I have been away awhile. I still come on and read. My heart aches for those who are just starting this journey. I am finally divorced. I had to leave the house I loved and my former life behind. I have no contact with the man I was married to for close to 13 years. He currently lives with his girlfriend in her house. He replaced our family and me for hers. My daughter sees him sporadically, when he finds time to fit her into his new life. She says he is not the same person he used to be. Neither am I.
Today I am completely free of him and that life I thought I had.
I am completely self-supporting. I started from zero. I didn't even have a driver’s license. I had been a stay at home mom for close to 10 years. Today I have a job I love. I have my own car. I have a beautiful home that I rent for our daughter and myself. I have gone through hell but I got through it. I am independent and I am free. I am happy. Each day gets better and better! I am so grateful for everything and anything that helped me! I have grown exponentially as a human being. I have earned the love and respect of my family and friends. Most importantly, I earned love and respect for myself.
Is it easy? Hell no! But each step I made in the right direction led me to the next step. If I can give any advice it’s this. Take the step, no matter how tiny it may seem. If you're a puddle, get off the fucking floor. Stand up and be a puddle. Be grateful for that. Next day, do it again and take another step. Be grateful for that. Before long you'll look back and begin to see progress. Progress is addicting, life affirming. Best of all, narcs hate to see you make progress. Before long you'll realize that what he thinks or feels really isn't important anymore.
Take the time to heal and be with yourself.
Don't be like the narc and find a replacement relationship. If you're sad or lonely, learn how to soothe yourself. If you're bored, find things you like to do, take up a hobby, exercise. Be good to yourself. Cry when you need to, laugh as much or whenever you can. Spend time with people who like you just the way you are. Get rid of the ones that don't. Believe in yourself. Trust that you will get through this and that the universe will provide. If you believe in God or a higher power, pray and ask for strength and support.
Lastly, if you can pass it forward, do it. It costs nothing.
There were days when I had nothing but a smile or a kind word. A random act of kindness has big dividends! Even in complete darkness, a small light can shine. I hope this reaches someone who really may need it today. I hope it brings some comfort. I was in your shoes not too long ago. You will get through this. We are all survivors. It’s in our DNA. We have the power to go through extreme pain to give life. We go through it and see it as beautiful. In a sense, I have been reborn. I went through pain and labor. I fell down the rabbit hole and came up on the other side. It's true.
It's Tuesday and I found "Meeeeh".