The experience of divorce can have a stunting effect on the spiritual growth of even the most resilient woman. But this happens because we do just that — we let divorce control us, our spiritual state and equilibrium, when the key is to turn the tables and use your spirituality to control your divorce, or, more specifically, to control how you respond to the events that unfold before you while navigating your way through divorce.
First, a quick word on the meaning of "Spirituality" so that no one confuses this with some type of religious statement. Religion can be a wonderful thing for some people, but just by naming it, it puts you into a specific category, which automatically puts other people outside of that category, if they happen not to share your religious beliefs.
Spirituality is simply the willingness to be open to the concept that there are forces at work in this world that are beyond our comprehension. Some people refer to those forces as Nature, The Universe, or God. It doesn't matter what you call it, as long as you know it isn't you, because it's when you think that you are running your own life, and that it's up to you to make everything work out perfectly, you are setting yourself up for stress-related illness and Depression.
As it pertains to divorce, which is one of the more stressful life stages a person can experience, here are several key Spiritual principles that will help you keep a healthier mind and spirit through divorce:
- People are put in your path for a reason. You never meet anyone by accident.
- You never made a mistake in your life. It was all a learning experience, even if the lesson was just that you could learn what you do NOT want in your life.
- Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. Some people are only meant to be in your life for a certain amount of time, until you both learn what you need to learn.
- The concepts of "Good" and "Bad" are very subjective, and when you are in the midst of the "bad" you are not able to see the possibility of good coming out of it in the future. i.e My own divorce was very painful to me, because I had two little girls that I loved with all my heart. But my ex-wife re-married, and had three more children. One was her own, and two were adopted. Those two children needed to be adopted, and the little girl she had needed to be born, and that could not have happened had I still been there. I had to leave in order for that to happen, and for her to find someone to love her the way she needed to be loved.
- Gratitude is a very important Spiritual principle. I am very grateful to my ex-wife for allowing me to have the experience of being married of and of having children. If it was not for her DNA, I could never have had those particular children who are so dear to me, and make my life amazing. I might have had other children, or maybe I would never have had children, but I certainly could have never had THOSE children.
- Anger and Resentment go along with Self-Pity as being some of the most damaging feelings we can experience. Anger and Resentment are like you taking poison and then expecting the other person to die. This only hurts you. The other person is probably not thinking about you at all. Don't give your power away like that!
- Do the next right thing. Live up to your responsibilities, and people will come to respect you, and eventually forgive you.
Using these principles in my life, I wound up with a big extended family where everyone gets along, and we can all share important occasions together, like Mother's Day, Father's Day, and religious holidays. For example, I go to Temple with my ex-wife and my daughters. When my Dad was terminally ill in the hospital, my ex-wife visited him with her new children.
So much healing has occurred in my life as a result of incorporating these Spiritual principles into my thinking, and for that I am eternally grateful.
Click the following for an entire directory of resource articles to help you keep a healthy mind and spirit through divorce.