Is hubby suddenly logging on to classmates.com and talking about the good old days when he was a high school basketball star? Perhaps he’s taking up running, or he’s running to the gym to work on his abs and pecs?
Is he donning black leather jackets instead of Brooks Brothers? Is he spending more time in the bathroom than you do, and using more products?
Hmmm. He may be going through a mid-life crisis, but more likely he's doing the hanky panky with someone else.
The American psychic Edward Cayce said that intuition is knowledge from an unknown source that is usually true. As we all know, a woman's intuition is usually spot-on — especially when it comes to whether her guy is straying. However, the desire to avoid divorce puts us in a state of denial.
But, girlfriends, better to know the truth. That way you can come from a position of power in confronting the problem and solving it. With your interests in mind, we asked Danine Manette, the author of Ultimate Betrayal: Recognizing, Uncovering and Dealing with Infidelity, what 15 signs to look for if you suspect your mate is making out with someone else.
- Do his friends' wives give you a pitiful, sympathetic look without saying anything?
- Does he work more overtime, but still never have any money?
- Does your mate have some new activity that occurs on the same night every week, and to which you are not invited?
- Does he answer you promptly when you ask where he's been or does he hesitate before replying?
- Has he suddenly begun carrying gum or breath mints?
- Is he experiencing a sudden unexplained interest in changing his hairstyle and general appearance?
- Has he started leaving his cell phone in his car at night, “to charge”?
- If he answers the telephone in front of you, does he quickly leave the room and speak in hushed tones? Or just mumble and give cryptic answers?
- Does he hang up the telephone or switch computer screens as soon as you walk into the room? Has he taken up text messaging, or spending hours on his Blackberry when there’s no work to be done?
- Has he recently changed his computer password or changed email for no apparent reason?
- Has he begun to pick petty fights with you, after which he storms out of the house, remaining away for extended periods of time
- Do his friends cheat on their wives?
- Do you have to adjust the passenger seat in his car when you get in?
- Does he suddenly seem uninterested in sex or conversely is he suddenly interested in experimenting with new sexual techniques?
- Have photos of you in his den or office disappeared?
If some of these scenarios apply to you, I think you get the picture. If you are suspicious, you can also check wallets, especially between credit cards and behind photos; you can look in coat pockets, pants pockets, gym bags, briefcases; and you can examine cell phone bills, credit card bills and bank statements.
If you're looking to become an even better sleuth, there's also surveillance software, like Blazing Tools or Waresight Keylogger, which allow you to monitor what’s happening on his computer, including web sites he visits and his emails.
Manette, who is a criminal investigator, also suggests using the reverse telephone directory to find out sources of mysterious phone numbers, and Phone Bust, which for a small fee provides info on the calls someone made.
Once you’ve gathered enough to feel you have the evidence you need, you need to confront your guy, but you must not rant and rave. You should present what you’ve found in a calm way. Say that obviously there is a problem and ask what will he do to correct it.
If he's willing to go to marriage counseling and end the affair, consider it an opportunity to work on your relationship. If he doesn't want to repair the relationship, you're better off heading to a divorce lawyer.
The world is a big place and full of people who will appreciate you. Remember, never love someone who doesn't love you back.
You deserve better than that: you're the catch.
When To Hire A Private Investigator To Catch A Cheating Husband — a video interview with private investigator, Jerry Palace.