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My Narcissistic Ex-Husband

Reflections on loving and living with a Narcissist.  Let our experts guide you toward the healing power of moving on and allowing yourself some time in the spotlight.  Get advice on healing from his behavior and finding yourself again.

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Why does a narcissist reject the only person that stands between them and certain destruction?  He rejects all that can save him because he doesn't trust anyone accept himself.  The world is a bad place to him.  He thinks he is the only one who he can truly love him or self love.  Even if you loved him, he didn't see it or recognize it.  He may have even despised you for your love and happiness. How dare you be happy when he is so unhappy?  How dare you love him when he is so unlovable?  Your kindness was not appreciated nor recognized or "seen." He doesn't see you nor does he really love himself.  He views himself as unlovable by anyone.  He wants to desperately be loved and if no one can do it, he'll do it himself.

He couldn't "see" you because he was to busy loving himself.  Loving yourself doesn't work.  It is an inward action.  Love is an outward action.  By making love focused inward alone, it negates it as a definition of love.  When recovering from a narc, one is encouraged to be selfish for a time because of the huge neglect that we have endured.  This narc will suck the life right out of you.  There needs to be a balance: giving love, receiving love, respect, self control, taking one for the "team", the "team" taking one for you.  Narcs take and take and take. There is no balance.

Why does a narcissist destroy and reject all that can save them?

A narcissist sees no boundaries or rather his boundaries are blurred.  He doesn't know where you begin and he ends.  “He” is him, “you” are him, and “we” are him.  It is even worse than that.  He is all that is good.  You become all that is bad.  AND we are blended into one identity until you no longer exist.  You have no voice or thoughts of your own - you are isolated until it is just him.  He picked you originally because of your goodness and outspoken qualities.  He claims those now and has placed upon you his bad qualities.  He is not rejecting you because he doesn't "see" you.  He is rejecting himself. The bad part is that he has turned you into. 

If you want to know what a narc is guilty of just listen to what he is blaming and accusing you of.  That is what he is guilty of.  He will reject that and with that single action he has unknowingly rejected all that could have saved them.  You can't fix him because he won't let you.  He will turn you into a scapegoat and sacrifice you in the most devastating way while he hops along and plays "Happy, happy, happy" with whomever.  The narc used to say, "I have never been happier." Yet, he never really is happy.  His unhappiness causes him to reject another job, another family member, another friend, and another woman.   A narcissist chasing happiness is like watching a man chasing after the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. 

Why does a narcissist reject their safety net? 

Then overvalue, undervalue, discard cycles along with the lack of empathy or concern is the very things that defines a narcissist. Why would a narcissist reject God? He rejected God for not answering his prayers how and when he wanted as if God was a magic wand and prayers were spells to be cast at will.  He wanted to make God a little god with the narc receiving the glory of "God" for himself.  Pastor Narc is so wonderful for praying down that miracle for me - praise Pastor Narc - instead of praise God for my miracle. God knows the hearts of every man. Thank you God for that because it all looks the same from where I am.  The pastor who cares for people prays.  The pastor who cares about himself prays. It all has the same action but with a different motive buried within the hearts of men.  It’s the same with counselors, politicians, and common neighbors and friends. 

One thing I have learned is this: God 'Sees" me. 

Happy August and happy back-to-school and happy last summer vacations etc. Happy Autumn is coming for those of you stuck in a heat wave. Be happy and content in the small things in life. Be happy from within and show an outward expression of love on those around you (human or pet) who appreciate it. It's the little things. (((Hugs))) Happy healing if you can. It's going to be all right with a little time. Time is your friend, and there is lots of time.

(originally posted by a community member)

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1 comment

  • Comment Link Mrsferges Monday, 08 August 2016 17:59 posted by Mrsferges

    Awesome article! Thank you for this and Happy August to you as well!