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My Narcissistic Ex-Husband

Reflections on loving and living with a Narcissist.  Let our experts guide you toward the healing power of moving on and allowing yourself some time in the spotlight.  Get advice on healing from his behavior and finding yourself again.

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I am several years now beyond my narcissistic relationship with my Ex. After our break up, I lost everything; my martial home, cars, and so much more. I lost pretty much everything; while he moved into a beautiful condo with the woman he left me for. I was devastated, but the last thing I wanted to do was feel sorry for my self. Change is what I was looking for so instead of staying in my house for free while the bankruptcy and the foreclosure were going on, I decided to rent a house and let my son stay in our old house as we continued to move things out. It was an impulsive move and financially not a wise choice, so I learned more than ever that patience is a virtue. 

My life has changed drastically during these past four years.

Everyone kept telling me to be patient and that good things come to those that wait, so I decided to take their advice. I focused on me, and started eating right and working out. Those two things put me in a better frame of mind. 

My job was very stressful and my boss was not a nice person. A year ago a friend came to me and asked me if I would be interested in coming to work for her company. It was a tough decision since I had been at my current job for so many years, but I decided to take the chance and it paid off emotionally and financially. I recently purchased a nice condo, which I thought would never happen. I have wonderful friends, and a great job. Life has turned around greatly for me so the patient waiting paid off. 

Let me tell you ladies that karma does rear its ugly head.

Both of my ex-husbands are in relationships with controlling women. They have nowhere else to go because these women control and own everything. These men are stuck where they are, but happy they are not and probably will never be. I still see the both of them in passing every now and then. I always say hi and ask them how they are doing. I'm friendly and always greet them with a smile. I'm happy they are miserable and that is my closure. Ladies be patient good things will come your way. It may not seem like that now, but it will. Focus on you, because only you can turn your life around. There may come a time where you will have an opportunity to take some chances. If so, take that chance, its scary, but worth taking. Remember you are in control of your life and happiness. 

I wish all of you the nothing but happiness in the end.

(written by an FWW member. First Wives World is a private, free community with women supporting women through troubled relationships and divorce. Join today and find inspiration, encouragement and strength.)

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  • Comment Link Retiredchump Sunday, 28 August 2016 05:28 posted by Retiredchump

    Wow! I'm in the exact same position. Our marriage ended in May 2016 after years of hidden cheating. He destroyed us financially and I am waiting until the BK can goes through, and our home is being foreclosed on. He just rented himself a 6,000 so ft home.....but refused to continue to pay our mortgage of the home we owned for 11 years. A home the 3 kids and I still live in until the bank repossesses it.

    I'm not patient by nature and anxious to just move on with my life, but I will think twice and just enjoy the rent free home as long as possible and excercise some financial wisdom amidst the chaos he has left behind. I'm waiting for the kharma bus.... It's a little too slow for my liking

  • Comment Link Strongcrystal Sunday, 21 August 2016 02:03 posted by Strongcrystal

    Elizabeth, I understand exactly how you feel. That is almost my story. It's a hard road. I wish you peace and comfort and security.

  • Comment Link GoingForHappiness Monday, 15 August 2016 15:09 posted by GoingForHappiness

    It's great to read this as I just ended, yet another, narcissistic relationship. I'm going through the worst part of it, but reading this helps.

  • Comment Link Elizabeth Wednesday, 10 August 2016 07:42 posted by Elizabeth

    I truly hope you are right. I am second year out from narc marriage of 22 years. He is killing me. He is the most manipulative man I have ever seen. He has taken three of my teenage boys and informed them I divorced him because I wanted to be free and date other men. He is trying to buy off my 17 yo with a car. I realize now he never loved me, not one bit. But I loved him for way too many years. Live and learn.

    The horrible judge accused us of selfish behavior hurting each other at the expense of our kids. I felt ashamed and truly wondered what I am fighting for. I have a CFI which should be done in fall. I don't have very much faith in any of this court stuff or the CFI (which judge made me pay for).

    The ex is preparing yet another motion for contempt of court against me and already has tried to have me arrested on several occasions.

    He cried poor as a 1099 employee so he is trying to get child support from me. I was about to get fired so I quit my low paying wage slave job to work as a commission only job. My credit went to pieces and I am praying I can stay focused to do this job and do well.

    Right now he is winning and I am losing badly. I spend a lot of time thinking about leaving the state and letting him pull is martyr thing.

    Maybe it's time to cut bait and let him raise these kids the way he wants? My children are obnoxious, rude, lazy and he is just their best buddy. He gives them so much power by not providing limits and enforceable rules.

    God is testing me and everyday, the signs seem to be pointing to focusing on taking care of myself, earning money to rebuild my life and focus on healing from this feeling of "damaged goods." Maybe it's time to walk away from all this insanity?

    This sounds terrible but I am praying for some terrible karma on this man. Pray for forgiveness but just not happening.

    I gave him my heart, children, my credit, took care of the house, kids etc. Then my parents bailed him when he broke the law and got caught. Then he included them as creditors on a bankruptcy to get himself off the hook for the promissory loan of $50k. The forgiveness isn't there but how can I be free of his sickness unless I just walk away and not engage?

  • Comment Link Jayson Tuesday, 09 August 2016 22:39 posted by Jayson

    When my wife left me with our three year old son for a coworker, because I worked too much, I resented child support as excessive. When my son turned 15 and his lists of wants would send Warren Buffet into a frenzy, I have come to realize what a deal child support is. Now my ex wife and her husband fight each other over money and direct my son to try to manipulate me to buy, buy, buy. Ironic? isn't it. What the wife did was divorce her son from a father who worked hard to provide to a non father who resents spending anything on someone who isn't his kid and as a result my son will be forced to grow up self sufficient which isn't half bad either. Ironic as well, because that's how I grew up and why I work so hard! What is even more ironic than that? Now that I have money because I worked hard women who have left their husbands are throwing themselves at me! Everything works out in the end. Divorced women are always searching for the “fairytale” and that leaves them always seeking something better instead of blooming where they are planted.