both. Me and the wife might be friends in the future.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 27 May 2012 16:18 posted by Guest

    Tell the husband now. He: Tell the husband now. He deserves to know.
    I sure wish the husband of my husbands whore had told me 10 months sooner, when he found out.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 16 February 2012 16:43 posted by Guest

    The wife gets everything?: We had a great sex life and a decent life and still my husband cheated like a dog. After the 4th affair, our sex life was not so great - that is what happens when you destroy all trust and refuse counseling. Now we are divorcing and since I have the better job, I get lots of the bills too and he had the nerve to threaten me with spousal support. Blaming the victim for his or her cheating spouse is like blaming the teacher when the student is caught cheating (it happens, speak g as a teacher but is pretty crazy to go there). Shame on you if you are a cheater! You suck and this blog speaks for many of us. I don't care if my husband's skanky mistress sees my pain- I wish she was able to imagine it. U fortunately, she is too narcissistic to see anything but her own desires - they deserve each other.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 16 February 2012 16:42 posted by Guest

    The wife gets everything?: We had a great sex life and a decent life and still my husband cheated like a dog. After the 4th affair, our sex life was not so great - that is what happens when you destroy all trust and refuse counseling. Now we are divorcing and since I have the better job, I get lots of the bills too and he had the nerve to threaten me with spousal support. Blaming the victim for his or her cheating spouse is like blaming the teacher when the student is caught cheating (it happens, speak g as a teacher but is pretty crazy to go there). Shame on you if you are a cheater! You suck and this blog speaks for many of us. I don't care if my husband's skanky mistress sees my pain- I wish she was able to imagine it. U fortunately, she is too narcissistic to see anything but her own desires - they deserve each other.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 25 January 2012 19:37 posted by Guest

    It's totally normal and right: It's totally normal and right to be angry with BOTH your husband AND his mistress. She is a selfish bitch by definition if sleeping with a married man with zero respect or compassion for his wife. She's also pathetic, settling for the crumbs of his life knowing she's not worth more (deep down she knows or she would have said get a divorce first).

    I just think the open letter says too much about your pain. She *wants* you to hurt, she's won as she sees it.

    I want to write to my husbands mistress too. But I want to convey only the threat that if she comes near us I will tell her husband, that her colleagues already know and a few of the bigger lies he told her. Oh and that I have all her emails, texts and photos including nude ones and I'm not afraid to use them. The real revenge is calm expression of power where she expects powerlessness.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 22 December 2011 17:05 posted by Guest

    Ouch. No one ever said she: Ouch. No one ever said she wasn't "putting out". The truth is, affairs are a fantasy. There is no grocery shopping, kid time, money managing. There is no reality. You won't leave your husband for your lover because that would legitimize your affair as a relationship. Two people so hell bent on escaping reality could never handle a real relationship. You haven't brought your own issues anywhere near the surface. You would rather live in the duality of a fantasy life than choose your husband or your lover to spend a "real" life with. If you really "loved" the lover, then the choice of leaving your husband would be obvious. You love the fantasy and so does he. All would be well if there were no victims, but in fact there are. Deceit, lies, dual lives.......why do this to your married partners? Betrayal from a spouse is one of the deepest pains that a person can experience in life, and doing this to your husband keeps you sane?

    I caught my spouse cheating. Amazing how clear her priorities became when faced with choosing me or the lover. After a year and a half of therapy, she continues to loathe herself for going down that path. The reasons behind my spouse's affair had nothing to do with "us" and everything to do with her low self esteem, depression and need to escape reality. She is a thousand times happier now than she ever was when she led a dual life. If you can't find the strength to get yourself a therapist to help you discover why you are cheating and lying as a way of staying "sane", then at least find the humanity to free your husband from your pathos.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 15 November 2011 21:19 posted by Guest

    Comment : What she forgot to write was how she won't give her husband any sex, affection or attention. I am a wife and a mistress. I am missing in my marriage exactly what he is missing in his. We have been friends for years and lovers for almost two years now. We have perfected it. We know each other better than our spouses, both know what each other desires and fantasizes about and honestly, it is what keeps us both sane. We are both highly educated and have very demanding careers. Yes it is through our career paths that we met as is often the case. We have pondered divorces as neither of us has children still at home. We know that we love each other but why ruin a good thing.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 28 September 2011 15:42 posted by Guest

    Say what?: You say if the husband leaves only the wifes life changes dramatically ? I have to say your wrong, dead wrong. The wifes get everything in a seperation, the system was made to benefit the women and children. And i wouldn't say women are as disadvantaged as most feminist would have you think right now in the 21st century. The ultimate truth is that men and wemon are equal more or less but a men tend to be more greedy when it comes to money.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 12 September 2011 22:29 posted by Guest

    Brava!!: The anonymous commenter who gave the first response is not cognitive of the fact that marriage and family is not as easily dissolved as one might think. Women are not only economically disadvantaged when they are in a marriage and care for children and manage the household, they are also at an emotional disadvantage. If the husband leaves...big deal. His life won't change that much. However, the wife's will. This is how many intelligent, well-educated women wind up on the streets.

    Do not belittle this woman and compare her to those ridiculous people on Jerry Springer. This is a different story. Way different.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 03 July 2011 18:45 posted by Guest

    JERRY SPRINGER MENTALITY!!!: Why the hell would you stay with an idiot who treats you like this? YOU'RE the one putting up with it! LEAVE! Instead of worrying about this selfish woman who doesn't give a care about your letter or your family because if she really "GOT IT" she wouldn't be partacking in an affair.....focus on leaving ol boy AKA ASSHOLE! Seriously it slays me how us "intelligent'educated,devoted women save all our sacred rage for the wrong party and end up havin these jerry Springer mentalities of staying with the man and raging on the homewrecker so we can keep him safe. Write her a million letters,this won't stop your husband from being a selfish pig...SERIOUSLY WOMEN direct your anger to the proper source maybe then you'll get enough courage to leave. Leaving maybe tough at first but there's worse things than being alone, you can do BAD all by yourself!

    Frikkin men just laugh at our stupid asses in reliief when you blame JUST the woman. it gets them off the hook STOP IT !!

    Lets see your good bye I'm to good for you,letter to him. Then I'll cheer you with pride!

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 10 March 2010 09:43 posted by Guest

    WOW!! Harsh? How about: WOW!! Harsh? How about bitch? That works better, if your man dogged you out that's your problem. Who are you to criticize another's pain? Get over yourself, maybe you are one in a billion. The rest of us are real women that felt real love for their husbands, families and ourselves. Maybe you have no heart and that's why you don't know what compassion is for your fellow man. Grow up, really.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 08 October 2009 11:22 posted by Guest

    I LOVE THIS!!: Thanks for the laugh - I seem to get way to few of those these days! While my situation is somewhat different, this is proof that I am not the only person out there with a husband that has totally taken leave of his senses.......

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 12 May 2009 21:45 posted by Guest

    Your open letter to your husband's mistress: Sister,

    If you are sitting at home filling out school forms, shopping and getting nails done then quit your bitchin' I have a piece of advice for you. Get a job....get a life....may sound harsh, but when I found my husband had a mistress I did just that, oh and i wasnt' lucky enough to have kids so I was homeless for awhile, then I got this great place and, I had always had a job, just didn't realize how much of my money he was sucking up.

    Stop blaming him and her for your misery. If you are so unhapp, then give him back the credit card and leave. Do it on your own. It will be hard, but you will be totally satisfied.

    Don't think you're special, just because your husband cheats. Get over it, you're one in a billion.