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I was that child that didn't want to go to Daddy's. Nobody was cruel. I wasn't beaten, or denied food and shelter — I just didn't want to go. We didn't really do anything at my Dad's. We "hung out". Which is fine when you have your friends and your toys, your books, etc. But when you've got nothing but your sleeping bag (see earlier blog), it's kind of dull.

But there was more to it than just boredom. I felt secure with my Mom, and I wanted to stay with her and the things I knew rather than go to my Dad's where there were new and unknown things. There was a new stepmother, and her whole family, and while they were all very nice (I even called my stepmother's mother Grandma Ellen) — it was all so different. And I didn't know my place. As a 5 year-old, I wasn't much of an adventurer, I guess.

And so, for these reasons, and some others I've left out — I didn't want to go to my Dad's. And maybe your child doesn't either. What do you do?

I decided to ask my Mom what she did. She told me that when we were young, she just made us (though she did admit to a time or two when I made such a fuss that she threw in the towel and called up and told my Dad that we were sick). She said that she spoke to me about why I didn't want to go and tried to talk to my Dad and Stepmom, etc. but that what she realized was that I was right. That my Dad and Stepmom were different from her, and that the life we lived with them was different from the life that we lived with her.

While we may not have liked it, and while she may not have liked it — different wasn't necessarily bad, and she couldn't prevent our father from seeing us. And it was probably for the best. I suppose it taught me about making the best of things, and about discovering that something you fear (like a new stepfamily) can turn into something you enjoy.

As I got older, there were other, newer reasons I didn't want to go. And this had more to do with better offers. I was 10, 12, 14 — I wanted to be with my best friend at the mall (I just wanted to be at the mall), or at the movies, etc. One weekend away, and well, there's no telling how much a person can miss. At this point my Mom made me tell my Dad that I didn't want to go. I hated this. And it wasn't just for weekends but for holidays, too. At 13, I felt I was old enough to decide. And so my Mom said fine, but I had to tell him. Again, she was right. It sucked, but she still did the right thing.

I'm sure that there were times when my Mom wished that she could just keep me to herself. I'm sure that there were times when she hated sending me off, knowing I didn't want to go. I'm glad she didn't take the easy way out for either of us.

 

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158 comments

  • Comment Link Jacky Monday, 12 February 2018 12:27 posted by Jacky

    Good day

    I have been separated from my Childs father for 3years, my son started last month with crying, kicking and screaming when its his weekend with his dad. he keeps om saying he doesn't wanna go with daddy ,... I wanna stay with mommy, I wanna stay at mommies house. I'm worried as he has never done this.

    I don't want to force him every time to go with him as it breaks my heart.

    What can I do ..

  • Comment Link  Anonymous Saturday, 30 December 2017 13:03 posted by Anonymous

    My mom and Dad are divorced. At my moms house I have all my clothes, shoes, extra school things and it’s such a hassle to bring clothes and shoes back and forth from house to house. Right now it is winter break and I at moms we watched movies, played games, went shopping, but at my dads all we do is sit around and watch tv. It’s so boring. Also, my dad has a gf and we live with her and every time we are over she has someone come here and take my room and as a 13 year old girl I don’t need to share a room with my 6 and 7 year old sisters. I love them but I need privacy. So when I come to my dads house I’m roomless, bored, and bored again. I just don’t like coming here because it’s a waste of time off from school. I rather be at my moms doing some FUN stuffs. The other thing I dislike about coming to my dads house is that I’m always late for school. At my moms house I can walk to school, but at my dads we have to drive 30 minuets to school. It doesn’t sound like a lot but it is when your siblings don’t listen to you and take years to get dressed. its just really frustrating and it gets me in trouble too. AND ITS EMBARRASSING TOO! Don’t get me wrong I love my dad, but i dont his house. It seems as if when I’m with my mom the week goes so fast but when I’m with my dad the weekend goes as slow as can be. I’ve tried to looks at things on the bright side but my dads side is dull. As for the entry above, you were not selfish I understand what u were going through. Sometimes you just feel the connection with your mother. I tell my mom that I don’t want to stay with my dad but she still makes me go. That gets me upset. Things would be so much easier if they lived in one house for me and my siblings but hell for my parents. It’s just really hard to have a normal childhood and Ik other people have it worst than me but this is my bad. To me I just want to stay with my mom all the time and visit my dad when I want. I can’t wait until I’m like fifteen and hopefully i can make the choice to whose house I want to go to!

  • Comment Link Rebecca Tuesday, 28 November 2017 18:52 posted by Rebecca

    Thank you. My five year old daughter gets really emotional when it’s time to go to daddy’s. Only it’s not weekends it’s half of her life. We share custody 50/50. I feel so sad when I have to make her go but I always try to be positive and help her know it’s the best thing to do. It’s so hard, and sometimes I doubt if it’s really the right decision to make her go somewhere she’s not happy. I hate it. This article helped reassure me that I’m doing the right thing, so truly thank you.

  • Comment Link Sam joe Friday, 06 October 2017 00:27 posted by Sam joe

    You were an extremely selfish kid. I feel bad for your dad.

  • Comment Link Marco Tuesday, 26 September 2017 15:10 posted by Marco

    The worst thing is that you actually think your mother did well. When it's obvious that she is the one who prevented you from enjoying both of your parents.

    This doesn't make her a better mother, this makes your father a better father

  • Comment Link Pat- A Father Sunday, 03 September 2017 23:55 posted by Pat- A Father

    I wonder what kind of dagger that drove in the father's heart when he was rejected by one of those human beings he loved with his every breath and probably wanted to be far more active in your life? The truth is he probably wished that headquarters was with him and your friends, school, etc were all where he was at. There is quite possibly a deep-embedded broken heart within him that he will take to the grave.

  • Comment Link Anonymous Saturday, 19 August 2017 11:59 posted by Anonymous

    I'm 14 my parents are divorced and I stay over at my dads on the weekend sometimes .Recently my mum was going away with my older sibling and me and my brother were going to stay over at my dads but it was a school night and he lives further away from school (he was going to give me a lift tho) but as soon as they told me I balled my eyes out like a baby. I couldn't stop crying. I don't know why I was so upset but I guess because I had bottled up the fact I hate sleeping over (I like visiting tho) as sleeping over makes me feel upset and uncomfortable. But if I were to say this I feared it would make my dad upset. Which it did and he was not happy with me crying. :(( can someone explain what I should do as I usually visit my dad but staying over makes me feel lonely and as I'm just someone to send back and forth?

  • Comment Link Jason Monday, 15 May 2017 23:38 posted by Jason

    No the right thing for your mom to habe done was realize that your objections to seeing your dad were your selfishness. Your mom should have realized how important a father daughter relationship is and what it did to your dad's heart. As a single dad I know all too well the heartwrenching feeling of having to tell your kids they can't do something "fun" because you want to spend all 4 of your days with them that month. You broke your dad's heart and denied one of the most important relationships you'll ever have because your mom said the mall could be more important as long as it was you who made the decision. Your mom should have been a parent not an enabler and a friend

  • Comment Link Nojus Sunday, 30 April 2017 13:18 posted by Nojus

    My mam has stopped me to go to see my dad and go live with him and I want to live with him and I'm age 14 she says she will put him to court can I go to my dads at this age or not.

  • Comment Link Bobbie Thomas Monday, 24 April 2017 04:31 posted by Bobbie Thomas

    I don't know what to do my 13 year old calls his father and says I don't want to come down I have a friend who wants to come or or just don't wanna go my true concern is my 10 year old who was diagnosed with O.D.D a couple years ago tells me (in which I feel the have the right to express themselves) that his step mother treats him differently when his biological father is at work calls the police on him and lunges at him when his O.D.D acts up he is on Focalin medication and I send it to his father's house every other weekend when he goes but no problems incidence happen until the father is at work and he's only with the step mother it concerns me because he is talking about running away when he's at his father's house (when left in her care) she does not allow me to speak with my ex-husband or text him about this problem .I have even took the initiative to approach her and say we don't half to like one another but we half to be on the same page and put our differences aside for the sake of the children and she has told me on a few occasions this has nothing to do with her it's between me and the ex-husband I'm very fearful this is not a good situation whatever might be going on but she or him have me blocked and will not answer my texts I'm worried my 10 year old will end up running away when it's dad's weekend .....Please does anyone have advice

  • Comment Link Surviving Monday, 17 April 2017 00:00 posted by Surviving

    My situation is after 30 yrs of divorce and a lot of hard work between my daughter and I it seems like my ex wife can't keep her nose out our relationship. I have not seen my daughter(33) and 3 beautiful grandkids without my ex wife around except for one time in say 5 years!

    Whether I'm in their city or my cottage has to be involved. "We're at the beach, come visit", "dinner is at six if u want to see the grandkids" and guess who's there every time! So of course I 've been polite to say , it would be nice to spend some time just between us. Wellu would think I just burned my ex at the stake, no bloody way,or she will suddenly appear via a secrecy text,I don't know.

    They both stick up for each other, hang out with each other and say the same damn thing. How am I suppose to maintain my sanity and a relationship with my daughter and grandkids?

    Any help would be appreciated, thanks.

  • Comment Link MarilynM Saturday, 11 February 2017 12:48 posted by MarilynM

    I came across this article hoping to help my daughter. I read through most of the comments. I could relate to Rasa's comment. My husband was never too involved with his children. Even when he had the opportunity to be, his choice would never be his kids. He always opted for fishing with his friends (excluding his son and daughter) or playing online video games. He figured that once a year family vacation would be enough dedication. In the meantime his children were growing. He did not want to listen to ideas of being more involved with his children. He eventually would abandon all of us after my chemo and radiation treatment were done. He closed access to our account and my kids and I were left with nothing. My children were a little older (one is a special needs child and the other is much younger) and so it was hard to hide the obvious from them. After 8 months, we were left without an ac unit while he sat in a luxurious apartment which he had rented 5 days after leaving. He never bothered to contact his children until he got summoned for child support. He never bothered to include his family on social media sites when we were together and he would yell at his mom or brother about not posting pictures on the social media sites-esp. those that included him and the kids. He would not allow me to post pictures of the kids on his account either. However, that changed when we have been in the divorce process. When he has the children, suddenly selfies of himself with the kids are constant and a must and posting these online. The children find this quite annoying as they feel the excessive and persistent behavior to have selfies every second. I understand that some men are different, but this one has a harsh personality. I have wanted to promote going to dad's and having fun with him. No matter how hard I promote, my daughter cries excessively and becomes emotional. She prefers to stay when she is sick. My son told me he was worried about his little sister because he was becoming harsher with her. For those men out there who read this, I understand that sometimes you get less time with your children than the mothers do. You dont have to "put up a show" for your kids. You dont have to go out all the time and jump hoops and hurdles for them. All you have to be is a "father." Put your arm around them and listen to them. You dont have to try too hard to just be yourself. I cannot speak to the man who fathered my children because he has an aggressive personality and thinks everything is about him. I cannot tell him how his children need him to just be a dad. I cannot discuss how his daughter feels pressured by him. This is a child that gets straight A's and is always being complimented by teachers. I am on this side continuously trying to make excuses for him so she will have a healthy relation. I have already tried to direct him my giving him a head's up on how his daughter is perceiving him. Instead of listening to me, he chose to have a conversation with her insisting that he is who he is because I have no influence over him and he is just "hardheaded." My daughter is now demanding my constant presence and I am troubled by this regression. I had to stand up to him this time because she was sick and crying begging me not to send her. So I want to remind those men out there, it is not about a divorce anymore. It is about raising a healthy child and making them comfortable whether it is at mom's or dad's. You see, in dad's place, mine are not allowed time to do homework or practice their instruments. They feel the restrictions of things that any child normally does in their daily life. But dad is more interested in "his time" and "putting up the show." Situations (such as mine) are what give men a bad reputation. Kids know and are smarter than what they are given credit for. Unfortunately, I dont have a very nice man at the other end and no matter how diplomatic and nice I am, he is mean-spirited. When my special needs son turned 18, he actually told him that he did not have to worry about him anymore. This was told to me by my son as he tried to hold back a pout and tears. I am crying right now as I write this because I am trying for the life of me at giving my children the best outcome possible. How could any father say that to their child? So men out there, if I could reflect something upon you-just be good old dad.

  • Comment Link DeSire Corley Friday, 13 January 2017 00:19 posted by DeSire Corley

    That's the thing my dad just got in my life for like 3 years now hes fells like he's been there since i was born till now like he says were and when i can or can not go places also make me go to his knowing i dont want to go i have to go friday january 13 and i really really don't want to go plz help me before this date

  • Comment Link Lauren lane Wednesday, 11 January 2017 01:35 posted by Lauren lane

    What if I have told my dad I didn't want to go down there but he says I have to and I'm 13 and I'm scared hes going to call the cops to are house so plz wat do I do because I really don't want to go back down there

  • Comment Link lillie cyrway Monday, 09 January 2017 02:30 posted by lillie cyrway

    I hate my dad. He abuses me. Why do I do?

  • Comment Link Leigh Friday, 30 December 2016 20:27 posted by Leigh

    As a stepmother i can see the trials that having a split household have. I can see it from both sides because I have children of my own with my husband. The problem that I have is when a child is allowed to make her or his own rules. When or when they are not going to visit. If the child is the only child then I get it, but when there are other children involved that is when it becomes unacceptable. My kids have never done anything goes to their sister. They adore her. But that isn't enough for her bio mom.

  • Comment Link DBaker Thursday, 01 December 2016 11:38 posted by DBaker

    This one was proof read quickly, the other wasn't.

    One size shoe does not fit all, so I'll challenge the writers beliefs gently.

    As a father who faced my daughter not wanting to come with me since 5 and up to 14, saying the whole time "when I reach 12, I won't have to go with you anymore" it's obvious that someone had put that thought and words in her mind. This is a blatant example of what messaging delivered from the custodial parent can do. There are subtle forms of this as well.

    Things that are more subtle and will affect the child on a subconscious level: The custodial parent can refuse to talk to the noncustodial; When exchanges of the child happen the body language between both parents can be perceived by the child; when The child hears any conflict on the phone between parents; when one or both parents almost engage in an interegation when the child returns to them and has certain reactions seeming happier with some responses over others; and, so on.

    I read countless court transcripts where judges talk to children when they are in University, who became detached from the noncustodial parent and had stopped seeing them many years before and, the overwhelming majority wished that someone had called out the custodial parent for either directly or indirectly influencing the child to stop seeing the other parent.

    I've taken at an informal survey of 8 female friends who went through a similar detachement from one parent, usually the dad, and all 8 indicate this had a negative impact on them as an adult and 6 of the 8 said it had to do with the mother''s behaviour while 2 said it was the behaviour of both parents, and as much as they didn't want to they had to pick a side as a child, that child picking the custodial mother.

    Each of these woman discussed missing the influence of a strong man, any man, because later in life when they dealt with male teachers, male bosses, male clients, and male companions, they suffered unknowingly from that lack of having a man around who influences your social development. Some of these woman suffered from not knowing how to deal with conflict with men. One woman describe that men's voices are deeper and louder and many times in her life she perceived men talking to her as being angry when in fact it was just their normal tone of voice but, not as soft as a woman's.

    I've talked to female friends who had dads who remained in their life throughout their youth, these women becoming doctors,
    Lawyers, engineers etc, and each has spoken about the confidence imparted by a male to succeed in a male dominated professional glass ceiling world.

    I''be spoken to woman who weren't aware of the impact until they had children of their own and then realized, that relationship with the father is extremely important and sought to blame someone when they realize they don't have that relationship. The custodial mother is the one who got the blame.

    One shoe doesn't fit all and I respectfully disagree with the writer on the importance of both parents having that relationship, of course absent abuse or mistreatment. But, every teenager believes they are mistreated.

  • Comment Link SB Wednesday, 16 November 2016 22:28 posted by SB

    I am a Mom of a 15 year old Daddsys girl and a 12 year old Mommas boy. I am a year out of divorce and my kids still want nothing to do with me. My daughter is very angry and blames me for divorce. Her and her brother are VERY close and he is afraid to make her mad by being normal with me. Do I keep MAKING them come to my house when it's my time? They will not have conversations with me when they are here. I have always had a GREAT relationship with each of them before the divorce. Their Dad will not sign off for me to take them to counseling. This is killing me and they have no idea how bad.

  • Comment Link James Friday, 11 November 2016 23:28 posted by James

    This is happening to me with my 12 year old son. It's killing me and I don't know what do. I try to be a fun Dad so he doesn't get bored but it's not working. I know his mother does not encourage him to go with me, so that doesn't help my cause. I love my son very much and am going through a wide variety of emotions. I miss my son.

  • Comment Link Jaime Friday, 11 November 2016 03:41 posted by Jaime

    How is your relationship with your dad?

    We are dealing with this but we are the dad/stepmom. It's hard and it hurts. We want to be loving and respectful but it feels wrong to give up on visits and quit trying.

  • Comment Link Karen Tuesday, 08 November 2016 14:59 posted by Karen

    I would like to know how to handle this problem. My 8 year old daughter no longer wants to go to her dads. She states her step mom is always mad at her. I have witnesses that have said they see how emotionally the step mom treats my daughter. I think the step mom hates me so she takes it out on my daughter. Recently the step mother started a fight in a restaurant over my daughter. My daughter is a timid child and very laid back. No one would ever say she is rude. I asked my daughter and her siblings if my daughter is rude to her step mother and everyone says no but the step mom is super sensitive. What do i do. She loves her daddy and loves time with him? How do i handle this step mom.

  • Comment Link Leigh Thursday, 27 October 2016 17:27 posted by Leigh

    My daughter got older and stopped wanting to go "every weekend" but at the time my husband understood it wasn't a break from him she wanted it was a break from her younger siblings&was there was a 7 year gap he has no wifi he unsterstood she'd go every second weekend some kids are harder work emotionally than others just now my eldest is living in her own luxury flat her reason for leaving&stealing half her siblings games etc she doesn't like rules&skids are noisy she uses my estranged husbands mum for £ and left as I'm an amazing mum&deserve better like if someone uses the old It's not you it's me my estranged husband isn't her biological dad but puts her before our 2 who he hasn't seen for months I feel so bad onth
    I cannot get any sense any contact he gives me abuse I just don't want them
    In the middle I feel stuck myself at times :/

  • Comment Link Jim Wednesday, 26 October 2016 23:43 posted by Jim

    You were brainwashed by your mom.

  • Comment Link Jamie Monday, 24 October 2016 00:27 posted by Jamie

    I'm sure your dad just loved that. You must have Mae him so happy with your me,me,me attitude.
    Hope you have kids and go through what you put your dad through. Nice.

  • Comment Link sandra Thursday, 20 October 2016 00:08 posted by sandra

    I have a questions you know my daughter shes 4 and every time i tell her something she just said she want yo go yo her dad hay can i do

  • Comment Link Boos mamma Thursday, 15 September 2016 16:04 posted by Boos mamma

    Hi Leigh, I read your comment and I know exactly how you feel! Your husband needs to go get a final order parenting plan and there should be no reason why he would have to see his daughter from his moms, he should have visitations at your/his house. As far as gifts go, he needs to stand up and tell his mom that if she doesn't buy gifts for all of the children, then he's not accepting any more gifts! I had to do that with my children. My stepfather would only buy for my stepdaughter and not our other daughter, his other granddaughter! I told him if he doesn't buy for both then we will not keep any gifts he buys for the one! And when my stepdaughter asked why she couldn't have the gift I explained to her how she would feel if I let her sister have gifts and not her? She now will not even accept a cookie unless her sister gets on (if her sister is there) and the same with her sister. I'm not being mean to my stepdaughter at all, I still take her out just the two of us and go shopping and stuff she is 7 next month and my middle child (her half sister) is 5 so they are very close in age. It was a very long hard battle and I almost gave up a few times, but I refused to let them win! And my father in law loves my stepdaughters mother and they are closer then I will ever be with him, but we got a parenting plan and that really helps cut out all of the bs. And eventually I hope you will be able to be civil with her mother. It really helps and it took a while, but now my stepdaughters mother will call me and fill me in on what's going on and we have really learned to co parent.

  • Comment Link Sam Sabet Friday, 09 September 2016 08:57 posted by Sam Sabet

    Enjoyed reading your story! How wonderful that your mother did not interfere or encourage your NOT wanting to visit with your father. My almost 25 year old daughter wants nothing to do with me. You stated "Nobody was cruel. I wasn't beaten, or denied food and shelter — I just didn't want to go." Her mother however encouraged this behavior, and the courts did not care. They only cared about if I was paying my child support (of course I was). Her mother passed away when my daughter was about 14. Things actually got worse as far as her communication with me. I have NEVER got a phone call, a letter, or in my opinion much worse, a thank you for the gifts I sent her over the years. The final straw was her sweet 16 gifts. I had to call her grandmother to confirm she got them. I suspect that my daughter has issues, and I will admit that I'm getting somewhat angry at her indifference towards me. I look at all the people who should never have children and especially the girls who pine for their dads, yet here I am with my door wide open, and she rejects me. Maybe she will read this as I will use my real name. I miss my daughter.....

  • Comment Link alisia.pike Friday, 19 August 2016 13:01 posted by alisia.pike

    My son is 16 teen and dosent want anything to do with his father his dad calls him mean names what can I do about this situation were staying with my mothe n law and he said we cant do that please help

  • Comment Link notyourbusiness Friday, 12 August 2016 02:35 posted by notyourbusiness

    I'm a new stepmom and I have seen these things happen. Daughter doesn't want to go to Dads for various reasons. My heart breaks because Dad wants time with his kids. Kids need time with their Dad. It doesn't matter if things are new and different, sometimes, the reason why it is the way it is, is because the mother won't allow more custody time to the father for fear of losing her child support $$. And when there's no good reason (no one was cruel, etc.)
    These things make me angry, it's the kids that lose out and the Dads always look like the bad guy....but it's almost like the kids feel entitled to more from the father than is possible. IS this article written from a narcissistic person? When you don't want to go cause it's not exciting, instead of wanting to go because you love your father and value time together, that's pretty shallow. Extrinsic vs. Intrinsic. Someone needs to show what truly matters in life, and being amused all the time isn't reality and humility needs to be taught!

  • Comment Link Efenedoruth Saturday, 23 July 2016 14:13 posted by Efenedoruth

    My son is 6years old and his dad wants him by force, what does law says about that,because i want my son to stay with me?

  • Comment Link Leigh Thursday, 30 June 2016 22:20 posted by Leigh

    My husband and I have been married 6 years. I have 3 children, ages 18,14,10 from a previous marriage. He has one child, age 9, from his previous marriage. In the beginning our children got along perfectly. My step daughter and I were great together. She is very spoiled by my husband's family and sometimes they makes her hard to deal with but we have always had rules at our house and they are the same for everyone. When my step daughter was 7 she and my husband's family ( mainly his mother and sister) decided she was mistreated by my husband, my children and myself. She told them we did more for my children and she wasn't loved as much. She said her dad would rather be with "those other kids" and me than be with her. She had always come to our house every other weekend...never wanted to leave, would aske to live with us. Depending on my husband's work schedule she was at our house much more then just weekends. We split holidays, weeks during the summer...she was at our house as much as she was at her mom's because her mom would
    Let her stay with my husband's family for days at a time. My stepdaughter lives 1 hour and 15 mins from where we live. Just 2 months before she started telling all these lies about me being degrading to her and us not wanting her she asked if she could call me "mama". While that made me feel good on the inside to know she thought of me like a mom and knew I loved her as mine, I told her I thought that might hurt her mom's feelings and we didn't want to do that. That we loved each other and we were family no matter what. I feel this child had much encouragement and words put on her mouth by my husband's mother. She doesn't like me and has admitted to resenting my children who didn't ask for their parents to divorce either. Their father isn't a part of their lives. He has chosen alcohol over them. My husband is the daddy they never had and his mother can't stand it. She used my step daughter to try and tear my marriage apart, and was almost successful. We had a difficult time because of lies and jealousy. Now, I don't have a relationship at all with my step daughter. She only comes to my house to get gifts and she is quick to tell us what she wants for birthdays etc... My husband doesn't really have a relationship with her much. He pays child support... I write the check out weekly. I used to go to ballgames and dance recitals of hers with or without him, he hasn't always worked at home. My husband's mother has created a monster in my step daughter. She has made her manipulative and hard to get along with all because my husband moved 15 minutes away from her when he married me and he loves and treats my children like his own. Oh and she and the ex wife are very close. I understand that's the mother of her grandchild and they will communicate and all that but I'm not a bad person. I didn't break up their marriage. I didn't even know my husband when he was married. My children are innocent and she has treated them exactly how she doesn't wan her own granddaughter treated. We have been at Christmas at my husband's grandmothter's house and my children and me not have one gift. I know Christmas isn't about gifts but when everyone else has more than one... It didn't upset me or hurt my feeling or even make me mad that I didn't have anything but how did that make my children feel? The Christmas before they had gifts there but because my stepdaughter and my husband's family thought she was mistreated they did that to my children.... Please I need advice. My husband stands up to his family and tell them I'm his wife and my kids are "our" kids and they can accept it or he won't have anything to do with them. But to see his child he has to go to his parents' house.

  • Comment Link Madison Monday, 20 June 2016 02:10 posted by Madison

    My sister is 16 and she doesn't want to go to my dad's only because she thinks my dad doesn't support her in anything. My mom won't force her to go, what do I do now?

  • Comment Link debbie Sunday, 19 June 2016 15:55 posted by debbie

    The easy way is just giving in when no1 agrees. It's hard to stay united the way a family is to be united. All we are doing is teaching that treachery is ok, families aren't meant to be strong so live for you & we have a vicious cycle of mental illness & crimes. Divorce is as wrong as adultery! 2 wrongs don't make a right. .. right? Men & women should be again held for their crimes against their families. It is more against children than it is adult so get out of your dream worlds & wake up!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 14 June 2016 23:36 posted by Guest

    Hi. I have a step sister who is 11 and i'm 18. We are both girls. We have different dads, mine being in another country (who I miss dearly), and her's being 4+ hours away. She wants nothing to do with him. When my mom was married to her dad, he psychologically & verbally abused us, and also threatened to hit us, many times... (he actually hit me twice, it's mostly psychological damage). We all lived together plus my grandma in a house. Once they were divorced he tried to break in to our house and he's called the police on us multiple times when he was the one causing the damage and being violent. He stole our furniture. He stalked our house. I had to call the cops once when he tried to break in when we came back from grocery shopping, I was 11, maybe older. My sister was about 4 or 5. After awhile they were officially divorced and now they have split custody. He lives in a crappy apartment and my sister doesn't feel safe there, plus it's always hot there and the people around there make her feel weird and uncomfortable. Her 'family' over there are practically strangers to her. Every time he sees her (which is once a year, usually during summer or the holidays), we have to lie to her and force her to go. She absolutely hates going and it breaks my heart to see her face have to go through with it. He claims he is a good father, which is absolutely not true. (Kind of irrelevant but he is one of the reasons I began to self-harm in 5th grade). He thinks he has gotten better as a person but I know he is pure scum. I don't know what to do to help my sister not go. He is incorrigible and thinks he is a saint when we all know he is not. He tries to persuade her and his favorite thing is hurting my mother through my sister, the case being we don't know how to get rid of this split custody mostly because my mom has a new (3 years) crappyish marriage and she's always working. My sister has to go spend a week with him tomorrow, but my grandmother is trying to postpone it. I'm leaving for Europe in July for school, and I don't know when I'll be back because plane tickets are expensive. I don't mean to babble, but I already have. I haven't read everyone else's posts but I'm sure there is something similar. I just wanted to share a bit of my story in relation to this post. My heart aches for her and every other kid out there who has to deal with this. My sister doesn't want to go and I don't know what to do.

  • Comment Link samantha Tuesday, 07 June 2016 13:23 posted by samantha

    hi. im a 14 y/o girl who is now at her dad's house. he's always working and he lives an hour and a half away from where i live with my mom. my parents both have joined custody, i just hate going to my father's no matter what. i love him, but i hate leaving my home for a house. but im staying with him for 2 weeks, and he already bought all the food a vegetarian eats. so what do i do? i have a new puppy i brought along, but she's not helping with anything. i dont want to hurt my dads feelings, but i know i will. im scared. please help.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 03 June 2016 19:51 posted by Guest

    I'm 17 years old, I kinda have the same situation with yall, but my dad got married. He runs off her and she has some money you know. I've grown up rough, dad never was seen, but he was definitely heard. He wasn't nice by any means. I don't like going because every time I go my dad like to start alooooooootttttt of s***. He left my brothers and sister including my mom for a number of women, along side that he only sees us whenever it benifits him. So I've come to the conclusion why should I see him. Money doesn't buy happiness and nor does it make up for the time you never spent with me during my childhood. Lots of reasons have led to this conclusion, several of which I don't want to say. I just have to say if you don't have a valiad reason not to see him then get to know him, if you do don't. It's simple

  • Comment Link brady  Friday, 27 May 2016 23:10 posted by brady

    my dad leave my whole family missed out on brithdays. all the holidays he got northing do with me

  • Comment Link Gia Sunday, 22 May 2016 07:15 posted by Gia

    Nobody will miss the little brat if she stays with the mother. She will be doing everyone a favor. Stay with your harlot mother and learn to be a harlot yourself.

  • Comment Link Guest77 Tuesday, 03 May 2016 21:41 posted by Guest77

    I am heading for a divorce and my son is so mad at me that he does not want to see me at all. I have only been living away from home for a month and feel as though I should go back just so that I can see my son? But on the other hand he is so angry with me that he is acting like my soon to be ex husband?? Not sure if his father is saying things to him but I have only seen him once a week since I moved out and only for a couple hours at a time :(

  • Comment Link anon due to implications this may have on my daughter Sunday, 24 April 2016 07:13 posted by anon due to implications this may have on my daughter

    What if, as a father with weekly visits from both my daughter's, aged 8 and 10 (same mother). My eldest doesn't want to go back to her mum? Whilst upset and crying her words are ''I don't want to go to mummy's, I can't do it anymore.'' How do I then send her back believing I'm doing the right thing?

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 23 April 2016 19:03 posted by Guest

    I came across this article and have read everyone's messages.
    I'm going thru a situation that's gotten out of control. My bf n I were both previously married. I was married for 19 yrs with four girls n he was married for 7 with 2girls. When we both started dating it was about us. Then we slowing introduced his 2 daughters to my small daughter my 3 other girls were adults. So we only had to focus on them. After a yr we moved in together. Seems ok but his ex had an issue... well it's now been 5 yrs n all of a sudden his youngest now doesn't want tocome over. She hasn't said the reason why. I'm not an abusive stepmom. Now I have gotten on them about chores, cleaning the room picking up after them self but not ones spanked. Now I do have a strong personality, but I have learned what n how to say things to them. Cuz they have twisted or misinterprete things n mac me the bad person. His daughters are 10 n 12. They tend to pretend n live the life of rich people just cuz they live outside the city n a better subdivision. They're mom has shown them to be materialistic n we're so not like that. They have a huge 4 bedroom two story house n we live in a small 3 brm one story home. So it's always different from clothing to food to everyday living..... now we're at a point that our relationship will suffer from this not to mention we have a 3 yrs old son. My question to all the kids that have left messages why don't you like ur dad's new gf or wife if she's never cause u harm ?

  • Comment Link unknown Tuesday, 19 April 2016 07:33 posted by unknown

    The situation at hashed i husband's daughter doesn't want to see him. History: When it comes to discipline I don't interfere. Since we started dating, she has been a rude little girl . However she has depression and during court both she and her mother said it was because of my husband however after court while talking to the mother she said it was because she is getting caught in lies by her friends and wanting to be someone she is not . Now he doesn't see his daughter cause the courts gave her that option. I have suggested family counseling but the mother won't go for it .

  • Comment Link Leia Sunday, 17 April 2016 16:41 posted by Leia

    Wow. This is what I'm going through right now. Except my parents aren't divorced and I live with my grandma. I've been thinking about what and how to tell him that I don't want to go over there. His place is so small and there's nothing to do. Would you have any idea what I could tell him?

  • Comment Link Jo Sunday, 10 April 2016 21:58 posted by Jo

    This hurts me so much to read. I want to show my step daughter the world as I am so different to her mother and feel I have so much to offer her of a different kind. We can take her on the holidays her mother can never afford abd give so much to her life if only she'd let us and I also want her to see a loving couple and how a partnership works. Her mother is still single and we gave been together since she was very small so she knows no difference. I wish her mother would make her come so we could give her this opportunity

  • Comment Link Tina McCain Monday, 04 April 2016 11:20 posted by Tina McCain

    I am a mom to two wonderful kids. Throughout my marriage with my ex, there was a struggle getting my ex to be responsible for the kids. In all areas. He liked the idea of being a father, but refused to be one. He abandoned us financially. We had child protection on us since the oldest was 1. He had been sent to numerous parenting classes, but wanted everything his way. He felt comfortable at parenting from the couch and bed. We are divorced n I e and he gets the kids every other week. He is still not a parent to them. He allows them to do what ever, but he does not take care of them. He has other people taking care of him because of his health. He has not paid the child support that started last year. He still had child protection while I do not. He does nothing as far as being a father. The kids do not like going over there to his house. They go, but one stays at a friend's house, the other stays but only plays with the other children that he actually does take care of. These other children are not his. He has two older kids and he did not take j e care of them either. So I am not sure what to do. The kids want to take my France's last name. He has been a father to the two for about 3 years now. They love him and they call him dad now. He wants to adopt them, but their father said no. He will think about the name change but he does not really want that either. He is the father in name only. What do I do? I have legs and physical custody and it is frustrating. T

  • Comment Link Tom Sunday, 03 April 2016 13:57 posted by Tom

    I'm a Dad who insisted on 50/50 custody, and luckily, my Ex and I have a reasonably good relationship. I invested a good hour reading a bunch of these comments. My conclusion is that there is no easy answer - other than to talk to your kids to find out what is going on.

    My heart goes out to the kids who have legitimate complaints about their part-time Dads. In some rare cases, I agree with limiting contact.

    However, to the whiny punks and their selfish enabling Moms who deny contact with poor loving Dads - shame on you! Just because it's "different" or "boring"? Suck it up and show some empathy for God's sake. If you don't grow up to be sociopaths you'll regret being so selfish down the road when you become a parent and realize that damage you caused.

    Good luck.

  • Comment Link Christina Friday, 18 March 2016 20:33 posted by Christina

    Hey, I'm a 13 year old girl and I feel the same...I love my dad and all don't get me wrong but I don't like going to his house. He has a wife and a daughter,my stepmom I don't like, and she doesn't like me ether, and my step sister I like her and we get along even though she is a bit younger. I don't like going every second weekend, I miss my mom when I go plus it's a almost two hour drive to get there, and I don't think it's fair that I have to sit In the car with my dad to see him my step sister and my step mom for two days. I love my mom I love staying with her and living with her, and can be myself around her and we are great together, we have a great relationship and she's the parent I've grown up with my entire life, I've talked to her about it and she always tells me that it's only two days or one day in some cases, and whatever happens to just let it go and remember that I'll be back at my home very soon, so I do whenever I go I just try to be with my sister all the time and not really talk to my stepmother...like for instance today I have to go until tomorrow and I know it's not long but I just don't like it, the long drive, my stepmom I just don't think it's worth it. I would much prefer if my dad and step sister only would come and we could do something for an afternoon and I could stay with my mom and not have to sleep or stay at my dads...i hope this helps relate to anyone in the same situation.

  • Comment Link stepmomma92 Monday, 07 March 2016 20:59 posted by stepmomma92

    I am a step mom of an almost 10 year old boy and I've been around since he was 4. My husband loves his son dearly and has fought for him ever since he was born. They were never married because it was a teen pregnancy so they never lived together. My husband was not even allowed near his son for the first year of his life because of his baby momma and her mother. He has been to more court dates than I can count to try for full custody and to get visitation. He pays child support. He has always wanted to see his son and has never done anything to harm him. All he wants is for him to come over and visit, at least a couple of weekends a month, but now he hasn't been over in a month and a half. Our house isn't terribly exciting and we have no other kids for him to play with. My husband was recently laid off and we can't afford to go out and do much right now. In fact, after deer hunting season ended in December, my stepson has not wanted to come over. He came over almost every weekend when season was in. I feel that he uses my husband for his own agenda and if he's not getting something from us then he doesn't want to come over. I recently told his biological mom that we weren't going to put up with it anymore because he is using my husband and he is so hurt. We leave the decision up to him as to whether or not he wants to come because if we don't he will just cry and pout the entire time that he is with us and we are all miserable. We decided that if he doesn't want to come over to see us on the "boring" weekends, then he won't be coming for the fun ones either, including holidays. We love him very much, but we are both hurt and tired of fighting it every weekend. I just thought I'd leave a step mom's perspective when the step child doesn't want to come over.

  • Comment Link Charlotte Wednesday, 24 February 2016 07:06 posted by Charlotte

    This helped so much, I sometimes don't feel comfortable at my dads house and I'm glad that I'm not the only person going through this.

  • Comment Link Rasa Sunday, 21 February 2016 20:30 posted by Rasa

    I just need to get this off my chest. I've been separated for two years and am the custodial parent of two children (now aged 16 & 18).

    I understand that children of divorce have better outcomes when dads stay involved. I understand that it's common for dads to become alienated after divorce. I understand that many dads feel victimized and that the courts are biased against them.

    And I genuinely feel sorry for those dads--they are suffering because for some kids, it really, truly is not in the child's best interest to spend a lot of time with their dad. I know there are cases where it's the reverse, and the mom is the toxic parent. However, I believe research will back me up that it's less common.

    My kids' dad isn't physically abusive to them. He is incredibly self-centered. For years, he threatened that he'd leave...to them, when I wasn't around. He'd complain that he didn't get to have any fun because the family drained his time and money.

    Finally, he did leave.

    He set himself up in a situation where he got what he'd wanted--more time to himself, more money at his disposal. But he still isn't happy, because at heart he is an unhappy person. Now, he complains that the kids don't want to spend time with him.

    Why would they? Through words and actions, he has demonstrated that he is uninterested in them other than when they are in service to him somehow....at holidays, for example, when he wants them to appear at the dinner table and impress other guests with his smart, sophisticated offspring. Or he wants their effusive gratitude when he buys them expensive dinners or takes them on trips.

    He thinks they prefer me because I am "nice" while he is "disciplinary" (he doesn't hear our struggles over curfew, homework, chores, etc.) He doesn't understand they prefer me because they trust me implicitly to always be there for them, even when I'm bored or tired or have a zillion things I'm natively more interested in than watching a sports practice or admiring their latest high score on a video game.

    They trust that I'll make sacrifices without complaining (well, most of the time, anyway), while at the same time having my own life as best I can: doing work I enjoy, dating a wonderful man who accepts that, for the next couple of years, our time together is limited because we both need to finish raising our kids before we can be together full time.

    Their dad is highly critical of them and complains near constantly. They have maybe 1 positive interaction for every 9 negative interactions. This isn't a case of parental alienation (I've read up on that to make sure!) They are old enough to see him for who he is, independent of my assessment.

    So, they go on vacation with him once a year and have dinner maybe once every other month, and text in between. That's probably the best their relationship will be for a while. Eventually, if the kids offer him something he wants (say, one of them opens a restaurant or buys a Formula 1 team), he'll make more time for them.

    I guess my point is this: to those dads who are alienated from their kids, look inward. Are you genuinely interested in them, and their activities, and in supporting them not just financially but emotionally and intellectually and spiritually? Or do you just want kids who look pretty in pictures and can be the occasional bragging point?

    Then, get to work on yourself. It's the only thing that's 100% in your control. No child will turn away a parent who is genuinely, persistently, and selflessly interested in them.

  • Comment Link Gina Monday, 15 February 2016 21:01 posted by Gina

    Ok so I have two step daughters . One that comes from a mentally abusive home whose mother is just garbage and my other step daughter that comes from a mother her spoils her and has issues herself. The one step daughter is 8 and lies all the time and actually stole money from us and my other step daughter is six and doesn't want to spend time with her father. And their father is a great dad to them and they are always treating him like shit and such disrespect . We don't know what to do with them. Both girls have been part of this family since they were little. I have to daughters and they would never treat me or my ex husband the way these girls treat their father.

  • Comment Link Samantha Hanson Monday, 01 February 2016 16:26 posted by Samantha Hanson

    My situation is the complete opposite my husband has a son from a previous marriage and he comes home every other weekend..and then begs and cries for us to not make him leave.. it breaks my heart every time!

  • Comment Link betzpollaski@gmail.com Sunday, 31 January 2016 22:15 posted by betzpollaski@gmail.com

    Thanks for this. I'm the mom with the 10 year old and since she was 1 never wanting to go to her loving dads. I'm always worried and sad when she goes so sadly, wondering if I'm wreaking her life. Glad you grew from this: )

  • Comment Link Robert Bigsby Saturday, 30 January 2016 03:05 posted by Robert Bigsby

    Jeez what an awful daughter you turned out to be. I don't want to see my dad bc it's "different". How much heartbreak a callous little turd like you can cause, hopefully he became estranged from you and moved on.

  • Comment Link Becky Thursday, 21 January 2016 23:19 posted by Becky

    Thank you for writing this. It's hard to know what the right thing is.

  • Comment Link Carrie-ann Sunday, 03 January 2016 17:05 posted by Carrie-ann

    Thank you i really needed this. I've heard my daughter say the same things over and over again until i think I've put a deaf ear to it because i don't understand; she has a nice family, nice house, a brother and sister, why doesn't she want to go, why does she fight me every time? My 12 year old has told me for years she likes them but she doesn't want to go, she feels better with me.
    You shed some light for me. Sometimes you need to hear it for a stranger and not from the child who's complaining.
    I've questioned myself and sending her, I've dealt with the stomach aches, and the worry. But I now feel confident I am doing the right thing and I know feel I have a better understanding of those feelings she has and why.

  • Comment Link Luke Thursday, 10 December 2015 02:31 posted by Luke

    I'm 31 years old I have an 8 year old with my high school sweetheart. I tried to make it work. She didn't. Our daughter grew up knowing we wasn't getting back together. Now she's 8 years old. She also has a sister that's only 1 year old. She only gets to see her when she comes to my house. Her mother called me tonight saying my daughter is crying begging her to please not make her come to my house. As a father that Loves his daughter and gets her everything she wants and needs. A father that lets her pick where we go and what we do on our weekends. I don't know what to do or how to act or be??? I feel like my hearts been ripped out of my chest. Do I make her come up on our weekends?? Any suggestions???

  • Comment Link Lross Saturday, 05 December 2015 00:02 posted by Lross

    I'm 14 and I go to my dad's house every second weekend. My parents separated when I was 7 my mum left my dad because he would yell at her and hurt us in summer2008 my dad slept with my mums friend ( he and she claims that they were drunk--but come on to cheat on your wife my mom.
    After they separated we only say our dad on Sundays but he rarly showed up.
    After about a year me, my brother and little sister saw him every second weekend. But he met a girl 8 years younger than he which as a young child I thought it to be strange as my parents are the same age. My dad was going out with this girl four only a few months and she moved in she was always strange she never played with us or did anything with us a couple of time she has call my severly dyslexic sister stupid and saying that an 11 year old should be able to read and write properly and that she is just lazy.
    She is now pregnant with my dad.I was only told recently about it and she is due in January 2016.
    My dad doesn't seem to love use at anymore even if he did. He asked me to move out of my room for the baby I don't know what to do I have to go to a place to talk because I can't cope with everything
    My mum and I always get in fights and we can't talk my grandparents think my dad's girlfriend is a saint so when I say one thing negative about her they get very angry with me.
    If your child doesn't want to go to there fathers house never Force them just advise them because you may not know half of what's going on!!

  • Comment Link Sally Sunday, 29 November 2015 17:29 posted by Sally

    I am a 17 year old girl and I have a twin sister and we are supposed to go to my dads house wvery other weekend. but we don't, I go by myself sometimes but my sister never wants to go which I understand we have a life but I think that when we go over there our lives are different we don't hang out with friends there just us. We have tons of fun we laugh and crack jokes all the time but I think the thing is we just don't want to go. Where we live with my mom we have more freedom to do what we want when we want. I turn 18 next month and I don't know if I should still go over to my dads house for the weekends or not?

  • Comment Link Amanda Friday, 20 November 2015 20:10 posted by Amanda

    To Norman....
    I read your comment and it hit me so hard. I am going through the same ordeal with my three boys ages 12 13 and 15. They want nothing to do with me. How are you coping ? I could use some advice !!!

  • Comment Link Andy Phillips Wednesday, 11 November 2015 18:13 posted by Andy Phillips

    Pretty sad article. Basically, rather than talking about and resolving the issues that made you uncomfortable, you and your enabling mother took the easy path by ignoring, lying and then getting your way during your narcissistic teen years. There are two sides to every coin. This discusses about 2% of one side --- your selfish side. That whining "I don't want to go because I am a selfish lazy brat" should have been nipped in the bud at an early age. I am sorry to hear that you were not raised correctly and have learned little to no respect for the people that should make decisions that are not a child's (defined as under the age of 18) to make They are called parents. Good parents do not include their kids in the placement negotiation. Good parents do not have to deal with the "but I don't want to go" childish rant for more than one or two times in their life. Once I child learns that they lost their Nuk years ago and its time to follow the plan laid by their parents, the better they will be as adults and parents themselves. Really, the mall??? You gotta be kidding me...........

  • Comment Link Lucky Mom Saturday, 07 November 2015 20:28 posted by Lucky Mom

    This article is eye opening. I wish my kiddos father would actually take the time to understand our children instead of yelling and screaming about what he doesn't understand. Although I have full custody, I plan our lives around his busy schedule to see our children yet he is always calling kids and scolding them about something when he is out of town....
    His new wife "their stepmom" has decided she is done with our daughter who has struggled to find common ground with her. My daughters thoughts: "This random lady moved into my house where my mom once lived and started cluttering the walls with her things and look at all the stupid plants she has.." Since my daughters attitude was very poor, the stepmom has decided to act like a school child and give her the cold shoulder.
    My ex's daughter behaved that way with me but I'm an adult! I shrugged it off and started a new day everyday... Eventually she opened up but what can I do to help? Their dad doesn't feel like there is a problem yet he complains why my daughter doesn't want to go...... So typical of him

  • Comment Link Norman Tuesday, 03 November 2015 03:16 posted by Norman

    Nice to see how child-led parenting has meant children now don't honour their parents. You clearly stated your Dad was ok, your step-family were ok. No beatings or bad stuff like that... just boring by your standards so that's enough to reject your father.

    I am father to a 13 year old whose mother has raised him to think this is also acceptable. I make sure to structure his time with me with things he likes, asking for feedback on what variety of activities he would like to do so his time with me is quality rather than sitting about bored.

    But now, it's been three weeks he's simply stated he doesn't want to see me. I've gone to visit him, picked him up from school and call him daily (which is increasingly painful as he will not open up and talk like he used to).

    When his mother and I were married there was no trouble in the home and I have always been in his life. I attend his parent-teacher meetings, and I support him financially. His mother fell ill a few years ago and I literally cared for her and him for several days. I've always stood by him and tried to support my ex to make sure he knows he has a family even if I don't live there.

    Anyway, now he feels he doesn't need to respect me or spend time with me. I have literally had a huge chunk of my heart ripped out. Rejected by the baby I first held when he was born. I've been there since the very beginning. He would not be alive without me, caring for him when he was sick, feeding him and his mother. Working to pay for his school, his holidays and his activities.

    Perhaps the worst thing is he doesn't go out much and spends most of his time just watching TV or playing games. Something he could with his father.

  • Comment Link Kenzie Kress Tuesday, 03 November 2015 01:13 posted by Kenzie Kress

    I am a fourteen year old girl. I want to say that my parents divorced 7 years ago, but I can't be sure. My dad cheated on my mom and that was very apparent. At the time I was too young, but as I grew older it just became so obvious. My mom wanted full custody of us, but because she cared about us and at the time we loved our dad, we were put in split custody.(Me and my 12 year old sister) My dad is mean and rude; but buys me whatever I want. I mean I love my dad, but my step dad is more of a dad to me. My dad doesn't really spend much time with me. I asked him about living at my mom's during the week because it's a shorter drive in the morning and it would be more rest for me, but he said no. He can't cook so when I try to help him he just tells me how annoying I am. My step mom has done hardly anything for me in my entire life. I have never had a hug from her, nor has she really talked to me about much. I was telling someone about our relationship and they said it was really odd. I never found it odd that me and my step mom didn't really have a relationship; same with my 3 step siblings. As for my step dad I love him. Probably more than my real dad. He takes me to school whenever I am at my moms, my step mom has never taken me to school. My step dad plays games with me, bonds with me and overall just cares more about me than my dad seems to. I am trying to raise money so that I can take my dad to court. I really want to live with my mom and in the next 3 weeks, when I will be solely living with my dad is when I am going to ask. Wish me luck!

  • Comment Link Jas Sunday, 25 October 2015 23:07 posted by Jas

    Sounds like your a spoiled brat who only cared about your and your mom's feelings. Your poor father and how many times his heart was probably broken...

  • Comment Link Shirley Tuesday, 13 October 2015 04:35 posted by Shirley

    I just recently left my husband of 20 years because of mental abuse. We have 2 girls. One is 15 and the other is 11. The 15 year old stays with her father and the 11 year old stays with me full time. I would like my 15 year old to go to counselling to help her deal with this. I know I can't force her to go but her father and I would like her to go. What can we do to convince her to go? What age does she have to be to refuse to go? This would benefit her emotionally. She is angry with me(her mom)but I want to help her but don't know what age she has to be to refuse to go. Can you help me with this. Thank you

  • Comment Link Unkown Friday, 09 October 2015 15:13 posted by Unkown

    I am 14 and I absolutely HATE going to my dads house. Every time I have to go I spend though time thinking how much I hate going and just want to stay with my mom. Im going this weekend and I really don't want to but my dad will get really angry if I don't go ahhh.

  • Comment Link margaretkeeverr Thursday, 10 September 2015 13:30 posted by margaretkeeverr

    My husbands daughter called him and asked him to walk her down the homecoming court. And he said yes. Well that after noon her mother called my husband and told him not to call there daughter or be mad at her but she doesn't want u to walk her down home court. I think the mother has something to do with it. I told him to call his daughter. And ask her why. She said he's been there for me more than u have. I'll still think that came from mother because if that was so she wouldn't have every ask her daddy in the first place. What do we need to do?

  • Comment Link Jeanne Tuesday, 01 September 2015 17:54 posted by Jeanne

    My eight year old son approached me and said when he is at his fathers he thinks if he wasn't around or was never born that the other siblings who are teenagers would be better off. He doesn't feel like anyone welcomes him. This leaves me feeling heart broken for my son.

    I would like to approach my Ex about how he feels but my son and I feel the same way. We feel it would make matters worse.

    Its bad enough that he already thinks I am just a complainer and harassing because I do not agree with how he co-parents.

    I just don't know what to do.

  • Comment Link Ashley Tuesday, 18 August 2015 23:32 posted by Ashley

    My ex and I share custody of my 6 year old daughter. He married this woman he met online a year ago, and things have definitely changed. My 6 year old had her hair cut against her will, the stepmom has cats that my daughter is allergic to but they won't hear of it, her dad has actually started to bully me when it comes time for visitation and court orders, and now there is emotional abuse against my daughter. He will force her to work in a workbook full of math and reading (she is just getting better at reading, and will be starting math in school this year), and when she gets upset and needs help, she'll ask, and he will straight up tell her to figure it out on her own because he is too busy to deal with it, and the stepmom doesn't want to be bothered by her. My daughter will actually cry when it's time for her dad to come and get her, begging and pleading with me not to let her go. She says he won't even play with her at the park anymore because he is too busy and would rather talk to his wife. At this point, I don't have a choice because he will call the cops if I don't "make" her go. But I don't know what to do except find myself a cheap but good attorney...

  • Comment Link Olivia Saturday, 25 July 2015 23:58 posted by Olivia

    I'm literally having that same problem. My parents divorced 2 years ago (I'm currently 14) and I HATE going to my dads house. I have a sister who's 16 and she has never been to his house. She resents him for walking out on her, my mom and I. He is not married or dating, but I just hate the way he loves. I hate the food he cooks. His dirty apartment. My tiny room there. And him. I love him but I really really don't like him. I've never been abused or deprived of food or shelter, but I just love my mom. She understands me and tells me she loves me everyday. I know he loves me but he doesn't show it in the way I need him to. And he talks about how busy he is at work and how tight we are on money but then he goes out with his friends 5 nights in a row. And then when I ask him if we can shopping for a half hour and get things to make the house more comfortable for me, or if I ask him to take me driving (for practice) he says he's way to busy and can't. I don't want to tell him. I can't bare to hurt his feelings. My sister already has that handled. He is just a very annoying person. I'm counting down the days until I move out and go to college. If anyone has any advice please please tell me. I'm having a very hard time.

  • Comment Link dee Saturday, 18 July 2015 23:58 posted by dee

    If a child dscides he doesnt want to go back to their father house because they put thier mother down and they play football and boy scoutt and they want to do it instead but their father say no they cant they have to go with them i stead because its his turn to have then and they are 12 and 13 years old can they have a choice

  • Comment Link David bedford Sunday, 05 July 2015 12:05 posted by David bedford

    I am a father of a thirteen year old boy. I see similarities in the article I've just read but I need it from the perspective of the father. I love my son and miss him like mad but I'm costantly trying to think of ways to attract him over to me instead of with his friends or his mum or his uncles new baby which is the latest thing. I can't compete and I want him to come over because he misses me not because we are taking him some where special. It hurts so much that I'm missing out on so much of his life.

  • Comment Link Marcy Friday, 26 June 2015 06:37 posted by Marcy

    I'm a 14 year old girl. I know it's pretty normal to hate your parents at this age, but I just find my dad pathetic. He lives in a huge run-down house that he never cleans because he complains 'It's just too big to clean'. My room smells of mold, there are vines growing through some of the house's windows, and the whole place pretty much smells of dampness from the leaks whenever it rains.

    Look, I don't hate my dad, and he's not a bad person, he just seriously needs to get his sh*t together.

    I don't want to hurt him by never coming over, because I know he is quite lonely, but I seriously hate going there.

    I've talked to him about moving house, but he just won't let go. (He inherited the house when his dad died)

    So yeah.

  • Comment Link Haylee Friday, 19 June 2015 21:03 posted by Haylee

    I'm 11 year old girl I hate going to my dads I go every other weekend and on Wednesdays and then my mom and my dad switch up the holiday I have a stepmom and a step sister I have a step grandmother and step aunt and step uncle I wanted to stay at my moms today in this weekend she told my dad I was sick but then she explained to me that if I just get it over with you'll be over before I know it he'll be back with her again so she told my dad I really wasn't sick and maybe it was just a little bug so I could come over I don't want to go I'm going over there in about 3 hours so far away I still don't want to go just like you I don't have fun over there we just kind of sitting around our house we don't do anything my step mom goes to work Friday and Saturday night and then its just no fun on Sundays when she's home we just sit around all day I wish I could be with my mom forever I love my mom I love my dad my step mommy makes me hate my dads house

  • Comment Link Angelica Tuesday, 26 May 2015 03:24 posted by Angelica

    I am a girl who is 11 .i have the problem that I think my dad doesn't know I am all he is whit his my stepmom Nataly and it drives me crazy. I only see him 4 days in a month and he doesn't even bother to take me some were ,were me and him could have some bonding time for just one day. And I feel heartbroken.
    And now there is a baby coming up and I am just great now I am never going to spend time with him

  • Comment Link Betsy Pollaski Thursday, 07 May 2015 19:31 posted by Betsy Pollaski

    I am the mother and its nice to here what a grown kid has to say. we are in the same boat here. 9 yr old never wants to go, tears every time. I say u must and I know shes fine later.. but it never stops hurting.

  • Comment Link Anonymous Saturday, 07 February 2015 00:30 posted by Anonymous

    My situation is extremely similar to the one in the article, except that my mom is the one who got remarried, rather than my dad. My mom's is comfortable and I actually have no problem with my step dad. My dad has been dating off and on, his longest relationship lasted 3 years, his most recent is about 3 weeks. Now he's single, depressed, and lives in a one bedroom apartment where my brother and I sleep on the couch. The place is a pigsty and both my dad and brother are oblivious to it. He so sad all the time and hides it pretty well. He'll lock himself in his room and sleep all day, occasionally talking to us when he leaves the room to get food. He also has. A dog, which I can understand because he gets lonely, but it's also costing him too much. We mostly " hang out ", which means I'm always on the computer. We don't have to eat somewhere expensive or see and overpriced movie, he can't really afford it anyway, but I want to spend time with him, that's what the weekends are for. What I'm asking is a number of things. Is it bad for me to not want to go? Should I still go? How can I confront him about his behavior?

  • Comment Link Wayne Wednesday, 07 January 2015 09:00 posted by Wayne

    I'm a dad who's 8 year old son does not want contact with him anymore. In two months everything has changed between us. From a time that he was exited to be with me over the weekends to flat out refusing to visit now. It heartbreaking and I don't know how to deal with this? At first his mother suspected abuse but this is definitely not the case and she has moved on from this thought.

    He has many excuses. Does not like sleeping in the dark, too many rules in my house. I don't think that there are too many rules. All I expect from him is to clean up after himself which his mom does as well. One thing I can say is that he has more fun at his Moms place as there is much more activity with people constantly in and out of that household.

    He suffers from ADD and is on Ritalin with the usual issues. Battles to make friends at school and has very low esteem which I have always tried to change with rational conversions. He has also started to pick up weight and is eating too much. Hopefully his mom will sort this out in 2015. I also used to take him for golf and cricket lessons to motivate him. The golf is a bit of a chore for him but cricket he loves. He does not want to participate in this anymore even though he is playing for an older team group at school and is quite good. This brought me much joy as I thought that it would give him the social tools and self esteem needed in today's world.

    We are taking him to a child psychologist shortly but I feel that I have lost my son for good and this will be an issue that will probably never change!

  • Comment Link Cory robertson Monday, 15 December 2014 15:47 posted by Cory robertson

    My baby mom drop the kids off and lelf them with me I got them in school and I let them go to there moms for the week end now she won't bring them back

  • Comment Link Anonymous Sunday, 14 December 2014 16:47 posted by Anonymous

    2 years ago, me ex was accused of sexually assaulting his 11 year old step-daughter. I served him with papers that prevented him any contact with our daughter and he didn't even fight. A year later he got the conviction over turned but the girl is still adamant that something happened. Now my daughter who is now 10 doesn't want to go to her dads house. A couple months ago he met a girl with four kids of her own, and now has bought a house and moved in together. My daughter says she is scared of the house and doesn't want to go. I don't want to let her go!

  • Comment Link Michelle Sunday, 14 December 2014 09:34 posted by Michelle

    Usually when kids don't want to go there are underlying reasons for this. Always listen to your child/children. I never and regret it wholeheartedly as my children were sexually and physical abused by their father because I made them go due to court orders and not really understanding why they didn't want to go. Eventually they did tell me and he was jailed but damaged was already done. Your story had a very different ending then my children.

  • Comment Link brigitte jones Sunday, 30 November 2014 09:19 posted by brigitte jones

    It would appear the most balanced situation would be for your daughter to live with you and go to her dad's instead of going to day care. So she'd have contact with other kids her Dad could take her to local playgroups. In fact you wouldn't een hae the pressure of haing her ready for the day, as getting dressed and haiong breaskdast can be done at dads.

    Once she is school age you'd find dropping youtr daughter off at dad's useful as schools don't open as early as daycare does. Once this dad gets a regular slot that fit his earlier role he should stop being so insecurely competative. It's easier on the child if each parent has around equal time but in distinct roles and times.

    Your family situation allows this. Kids hate being rotated over dwellings for no other reason than meeting the needs of a couple who can't manage to remain together.

  • Comment Link Shayla Carroll Thursday, 13 November 2014 05:06 posted by Shayla Carroll

    I am 16 years old and have a 11 year old sister she has already stated the fact that she doesn't like going to daddy's so no one makes her ...I haven't been in a few months either but my reason being is his girlfriend and her daughter lives with him! They moved in like a month after they met how stupid well I don't like her at all !!!! She keeps my dad from me and my sister so she's the main reason I don't like going......and my dads birthday is this Saturday well she said if we come over we would be ther by ourselves because SHE is taking him out then she said we could come stay untill that night but anyone who reads this please help me figure out something .and as soon as my mom and dad was divorced my mom started dating and then my dad and nobody asked me or my sister if it bothered us!!! YES!!! It does and it still does but I had never really had time to adjust to my mom and dad being separated and I guess that's why I hate my dads gf!thanks for reading this and y dad always talks about my mom and her older bf when I'm around him

  • Comment Link melony Tuesday, 21 October 2014 14:15 posted by melony

    END OF MY ROPE :( My 12 yr old son wants to live with his dad. The problem for me is, his dad has been in and out of his life since our divorce 10+years ago. He goes months at a time sometimes longer without seeing our kids, calling, nothing. Just recently had the courts enforce child support, he owes thousands in back as well. Now all of a sudden out of nowhere he comes to grab my son on a Sunday to visit, it had been 6 months since my kids have seen him, we have 2 kids. Teenage daughter that is a delight with no issues. Back to my son, his dad picked him up for a few hour visit, when my son got back home he insisted on living with him. Coincidence? I'm afraid the obvious is he only wants my son so save on child support. Meanwhile it's been 2 weeks since that Sunday and my son has fought me tooth and nail not to go to school! I literally forced him the first week. This week he hasn't went at all! He says he hates me, and wants to live with his dad. He has no respect for me at all. I am absolutely at the end of my rope. He won't go to school and his dad and him are wanting me to pick a date for him to move in :( I'm not comfortable with the entire situation, I want my son to be happy, but I don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.. **I know a boy needs his dad, both my kids do. But I am afraid the love just isn't there on his part. He has never been around. He is just not close to our kids. He is very neglectful witch is why my daughter gave up on him. My son however, is so desperate for any sort of affection from him he doesn't care about anything, as long as his dad shows him attention. I feel so bad for him my heart is broken :( I want to do what is best for my kids. I just don't know what that is.

  • Comment Link Jay Monday, 13 October 2014 15:49 posted by Jay

    My son is 4. Ive been divorced for over a year. Since May 2013 Ive had my son every other weekend. Just recently, over a month, when I pick up my son he starts crying and says he wants to see mommy. He also says this within the weekend I have him. Ive also noticed he doesnt want to talk to me over the phone. The times I have him we have fun. I do not do anything that prevents him of not having fun. Sure this could be his comfort is at his moms. But why does he always cry and have temper tantrums when he is over my house?

  • Comment Link Jill Kelley Wednesday, 08 October 2014 21:41 posted by Jill Kelley

    My son is 12 years old and we have had some problems with our relationship for the past 2 years. His Dad & I divorced 5 years ago. I had custody for the first 5 years, now we have shared custody. He say's my rules are stupid and he has said this for quite some time now. Basically, I now have the same rules that his Dad has, the phone gets taken away when homework doesn't get done, friends can't come over if he's not minding, also he has no respect for me or my rules, so once again he doesn't want to come to my house on my days to have him. I feel like I have to stand my ground to let him know he has to go by the rules and have respect. I have read articles online, that say's I shouldn't take this personally, that he is just going through puberty. His Dad and girlfriend just bought a house that's close to one of my sons friends house, so I thought well he wants to be around his friends, I live in the country. I don't know what to do. I feel hurt by this and I want to see my son more, but he just really wants to be at hid Dad's. Sad in Indiana

  • Comment Link Toni Crump Thursday, 18 September 2014 03:57 posted by Toni Crump

    I need some advice, I was a young mom and in an abusive relationship well I got out and soon after my daughters father who was an ok dad but not by any means a great dad!! He barely worked while I worked 2/3 jobs while being pregnant with her, he sold drugs, guns and robbed people our home was raided and I almost got my daughter taken away because of his actions. And on top of it all he beat me while I was pregnant and he cheated on me and he never worked and while I was out there busting my ass to take care of everything he would not want to "babysit" our child while I worked so I would have to find sitters for her and everything so he could go smoke weed and hang with his so-called friends. Well I couldn't take it anymore I did everything cooked, cleaned, worked and took very good care of my daughter. I may not have been perfect but let's just say as a result of my doing my 15 year old is an honor student in high school 10th grade she rows crew one of the hardest sports there is, she is very popular has great friends doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs and is just an all around great kid!!! Her father was in jail from the time she was in the 3rd grade till about 8th grade and when he first came home I immediately gave him the chance to be a part of her life! However I feel as though he's jealous that I succeeded in raising an amazing child rather than her being all screwed up! And the fact that I've never in my life asked him for anything like child support which I'm totally entitled to but id much rather bust my ass and or struggle than ask him for a dime!!! I went to him one time for $300 for a deposit for my new apt at the time and I paid him back in full more than 2 weeks after the fact and he even had the audacity to hold that over my head. And as far as his family no one except his sister even cared to call or ask if we needed anything or if I needed help or anything while he was away and as my daughter became older she started to realize these things!! And it hurt her but I still... We still gave that man a chance!! At first he was treating her as if she was still 8 years old when he first started hanging out with her which she didn't like and there were times that he would want her to come over but she didn't want to go cuz she had homework or practice or a play or a birthday party or was tired etc. Do I think they were excuses absolutely, do I blame her absolutely not. She never wanted to sleep over because she's very attached to me and she simply didn't want to go there she wasn't comfortable because she doesn't even know those people but we did try to let her have a relationship with him. Well I was also dating someone at the time for a few years we are now married and my husband treats my daughter as his own, and he has a son who he has custody of As well, but my daughters father gave me hell about that too saying things like "he's not nobody just someone you're f

  • Comment Link Elaine Monday, 08 September 2014 09:49 posted by Elaine

    My daughter is 15 years old. 2 years ago her dad attacked her. She no longer wants to see him and now he will not pay for her schooling. What should I do

  • Comment Link Warrior_B Wednesday, 20 August 2014 23:31 posted by Warrior_B

    This is to Berlin.
    I am a FATHER who has an 18 yr old son who wants to live w me exclusively & a 16 yr old daughter who was supposed to live w me 50% of the time until we sold our home & my wife and I got separate places. Since my wife found a rental first my daughter moved in with her. Well two months later and now my daughter is telling me & my wife she's not sure she wants to go back & forth between home. We live 2 miles apart. This has hurt me deeply as there is nothing I have doesn't to warrant this. It's actually the opposite. My wife has been verbally abusive and controlling to us all. Last summer my daughter called me telling me she wanted to kill herself during an argument w my wife. My daughter had told me it will take years to repair their relationship. Now my wife has been all nice to her and I guess my daughter feels settled.
    I fell into depression over this... cause I want a relationship w my daughter & not an aquaintance. I'm trying to accept this but unsure of what to do. We are weeks away from the div being final and we have both kids as 50% legally but were going to be flexible with where they stayed. My wife accepted that my son's wishes as he would be 18 b4 the div was final.
    I'm not sure if I should do anything or just let things play out without drama. It's VERY painful for me. I cooked breakfast for my daughter and drove her to school everyday while we lived together.
    My wife is asking me for the bed in her room at my house. I am torn. I believe in love but I always been poor at standing up for myself & my needs, wants, etc.
    I'm just confused now. Should I force her to stay w me or not. I don't think I should.
    What a drag. I feel for all you women who have to deal with crappy fathers. I am not one of those.
    I will leave it ion God's hands to direct and trust that He has the power to bring the best result for all of us. I def don't know what that is.

  • Comment Link Chenille luckett Tuesday, 05 August 2014 03:04 posted by Chenille luckett

    My grandma has custody and so does my dad but I want to stay at my grandmas for like an year but he wont let me stay and that is all I ask. He only let's me stay for like 1-week and a half. What should I do??
    Its just totally not fair. Why did he give her custody if he isn't gonna let me stay with her.

  • Comment Link Berlin Thursday, 31 July 2014 11:08 posted by Berlin

    I am leaving this message as a MOTHER whose child doesn't want to visit her. My ex husband and I separated in Oct. 2010. He was abusive to me, I had finally had enough, called the police, he was arrested, and I took what I could and my son, and left. We lived at my moms for a month until I get could get us our own apartment. I got primary physical custody, his dad got visitation. Everything was fine, at first. Over time, he began not wanting to come home when he was supposed to, so I'd always get a phone call asking to stay a little longer. I would usually allow it, unless he had school the next day and had to be up early. Then, in Feb. 2012, my son told me he wanted to go live with his dad. No explanation other than he just missed him, he missed his old school and old friends and didn't like where we were living and making new friends. I told him I needed to think it over. Before I had a chance to make a "what's really best for him" decision, he went to school and told the guidance counselor that was suicidal because he couldn't go live with his dad. The school contacted me, and when he got home that day, I asked him why on earth he'd say something like that. He told me that he wasn't really going to harm himself. He said he didn't even know how to do something like that. He just wanted to go live with his dad. Now, I was really upset, thinking that if he was that unhappy with me, and desperate to go live with his dad that he'd actually go to that length to get his way, then maybe I should let him. I called his dad, we talked it over, and the very next weekend, he went to live with his dad. It was the hardest decision I've EVER had to make, and I haven't been the same since. I still cry daily, and miss him so much my heart hurts. My confusion continues, though, because there was NO abuse at my home, he pretty much got to do whatever he wanted, and only had a few chores he was expected to do. I didn't and still don't understand the rejection.
    At first, he would come visit me every other weekend. He wouldn't spend the night, though, for about a year. Then, he'd come every other weekend and spend the night. Then, it became once a month. Now, it's basically when he feels like it. He'll tell me he's coming, then at the last moment, tell me he doesn't want to.
    I don't force him for one simple reason: I want him to be happy. I have friends and family tell me that I should make him come visit because our time together is important, and I do understand that. But, I have tried that in the past and we both end up miserable. He sits and pouts the entire time, and I feel bad for making him come. I am bewildered by this. I go through so many emotions regarding this: hurt, confusion, anger, etc.
    One of the most confusing things for me is that his dad was not a huge part in his upbringing up until the point that I left. He didn't work, and pretty much laid in bed and watched TV while I worked, cleaned, cooked and took care of our son. When I left, my ex moved in with his parents and still lives there, now with our son as well. I do understand his love for his dad, of course. I guess what I don't understand is him wanting to live with his dad and grandparents when it was me who had pretty much done everything for him since he was born. Rejection, I guess?
    I don't have a reason why he doesn't want to come visit much anymore, either, which is also hard on me. I ask him why, and he just says "because I don't want to". I did contact my attorney that handled the original custody, visitation, and divorce. He also handled the situation when my son went to live with his dad. He told me that we can go back to court, and they'll probably make him start coming, but that he is almost at an age where the judge will ask him what he wants and take that into consideration as well. So, while he may be forced to come for a year or so, he'll soon be able to decide for himself whether he wants to come at all, just like he does right now.
    I don't think he knows how much this hurts me. I haven't don't anything to make him not want to be with me.
    I think when people say "if the child/children don't want to visit, don't make them!", they need to also evaluate the situation as to why. If there is no reason (no abuse, adequate housing, etc.), the child should be encouraged to go. In the long run, it's going to hurt both the child AND the parent that isn't being visited. At least in my case, I believe it is.

  • Comment Link timco Friday, 11 July 2014 18:00 posted by timco

    My son is 7// and doesent want to come my other son is 8 and doesrnt want to go back my x says to my youngest son no one can force you but to me contact sjould be encouraged as it is important for the child to decide if they miss a visit try to make it soo that both parents get to talk find out y and encourage contact if one parent is no good the kids will stop visiting when there older any way

  • Comment Link ConcernedMomZ Wednesday, 25 June 2014 07:49 posted by ConcernedMomZ

    My 8 year old doesn't want to go to his dads. He did at first then he suddenly said one day he didn't want go. He wanted to stay home and play AAU basketball because at his dads he know he wasn't really going to do much except for go skating or bowling. He hasn't been in two years. But now that his dad has this new fiancé he is yelling contempt if court. Also he father told me he can barely pay his bills why would you tell me that and want me to send my son there. But I'm not going to make my son go some place he doesn't want to go. I need advice please help?

  • Comment Link laurie Monday, 21 April 2014 15:57 posted by laurie

    my 12 year old daughter doesnt want to go to her father during the week and tries to get out of it each time, but i make her go to him i stay out of it since the court did order tues and thurs and every other weeekend. it is killing me to send her somewhere she hates going. any advice?? thank you for posting this

  • Comment Link Jade Monday, 21 April 2014 00:05 posted by Jade

    help im the other way caues i just got home from my daddys house and i all ready miss him what do ido HELP?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Comment Link tired ex wife Tuesday, 08 April 2014 19:51 posted by tired ex wife

    My husband had an affair and .left us for his mistress. My three boys 18, 15, 13 do not want to spend time with him. Its been 17 months and it only gets worse. My ex blames me for them not wanting him around but its not my fault. He rarely sees them, lies to them and promises to b around more and won't listen to them when they try to explain why they feel the way they do. He has put his mistress and her kids in front of his own. He makes terrible choices like not showing up for gift opening for Xmas morning.( spent it with the mistress and her kids).
    Its not always the mothers. I would love my boys to have the dad they had before he left. He was a great dad. My kids were close with him but he left and turned his back on them. What did he expect. He made the choice to leave and needs to deal with the consequences

  • Comment Link Ken Friday, 28 March 2014 20:13 posted by Ken

    There are many words here.

    But there is only one truth: children need both parents.

    Statistically, mom gets the kids and dad pays support and loses contact. That is something anyone can verify simply by looking it up.

    Children pay a terrible price for this. It needs to change.

    The costs are apparent in the many problems we now see in youth.

  • Comment Link Tony Almeida Monday, 17 March 2014 00:52 posted by Tony Almeida

    Hi! Vanessa!
    My name's Tony Almeida, I'm from Brazil and have lived some years in the USA. My story has come up with this sad episode. Last December, 2013, my daughter decided to visit her grandmom earlier for Christmas, even without my knowing. The worst! We has already planned to spend the Christmas' Day at the beach as we had always done, which had always been something she alwas asked me to. Well, for Christmas, I even called her on the cell-phone over and over to wish her Merry Christmas, but she didn't answer it.
    Then, I kepf calling every day and the same thing went on and on. She spent 2 months at her grandmom's, and when she returned, I called her mom and I was told my daughter didn't want to come come with me, which was a shock, it seemed the whole world had come down on me. I came to be hospitalized for me relationship with my daughter was so perfect that since her mom and I got divorced she wanted to just stay with me. I toook her everywhere I went on trips, parks, theaters, movies, and from nothing she just turned her back on me. I got to talk to her some 20 days ago and we talked some, but she was so resisting that we had to hang up. So far, I haven't called her, because her mom said she is depressed. I really don't know how to behave in this situation. I've been in pain. God knows how much it has hurt me.

    Thanks for the opportunity to let it out!

    Bless you.

  • Comment Link Gerry Wednesday, 25 September 2013 10:26 posted by Gerry

    I'm living a situation like this. I got divorced 3 years ago, I have 50% custody of my children, but my middle child has turned her back on me and she is making a lot of drama to not visit me. Lawyers, mediation, therapists, psychiatrist, etc. A couple days ago, while we where both in therapy, my daughter told me that she doesn't want to see me at all, that she can't forgive things like I was working too much (so mother can stay at home with the children), etc. She even said that her mother's new boyfriend is a better father...ouch yes it hurts. I don't know what to do. She's only 13yo. Her mother is alienating my daughter really bad and there's nothing I can do about it. Mother encourage daughter behaivor. My daughter and I have been going to therapy for a year already, things are even worst. Therapist suggested to not force her to come to my home, but my daughter doesn't want to spend even 2hrs a month with me. Should I let her go? I think I've done EVERYTHING to make this relationship to work, but if she's not willing to put something in it, it will never work.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 21 February 2013 01:59 posted by Guest

    son : i hav a court order in place , and hav parental rights to my son , she is his main guardian but does not hav sole custody , she has prevented him from seeing him for the last 2 weeks now , trouble is , he doesn t neither , , he s 12 at the end of march , its like a light switch , ive always known shes been putting me down infront of him for years now cos o sheer hatred , jealousy i dunno , there s bad history , but all i want is him to b safe and sound , i love him , , there s school attendance issues where his mum is concerned and there has been social work involvement over the years , i know shes said something to him , bribed , promised him i dunno , its killin me inside , im awaiting a childrens emergency hearing which ive called for and she has broke the court order , please can u help as im needin someone to talk to , any advice would b appreciated ... thx andy

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 17 February 2013 14:27 posted by Guest

    I feel your pain as I am in a: I feel your pain as I am in a similar situation. My husband divorced his wife a few years ago. She suffers from some serious mental illness including PBD and PTSD but refuses to get treatement. It's a very long story but if anyone has ever dealt with someone with PBD you will understand the kind of abuse my husband endured for years leading up to the divorce, and the terrible things that she did and said during the divorce proceedings.

    He has three beautiful children-two girls and a boy ages 19, 15 an 12. The oldest and youngest seem fine with their father. They spend equal time with their mother and their father. The real problem is the 15 yr old. She does not want to come to our house. She says she hates it and blames her father for everything. Let me give you an example. My husband offered his ex wife enough $ per month to cover mortgage and utilities on the house the kids had grown up in. He wanted them to be able to stay there until they were all done with high school. His ex refused. Said she didn't want his money at all. As a result, the court stepped in an ordered him to pay a monthly amt which did not cover all the mortgage and the utilities. She did not want to get a full time job and has since let the house be foreclosed upon (she received the house in the divorce settlement). Now, the middle child is blaming her father for the lose of the house. She said, "mom told me it's your fault that you aren't giving her more money. I've seen all the bills."

    The hard part is that he tried over the course of 9 months to give her enough money to stay in the house and she won't take it. Instead, she is now driving a wedge between the child and father. No 15 yr old should have been told that about her father. Worse still, the ex simply lied about the facts. It is so difficult to watch. I want to tell the 15 year old that her father wants to help but mom won't let him. But I can't. All you can do is sit back and hope that she will see the truth one day. I try and offer them all support and make them feel like their feelings and opinions are valued and desired. It's very hard when you're struggling against lies from the other parent. I wish she could see that it's only hurting the kid in the end. They are children, human beings, not pawns to use for your own selfish goals. It's very hard when you see the struggle between a father who deeply loves his kids and the kid is buying into the lies.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 17 February 2013 14:11 posted by Guest

    Unless you are the 18yr old: Unless you are the 18yr old girl how can you say these things? Sounds like you are the bitter ex-wife. Well, it takes two people to make a relationship work. For whatever reason, the relationship didn't work out and a divorce happened.

    The sad thing is the daughter is the one really losing out because she is missing out on a relationship with her father. Does anyone know if the girl's mother encourged her daughter to spend time with her father, or was the mother so bitter she played on her daughter's emotions and vilified the father? It's tragic that you think the girl is better off without having relationship with her father. Someday he will be dead and gone and that child will regret not having spent more time with him.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 15 February 2013 20:35 posted by Guest

    So agree....this woman is not: So agree....this woman is not her mother....my 6 year old son came home and said why did we have to give (new partner) a Mother's Day present.....she is not my children's mother... I am and I'm a dam good mother!!

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 15 February 2013 20:30 posted by Guest

    Why is it so hard for people: Why is it so hard for people to understand that a child may just not want to go t the other parents....isn't it about the children?????

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 15 February 2013 14:54 posted by Guest

    Making your child visit the non-custodial parent: I feel that you took the whole thing wrong. She was also just sharing the facts of what happened with her visits with her father. My twin 6 year old girls are always crying or just saying they don't want to go when it comes to their dads weekend. They are doing it because of the exact reason given above. The girls rather stay home where ALL of their toys, books, puzzles, dolls, games etc are at moms house. My ex husband remarried not a year after the divorce was final to an 18 year old girl (he was 29 at the time). And the new wife had a 2 year old son not to mention a baby of theirs already growing in her belly. So yes, that's a bit uncomfortable for the girls. Also their dad is verbally and emotionally abusive so the atmosphere was more than a little different than moms.
    As for the mother calling the father saying the kids weren't well so they would be staying home- you make it sound like it was done every time. She didn't say that. Slow your roll...

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 11 February 2013 19:55 posted by Guest

    Yes but what if the father is: Yes but what if the father is a goofball still
    Living with mommy and daddy and a live
    In girlfriend equally goofy who spend
    More time in bed watching TV ?

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 11 February 2013 11:13 posted by Guest

    Shared Parenting: What most states need is Shared Parenting. I live in NY and they passed the marriage equity Act. of 2012. All I have to say is what about family equity? All of this without any DV against a partner, we relay need to change with the times.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 10 February 2013 15:15 posted by Guest

    Yes children have rightts and: Yes children have rightts and feellings but they still are children and dont always know whats best for them. so if school makes them unhappy we should just not make them GO or eating junk food gives them pleasur SO JUST LET THEM KEEP EATING IT even tho it ISNT GOOD for them. And when the child gets older they grow up to say thank you for guilding me in the right direction. THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME GROW UP HEALTH ,SMART, AND WELL MANNERED ADULT. I am so glad my parents even tho divorced loved me enough to say no or dont dom that and you will do this!!! Childrren need to understand parents have feellings too. I let my child live with his father because i was having some tough times and I always told my husband when we had him no matter what I would never keep him from his son and i meant that. I have two younger daughters by a man that we have been together for ten years . my sons father has girlfriend after girlfriend . I always have tried to get along with him and his girlfriends ,he even got with my bestfriend who was in our wedding, I was angry because I had heard in the marrage they had messed around they denided it of course but I never held a grunge. I had to move out of state to get a better job and to get my life together someplace new because my marriage had put alot of unneeded weight on me due to the things had done to me. BUT now that I cant be there for my son everyday to guild him and teach him whats right about love, family, god ,rules ect. my ex is filling my son with wrong ideas for example women are made to cook clean and for things I care not to mention. he thinks playing video games is playing with your child . He thinks my son should make dessions that my son is scared to make because his dad has brain washed him to be afraid to show emotions. My ex has a twisted sence of humor and I see that it is effecting my son, but when I talk to my ex he blows it of and says he just fine stop babying him. When I say to my son that he shouldnt say the things he says or act away he does my son thinks I am being hard because his father doesnt set rules like I do. My son has to share and isnt the only child when hes with me. And to tell you the trueth his is spoiled with toys not time or love. when my son comes for the summer he has a great time but also has rules you have to clean your room have to be in at a certain time play nice with your sisters, who by the way just adore there big brother they love him so much and miss him as much as I do. But now I am fighting to keep my son longer for the summer I have been shareing the summer with his grandma in another state and I told him last year that this summer he was gonna have to stay longer with us because there isnt enough time to do all the things i have planned because I have to work I cant take off a month for vacation with him. His grandmother sees him 5 or more times a year because she doesnt work. My daughters are in school differenttimes then my son. so it is hard to see him. And I have been nice for too long being a mother that is trying to do what I think my son wants but now with his dad and grandma thinking that I his mother and sisters dont want or have the right to spend as much time with him as possible and it is effecting my son and the type of man he will turn out to be when he grows up. And I would be the better parent for my son to be with I know but like so many people I GIVE MY SON THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE. I know now I should have never let him stay with his dad even though I thought it was the right thing at the time. So now what can I do just take him away or just give up trying to make him love us???? He is such a great kid but I am torn what to do, because I WILL NEVER BUY HIS LOVE OR GUILT HIM INTO LOVING ME LIKE HIS DAD HAS. His father has no friends and has told my son "your mom has your two sisters and her husband and daddy has only you" So my son believes that his dad will die without him. I feel like just walking away and say just call me when you decide if ever you love us and want to be apart of our lifes so do I PUSH HIM TO US ,PULL AWAY...... BECAUSE I have been patient all I can at this point!!! PLEASE HELP

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 10 February 2013 09:36 posted by Guest

    Annabelle,
    I don't know what: Annabelle,
    I don't know what your situation is, but I am troubled by the fact that you seem tone responsible at such a young age for your siblings AND the fact of your being hit- the last thing being the worst. Is it possible to talk to your mom about these things? If not, how about a teacher at school or the school counselor? These are very important feelings you are sharing and I feel you are allowed to share them. I am thinking of you and sending my best wishes and prayers for your happiness.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 10 February 2013 09:30 posted by Guest

    First, do not be so hard on: First, do not be so hard on yourself (an easy thing to say, I know...), you are a very smart and mature young lady to be aware of all of the "layers" of interaction going on and sensitive to how everyone may feel. Loving your dad and wanting the best for your family (ie: you and Dad, you and brother, brother and Dad, your mom in there too, and on some acknowledgement level..your dads wife and half siblings) is NORMAL. Growing up is a huge time of transition, almost every step of the way and you should know that most parents know this, even if some of those transitions are not ones we sometimes love (um, really!). But parents survive and so do children through most of this. The most important life lesson here is that for each of us (old and young) to feel safe and good about who we are, we may need to set up personal boundaries to allow us to do so. Those boundaries can be physical, emotional, communicative (or all of the above) but they are absolutely necessary for ALL of us. And, btw, they can change with time. So even if you feel you can not come over in that same way, it does not mean forever- nor does it mean you have to shut off all communication with your dad, does it? Ask if for now, for example, you could meet for Sunday breakfast at a diner once a week (or every two), or for dinner and a movie once a month..whatever that will make you both maintain the connection while working within both of your schedules. Either way, calm and loving communication is always the answer- for you to stay authentic to yourself, which is really the guiding influence to how we should all act (generally speaking). :)

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 09 February 2013 13:58 posted by Guest

    You should be ashamed of: You should be ashamed of yourself for allowing her to call you mom2! how dare you! She may not b e the best mother out there by the sounds of it, but that is offensive. And the real mom needs her butt kicked into gear. What is she even thinking?

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 04 February 2013 16:21 posted by Guest

    Completely Agree with you....: So very true...It's easy to pick up the child support checks, but not encouraging your child to have a visitation with NCP out of spite or whatever reason you might have. When they get older they need more help for school supplies or college etc....what do you think the other parent will do if you deprive him from visitation? I think they should not receive any child support check if they encourage this behavior. This article totally proved it how unfair this system is and how parents can so easily pick up the phone and lie to the other parent that the child is sick when all this child wanted to do is go to the mall or hang out with friends?

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 04 February 2013 16:14 posted by Guest

    When Your Kid doesnt want to go to Daddy's..bad parenting: I think it is wrong for a mom to call up the Dad and say that the child is sick when there is a court approved visitation. I believe that the father was really deprived of seeing his child and wasn't able to build a strong and loving relationship. What was the real cause of the reason that a child keeps saying no? i am sure the mother had a lot to do with it. Brainwashing your child just to get an edge over the non-custodial parent is very disgusting and wrong. You are only hurting the child by this. You don't own a child, she was never yours. It takes 2 to make one. Children are always happier when they have both biological parents in their life. This article to me proves how this child was able to say NO every time visitation came around. Being bitter will just cause depression and hate later on in your kids behaviors.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 29 January 2013 15:40 posted by Guest

    We're going through the same: We're going through the same thing with our kids. History of abuse 7 years ago, but still granted visitation. The abuse continued after we divorced. During July last year, when the latest gf called me screaming because he had abused her, I decided to withhold visitation. Upon returning home the kids told us stories of witnessing abuse towards women and his own 3 year old son (not mine-by another woman), being placed in ANOTHER gf's house b/c he was fighting with the main gf, and witnessing a man coming into the home with a bag and leaving with an envelope. The kids were immediately put into counseling. The ex called and harassed me, but has only shown up in person 3 times in the last 5 months. He's not even fighting me when clearly I'm in contempt of the order. When my oldest turned 13, I did the same thing, (had HIM tell his father himself) but the accusations kept swirling about ME making these choices and NOT the kids. The ex threatened to beat my son's a** and told him he would come by and get them from school and keep them from me so I'd know how it felt. We had to drag the kids to school for weeks b/c they were so scared. I did consult an attorney. She said I have no hard evidence except the testimonies of the children and possibly of the gf's if I subpoena them. Modifying would cost me $5,000 starting out and POSSIBLY give me supervised visitation. Which defeats the purpose of NO VISITATION! Since orders are already in place, You have to have solid proof of why dad is not suitable as a father. Just like us, if the son was threatened by dad...it's his word against dad. No recording. No proof. If you were on speaker phone, then the opposing team can accuse you of putting words in the son's mouth. (It's not fair!) Our counselor called CPS, but of course nothing happened to the ex. CPS did agree I was doing the right thing and I was keeping my kids because I was in fear for their lives. As for us, we just keep denying visitation and wait for HIM to haul me into court where yes, he can prove I'm disobeying the orders...but then a judge will give me the chance to explain why I did it. The man is guilty of abuse, though he's convinced himself and everyone else he isn't, and he won't waste his own money. He will always deny abuse, accuse me of forcing the kids to stay and threaten to take me to court. Since you haven't had any recent incidences to prove dad's currently abusive, you may not have enough evidence. But before you take my advice, consult with MULTIPLE attorneys to see what each one says. Good luck! (FYI-several types of legal "advisors" have hinted at the possibility of allowing the kids to consult on the phone in order to record abuse. Only problem, is it can be used against you, that you are allowing communication with the ex...so maybe he isn't as abusive as you say he is.)

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 24 January 2013 21:53 posted by Guest

    Reply: I know how you feel. I am going through the same thing. My son age 7 almost 8 refuses to go to his dads. He is afraid of his dad. I am facing court again due to no complying with visitation. My son wrote a letter to the judge stating why he is afraid and why he dont want to go of course words are misspelled but hey he tried

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 24 January 2013 17:26 posted by Guest

    Do children not have rights?: I've read through all these posts and the one thing that I am constantly coming across is the belief "they are children, they do not have the right to choose". What the HELL! ... Just because these are children do they not have the right to their own feelings, thoughts and choices? Would we as adults allow ourselves to be FORCED to endure something that we find uncomfortable, something that makes us unhappy or miserable or to be verbally abused and physically assaulted. I dont think so therefore why the hell should we allow children to experience what we would not allow to happen to us? To force a child to visit with a parent against their wishes does not encourage them to build a relationship, it causes them to be miserable and to look upon those visits as something to dread. If the parent to be visited actually put their child's wishes ahead of their own wants, they will be showing the child that they love and respect their choice and over time this can lead to the child actually asking to visit the parent. When a relationship breaks down the child becomes a possession to be owned instead of a precious part of both parents that should be loved, cherish and respected as we parents expect to be respected. In the long term forcing your child to visit with you could lead to you losing them altogether.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 23 January 2013 03:43 posted by Guest

    A little different. : I've been searching for something similar to the situation we are in. It seems like everyone might have some insight here.

    My husband and his ex-wife have a 4 year old daughter. They divorced when she was 2. I have been in the picture since she was 2.5 and have raised her as my own (I don't have any bio kids, yet). The ex has 3 kids with 3 different fathers, and both other kids were taken away or raised by other people for the time she was with my Husband and hid them from him. She's trying to raise them all with the settlement from the divorce, (which she spent already) and she has no income other than welfare and food stamps. We aren't concerned for the daughters safety, but just the environment (her half brother and half sister are not good role models, neither is her mom). We have a nice house, nice things, she has her own bedroom that she helped paint. She calls me mom2, which is fine. I raise her. We are both educated people. She will be better off with us. She sees her mom Friday night to Saturday one weekend and then to Sunday the next..

    But today she said she didn't want to come here. She wanted to stay at her moms. Because "at mommy's I can do whatever I want." She doesn't have a bedtime, she can eat whatever she wants, she can watch all the tv she wants and because it's the weekend she doesn't have to go to school (which she doesn't understand).

    I just want this woman out of her life. But I understand the importance of her seeing her mom. But it truly feels like a knife in my heart when she says she doesn't want to be here. We're not authoritarians by any means. We just have a routine. And a good one, that's good for her. And we do have time when there aren't things scheduled. And she does watch tv here, but not all day.

    If anyone has any insight or thoughts on this, please reply. Thanks.

    A frustrated mom2.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 20 January 2013 10:25 posted by Guest

    This is so true I have been: This is so true I have been dealing with this four 5 years it is something that should be written in every parenting agreement although the law does not support that.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 19 January 2013 13:22 posted by Guest

    Kids Need You To Encourage and Maintain A Relationship: What ever happened to accountability? It is not only the custodial parents' job to encourage a relationship with the non-custodial parent: as the non-custodial parent, you have more time and energy to encourage a relationship with your children. Do not simply rely on your ex or your children to put forth every effort in maintaining a postive relationship. Make your children feel special, have a special room and area just for them. Call them regularly, go to their school functions, offer to have them over and do homework at least once a week. Things move quickly in childhood and if the kids feel like you do not value them, eventually they will reciprocate.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 19 January 2013 13:19 posted by Guest

    What ever happened to: What ever happened to accountability? It is not only the custodial parents' job to encourage a relationship with the non-custodial parent: as the non-custodial parent, you have more time and energy to encourage a relationship with your children. Do not simply rely on your ex or your children to put forth every effort in maintaining a postive relationship. Make your children feel special, have a special room and area just for them. Call them regularly, go to their school functions, offer to have them over and do homework at least once a week. Things move quickly in childhood and if the kids feel like you do not value them, eventually they will reciprocate.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 18 January 2013 12:28 posted by Guest

    I am going thru the same: I am going thru the same thing right now. My heart aches for you. All we can do is the best we can do.

  • Comment Link Guest Monday, 14 January 2013 18:47 posted by Guest

    Mom and Dad? or Primary Caregiver and Non-Custodial Parent?: I'm a divorced parent and have experience with these issues. Abuse situations aside, children benefit when both parents are engaged and active in their life. Your dead wrong if you think otherwise and should get over yourself! Children need the advice and guidance of 'both' parents, even when their opinions differ. In fact, different and constructive opinions can be a very good thing if you maintain respect for the other's point of view or interpretation. And don't change titles just because your marriage failed and you got divorced. I hate that. You're still mom and dad! The title of 'Primary Caregiver' doesn't make you special all of a sudden, and title of Non-Custodial Parent doesn't mean your input is less valued or that sporting events, recitals, doctor appointments are optional. Children 12 and under should not be given the choice to see or not see a parent. They must go and know there's no other option available. If they complain, object or you simply spot trouble, encourage them to solve their own problems or boredoms, and give their other parent a 'heads up'. It's common for teenagers to change visitation plans and be more selfish or self-centered. If that's the case, strike a compromise with schedules but don't give up - pick an age appropriate activity, then focus on the 'fun' and leave your lecture notes at home. Most importantly, be careful with your words. If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all (in front of the children)! Don't burden your children with your negativity or guilt - they deserve better.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 12 January 2013 19:02 posted by Guest

    My Daughter: I divorced my wife, but soon found out that I lost my daughter in the process. My son who is now turning 16 comes to visit me but not once my daughter. I've gone to there house and had dinner talked and watched tv a few times over the last 5 years, but it's not the same. This next month she turns 18 and off to a local NY college she goes. Not taking advantage of the schooling I offered her. I'm thinking that I might just walk away and see if maybe over the next few years she might reach out to me. People I've talked with over the past few years have all said don't give up on her, but I think I am now. It breaks my heart to know the little girl that loved me so much as a child wont even acknowledge me anymore.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 09 January 2013 00:26 posted by Guest

    Coping mechanisms...: My ex husband and I separated Aug 2012 after a decade of horrific abuse. I had always sworn that I would never get in the way of my girls seeing or having a relationship with their dad, but I did manage to put some major stipulations on visitations. As I live and breathe, my girls know that there is no way that I will EVER allow overnight or weekend visits. He has to come to them and I gave him the freedom to dictate when and how often. I let him talk quite loudly there; he only comes once every two weeks and for an hour. They know I do not trust his judgments and that he is neglectful with even the basics of their care. The girls and I also talk regularly about their feelings about their dad and while they don't always want to see him, I encourage it. I just tell them they don't have to stay the whole time, and I wait in a spot where they can see me. (it's supervised). As a woman who has survived abuse, I can honestly say it's very difficult sometimes to not let emotions dictate actions, but it can be done. To say I've never badmouthed him to my kids... Yea.. I'd be lying. But on the flip side, I often apologize and tell them that it's because I am hurt and angry and that I shouldn't do that. He is a manipulative emotional blackmailer and I do fear what he would do or say to our kids, but my retaliation is to play as nice as I can, give my daughters the chance to speak and be heard, fight on their behalf in the courts, keep them and myself emotionally healthy, and be as good a Mom I can! This is not the life I imagined for my kids, but the least I can do is salvage what is left and work with what I've got : ) Plus... the girls need to figure out who their dad is for themselves. For me to dump that on them is unfair and usually backfires.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 02 January 2013 21:29 posted by Guest

    What if the mother is absent?: I am a stepmother, raising my stepson full-time. His biological mother abandoned him and her husband when my stepson was 2 years old. 3 years later when my stepson was 5 she came back in the picture. My husband had to switch to night shift and put his son in daycare (at night) when she left. His mother missed the all important preschool years of his life. Does she still have her rights just because she gave birth to him? Should he spend every night at her house although she's a stranger to her own son as he does not remember living with her when he was a little boy? My stepson spends every other weekend at her house now because that's what the papers say. She takes advantage of her right most of the time, unless it interferes with her life and she has other plans. She also wants him for Christmas, Easter, and Mother's Day. After all ... she's mom, right? She's supposed to pay child support which she never does. But, after all, she's mom and she does not have to fulfill her responsibilities because she gave birth to her son. But she can show up any time to claim her rights.

    I agree that kids should not have to go back and forth between homes. I agree they should be allowed to live where they feel safe and secure. I agree that the courts don't always decide what is best for the child. But - that does not mean that the person who gave birth is necessarily the best choice.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 20 December 2012 18:26 posted by Guest

    13 year old daughter just doesn't have the time of day for me.: Me and her mother broke up when she was 18 months old, she cheated. We were living in Spain and I came home. From that moment trying to contact a 18 month old across a phone is bad enough but when the mother is the worst sort of person, it makes it very difficult. I lost contact because of an argument and never saw my daughter for 9 years, her mother had vanished. Since being back in touch about 3 and a half years, no matter what I do my daughter has no time for me, except birthdays and Christmas. I tried explaining to her, got upset about it, blah blah blah in the end I have up expecting love and just gave it. Her mother all this time has been the devil, she's messed up a trip that cost me over £800 and I basically haven't seen her for 2 years again. She is over for Christmas, as she started to write in October. I don't slag her mum off, I'm a good parent who tries to give unbiased advice and gives her everything I possibly can and I'm not rich. I sold my hobbie to pay for her to come this time and get her presents. But as soon as I met her at the airport, she couldn't even manage a little hug, arms down by the side. She has no affection for me what so ever, she told the dog whilst I was smoothing him to bite me. She's not a bad kid in general quite bright so it's not stupidity. My point is, there is nothing I can do to make her love me and I can't expect her too, unconditional love is not he love you get, it's the love you give. It's hard, very but it's my job and I best get on with it. Just wanted to share.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 13 December 2012 17:46 posted by Guest

    Parents that don't enforce visitation with other parent: I don't believe in making kids go on there weekend visit However I do think the custodial parent should highly encourage it. What I would like to see happen which would never happen is that when a child has makes a decision not to want to visit other parent and custodial parent supports it that regardless of age of child it's treated as if child was 18 and custodial parent no longer gets child support for that child. I would bet that if that were the rule kids would be carried to the car. Assuming that NCP is a good loving person but is unfortunately has a very selfish kid I am only speaking of kid not wanting to go not because bad parent just other stuff more important. So sad cause one day they may need that parent and they may just not be there for them

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 13 December 2012 03:48 posted by Guest

    Story breaks my heart: Breaks my heart to read this. I am a mommy to two beautiful boys one just turned 8 and the other will be 2 in just 2 days!! They both have different fathers, and they both live with me. My youngest son, his dad and I are still together, however my oldest his dad and I separated before he was two years old! He just came into his life recently, well two years ago(August 2010) which made him almost 6 and his first year at "big school=kindergarten" and that wasn't so easy for him to adapt with a new school and new teacher in his life, and so his dad trying to force him upset and angered him but I had to make him because of fear court not letting me have custody. He is now 8 as I said and court started August 2010- it is now December 2012 and he still refuses or gets upset to go, which has hurt out relationship in a little bit, because moms are protectors, he knows I wouldn't let people hurt him but he doesn't understand the court and state laws of why parents do their best to cooperate. It's sad when you have a great mommy, and you need to talk to your principal, teacher, counselor, or even more extreme call DHR, even with no bruises I say that because doing so will maybe be a cry for help that will make someone aware to help you. You could tell someone to let you live with a grandparent so you don't have to hurt withers feelings until court decides a final visitation. Express loudly, consistency, fluently, and LOUD, write a letter to your court system mailing to an attorney in a phonebook, mail it to your county courthouse and label it to family serves emergency young child letter, put in there respond immediately, your ten your voice counts sweetheart, don't be manipulated much longer by him, call 911 from phone and whisper address and name or say dads first name and last couple times, that way you can also have it where they can maybe see his reaction to knowing you called and so you can then have back-up witnesses express clingy toward them so they can put you at your grandmothers or a friends or ESP mom, but don't lie be real, about all your feelings, because your to old to not be heard, and I think children end up getting forced to live with people yet parents don't hangout with those they aren't comfortable with. Do something to not go, or to get heard? Tell a friend to have their mom come see you at school for lunch so that you can chat, and make sure you tell her recent things, I do t know why your nor allowed to be with your mom, but understand that, both of your parents love you so much, I tell my son that daily, his father hates me, but that could not be the reason your dad does whatever he does. In my case with my son his father would rather force him to go and abuse him verbally but all while he doesn't see my child says very strong fully to many people he hates him, he wishes etc would happen so he won't see him for etc reasons, his dad isn't hurting me he's making me angry to see my child hurt, he really is hurting his son and any future relationship. My son would go see his dad whenever if it wasn't demanded and if while there he could still call me, or come home if he ask to, or if his dad wouldn't punish him so brutally and talk to him like another person and explain rather why he can't do etc, verse physically punish him, or if his dad understood what children do and how hyper they get, or different levels of attitude, instead of thinking that because his head hurts and kid is being loud it's okay to punish so horribly. Thing is as I said before, my son loves his dad, but he is more comfy here, he also has a parent and step parent and his brother that actually treat him like he has a voice we let him talk and we are good parents to know a made up lie to the real deal. He knows we go to sport activities when he's with his dad that weekend, even practices, and when I have through the week each day of a week besides when he goes to see his dad every other weekend, I take him to those practices and games, and he knows that but thing is, his dad barely does all that, so he already can point out selfish, all about his fathers things to do then his, again no idea what it is, but do know this, whatever is going on will make you grow to be a very loving and caring person as well as, a fantastic mother one day, because situations aren't alike, but our childhood can help us in our adult years, IF YOU MAKE A SITUATION INTO A GOOD ONE! It's easier said since I am now an adult but trust me, don't lash out in violence, drugs, sex, alcohol, be a girl that understands that it's important to be kind to others everyday, and to be a great listener since you can't seem to get heard, PRAY, Don't think God isn't watching, sometimes God does it on his own time and that's better than what we could have ever done, maybe you will soon have both adults hear your voice and know you are unhappy and to work together to amend this issue. Lastly, God loves you, and your parents, it's always something in the middle that is reasons for behaviors not your behaviors, and just to throw this in there, I don't know you but ill pray for you and I will continue until I think God helped you, and your mom loves you and misses you ten times more like I do my son but sometimes you may think moms don't help but they do more than you know, except we try and do it the way that causes no criminal acts, or jail time, and we try to get sure facts in place to be sure to get y'all home with us(moms) and sometimes parents can be scared to do things because of threats made by the other family, so never think none of them love you they do even the ones that tend to hurt you the most for some reason they can't wake up to see what is really happening, they are making their child not love them, and some never speak again:(
    I hope this gets to you, if it doesn't that shows your parent whichever does get it, shouldn't be who you live with, and God will see that happen so hopefully prayers will help your voice.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 12 December 2012 11:22 posted by Guest

    Response: As the child of divorced parents the one thing that I can tell you to do is stay involved. If they are involved in sports, go to the games, if they dance, go to the recitals, if they are in drama go to the plays. If they are going on a field trip--- be a chaperone. Volunteer at their school, spend your lunch hour at their school with them. Ask them about their friends. If they want to have a sleepover birthday party, allow them to invite their friends from school and the neighborhood they live in. Get a school calendar (usually available online or at the school) and ask to be a part of global connect calls from the school. (These are phone calls some schools do to make sure parents can stay involved). The more your face is at the school, the more they will see you are an involved parent. I know if you work it is difficult, but when it's your time with the kids and they are off from school, take the day off from work too! Work whenever you can---as many hours as you can, when your kids aren't with you. If you have a weeknight dinner, go over their homework, and make dinner---don't go to McDonald's. Even if you threw the meal in the oven and set the table before you went to pick them up OR set the table in the morning if you don't have time before you pick up. Have the kids have chores at your house like cleaning off the table, but do the dishes together. Try and make it as 'normal' as possible. Don't ever...ever speak ill of the other parent. Even if the kid is whining about the mom, don't take the bait and explain to them..that is your mother, I know that you don't like A B or C but she is still your mother and you are to respect her and love her. My dad never said a bad word about my mom. Even to this day (42 years later) he is always stating what a wonderful woman she is to raise my brother and I to be productive and loving human beings. He always talks about my mom's good qualities although she may have several bad, they never come from his mouth. He never blames her for their divorce (although he caught her in bed with our neighbor---my uncle (her brother) told me). My dad always thought of us first...always putting us kids, my mom, and our situation first.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 06 December 2012 16:56 posted by Guest

    The Child's View; I think I broke my father's heart today: My parents divorced when I was five. I had the pretty normal response I guess... Shock, depression, but also courage. I tried so hard to convince my older brother and myself that this was going to be a good thing for us, that it would make our parents happier. Even before the divorce was final my dad had a girlfriend who had two daughters of her own. A month after the divorce was finalized my dad and his girlfriend got married (in secret), and then married in public 8 months later. I have always disliked my stepmother. We have never seen eye to eye. She and my brother also had issues, but she had a soft spot for him because more than anything she wanted a son. My step sisters and I were close in age, and although I complained about them nonstop to my mother (and still do) we got along pretty well. During the first two years of the divorce my stepsisters and I played with the idea of my dad and their mom having a baby together. My brother and I told my mom that it would "build the bridge between our families" that our stepmother craved. However, it came as a shock to me when seven years later they happily told us that my step mom was pregnant. I was less than pleased to say the least. The baby came and with it a tornado of hurt and anger from my brother and me. One day my brother (who was fourteen at the time) called my father and said that he could no longer go over to his house. He told him that our step mom was a "whore" whose only true joys in life were making my brother and me miserable. He swore to my father that if he really was going through with the whole baby thing than he could expect not to see my brother anymore. My brother, Noah, held true to this promise for several months. Five months after the baby was born however, he cracked. He still didn't go over on Wednesdays or Thursdays like I did, but did stick with our every other weekend schedule. He kept this schedule for all of high school and got better grades for it. After all, a infant/toddler does not exactly make for a great work environment. My brother is now in college. I'm a junior and am incredibly stressed from all of my work. I love my father but I despise my stepmother. I love my baby sister too, but she is four and a bully... she likes to walk over my homework and tease me. She calls me fat and ugly (which is a touchy subject for me... I'm not fat, but I have always been self conscious about my face). She tells me she hates me some days while others she sings about how much she loves me. No matter what she is saying though, it is loud. I can't focus and I'm unable to do my school work. Tonight I broke my father's heart. My stepmother had just made another snarky comment about whatever ( I think she was insulting my scarlet letter monopoly game that I worked very hard on), while singing the praises of my little sister. My dad just sat there not even registering the hurt on my face when my step mom insulted me. I told him that I wasn't sure if I could keep coming over on weekdays. That it just wasn't working. The whole time my little sister was yelling at him to play and he looked confused and like he was going to cry. I don't want to hurt him, I love him... but I hate his house and his wife and his new "little" girl...
    I love seeing him... My mom had a terrible relationship with her father and I want to break that and show that divorces don't need to ruin this, but I can't keep coping with my step mom's abusive comments and the smirks my baby sister flashes me every time she walks across my monopoly project leaving little foot sized dents in it-- only to have my step mom yell at me for yelling at my sister.

    I suppose this is one of the less dramatic reasons for not wanting to go over to my dad's house any more...
    but I just wanted to let the dads know that it hurts us kids to not go just as much as it hurts them

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 06 December 2012 14:16 posted by Guest

    Oldest Son does not want to see father : I have the same problem with my son (almost 13) and his dad (rude and bad behaivor).The last time he visited his father he spent only two hours and then he started texting me :Please pick me up, I can't stay... First, I was very scare and doesn't know how to reply; He told me they started arguing and now he just want to get out of his dad's house. I encoraged him to talk to his Dad to finish the fight and if its not getting better then tell him he is not staying and Mom will pick him up.
    I went to therapy with my son, the specialist said his dad talked about sex (how to use a condom, taught him to drive and blame me on the six months my son didn't see him).
    I divorced his father five years ago, but we never can talk or have a friendly relationship. I married again, and my son loves his step dad.
    I don't know what to do because his dad want to spend winter brake with his son (and I undestand that), but what should I do force my son to do and hear this he doesn't want to ????
    Of course, if my son doesn't go, I will be in court because my ex is accusing me of not sharing custody or visitations.
    My son wants to go to court or talk to a judge because he doesn't want to visit his dad.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 05 December 2012 13:19 posted by Guest

    Uh, no.: You back your assertion that young children should spend every night with their mother with absolutely no evidence. The bar for denying fathers' rights should be set very high and should be backed with unequivocal outcomes data. I don't think you can extrapolate your experience to every situation.

    In essence, what you are saying is that women have such unique skills in parenting that men could not possibly hone them and put them to effective use in raising children. How is this argument, though, different from the cockamamie assertion that women shouldn't be pilots or surgeons or presidents, because they are constitutively incapable of the roles? That is utter nonsense. In the 21st century that's just as ridiculous a belief as the statement that fathers are incapable of primary care giving roles to young children.

    I'm sorry, if you can't back up your claims with published data, then they represent unfounded claims and should be considered invalid.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 04 December 2012 19:48 posted by Guest

    Oldest Son does not want to see father: My almost 13 year old son has not seen his father in almost a year. His father has been verbally abusive to him and he finally had enough a year ago. On New Years Eve his father dropped him off and my son asked me if some questions about his soon to be step grandfather(I am geting married soon and this is his step fathers-father). When I asked him why he was asking these things he said well dad said he is a convict and he was in prison for a while. This man is was in the navy for many years, worked for the US Postal Service and now owns his own business but he has never been in trouble with the law or gone to prison or jail. I had later called his father and asked why he was saying these things to our children and thats its not health or right when he does not know these people. His father denied this and said the kids must have mis understood him blah blah blah. Well he later called my boys to speak to them and asked them why they told me what he said. My oldest told him he wanted to know if it was true, his father then said if you cannot keep what I say and do to yourself you can stay at your F*%#@ing mothers house. my son has not been there since. My 11 year old goes there once or twice a month for a day at a time and I ask my oldest if he wants to see his father and the answer is always no. I have him in councseling and his father thinks that I am keeping the oldest from seeing him and wants to force the oldest to go. The last time we went to court the law guardian stated that the oldests visitations should be liberal because of the verbal abuse his father has subjected him to in th past(that was almost 4 years ago) and the judge told my ex that he if it was up to him he would not see the kids at all. I make my oldest tell his father he does not want to go there because I will not be the messenger. I am wondering if I should petition the court to modify the order in light of the situation. His father was ordered to take anger management classes and parenting class as part of the visitation order and has failed to do so. I hate that he does not want to visit his father but I want whats best for him and I am wondering if its for the best and if so should I petition the court to modify the visitation order.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 04 December 2012 11:29 posted by Guest

    My story...from the other perspective: I am a mother of three children, two from my first marriage, 16 & 11, and one from a subsequent marriage, daughter age 3. My youngest daughter's father and I separated about 8 months ago and she has had a really hard time with it. Her father was a SAHD since she was 5 months old. About a year and a half before we separated, he asked that I put her in daycare so that she could learn to be around other children her age, so I did. He and I have agreed upon shared custody of our daughter in that she is with him for a week & with me for a week. When we separated, my children & I left the family home & rented a house closer to my work. All of my youngest daughter's toys & things were left at his house. I have always been the "enforcer" with her because dad can't stand to see her cry. He gives in to everything that she wants & gives her her way. I feel that children need rules & structure. Once we were apart, he kept her out of daycare during his week & she had to go during my week because I have to work. He is still a SAHD due to disability. She almost never wants to come to my house when it's my week, she cries & cries & he steps in as the savior and says "You can come back whenever you get ready" or "Do you want to wait and go another day?" It infuriates me. He is destroying my relationship with my baby girl. He speaks ill of me in front of her, I know this because she tells me. He has a new live in girlfriend that my daughter seems to like. I am also dating someone, but he doesn't live with me. I just allowed him to meet my daughter recently & she told me that she can't like him because daddy said so. I'm just at my wit's end and don't know where to turn. I don't want to take her away from her daddy that she loves so dearly & limit their visits to every other weekend, but I also don't want our relationship destroyed ny his spitefulness. What in the world do I do?

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 23 November 2012 22:14 posted by Guest

    Do what I did change your: Do what I did change your number and dont look back-she is an unfit parent why subject yourself and children to that!

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 23 November 2012 12:04 posted by Guest

    The Courts May Help: Your husband should have his visitation set up through the courts. The child is just that, a child. Since when do adults cave to allow children to make decisions concerning their schedules. (There is always room for considerations). My experience was that my ex would often say, it's up to the children. So that's when the courts had to "spell" out what those dates are with who, where and when. That put an end to that foolishness. Moms are great, face it. No dad can truly compare to a mothers love. Unfortunately during seperations mothers use their strengths in order to manipulate the process. So men should use the Courts to help "balance" the process. The children will adapt to the program a lot sooner than you think (most will anyway) Key: Ask your husband to not show his displeaslure for the mother around the chidlren. Just follow the court order. And in some cases the children will begin to make decisions about staying over longer, and longer, and on days that are not scheduled, because they've billed relationship. All the best to you and your husband.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 22 November 2012 11:10 posted by Guest

    What?: Did you not hear the kid? Im a kid going though this right now in the same thing he is going though when ever i do something that my dad doesn't like he hits me and throws me down i cant tell anybody because i feel that people ( mostly his side of the family) will hate me if i do. The last comment was unadvised and unethical you didn't even read his post. kids shouldn't have to be moved from one place to another and in the middle of a custody war. So read his comment before bashing what he is saying.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 21 November 2012 13:57 posted by Guest

    I found out that many people: I found out that many people like still go through what I am and I still can not wait to decid because I just don't like going there because he boring and he thinks my half sister is a real one .he gets made because I treat my nephew better than her but nobody under stands and I so angry I keep say to my mom{He will never see me one I decide and so she doesn't want me to end up like my real real sister did with her dad}.Please tell me what to do .

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 15 November 2012 16:41 posted by Guest

    Kids and their mother.: We have a problem the really doesn't come up often but when it does we never know quite what to do about it. My kids birth mother has not been a part of their lives in over 8 years with the occasional call once a year. Sometimes she has gone two years between calls. When she does call she still treats our 13 year old daughter like she is four. When she calls, she sounds stoned which makes the kids wonder what her problem is.

    I tell them that she has issues both mental and drug related. My daughter is getting to the point when her mother calls, she dreads it and doesn't want to talk to her.

    Her mother was ordered to go to counseling and to have only supervised visitation when the counselor approved it. That was 8 years ago and she went to two counseling sessions and never went after that. She has numerous arrests and the latest was for auto theft. She is bi-polar, borderline personality disorder and sphysophrenic.

    Our son is deaf and we have the equipement for her to talk to him but she never bought her part so that they could actually talk. She never really asks about him anyway.

    She tells our daughter that she is dying every time she calls. Even though that has been only once a year or rarely twice, it's a lie and I'm left to discuss with the kids why their mother is the way that she is without making her out to be some evil person. I know she's not evil. She is sick, but she also knows how to manipulate and make people believe that she's this innocent victim.

    At 13, is my daughter old enough to make up her own mind if she wants to talk to her mom or should I still make her? Our daughter is a very smart girl and has told her mother that she's not a baby anymore and to quit asking what 'dad' or 'that woman he's married to' is doing. That if she wants to talk about her life that's fine but the other stuff isn't any of her business.. That is what the ex does. Talks to her daughter to get information on me. She doesn't ask about how school is or how she's doing. My ex is extremely jealous that my now wife of 5 years has known and been a part of my kids life since 2 years before we married.. Longer than the kids even knew their real mom.

    How do I deal with these phone calls? Thanks.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 10 November 2012 18:44 posted by Guest

    reply: A child's role is not to make their parent happy and feel secure; it is the other way around- it IS to have fun with their friends, play games. They are a CHILD and should not be expected to live up to adult reasoning or obligations. It is not the child's role to worry about hurting their father, they are a child. Your reasoning and critique of these kids is somewhat disturbing to me and seems to make the father out to be a helpless individual instead of the child who needs to BE a child. It is pretty simple to assume the child's father was 'all the time living with them' and a swell guy. That's an assumption.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 09 November 2012 18:03 posted by Guest

    agree: Completely agree with this comment. I divorced my kids dad, My youngest daughter who was 1 at the time was a nightmare toddler getting past from piller to post poor thing couldnt cope. I did everything i could but the court ruled otherwise which makes it difficult for mothers to have a say on anything. He would take our children i didnt know who he left them with until they came home, food, routine gone. Once he got them i was told to but out or basically stop being a mam untill i got them back (it was awful) and so showed in her preschool years she was angry unsociable and has taken untill juniors for her to settle down. My eldost daughter was a bit older and coped a bit better but she still suffered to. He is one of those dads who pleads to the courts that his a divoted dad. Gets what he wants and then leaves them with other ppl while he goes out. I'm just living for the day i can say get stuffed to him for GOOD!

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 09 November 2012 17:16 posted by Guest

    Shared parenting is rubbish: Shared parenting is rubbish unless both parents want it, young children should spend every night with their mothers at least up to the age of 5 it is a mothers right, she carried and fed those babies and did everything else for those pre school years, they can see their fathers during the day. Young children need consistency in their lives and that means one bedroom at their mothers home.
    Some fathers want to be the 'mother' as well as the worker (main provider) and homemaker and basically everything the Mum does, they should just back off and let the mum be the mum for the first few years and appreciate that this is a role women were born to. The courts should also recognise the importance of this and respect a mothers role, some women live for this and it is so very natural. I think the whole court system stinks for mothers in Australia and the USA we have rights and our babies should be not tossed from one home to another in the most important early years of their lives, this is a womens right to nuture and protect her young men should not have a say in this on any level, so come on mums start telling the world what we think, lets stop being pushed around, start letting the courts know here in Australia and the USA. The lawyers go by the laws so do the judges we the Mothers of the world need to change them, start writing, emailing be heard fight for our rights as women, mothers.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 28 October 2012 21:14 posted by Guest

    what to do: Hello, my name is mary I want to know what can i do. My Ex keep talking bad about me to our kids they are 13 an 8. He tell them bad thing about me every time he pick the kids up every other weekend. Now the kids dont want to go over to his home any more. What can i do to protect my kids..

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 24 October 2012 12:54 posted by Guest

    Love of a father...: I just wanted to reply to your post, I know that you typed this in Aug 2012 and its now Oct 2012. I just want to say thank you for typing this. My husband is going thru the same situation with his son that is 12 yrs. He lives with his mom and stepdad and doesnt want to visit us that much anymore bc hes either to busy with his friends or has plans with his stepdad or mom already and its very hurtful on my husband bc he doesnt get to see him and because his is such a great father and the divorce wasnt his decision. I agree with everything you say because I sit here and think about my husbands situation and how i can help him but i feel like theres nothing i can do because i cant get in the middle of things and all i do is pray and ask God to please help us and give my husband strengh. Last night he talked to his son and he doesnt want to visit him this weekend bc of plans with his friends even thou it was planned to come visit us this weekend and my husband just put his head down and broke down in pain because he loves his son so much and it is such a horrible experience seeing that. I dont know what goes on in my stepsons house and i wish i could understand things. My husband talked to his ex wife yesterday and all she said was that she wasnt going to force him to come visit us and that he has plans with his friends and she wasnt going to get in the middle of it. Me as a mother from my previous marriage think different, i feel that it shouldnt be that way and we shouldnt force our kids to visit their dads but it would be good to motivate our kids to visit their dads and teach him the importance of spending time with their father specially when they are good fathers. In this life you meet a lot of people that become friends and they come in and out of your life but you only have one father that gave you life and all he wants is time with their kids to see them grow up before they become men and start their own family.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 09 October 2012 11:15 posted by Guest

    child of divorce: It is sad to see mothers use their children to get even with daddy. My experience is with my fiances daughter. Her mother does everything she can to make him look bad to his daughter and since she has custody he had very little time to counteract what she says and does. She tells her daughter that her father is a liar and a cheat. That he is money hungry and wont help her out just for spite. Doesnt matter that the truth is father doesnt have much money and paid all of his child support on time. Mom can make him sound so bad and she does. Daugher is grown now but still lives near mom and get treated regularly to the nonsense mom says about dad. It has caused a real rift between daughter and father. But i guess it doesnt matter that a major relationship has been damaged it only matters that you were able to get even and hurt him.. Time to grow up and stop using your child as a pawn for revenge.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 21 September 2012 03:52 posted by Guest

    my siblings: So I am 27 and my parents have been seperated longer than divorced. It's been 3 years. My father was the problem. I saw how he treated my mom and she didn't deserve to be treated this way. She has her faults but does try to own up to them. I guess you could say I tolerate my father. My sisters 11 and 15 don't want to see him at all. They couldn't wait until we moved from the house away from our father. We are 5 living siblings. He was mostly verbally abusive and we experienced and saw a lot. I got stuck as being the supervisor of visitation for like 3 months and it sucked. He begged for visitation and they don't want to go. I am tired of being the transporter to the visitations. My mother has a protective order against him so she had cut all ties of communication from him. I and the gopher and am sick of it. How can a parent push the whole family away and expect all to be happy and jolly? He is not the victim.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 11 September 2012 00:26 posted by Guest

    Agreed.: I am currently 17 years old. My parents had me at age 16 and were never married. I think it's kind of a good thing that my parents were never married, because at least I don't know what I'm missing (but at the same time, I'd like to have proof that my parents actually loved (or really just tolerated) each other at some point) I live primarily with my mom, but visit my dad every other weekend and once a weekday. My mom and stepdad have a son, my half sister, who I have grown up with. When I was little, I enjoyed going to my dads because it was like a mini vacation. As I got older, however, my dad created more of a life outside of me and him. He married my step mother. When I was nine they had my first half brother, and my second at age 11. At that point, coming over just seemed awkward, like I was intruding on somebody else's life. To this day, I still go over there and find that I blank out and then come out of it wondering if what was happening was part of some dream. Of course, it's not. It's just a part of life that I have never really gotten accustomed to, but will always live with.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 28 August 2012 01:40 posted by Guest

    I am 10 and i am going through this now : Ever since my parents are divorced, i started crying almost all the time. I had a brother and sister who is 5&9 . I was really sad because i only have times with my mom on the weekends and the school days with my dad. I lived with my mom and dad at my grandma's house for 10 years. But now im staying at my fathers side of the family. When i left home(mom's) i started crying because i miss her a lot and also my grandma. Living with dad is soo boring and everytime i did something wrong my dad will hit me ,mom never did that to me! I had to take care of my sibling cuz they really dont understand about this situation.I miss my mom and i will always love her with all my heart

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 26 August 2012 22:44 posted by Guest

    Wow...there is now love here: Parents are supposed to support their children, not just financially but also mentally. When a couple separates it is often easier for a man to walk away and build another life but not always easy for him to walk away from his kids. A woman will become vindictive once she knows that the child is a pon that can be used to hurt this man. Problem is this...it hurts the kids. They see a divide and this dived causes them to chose sides. There are kids that dream of the day they see their father and wonder where he is. Yet the kids that know and see their father turn away from the man that wants to be there for them. Borden...The life of another human which is your own flesh and blood...created you and loved you but in the middle of a battle,you turned and made your side your enemy.

    It's so sad when a kid that can visit their father turns their back on the bond of this human that helped to create them. The lack of love has been converted to fun, friends, and video games. The kids that have their father all the time living with them do not feel bored...they feel loved as they feel confident that their father will be home or around in the morning when they get up. Taking the life of your father for granted will leave you full of hate and hollow.

    When a kids hates someone, it's best to find out the real reason. It always comes back to attention as most of the time the father will move on a stepmother will be part of this picture and things turn worse. Mothers that take this advantage take life away from their kids. They teach their kids that the easy way out is ok...don't go over. They teach their kids that they can make a decision that is life change...life effecting...'Don't See Him if You Don't Want To", "You Don't Have to Go If You Don't Want To".

    Kids cry for their fathers when he is not around...while other kids care less for him when he is around.

    The lack of love is the reason this blog exist. Bored of your father is a sad reason not to visit the man of our life. This always hurts him...but you don't care because you love your video games and friends over your father.

    Sad day...two different kids in this story.

    Kids that want to see their fathers.
    Kids that can see their father but chose not to.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 24 August 2012 03:01 posted by Guest

    my story: let me start off with explaining that my father is'ent a "bad" guy. He's a typical ex stoner, average tempered, slightly slow (mentaly) but a nice guy. my situation has nothing to do with him but rather the constant fact that the "visits" were soooooooo boring. as a 14 year old who is lazy and difiant all i want to do is play xbox, go out with friends and generaly have fun. but the roadblock of visting my fathers always got me annoyed because having to stop my rutine of fun and joy to just sit around and ponder why my little step sisters are soooooooo stupid. to me, just felt like a huge waste of my time. not to mention the fact that i dident even know i had a father untill i was about 5 years old kinda started making a rutine out of going there weird. my father was also a "playa" as he was never married to my biological mother (who i currently stay with and would like to indefinitly) and has 3 daughters and 1 son (me). at my own home im an only child but when i go over there im barraged by 2 little half sisters and a older one (i get along with her alright). also adding on the fact that my father was never consistant (alot of ," oh yeah were busy, next week?" bull ****) gave me the obvious impression any elemntery school age child would get ," he dosent even like me" as the years progressed it was on or off going to his house, id go 2 months without hearing a word then out of the blue i was to spend the weekend there. i found some hope when i could get out of these occasonally by saying that i had plans and he understood. witch mad me think, " wow not even an argument he must really not care." he then, suddunly made up his mind that he was goung to start to try and be a good father, but by this point i just dident want to have any fun there, we went to an amusement park and all i did was watch them on the roller costar or my sisters on the tea cups listing to music to drown out the insane bordom i had without any of my friends to hang with. i had no soild basis for not wanting to go to his house other that it was an annoyance that i wasent going to deal with. then came the arguments, not with my father but my mother, who always had a reason that i should go and see my family over there, where my response to that was, ive seen them they are diffrent than us they are to absorbed in their lives to give a rats *** about me. the one sole reason i go there is to do what i do here except with a shitty bed, shitty TV, no friends, in a closet of a bedroom. but since its pointless fighting a woman set on her goal i always wound up either facing my mother thretening to shut off power to my room (i honestly think she a loon) or going to my dads, so i pick the obvious. now im faced with having to go over the entire weekend (i planed on going to the movies with some friends) and i have to because " you havent gone over for FOUR months", trust me ive tried talking with my father and he is ok with me not going over his house if i dont want to but the real issue is my mother who wont just let me and my dad work things out for the better. if u read this far and noticed i suck as spelling and grammer thanx :D ik i need to work on it.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 18 August 2012 17:33 posted by Guest

    I am going through this now: I am going through this now with my six year old son. I get "alone" visits with him because his older brother has Autism and there are many things we cant do together because of this. He has been hearing a lot of talking between my ex and her adult children. I know this because he tells me.

    It's hard to compete with that when I see him four times a month. His mother spent 10 months bashing me online and to all of our mutual friends and I never retaliated. She figured out that she cant get to me by talking negatively about me, calling me every name in the book on public forums and making up lies to people who used to be mutual friends. Her own tactic that she has that works is our boys, and she uses that EVERY chance she gets.

    I refuse to say anything negative about her in front of the boys although he makes it clear they talk negatively about me ALL of the time in front of them. I got remarried and initially he LOVED my new wife, because unlike his own mother, she actually takes the time to get down on the floor and play with him and engage with him as long as he wants. This has started to change and though her adult children's Facebook and Twitter pages it has become clear that they are waging a campaign against my new wife with the boys.

    It is SICKENING how men and women will use children to fight their battles. They dont realise they are doing their children LIFE LONG damage only to soothe their own hurt feelings.

    My youngest used to ask for extra visits ALL of the time and my ex would refuse EVERY time. He cry, get very upset, but it never moved her. Now that we have gotten extra visits he doesnt want to come. It is VERY clear that my ex and her adult children are speaking against the concept at home, even buying him new toys and games and telling him they would do stuff with him "but you have to visit your father". It is very hurtful, it hurts down to the core of who I am because I have always been an involved father.

    So once again, I'll suck it up because I know he is young and he is being used and manipulated by his mother and her adult children. I'll stick it out because I love them and I know it is best for them, but having gone through what I am going through now I see that all too often fathers get a VERY bad rap when it comes to divorce. I can see through my own personal experience that mothers cannot usually keep the fathers from visiting their children, but they can make things so tough and miserable that many men just cant deal with it.

    A SHAME on mothers and fathers who use their children in this way!!

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 17 February 2012 14:14 posted by Guest

    Son gets to make the choice: My son calls or texts me every visitation that he doesn't want to come out he is either busy with his mom or friends. His Mother never calls to tell me what is going on she puts him in the middle.. He admit he doesn't like his stepmother because she yells at him and makes him do chores. He says his syblings are mean to him. My wife and I see a different kid than what his mother sees. He swears, physicallys pushes my wife and kids around. He calls and texts his mom all the time that we are mean and he doesn't get to do anything. We tell him we have rules and he has to follow them at our house. Well I guess we are too strict. I try and call my Ex and she hangs up. I don't want him to be forced to come to my house because he will never be happy and cause stress on everyone. Even when we try and go have a good time always ends in a huge fight. He turns the table and says it is all us when it is really him. I know he is doing this to get his mom's attention and if you are a mother wouldn't you want to know what is going on or why your child doesn't want to visit their dad. He is 14 and I feel out of control.. His behavior is not acceptable at my house like she allows it in her house.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 15 January 2012 12:55 posted by Guest

    This was my situation. I went: This was my situation. I went to Dad's on weekends where there was nothing to do. No toys, games, or anything. All we did was watch tv. I wasn't allowed to have friends over on "his time". Then Dad got remarried and I got a stepmother and stepsister. On my visits my stepsister would completely ignore me and not say one word to me the entire weekend as she didn't want "her home" being invaded by me. When she had to share with me, she'd get into huge arguments with my stepmother and my stepmother would cave to not upset her daughter. I felt like the unwanted guest. Then my stepmother would spend the weekend badmouthing my mother who she hadn't even met. They didn't meet until i was 22. Dad stuck up for his wife and stepdaughter and didn't see how much pain i was in. I went to therapy because of the situation. Visits stopped in my mid teenage years as my dad, his wife and stepdaughter moved into a 2 bedroom home so there wasn't a place for me to sleep. I am now grown and have a closer relationship with my dad, I still keep my distance from his wife, and my stepsister and I have a nonexistent relationship and haven't seen eachother in years.

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 13 January 2012 14:27 posted by Guest

    No, your mom was not right.: No, your mom was not right. It's her job as your parent to help foster a relationship with you and your father. He letting you decide was the easy thing to do, not the right thing. Each child needs both parents equally. Sounds like she didn't do much to help this situation out and let the child make the rules.

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 05 July 2011 17:19 posted by Guest

    I " Don't Want To Be Here ": My thirteen year old son expresses to me ALL the time how much he can not stand his Dad's wife. He states he wish his Dad had his own place without her. He does not like being with them nor does he want to be told when to go there for visits... He does not like the fact that she is totally disgusting, like being out in public and think it is funny to pass gas loudly and laugh about it, or riding in the car and pass gas and roll the windows up and lock the windows so he and whoever is in the car has to smell the exhaust from her funky tail.... Along with ALOT of other reasons. He states the only time her now 18 year old son talks to him is when he is high,( marijuana )o

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 19 August 2010 20:12 posted by Guest

    what if: here is my thing. i have just lost my fight for shared parenting and now I'm the every other weekend dad. I am now the "other place." my kids will no longer have a home with me and as you pointed out i won't really be a parent to the anymore. additionally given my ex-wife history of doing everthing she can to interfear with my relationship with my children. will i be doing more harm than good by having them visit. the common thought is that you should also maintain a relationshipwith the kids but your feelings that you expressed are very common amoung divorce children that are robbed of the oppuntinty for shared parenting. so what should i do?

    Also for anyone upset by my spelling or grammar, i'm sorry however i already know that it is bad don't need you to tell me.

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 06 May 2010 09:36 posted by Guest

    Do you still think 13 is old enough to decide?: It was good to read about this issue from your point of view. I represent parents in visitation cases and I hear from clients all the time that their children have expressed that they don't want to go on visitation. Since I think it's a bad idea to expose kids to the judicial process unless absolutely necessary, I don't interview the children and as a result I don't get to hear the opinions firsthand. Thank you for sharing it. I was wondering whether, when you look back, you still think 13 was old enough to make this decision. Virginia courts tend to find it too young, but I am interested to know what you think.