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My Narcissistic Ex-Husband

Reflections on loving and living with a Narcissist.  Let our experts guide you toward the healing power of moving on and allowing yourself some time in the spotlight.  Get advice on healing from his behavior and finding yourself again.

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I became a member here a few years ago out of desperation, a last resort, a hope that someone/anyone would listen and be able to relate to my miserable life without judging me or throwing so-called solutions at me to problems they could never even relate to. I was at my loneliest, my lowest and my darkest ugly days when it got to the point that no one wanted to hear about it anymore, but that was my past and my life is ever-present with "mini-miracles' showing up in the final hour!  Not daily, not weekly or even monthly, but when it really does feel like 'the final hour' so-to-speak. It feels like forever since my last blog, but there are actually two reasons I've been a ghost on this site for the past couple of months. Firstly, I've been working a lot more recently. But my work hours have changed so I have more time on my hands (not falling asleep as soon as I log on). The second reason will be at the end of my blog.

We are meant to find healthier, happier, brighter and more fulfilling lives.

My goal at FWW since I found my freedom several years ago has always been to inspire those who are still on their journey working towards their healthier, brighter and fulfilling, independent lives and I've written many blogs in the hopes of doing so. Many of you have been inspired but more so, I hope you have since found your freedom or are at least on your journey. For those whose lives I have failed to even ignite a spark, I'm truly sorry, I will have to try harder. I was heartbroken (but sadly not surprised) to see all the new members on FWW, and for reasons I'm not yet sure of, less of familiar ones. I wish I had some fancy professional title to make all that I've said and all that I say give you exactly what you need to hear to jump on your path to freedom. Unfortunately, I don't.

What I 'do' have is 30 years first-hand experience, knowledge and proof that you can do whatever it takes to grab onto the best years of your life that lie ahead in waiting. To finally free yourself from your shackles, slam the door behind you as you walk away and believe wholeheartedly in yourself that you can and you will survive the journey even though you can't even in your wildest imagination believe it to be possible. I truly hope you understand when I say that you need to let the storm hit you in the face, you do it with the knowledge that the storm always passes. So what if the car breaks down when you're at your lowest? Even In the best of times cars break down and it's never a good time. Shut your blinds and don't go out for a day or two; we all have those days. Binge, gain a few pounds eating your favorite junk food; we all love overindulging once in a while. 'Allow' yourself to sound like a child, (or like I did 'and still do' time and time and time again) an idiot, asking questions/making phone calls knowing absolutely nothing about whatever it is you desperately need information about. If you don't ask you will never be able to move forward.

We are victims of Narcissists and there are a plethora of people and services out there meant to help us!

For women like us, we only have ourselves to rely on so we have to take advantage of the help that is available, and most of it is at no cost. Some of us have our children or a loved one who supports us, but ultimately it is we alone who have to literally and physically do it all to change our lives. You can't wait for a 'good' day, a day you feel 'up', a day you're not sad, crying, pulling your hair out or asking the higher powers that be why you were overlooked or what you did to deserve this. If you wait for any of this, nothing will change. YOU have to change and you can do whatever you need to make it happen, even on your worst of days because most of your days 'are' your worst days. I know because this was me, the worst victim (in my own mind) of a Pathological Narcissists.

Now and then I look back and ask myself "how in the world did I get here, from there"?

I actually get overwhelmed with all the thoughts and memories of what it took over the course of 2+ years to embrace my freedom. It couldn't have been me! I'm not that smart, confident, strong, and capable and I had a measly $300 to my name. But 'how' I was going to do it became secondary. Doing it took front-row-center! My life still feels surreal at times. And so the second reason that I didn't blog sooner is because I didn't want you to stop reading thinking this was the gist of my blog. I finally got a promotion after almost two years at this job that I still love! I got a raise 6 months ago as well. I know to many people, especially those outside of the FWW forum would snicker and say, "is she serious, that's a promotion"? But if you're familiar with my life, you understand what it means to me. Just wait for it.

I am now a server/waitress. It many not be fancy or impressive, but what it does mean is that what I was making in an 11 hour shift I can now I make in a 4 hour shift (between hourly wages and tips)! There are still be bar shifts available to me and I actually have a life outside of work now. When I started working I was five years from retirement. I can't believe it's only 3-1/2 now and I'm not even feeling in a rush. I always want to share new achievements and milestones in my life so you can see how life just keeps on getting better, sweeter and brighter once you leave. Don't think that all you have, all you are capable of having or all that you are worthy of is what you see in this moment. There is so much more! Don't wait 'till you're planning your retirement to make changes. You can't do anything to stop the clock, but you can stop the abuse. There is a rainbow with your name on it!

(originally posted by a member of our community)

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