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When you and your ex split, you never intended to divorce your friends. Now you're flying solo in every sense of the word — no party invitations; the phone barely rings. Where is everyone?

No doubt you have discovered one of the toughest aftershocks of divorce: Suddenly single brings a change in your social status. But don't despair. There is a silver lining to the feelings of alienation you may be experiencing. Loneliness, while unpleasant at times, is part of the healing process.

It makes space for self-discovery. Instead of bemoaning your aloneness, recognize that it is essential that you to learn to be your own best friend. After all, the key to rebuilding when a relationship ends is being comfortable in your own skin, according to Dr. Bruce Fisher, who has conducted divorce process seminars for more than 23 years. Take this time to look inward.

You're not the first, nor will you be the last person to feel abandoned socially. But before you blame the people you once called friends for deserting you, take a look inward. Your so-called social life may be partly your own doing. Do any of these examples describe you?

I have a date with must-see TV. Toni graciously passed up offers to join her married pals for dinner and drinks. Instead, she spent her evenings alone watching reruns of "Sex and the City." It filled hours of time and she took comfort in not having to be "on." Many divorced women don't realize that they are unwittingly sending the message "I want to be alone" when they decline invitations from well-meaning married friends, rather than be a third wheel.

My calendar is booked and over-booked.Do you fill every waking minute with work or highly structured activities to keep busy? Phyllis joined two health clubs, enrolled in three adult education classes, volunteered to head a town committee, and filled her calendar with luncheon and dinners dates. Overloading with things to do is one way to shut out loneliness, but not the best strategy.

Everyone has their own way of dealing with divorce. The emotional toll of morphing to your new identity — going from spouse to single woman, from full-time mom to custodial parent — cannot be minimized. When you gradually gain the strength and confidence to regain your social footing, you may find that people are not exactly clamoring for your company.

Sadly, this is a time when you want and need support. So it's hard to be cut off from the network of folks upon whom you came to rely. On the other hand, it's important to see the situation for what it is and find the opportunity to grow. Some of your so-called friends were probably little more than convenient acquaintances. Good riddance.

Others may be distant for other reasons. Just know that the reasons usually have more to do with your friends than you. Here are some possible explanations:

• Friends whose own marriages are shaky may be afraid of divorce contamination. Instead of admiring your courage, they'll feel threatened and avoid you.

• Insecure gal pals will be nervous now that you're back in circulation even if you give them no cause. Any woman "on the loose" is suspect. If they can't reel their men in, they'll reel you out.

• Moralists will become judge and executioner. Despite society's growing liberal attitudes, there are those who cannot accept marital failures especially when disclosures include infidelity.

• Changes in economic status will be a red flag to fair-weather friends. When the marital pie was divided and Jane got the crumbs, the golf invitations to be make up the foursome were suddenly far and few between.

In "Surviving the Breakup," a study by Judith Wallerstein and Joan Kelly, two-fifths of men and two-thirds of women reported feeling lonely, weary and disenchanted with the people who passed through their lives when they got divorced. So although you may be lonely, you are hardly alone.

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34 comments

  • Comment Link Barbie Monday, 07 November 2016 00:48 posted by Barbie

    I was happily married for 20 years when discovered my husband was a serial adulterer and never faithful one day of our marriage, including our wedding day. The revelation was so disturbing that everyone in my life ran. Every member of my family and every friend I had. But before they left they all persecuted me. They accused me of knowing and not doing anything. They bullied me and gave me "tough love" insisting I "get over it." I was often accused of being selfish and not loving my children because i was unable to shake it off and move on. That was the first year. I'm in my third year post breakup and I still hear from no one. I have 5 sisters I used to talk to every day. But no one could handle my trauma. I truly believe my recovery would have been so much quicker if I had anyone to support me. Even one person who didn't judge me and was there for me. But there wasn't and there still isnt. I am sad but also so angry at them. But I can't control their behavior. I can only keep working on me and pray someday I won't be alone anymore.

  • Comment Link Shay Wednesday, 18 May 2016 00:14 posted by Shay

    Glad I came across this. Have been single 2 n half years n feel abandoned by everyone. So it's kinda comforting to know I'm not alone. I have my close friends who are still there for me but everyone is busy with their own lives so I feel disconnected from life. I'm taking the time to get to know me again so I'm doing things I like to do. Figured f them all. I am not gonna let it bring me down. I lost everything that I worked hard for all these years and I'm okay. So when you got nothing more to lose its makes it easier to be free.

  • Comment Link Helene Webb Davis Monday, 23 November 2015 17:31 posted by Helene Webb Davis

    I've been divorced 5yrs now,at first I was like good riddens, then suddenly I was depressed for along time, dibble in drugs to try to comfort myself,then I got mad cause everybody Thinks it's my fault for the break up, NOW,I'm sitting here wondering what to do, but u answered that, I'm doing SELF PRESERVATION, I'm starting a HEALTHY lifestyle, it's hard but I'm worth it!!! Thanks for being there

  • Comment Link Carey Feldman Monday, 14 September 2015 01:01 posted by Carey Feldman

    This doesn't apply so much to my friends but my family, both on my husbands side and mine! Total abandonment!

  • Comment Link Brooke Thursday, 03 September 2015 04:31 posted by Brooke

    It ain't sundaes and lollipops, that's sure. More like scary, debilitating, and heart wrenching...

  • Comment Link Tina Laviana Wednesday, 22 April 2015 02:45 posted by Tina Laviana

    I divorced after a 7yr marriage & i never saw me with anyone else... Remarried too soon & it was all wrong & I left having know place to be in life! I've lost everyone & hate that I'm so alone but the fact is the one with the money bought everyone just as he did me! I honestly don't know where to turn or go & how it'd feel like to have true friends till the end! I left out where a previous marriage, to my youngest daughters daddy, was broken by my sister. After my ex father inlaw passed my ex & sister felt it was time, after 21yrs to come out with their brutal truth! There now together & getting married! So many are aware & this is also a huge uncomfortable setting for any past friendships! She contributed greatly to the failure of my 7yr marriage I never saw me out of! I I've been alone so long it's just very hard to feel no anxiety to just leave my home. It miss me! My own kids are not even around cause they can't benefit any longer with the 'gravy train ride' being over.... I'm apalled at how selfish they've become & how much it hurts they've walked away from
    Me. I'm at a loss at how to restart living since last very short, abusive marriage ended when I left in 2013. I haven't even worked & just can't seem to get on with my life! I feel very abandoned & alone cause I am in all honesty! I was the 'Trophy' wife! Now I've sat around & stayed to myself so long I'm unhappy with my weight. I know I can get back to my norm by taking up my typical routine of power walking. Just wished I wasn't so alone with no friends or anything! How do I start again! I want a life... I deserve one! I'm a good person & just never saw me like this! But it is what it is & I'm at my wits end of trying to get my life back! I started dating someone whom I thought was a friend & I then brutally found out he was married! I was devasted! I've never been a cheater... I'm always on the receiving end! His excuse was that if he'd a told me I wouldn't of dated him & he's be correct! But in the meantime his ex, brutally attacked me publicly online & its devasted me! My reputation i very much care about & she went over the top & very cruelly & I honestly did not know people could do such hurtful things & get away with it! Though he was married they had been separated & in different homes since April of 2013.... I just did not deserve this at all. I came back to this area in hopes of new beginnings i so deserve & this man just made the call to gamble with my life! I've totally isolated myself & he even fixed it to where I can't even go to my typical places of enjoyment because the industry he's in he has friends that he made sure made me not welcome & I'm truly humiliated! He knows what he's done to me & my life & feels the fact he felt he owes me to take care of things in a financial way that it makes this alright! Now I have even more anxiety about showing my face anywhere! It's just not fair.... I'm 44 & in August will be 45.... Surely my life isn't over! I've lost my umph... When I say I miss 'Tina' ~ I truly miss ME!!! How do I go on from here?!?!

  • Comment Link Wayne Sunday, 15 March 2015 07:26 posted by Wayne

    After my wife and I divorced after 25 years friends we had jointly know for years and years deserted me, ever last one of them. It was an amicable divorce and no affair involved so I struggled to comprehend why they did it.
    My ex and I are still good friends and spend a lot of time together doing joint kid things, it was very puzzling. I have not one single friend left from our married circle. I emailed some of them saying Hi how ya going, perhaps we could catch up for a coffee sometime? and they didn't reply.
    As my ex and I are friends and I am sure she is not slagging me off behind my back, it wasn't that type of divorce. I am still at a loss for why they all did this? I was sad for a while then angry with them for a while, but now I just think I should get a better class of friends. So men get burnt by this too.

  • Comment Link nadine johnston Wednesday, 29 October 2014 17:06 posted by nadine johnston

    I lost my two closest friends and my close aunt after my 25 year marriage ended. I was shocked that the people I needed the most, for support and understanding, became hostile or impatient with me. All three of these significant women abandoned ship and left me swimming (often drowning) alone. It has been 1.5 years since my divorce, and I am still trying to rebuild relationships. One of these friends had been a friend before I even married my ex-husband. In the end, she said to me point-blankly, "I cannot take a side, so I am leaving you." With dismay and despair, Nadine.

  • Comment Link Kaybee Saturday, 24 August 2013 23:55 posted by Kaybee

    Feel the same. Just been told they socialise with my husband and his girlfriend because I 'didn't seem to want to socialise' in the weeks after he ran off with someone else. Roll on being my own best friend because I don't seem to have any others!

  • Comment Link Stef21 Tuesday, 20 August 2013 01:30 posted by Stef21

    So well said. I've felt the same as "friends" have shown my ex (a pathetic little man) more sympathy. They have reached out to him, but not to me - I'm strong - I will be OK, they are sure of it. But they missed the point - I'm still hurting and need support too. And once you think you are past it - it still happens. I simply need to distance myself from those who feel it is necessary to show support to my ex and his fiance - the same man who has alienated his 3 daughters with emotional abuse, alcoholism and narcissism.

  • Comment Link Anonymous, thanks Thursday, 08 August 2013 19:16 posted by Anonymous, thanks

    When my husband and I separated nine years ago, an interesting thing happened. Close friends I thought would support me -- the ones I had supported through their own crises -- began avoiding me. I was shocked and very hurt. On the other hand, some casual acquaintances rallied to my side. For these friends, I will be forever grateful. You never know who your true friends are until you go through a divorce.

    BTW, I eventually remarried, had a baby, got promoted, joined a church, and life is a THOUSAND times better than it was before. There IS light at the end of the tunnel.

  • Comment Link Happy mamma Friday, 19 April 2013 15:51 posted by Happy mamma

    I have the same issue... I have no one, absolutely no one, I couldn't be happier with the man I married, we have a child together, he adopted my son, but everyone else I had in my previous marriage are gone, friends and family. Including the ones I helped so much. Why can't people realize that we are all in this world to be happy and to be good to each other, and change happens for a reason, nobody is perfect, nobody should be judged.

  • Comment Link mstthornton Wednesday, 17 April 2013 04:16 posted by mstthornton

    Omg... I thought it and you wrote it.. It brings me comfort that others have experience such .. But I am doing better and finding friends that accept me as a person NOT a couple. For that I am grateful.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 24 March 2013 08:39 posted by Guest

    I truly feel for you. I am in exact same position. My ex told so many atrocious and disgusting lies about me, and I just can't believe all my friends fell for his lies. I heard through the "grapevine" that he was saying some dangerous things, like that I told him all the guys (in our group) hit on me, and that I drove my kid, also theirs drunk or on some kind of drug!!!! Total lies that I never thought anybody would believe. I've also been told that it's a status thing around here. We live in an affluent town and he owns a large company, so has his STATUS that these sheep love to follow. I agree with you, karma is a "b". I would NEVER turn my back on a true friend, and through all this, I now know who my REAL friends are! It feels good, and I don't miss the fakers, I just feel sorry for them. Happy thoughts and vibes to you!

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 24 February 2013 11:25 posted by Guest

    between separation and divorce: I have been married 29yrs with the same woman for 31yrs, After she said she wanted out, I was in denial for over two years while our separation was being worked out, I begged her to reconsider, Now i have found some one else and my wife wants me back, and it hurts so bad because i always wanted to keep my family together, This is so hard to figure out, I have since bought a house and had to move out since the separation, Our friends have alienated me i think because i left and she has them all thinking that i left her for another woman. I cant explain the loneliness and emptiness, What to do ?

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 23 February 2013 20:11 posted by Guest

    Wow! This is like someone: Wow! This is like someone just wrote exactly what I am going through. My prior "best friends" can't seem to find the time to just hang out with me but I find out today they take their children and spouses to my ex-husbands house all the time to eat dinner and even saw one prior best friend picking up her child from my ex's house (and that my child spent last night with her and her children....unbelievable!). It is all a game and I don't need or want those friends in my life. Life is too short

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 09 February 2013 09:23 posted by Guest

    This is my life: Thank you for writing this! It was my exact experience as well. We are now stronger and wiser.

  • Comment Link Stronggirl Thursday, 07 February 2013 12:39 posted by Stronggirl

    Faux Friends: Thank you, "Moving on", for your wonderful words of encouragement! I am in the process of divorcing a narcissistic, controlling man and your words ring so incredibly true! I was also shocked to find my "friends" turning against me in the midst of all of this. Woman, who I know have been abused in the past, turning their backs on me and siding with him. Trusted male friends who accused me of making everything up about the verbal and emotional abuse, that I abandoned him and the family because I am selfish, that other people never saw my ex treating me badly so I must be lying, and that maybe I was just making this all up and it really was my ex who was the abused one! It had never occured to me in a million years that there would be people out there who would not believe me! I was utterly devastated! So much so, I couldn’t function for about 24 hours. I felt like I had been raped and then someone was telling me that either I hadn’t been raped, or even if I was raped, it wasn’t a big deal. Only because I opened up to previously divorced friends the next day at work was I able to put perspective on this and get through it. A good friend wrote me these transforming words:

    "Sadly he (the male friend who berated me) seems to be ignorant of the difficulties women have when trapped in a relationship with a narcissist.

    You are OK. This is nothing that couldn't have been predicted. You have shattered the fairy tale that your ex has been telling the little children who hang around him! You evil woman. How dare you?

    You can feel sad, but not bad. You have done nothing wrong. The sadness is that people just don't get it..they can't step outside of their needy selves and imagine your world. They are struggling too much themselves. The good of this is that you can sever ties more easily. Like a cleansing violent thunder storm, it is over and you can smell the freshness. Stay out of the hole, breathe the clean air, and address YOUR desires and needs.

    Be aware that anything anyone who knows you only through you and he as a couple WILL be soiled with his juice. So let it go. DO NOT TAKE IT IN.

    This is not a war anymore. The fight is over. You have won. You are free. Let them keep trying to engage in the war. Who cares? They need to "fight" to define themselves. Why else would they act the way they do?"

    I got a lot of confort from these words like I did yours, Moving on. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and helping people like me to move on. I am grateful to you! :)

    Signed, Stronggirl, married for 27 years, involved for 32 years, left over 1 month ago, FREE AT LAST!

  • Comment Link Guest Tuesday, 22 January 2013 22:29 posted by Guest

    Understand completely : I too am so happy to come across this website. I can totally connect with what you said. I am divorced after 17 years of a miserable marraige. Whatever friends I thought I had had scattered like the plague. I learnt who my real friends were and that was close to none except my family. Thank goodness for them. My ex spread all kinds of rumors about me to people in my community. Most of them are so close minded that they actually believed all the crap they were fed. It used to make me angry in the beginning but then I thought nobody gets away with doing things like that. He will get his someday. The truth always prevails. As for friends I am still looking for a real true one.

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 05 January 2013 02:38 posted by Guest

    "friends"" policy. : read all comments...... sad......unfair.....most here have been taken advantage of by a former husband {me too-predators are everywhere } and some helped the situation worsen w/ poor self esteem and decision making. here's what. some {alot} of men these days are narcissists. the solution w/ narcissism is either flatter them and live w/ the emptiness because you can't {or wont} leave restrained by finances and/or kids, or admit you've been duped and adopt a "strength comes with no contact" policy. JOYFULLY LEAVE THESE LOSERS BEHIND, THEY ARE CERTAINLY NOT CRYIN' OVER YOU. take the feeling out of it and take responsibility for your life TODAY. cryin' over spilt milk ring a bell? i say this w/ no synicism, don't waste one more reply worshipping the problem and talking about these fools. there is work to be done, education to be pursued, new experiences to be had, and new people to find. my whole search tonight began b/c i wanted validation regarding the idiots that can be bought by ex's. the women part of the couple relationships i lost sided w/ the narc and left me hanging. no intellectual curiosity of me whatsoever. guess what? we were aquaintances, not friends. my mistake. just like the one i made not recognizing the predator who bamboozled me. i'm a pretty sharp cookie and it got by me. i finally had enough as the ex was freshly leaving a christmas eve dinner w/ said stupid couple. after not speaking to me for a year even though our kids are sociable, and against my true friends suggestion i not confront due sounding angry, i called the coward. if she has enough nerve to treat me this poorly and lavishly entertain him, she can take a call. i was going to say 3 things. "i'm shocked by your actions, i'm shocked by your treatment of me, and my suffering has been magnified by this." i got the first one out and she went .........hysterical. i remember "this is christmas, it was my husbands idea, if you have a problem etc"........... i shut up and let her bury herself. she practically threw the phone at her husband. i said to him, "nevermind, goodbye". i hope i shocked her. what i said was extremely controlled, she would have died if i would have given her what she deserves. i simply refuse to let them have any ground, but a stop sign needed to be thrown up. now try to have fun w/ the narc. these "friends" are abusive to their female counterparts. sheesh! it's like trying to explain crazy. lets move on. i'm a lady, i'm going to act like one, i'm going to raise my boys to be men, and i'm going to love my deliverance! be glad it's over.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 30 December 2012 18:45 posted by Guest

    wow: same thing here with my x wife....sorry. Lose your life but not be dead! good line. ppl dont get it.....

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 02 December 2012 21:45 posted by Guest

    lost friends after separation: Ally, I had a very similar situation. After being very unhappy with my distant, verbally-abusive husband, I fell in love with another man. My best friend at the time saw how I thrived on the attention of this thoughtful man and she encouraged me to follow my heart. Sadly, she told my husband and made things worse for everyone. She and all of our mutual friends took his side. I live in a small town and I feel like an outcast. And now I'm afraid to make new friends because I trust no one. It's very isolating.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 14 November 2012 21:50 posted by Guest

    divorce and friends: i just got divorced and i have noticed that these female friends of my ex's - who were his friends before our marraige - are real bitches to me. they totally give me the cold shoulder and i dont know why. and some of his friends say "well, it's change...and change is good." which is weird because i feel completely devastated and our kids are as well...but he is partying like a banshee

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 02 November 2012 00:08 posted by Guest

    22 years.....I had 26: I am going through the same thing. He is involved in a "Spiritual group" and I was "not allowed" to go to any of the studies or to the Church with him. The folks at this group believe that he is an angel all the while being so mean and demeaning towards me. I do not know even to this day what he said to all our friends to make them not even be able to look at me let alone say hello. This man spent every waking hour doing things for "others" instead of his own family. Many years we went without so he could spend it on who knows what. I am so sorry for what this so called man did to you, I had the same done to me and you are not alone. We are still fighting about out children who constantly go back and forth stating they hate one of us. He will bribe them to be on his side...and it makes me feel so sick.

    Good luck to you

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 16 September 2012 03:59 posted by Guest

    Thank you: Im sorry for the cliche, You rock.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 16 September 2012 03:54 posted by Guest

    You're not alone : You're not alone. It's amazing how many
    People shit can you after a divorce. In the last 17 days my husband has filed for
    Divorce after asking for it just 7 days previous, moved out, taken all access to our join accounts, my
    Jewelry to include my wedding rings, turned his entire family against me, and I've lost ALL
    My friends. I've never felt so alone in my life. I've started counseling to better myself but it's hard
    Being stuck in a town with no one. You're not alone. I'm disenfranchised when it comes to men in general. It's
    Amazing how much you lose when you and a passive Aggressive get a divorce

  • Comment Link Guest Saturday, 01 September 2012 23:49 posted by Guest

    Good for you!: I am glad you said something about the pedophile in your family. I had the same situation happen to me and I was amazed that everyone wanted to ignore it, and think it was an isolated incident. You are a good mom! It sounds like you are doing great, congrats!

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 29 July 2012 23:43 posted by Guest

    20 Years later: I've been divorced for over20 years, have moved on with the love of my live and had a good life the last 20 years. But I had a great deal of hurt from my ex-husband (the liar,multi-affair,absent,thougtless, etc guy) and somehow he ended up with all the friends. His personality was outgoing and I was the doer, cleaner, cook, take care of person, why wouldn't he appear as the better friend, he was always cleared up to be the fun person, not the responsibile person! Even after all these years (20) I found out my best friend from college 35+ years ago, saw on Facebook she has Friended him on facebook! What a blow to my ego, he destroyed a marriage with his affairs and lying and he ends up with MY friends!

  • Comment Link Guest Thursday, 14 June 2012 22:00 posted by Guest

    Lost all my friends after divorce but finding new ones!: So I've been divorced for 3 years. I agree with the above posts. It is really hard but I too looked at myself in the mirror and I realized that although he cheated I too played a part in the split. All of our friends were mostly his friends wives. We had a bond through his work. After our 2nd child was born we learned a relative on his side is a pedophile. No one including the victim wanted to do anything about it. I flatly had to tell my in-laws that this person was not allowed our children. Everyone including my husband disagreed with me. So after years of feeling resentful on my part and my self esteem was in the toilet. My husband chose to have an affair. I was devastated but nothing compared to all the "friends" who came to my side. Some even helped me move and said they would never talk to him again. To be honest I kind of knew these guys would eventually forgive him. And now 3 years later they are entertaining him, his girlfriend, and my children. It hurts a lot. I never told them
    Not be friends with him. I knew since they had to work together it would be very hard to stop friendship completely.
    I did talk bad about him to a couple of his close friends. All true things but I do regret this now. I wish I could undo these things. I haven't since our divorce was final said anything to anyone that was negative. He's not a good dad but everyone thinks he is. I feel the more I encourage a relationship with him the more they fight it. So Ive tried to Remain neutral for the kids.

    Good news: I have made new friends and every Single day I think God for something. I realized how far I had come. I dropped off my kids and I used to cry for days. This week I went to the gym and I had a great workout! Then I came home and I turned on the TV. My favorite movie Die Hard was on. I was so happy and I thought wow what a great night! I got a good workout and a movie! Notice I didn't dwell on me not seeing my kids or friends. I also joined a speech club and I found another divorced woman that we do things together on our off weekends.

    I am working on being my own best friend so someday I can also be someone else's. I think I have become a better mother since all of this. And friends are fickle. It's hard to keep friends when all you is feel sorry for yourself. When you make an effort to improve your self new friends will pop up. God works in ways we never imagined.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 11 April 2012 14:11 posted by Guest

    22 yrs of friends walked away: I've been divorce 7-1/2 yrs. I caught the ex having an affair, was 8-1/2 yrs into a 10 yr plan to divorce me when our youngest turned 18 and now realize he lied to me most of our 22 yr marriage. The divorce I could have handled. The affair, lying, cheating and ensuing 2-1/2 yrs of harassment and threats made me an emotional and physical wreck. He's never taken ownership of anything he's done; he points the finger at me as the driving force behind his behavior. I was a good wife and mother; he just never noticed. His friends, social life and interests were more important to him than being a devoted husband and father. After he left he took a good majority of our friends along with him; I'm sure by lying about my role in his diabolical scheme to destroy me. Afterall, his girlfriend told everyone negative things about me when she didn't even know me. Nonetheless, I never spoke bad of him and always encouraged our children to try to maintain a relationship with him despite his lack of effort. I wasn't stupid. I knew better. And even the one group of friends who tried to help me through it were eventually led to feel sorry for him when he whinned about not having any friends left. My nephew, his brothers son, was used as a pawn by my ex. My nephew convinced those friends that I put them in the middle of the divorce which I did not. It was my ex's last ditch effort to search and destroy my friendship with the last remaining group of people who hadn't turned their back on me. And now they're all gone. It hurts knowing that my ex-husband tore my life from me. It hurts running into old friends who give you a fake hug, say nice seeing you and you never hear from them again. It hurts that I still send Christmas cards every year to the same people and no one responds as they did in the past. It hurts that they all maintain a relationship with my ex and my children yet want nothing to do with me. Mostly, it hurts knowing that my children and friends have no idea how much I did everything right in protecting everyone from all the wrong things my ex was doing. Unless you've been through it, no one knows what it feels like to lose your life but not be dead. I'm stuck here till the housing market gets better. But the best advice I can give is to move far enough away from the life you had when you were married so you can have a life of your own to enjoy in peace.

  • Comment Link Ava Tuesday, 28 February 2012 22:44 posted by Ava

    Friends & Divorce: Let me start off by saying that I am new to this site, but am very glad to have come across it. Thank you for sharing.
    Now, I want everyone who is going through a divorce or husband just left them to do something very simple and it will set you straight. I know it was a total mind-blow for me when I stumbled across it accidentally.
    First, take a good, long, hard look at yourself. Then ask yourself if you like 'what' you see and 'who' you see.
    Second, look at a picture of yourself during the latter part of your marriage. Do you like what you see? Do you remember exactly how happy you were? Were you REALLY happy? Be honest to yourself.
    Third, take a picture of yourself once you get dressed for the day. (use your cell phone. it does not have to be a professional camera) Don't look at it until you come home from your day.
    Fourth, compare that "during marriage" picture to the phone picture and ask yourself what you see.
    Lastly, take out your old yearbooks. "Pre-Marriage" pics. Who was that person? Was she happy? Popular? Sexy? Talented? Aspiring to be/do something?
    Now, if you noticed what I did about myself, you will realize a very unnerving fact. "I LOOKED BETTER AFTER HE LEFT WITHOUT TRYING!" I never knew just how much I was drowning. SMH.
    Anyway, as far as friends go? They noticed it too! That's why they scattered like roaches when the light came on! Hmph! Who needs them? Your new life consists of losing the excess baggage, so that means ALL that goes with it. New life, new friends! :)
    The worse part about it is. I learned that God removed him from my life because I did not have the sense to. He looks out for fools and babies, ya know?
    I am currently a junior in college working on my BS in Computer Information Systems and I am learning more and more everyday about myself as well as my course of study.
    I am picking up from where that girl in high school left off and she is DEF SOMEONE TO BE RECKONED WITH!
    HANG TOUGH & GOD BLESS YOU ALL!
    Signed,
    Involved 28yrs, Married 20yrs, Divorced 1.5yrs

  • Comment Link Guest Friday, 20 January 2012 14:31 posted by Guest

    I am going through a divorce: I am going through a divorce now, my husband left me 7 months ago. This has been the hardest I have ever been hit. I have friends who have stood by me, not many, most are judge mental, and say they are there for you, when in fact they are no where to be found. Most of my guy friends stay neutral, but to me thats really not good enough. how can you be neutral to someone who has cheated on another? left them to fix everything and having to give their child up for a person who didn't want to be a part of their life when they lived at home? Guys have no morals. Many social networks are to blame for all this cheating, thinking others have it better, re-kindling old relationships. Divorce is not the answer for all.......but many do it. Friends unfortunately will judge, will be nervous when you are around their husband and will stab you in the back many times. Guys don't care, they go right back out, their friends laugh about it........and they are not nearly effected as we are......emotionally, socially, in work and everyday life.

  • Comment Link Guest Wednesday, 19 October 2011 05:15 posted by Guest

    lost friends after separation: I have also lost a very good friend through my separation with my Husband. She was the one who encouraged me to leave him because i loved another man. Yes i had an affair with a man i sort comfort in when my Mom passed away from breast cancer. I know it was wrong but i was so emotionally affected by my Moms death. So i left my Husband and my friend hasn't come near, its almost like losing my Mom all over again. Luckily i have 2 other friends that have been there for me the last 4 months and they have been brilliant.

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 17 July 2011 15:58 posted by Guest

    lost friends after divorced: i was divorced 2 half years ago which i didnt want to get divorced but my ex husband went ahead and divorced me and then he met another woman and got married pretty fast, i fell lost and alone and i use some friends and after divorced they dont bother to call me or spent time with me i feel so alone here , when it come on holidays and weekend this is the lonely time for me but i do try to keep myself busy at home and work but in the end of the night i am on my own ,even christmas time no one called me to say merry christmas , but i am getting use to it now , i have to learn to accept it , my ex husband has left me , i fell so rejected and no wanting from him that is really most painful feeling that i had in my life , i know there is life after divorced but it take time to heal even though it been 2 half years is still hurts me at time ,