The actor Balthazar Getty is getting a lot of pressure to return to his wife after his affair with Sienna Miller. But his wife, Rosetta, is understandably not making it easy for him. She's pissed off.
Just for the record boys: When you cheat or stray, forgiveness comes, but not in a day.
Trust has been broken, as has a heart.
TMZ reported that Getty has been emailing Rosetta, the mother of his four young children, writing, “I love you,” “I miss you,” and telling her he wants to move back into the house.
He reportedly also is calling her but she hangs up.
Of course, that won't last long, since she will have to communicate with him regarding his chance to see the kids.
Kids are always the connective tissue. Once you are a parent, you are forever connected as their mother, their father. But what will last a long time is her feeling of betrayal.
Getty is also learning that life is like a jigsaw puzzle, with many pieces connected. A break-up causes the pieces to be re-jiggered uncomfortably. Reports surfaced that his co-stars on the show, “Brothers and Sisters,” are fans of Rosetta and are saddened by the affair. After all, it was Rosetta who would bring the kids to the set so they could scamper about.
Relationships develop over coffee and donuts, over laughs at flubbed lines, over drinks when the shooting ends. A familiar rhythm of life is established.
It saddens friends and colleagues when it is broken. Not only have his co-stars been supportive of his wife, but naturally so has his family. They reportedly also want him to come back to Rosetta.
In a culture like ours, this is unusual — for several reasons.
People accept that relationships fray and fracture. People understand that each of us has the right to be happy and fulfilled. (It's even in the Constitution).
People realize that, for many, divorce is often the right thing.
But it is how you break up that determines the support you will get.
Did you exhaust every possibility to make the marriage work? Did you go to counseling? Did you dig deep and discover that you were really not compatible, or just restless?
Getty is getting grief over his infatuation with Miller because no one saw any signs of a marriage in trouble. Rosetta and Balthazar just had a baby, now 10 months old. Sources say that it wasn't as though they were in couples counseling.
And they had four children. Four children.
Even the jaded get jarred by the significance of what it would mean for this family.
While it is true that no one ever knows what goes on behind closed doors, we have still gotten a peek into their lives through friends and family who have clearly sided with Rosetta.
So how can Rosetta learn to forgive Balthazar?
According to Peggy Vaughan, author of “The Monogamy Myth,” Balthazar has to be patient. Calls and emails aren’t going to work immediately.
It takes time to process the pain.
“It is rare to completely recover from the emotional impact in less than two years,” Vaughan observes.
But Balthazar must sever all ties with Miller.
Furthermore, whenever Rosetta asks about the affair, he must answer questions without being annoyed. His willingness to answer questions diminishes the need to know from Rosetta.
But Rosetta can’t punish him for the answers he gives. She has to work on letting it go and moving on.
Sometimes an affair is an awakening and helps the couple get back on track by rebuilding their relationship and recognizing what they have versus what they lack.
It becomes, as always, lessons learned.