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My Narcissistic Ex-Husband

Reflections on loving and living with a Narcissist.  Let our experts guide you toward the healing power of moving on and allowing yourself some time in the spotlight.  Get advice on healing from his behavior and finding yourself again.

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I AM DIVORCED!!! I am by no means an exception here at FWW, but I am a success story. I was officially divorced, but recently walked out of the courthouse with the red seal stamped on the divorce papers! I finally know what pure, unadulterated freedom feels like, and I can tell you that there are no words to describe it. Starting over later in life after 30 plus years with 'a', Narcissistic Sociopath, I AM FREE.

Some of you are familiar with my journey, and although we are not carbon copies of each other, we all know that our journey to freedom from a Narc, regardless of circumstances, is by no means an easy one.  I had a few hundred bucks to my name that day the day my EX declared he was walking out on my son and I. I went into lunatic mode. That was my rock bottom.  

The very next morning was the beginning of my journey.  

I had no idea how I was going to do it, only that I had to do it.  I stormed into my child’s room and said: "I'm getting out of here. You have to decide if you're coming with me or not".  He didn't want to leave the home, the city we grew up in, but my ex didn't want him and he was too ill to support himself. 

Eventually I had a place to stay while commuting back and forth, 2-3 times every single week getting my (and my child's) life in order. Eventually, we both moved into our new 1 bedroom apartment, and I started my job that I absolutely love (after 30 years of not working with no experience and nothing but a cover letter and a prayer) I'm off social and financial assistance. And I recently got extra shifts at work and a raise! My son's health has improved dramatically. He's back in school and starting his own business on the side from home.

There are so many 'mini miracles' as I call them that continue to happen when I least expect them. My whole life I used to say that miracles only happen to other people. I would be lying if I said that now. You may find this hard to believe, but more than sharing my joy in being divorced from a narc, is my undying plea to all you ladies who are where I and so many other women were before we found our freedom. I sincerely do not believe that one story is worse or harder than the next.

For each and every one of us, our own story is crippling, debilitating and devastating.

We all have experienced, or are still experiencing our own version of what hell is like living with a Narcissist. What one of us might be stronger at handling, another might feel that is their Achilles heel. I can tell you first-hand that you do not have to have money or a guaranteed place to stay. You just have to be ready, willing and prepared to do whatever it takes. It really is that simple.

It's not easy mentally, emotionally or physically, but it is simple enough if you commit to leaving and taking the proper steps and NEVER, EVER give up on your journey. It took me well over two years from the day I committed to leaving. I never stopped moving forward. Not ever! Not even once. I took the odd day off to decompress, but even those days were very few and far between. I knew that every day I sweat, cried and wanted to curl up and disappear, was one day closer to freedom for me (and my son).

I've written a few blogs offering hope and inspiration but with my increased work hours (which I am so grateful for!) unfortunately I just don't have as much time to spend on FWW as I used to. But the time that I am here, I love. In recent months, I can tell you that I am more confident, independent and feel like I can hold my own wherever I go and in whatever I am exposed to. No kind of Superwoman for sure, but I know I fit in, in a way I don't ever remember before. I wish I felt this good in my younger days. Some of you are so much younger than me so please don't wait 'till you're 60 and saying you wish you left your Narc sooner.

We all know how debilitating fear can be. 

For me, when I hit my rock bottom, fear had to take a back seat. Please, if you need to break free than just do 'something' today that will help get you there. I happen to be an extremely organized person who makes lists and notes for everything I have to do. I can be a procrastinator for sure, but once I put the pen to the pad and it's on my list, then 100% it's going to get done when it's supposed to. However you need to plan your journey. But plan, commit, stay focused, persevere and never, ever turn back. And possibly most importantly, do not put deadlines on what you have to do. Be realistic with your timing so you don't get disappointed. We are all here for each other, but ultimately, only you can change your life.

Originally published by a community member here at First Wive's World — FWW is a supportive community of women in similar stages who get it!

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2 comments

  • Comment Link Candilove Tuesday, 22 November 2016 04:52 posted by Candilove

    Thank you for your encouraging words, you
    Hit on every issues I once experience with
    My EX, children and jobs. I over came that
    Situation and pray for the other ladies. It
    Taken me 2 years as well, I sit back and
    Thank GOD for loving me enough to pull
    Me from that situation. I did exactly what
    You did, moved forward and didn't look
    Back. Thank you!!!

  • Comment Link rowinghome Tuesday, 25 October 2016 12:34 posted by rowinghome

    Thank you...you are an inspiration of strength. I've been at my bottom for quite some time. I have no job, disabled by depression, PTSD and can barely look people without feeling like I've done something unforgivable. Facing the realization of my past has be devastating as well as eye opening. I mourn the loss of myself and all those years. I never had a name for the things my ex did until now! I see the Truth and now I must find the strength to dig myself out of this mess. I am finding my hope however small the spark might be.