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My Narcissistic Ex-Husband

Reflections on loving and living with a Narcissist.  Let our experts guide you toward the healing power of moving on and allowing yourself some time in the spotlight.  Get advice on healing from his behavior and finding yourself again.

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Have you ever noticed that you can't "tell" someone who is being love bombed?

Your best bet is to sit back and watch it happen. Every now and then someone asks, "Should I warn the other woman?" The answer is always a very firm and loud "NO!" You could never explain it. The person being love bombed would never believe you. You would look crazy. It doesn't matter who the person being love bombed is; it could be the counselor, friends, family, new girlfriend, other woman, a boss, a minister, a lawyer, teacher, school, or the church. Narcs are charming and their love bombing is intoxicating. I was charmed for years. I understand the pull towards it like a moth to a flame. As a wise FWW member says, "not everything you want or love is good for you." The thing is, the mask does slip, people do question, and then the discard process begins.

Narcs can't help themselves. Destruction. When the love bombing stops, things end up destroyed. It is who they are. It is their very nature. They are unhappy and can't be fixed. The poor victims either see the light and escape or are left in an emotional mess or both. But can the surviving victim ever really warn the next "prize choice?" The answer is a very firm and loud "NO!"

Time reveals all things eventually. Some say Karma. Some say the principal of Reaping and Sowing are pretty much the same thing. The hard part is the time. What do you do with yourself while you wait? Apply no contact and be happy. Live your life and be free. Let things go. Build a new and happier you. You deserve it after all. It’s a hard thing to do but well worth the time.

What the narc does just doesn't matter any more. He is trying to "WIN" but win what? Even when he gets what he wants, he doesn't really want it. He is always chasing after something somewhere to give him happiness and satisfaction. It is better for me to just to be happy. It is better to be content, and I am looking forward to the time to do just that: be happy and be content. Here's the thing; if I healed after the love bombing, others can to. True, you don't really want any one else to feel the pain that we have had, but you can't really stop them. It isn't your choice or mine. It is the moth's choice and the pull is many times bigger than you and I. What can you do? Let go and live your life. Sometimes we have the opportunity to help others pick up the pieces.

A woman at a Bible meeting started talking to me recently. I asked her how long she had worked with missionaries and her number of years was smaller than I expected. I asked her a few more questions: How many kids? Grand kids? Then she asked me how long I was married to the piano player. I smiled and said, "We are dating and have been for six years. Not everyone gets to be married for 50 wonderful years. We all want too but not everyone does, and that's okay with me." My smile and tone was sincere and delivered happily. I was in a room where everyone in the room had their spouse with them and had been married 40 years or longer, accept for me, my bf, his dad and new wife, and apparently the lady I was talking too.

She began to share with me that she had been married to a minister. She was married for 30 plus years. He decided to join another group that she felt was weird. Then he went atheist. Then she found the porn and was out of there. I smiled and said you aren't alone. Narcissism. She blinked and said "what?" "YOU are not alone. Your story is not as wild as you would think. You’re not the only one. I explained a few things to her in a few short sentences. Her eyes swelled with tears. No one had understood before. She hugged me. We are now friends. Validation is wonderful. Life is good! And I am happy!

Here are some great articles:

What is love bombing?

Love Bombing - When it's Too Good To Be True
Narcissistic Brainwashing
Red Flag of a Narcissist #1: Love Bombing
What Is Love Bombing?

What is the narcissistic pattern to relationships?

The Narcissistic Cycle

Steps to grieving a narcissistic relationship

Victims of NPD Relationships: Stages of Recovery
Grieving A Narcissist

Awareness; it can happen to anyone

Narcissism Understood - Introduction to Narcissism

(the blog was originally posted by a community member.)

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