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Newsflash, divorced moms: You will not be replaced by the stepmother. Most children have a primal connection to their mother that is almost impossible to break.

Recently, truemomconfessions.com shared some of their members’ concerns with firstwivesworld.com, and we agreed to swap content every week. They will provide the confessions, and we will provide the advice.

Here is what they ask.

True Mom Confession:

"My kids are about to get a new step mom. And I am conflicted. I feel overwhelming gratitude for this woman who seems to genuinely like, maybe even love, my kids... but I fear that I am being ‘replaced’."

FWW Response:

The heart is elastic. There is plenty of love to go around and your children will love you more for allowing them to enjoy their father and stepmother without guilt. Too many parents have the impulse to spoil the kids to compete with the new stepmom, when in fact simple pleasures and values endure far more than any doll, dress, or X-Box.

Have faith in your primal advantage and your fabulousness.

True Mom Confession:

"I think I’m too selfish to be a step mom."

FWW Response:

That’s refreshing honesty. And, turns out, it’s lucky for you.

Stepmoms often twist themselves like pretzels to accommodate children who only want to spend time with their dads, whom they see much less because of the divorce.

You don't have to spend all your time with them, but women are often the social directors of a house. So look up events, talks, and walks in your town, and create fun things for Dad and the kids to do. Then leave them to it and have a manicure or read a book.

On the other hand, when the kids are with you, surrender your ego for the greater good. Your husband will love you more if you create peace in the household and are nice to his kids.

Second marriages have a higher divorce rate because, if the kids resent you, it cannot help but affect your marriage.

True Mom Confession:

"My 8-year-old son's father is getting married soon. My son just told me that, after the wedding, he will be calling his new step-mom ‘mom.’ My heart is breaking in half right now. I feel like I’m going to be in a competition for his affection."

FWW Response:

Ok, we’re going to draw a line in the sand. No one should be called Mom except the Mom. Period.

You earned it and, for family peace, you deserve to have a distinction between a stepmother and mother. This is something of a cardinal rule.

Perhaps you can have this dialog with your ex-husband and the new wife at a quiet time away, from your son.

Try saying this: "We will have to co-parent together and I want to do that respectfully. Issues will come up that we may not agree on, but we have to share our feelings and have them be honored.

One thing I feel strongly about is that our son should not call his stepmother ‘Mom.’ Most divorce experts agree that stepmoms can be addressed by their first names, or some term of affection. But the word ‘Mom’ is sacred to me."

Remember, it is not what you say but how you say it that achieves the best results.

Keep your questions coming, and we will answer them soon.

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