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My Narcissistic Ex-Husband

Reflections on loving and living with a Narcissist.  Let our experts guide you toward the healing power of moving on and allowing yourself some time in the spotlight.  Get advice on healing from his behavior and finding yourself again.

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Sometimes a narcissists will try to pass themselves off as simply being an introvert. "I am not a narcissist. I am an introvert." I find the above statement interesting and quite comical. Being an extrovert or an introvert or an ambivert has nothing to do with NPD. Everyone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder has a unique, underlining personality. Everyone who is breathing has a character and a personality. Everyone makes choices and everyone has intent within those choices. Some leave you guessing what those "intensions" are, especially when it comes to their “gaslighting”, crazy-making and manipulative ways. Everything a narcissist says sounds so logical and so REASONABLE at first.

I believed a narcissist for so many years before I caught on.

This is mostly because their isolation, fear and misinformation leave you in such a fog. It wasn’t until I figured out that he "intended" to do "it" that I was able to find a way to freedom. Question: what did I do? Answer: nothing. Then I questioned why? Discover NPD. Set boundaries and get divorced. No contact, gray rock, mirroring, and not necessarily in that order. After all, everyone wants to believe that their spouse, or mother, or father loves them, or friend, don’t they? Some people are ill and some people are just plain evil. 

The root cause of narcissism is self-love to the point that no one else exists

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is just a label that is used by professionals to identify and treat a certain group of people who have common self-destructive behaviors and self-destructive relationships with a root cause. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is just a label that is used by professionals to identify and treat a certain group of people who have common self-destructive behaviors and self-destructive relationships with a root cause. The root cause is self-love to the point that no one else exists. The pure definition: A narcissist is someone who lacks empathy. Everything else brings us to the "Types of Narcissists”, and there are many types. Maybe just maybe the many types of NPD have to do with many kinds of "personalities." 

Some narcissists need to emotionally hit you at the core of your emotional being. Some need to be the smartest one in the room. Some need to be the life of the party. Some need to stand on the edge of the party being the cynical, arrogant, better-than-everyone-else person in the room. Some need to be the class clown. Some need to have the best body, looks, brains or the most money. Some are too good to go to the party. Some need to hit with their fists in rage.

All of these types of narcissists might just be because each individual has a unique background and personality. One thing for sure is that these men are destructive in their relationships and target you emotionally in such a charming way that you say "thank you. I love you. Don't leave me." You end up believing that it is "you" not "them." You live in his false little world while he wears a mask. Who really is this person? You become addicted to the "love bombing moments." Your job is to take the blame, make him happy, and worship him until you no longer exist as an individual person. He puffs himself up while he tears you down. A narcissist will overvalue you then devalue and discard you, unless you catch on and leave before the discard.

Narcissists destructive life choices become predictable. 

It is as if they are following a club book or how to manual.  That is why a professional therapist can give them a label: NPD. The “how they live destructively” changes, events unravel differently according to environment and personality, but the “why they live destructively”, the root cause is the same: lack of empathy. Narcissistic victim syndrome will overtake you if you stay in a relationship with a narcissist too long. It doesn't matter if they are extroverts, introverts, or ambiverts, or if they have a personality that is wonderful or not. If they intend to live destructive lives in order to stroke and protect their own egos, then they are a narcissist.

A narcissist might like being alone, as introverts often do, but that doesn't have anything to do with his being alone because he "blows up" and "discards" everyone who reaches his inner circle. BUT it all sounds so REASONABLE. It always did. I would believe him if I where you: "I am not a narcissist. I am an introvert." After all, everyone knows that a narcissist is a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of himself or herself and must be an extrovert, RIGHT? Sounds good to me, he usually did. Either way, getting out is the key; at least it was for me. I’m so glad I am no longer married to a Narcissist. 

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  • Comment Link Niloo Friday, 29 July 2016 09:24 posted by Niloo

    Thanks for sharing your experience. I think most of us have experience to be with a narcissist but few people ameliorate the pain. Maybe because our relationship with narcissists goes back to long before, with our mothers and fathers.