Dear Other Woman,
I have been watching you. I am sorry to have to admit that. I don’t think I’m a stalker, and have never seen you in person, nor do I want to. But at the same time, I watch sometimes on social media to see what is going on, what your state of mind is, if you're ok, and mainly, what my husband is up to. I have to tell you, it’s not about you. It’s about him. It’s not even so much about him. It’s about me. Because I need to know that I was NOT the problem.
I recently saw your tweet, tagging my husband/your boyfriend, wishing a happy birthday to “the man who showed you that true love does exist”. And I feel so terribly sorry for you, and worry for you and your child. I feel terribly sorry for you, because you don’t know this man, who is showing you that true love does exist. It's called love bombing. I am sure that he has told you that I am a crazy person, a flake, that I don’t know what’s important; that I don’t understand how things really are. In the past I have sent him endless messages about things that really don’t matter, which I now know is the result of being gas-lit. It’s ok. Now I see the truth.
I feel terribly sorry for you because you’ve been together for the entire time that he’s been separated from me, and you think it’s true love, while in the meantime he’s been on and off dating sites until about a month ago. When he was MY true love, I couldn’t fathom the idea of infidelity. I didn’t even entertain the thought that he would possibly be on dating sites when married to me. It was only afterward that I considered it, looked, and learned. Now I see the truth.
I feel terribly sorry for you because you have a child that is the same age that my child was when I got together with our common “love”. He’s been in your child’s life for months now and quite possibly he’s around a lot. I’m not sure what he’s told you about my child, but my child hasn’t heard from him in months. This man, the one that showed you true love does exist, was quite friendly, family oriented, and inclusive for the first several years with my child too. Then, like a light switch, it turned off. We were invisible, aside from days when he received mocking or snide remarks. Now I see the truth.
I feel terribly sorry for you because I’m still working to get myself together, and I fear that you’re headed in the same direction one day. I worry that someday he’s going to realize that the big gaping hole inside is still there, and you didn’t fill it, and it will be your fault. He’s going to tell you that he’s not the happy guy you think he is. Then he’s going to tell you all the things that you do wrong that make him so miserable. And then he’ll turn it all off, like a light switch. I wish there was a way that I could warn you.
I wish there was a way I could tell you to guard your heart, and guard your child’s heart. It’s not even funny to see the similarities between us and for these reasons I wish I could tell you how you’ll believe and trust and love and invest 1000%. And in the end there will be a long, long time when you’ll have no idea anymore how to just BE. I wish you the best of luck.
I wish you all of the foresight you could possibly have, but right now I see you have none, and that you're in love. It's amazing when he's in that stage. But one day, I wish you a little extra suspicion, and some openness to the idea that not everyone sees love like you do. Not everyone is capable. Not everyone is real. If, one day, you want to know the truth, call me. I love coffee. We could have one.
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