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My Narcissistic Ex-Husband

Reflections on loving and living with a Narcissist.  Let our experts guide you toward the healing power of moving on and allowing yourself some time in the spotlight.  Get advice on healing from his behavior and finding yourself again.

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It takes a long time to heal after you’ve been involved in a narcissistic relationship – don’t let anyone try to tell you anything else. Some of it depends on how long you were involved with your narcissistic ex, some of it depends on the type and intensity of the narcissistic abuse, and some of it depends on the way your mind and body process the whole experience. It rarely takes months – plan on slowly healing over a period of years.

And that’s OK.

If you are in a co-parenting relationship, however, you don’t have time to get healed before you have to deal with the ex. You may have court, exchanging children for visitation, discussions about medical issues, or whatever and each time you have to deal with him you can feel all of your progress rushing away. You wouldn’t be the only one that this happened to, and you may have C-PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).

Symptoms of Complex-PTSD

Complex PTSD (CPTSD) is common among people who have lived in high-stress circumstances like narcissistic and other abusive relationships. Some of the symptoms are:

  • Difficulty in managing emotions – experiencing depression, difficulty controlling anger, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, anxiety
  • Feelings of helplessness, shame, guilt, feeling detached from other humans, and/or feeling like everything is your fault.
  • Feeling like you have no control over your life, the abuser has complete power over you, the abuser always “wins”, nothing will ever change
  • Hopelessness about the future, feeling like people will never change, feeling like circumstances will never change.
  • Repression of memories, flashbacks, or feeling dissociated from the experiences.
  • Isolating yourself, not trusting other people

Hello Anxiety, My Old Friend

A while ago I was sitting in the waiting room of the VA hospital lab waiting for them to do some blood work. In 2009 I had to have my thyroid removed and that means I have to take medication and make sure the levels stay where they’re supposed to be. It also contributes to weird emotional ups and downs – yay. Anyway, I was sitting there when a man about the height, build, and similar facial features as my ex walked into the room.

Even though I knew in my rational mind that it wasn’t him my body dumped an ocean of adrenalin into my system. My heart was beating out of my chest, I was dizzy, nauseated, trembling, and my heart was racing. I felt like I was in danger and I needed out of there fast.

Even the idea of having to see him in court or talk to him on the phone or through email gives me that panicky feeling. Not many people understand it – after all it isn’t like he beat me or anything. I don’t totally understand it myself. I only know that it happens and I don’t like it at all.

It looks like I will have to interact with him at least a couple of times this summer and the idea is giving me nightmares even though everyone tells me it’s all going to be fine.

So How Do I Control It?

Obviously in many circumstances I don’t control it. Xanax can help when things are especially out of control but normally I can sip a glass of wine and get things in perspective.

Every single day I remind myself that I don’t live in that anymore. My life is much different now, much freer, and much more stable. I don’t have to worry that I am about to have my house foreclosed on, my electricity turned off, or an empty refrigerator. I don’t have to worry about how to juggle things, fix relationships, or make life comfortable on top of the egg shells we are walking on.

Learn to Identify Your Triggers

A little while ago my husband was downstairs in the kitchen. I could hear him going through the cupboards looking for something. I began to become anxious; feeling like I had to go down there are find whatever it was to keep things peaceful and stave off an atomic anger bomb that could rock the immediate area. I had to remind myself that this was a different man, a different circumstance, a different time.

Because I know that slamming cupboards and drawers opening and closing is a trigger for me I was able to understand how I felt, why I felt that way, and reassure myself that it was easy to ignore.

Over the years I have identified other triggers:

  • I am prone to anxiety attacks when I am coming home from someplace. Usually when I am about a mile away from the house I get a foreboding inside of me. I know what started it, I know why it happens, and I can usually talk myself down off the edge because I am expecting that it could happen.
  • Someone leaving abruptly. I am not sure why this is a trigger for me but it is. I feel rejected and abandoned even if they are going into the next room. There is an unreasonable fear that they might not come back.
  • Paying for groceries or spending money in general. There were way too many years of my life when the check bounced or the card was declined unexpectedly because the ex had decided to buy himself something. 

If you can learn to identify those triggers you’ll have a better chance at disabling them so they don’t affect you anymore.

An Exercise to Help You Regain Perspective During a Triggering Episode

When you can identify your triggers you can control them a little better. You can either stay away from the circumstances or you can let your rational mind to take over and settle your anxiety-ridden mind down. Prayer, meditation, deep breathing, and yoga can help you learn to reassure your body that you are safe and secure. Over time those triggers lose power until they don’t affect you at all.

One set of exercises that you can do when you feel that your emotions are spiraling out of control is the following:

  1. Consciously relax your shoulders to release tension and then relax the rest of your body.
  2. Breathe rhythmically and deeply – take deep breaths and release them slowly.
  3. Clear your mind. Focus on a beach scene, a lovely garden, or some other favorite spot. It sounds silly but do it anyway.
  4. Focus on your breathing.
  5. Have a quote or meditation or scripture verse memorized that applies to this trigger. Repeat it to yourself aloud if you can do that without looking crazy, otherwise repeat it silently.
  6. Imagine a positive outcome to this situation, visualize yourself calmly handling it with a result that benefits you.

It’s best to practice ahead of time so when you do get triggered emotionally you aren’t trying to remember how to handle it or which quote you were using. As you get better at it you’ll be able to catch yourself quickly and get that emotional maelstrom headed off. It takes time but you can do it. Join First Wives World today to talk to others who’ve been right where you are now and can help you find your place of peace.

Lead Image Courtesy of Flickr's Creative Commons, User: AlicePopkorn

 

 

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15 comments

  • Comment Link Veronica Tuesday, 20 February 2018 00:59 posted by Veronica

    People have told me that I wasn't in an abusive relationship, but my ex husband made me feel that way for the entire 10 years we were together. I had a feeling it was PTSD that I was feeling, as my heart races, I get scared, and begin sweating uncontrollably when I have to deal with him. It's so bad, that even being two years into a relationship with a man who actually cares about me, I still have trust issues, and it's nothing for me to be made to feel like I'm a failure when that's not even the intent. I'm terrified that it will end up ruining the best thing I've ever had in my life, but having a little bit of perspective on why I feel this way toward my SO helps, and now I can better work on being the woman HE deserves, because I know he's the man I deserve.

    This article has helped me realize what I'm dealing with, and it helps. Thank you for sharing your experience.

  • Comment Link Denise Stoutamyer Sunday, 05 March 2017 00:39 posted by Denise Stoutamyer

    Oh my goodness. I just found this article today even though it's years later than it was written. I just went through that today. Trying to figure out what to do if I see my ex. I also, do not know why the thought of seeing him causes anxiety attacks. I even was cautious when I went to the same store where I saw him a week ago. I tried to avoid going there. When I did go I looked around the parking lot for his car. But, when I do see him I go backwards. Any of the progress I have made reverts back to depression and crying for days. It's only been 2 months since divorce was final after being married for 39 years.

  • Comment Link Aubrey Monday, 05 September 2016 00:46 posted by Aubrey

    I am battling this still after being divorced for almost 2 yrs now. I was married to my very narcissistic ex 5 yrs together for 7. There were serious indicators while dating including emotional cheating that should have made me kick him to the curb then but i was blinded by love and promises and romantic gestures that in the end were only to get him what he wanted. I was 8 months pregnant when i found out about his first affair. My life was shattered my anxiety at its worst with no clue what was going to happen. He was almost excommunicated from our church and thinking of the welfare of my unborn child and my love and devotion to him(which now i realize has a lot to do with the abuse) i stayed it was hard work he resented me for not moving on sooner and trusting him. After 2 yrs i was pregnant again a child he blamed me for. Things were rocky some days better than others than he started hanging out with younger single people who didnt have the same belief system which had an affect on him . but because after working 10 hrs i wanted him home with his family i was a controlling b**** and i started tracking him when he wasnt coming home at night i was psychotic. He abandoned us left with our only car money and put our apartment up for rent . and he didnt care where we ended up. Later i found out it was another woman who i had confronted him about . the emotional abuse was at its worst. I begged pleaded was willing to do anything to get him back which ended up with him saying he hated me and was disgusted. After an almost reconcile he kicked me to the curb again when his mistress took him back for the 3rd time she was also. Cheating on an almost fiance. To this day i still get ill (ibs) and nausea when after 1.5 yrs pf divorce and seperation he wanted to be apart of the kids lives after marrying her we have kid exchanges and no matter therapy or things i do stop my anxiety when forces to face them.

  • Comment Link Kimba Wednesday, 29 June 2016 19:45 posted by Kimba

    my soon to be ex( i hope)finances is being the reasoning behind the "hope" is causing me to have panic attacks and severe anxiety. He is moody and a very angry man. I can never do anything right, constantly yells at me for everything.. I mean everything... The yearly rate of my daughter's tuition went up and yells at me as though its my fault, ... water bill went up through the city and apparently its my fault.. Never know what type of mood he going to be in when i get home from work... He yells at me to quote " make me a better person" I'm 47 yrs old... I'm not going to get any better than this.. I've been told i am attractive, keep my self up, great sense of humor..religious.. get along with everyone... .. and he hates that... ... He does not know how to be happy person.. never could be...He is very very emotional mentally and spiritually abusive... As soon as he sees me just a little bit of being happy or laugh he will find a reason to knock me down or start an argument with me.. and his temper is awful.. the constant cursing and overuse of the F word in every sentence and the constant of putting me down... 14 years of cooking dinner NOT ONE TIME HAS IT EVER BEEN GOOD... or has sex ever been complete satisfaction... or the house been totally clean after cleaning it for 5 hours on a Saturday... and the laundry is never done properly or folded correctly... Nothing is or has ever been good enough... and everything that goes wrong is all my fault and my daughter who is 16 is completely over it... she can't wait for the day that daddy moves out and we can be happy and listen music and dance and sing and be silly ..and eat dinner without my cooking being critiqued or criticized.. I'm Italian.. i am a damn good cook lol... He is just too miserable and controlling and to realize it... He only really smiles when he gets a chance to put me down in front of his friends or family as him "joking" and I shouldn't take it personal so he says... He has given me a nervous breakdown . and a stroke.... . that's what the dr 's called it when he had to take me to the Er when he caused me to shake so uncontrollably just for asking for my bottle of water that he thought i was having a seizure.. this is not normal behavior ... no woman should be this scared or nervous around the man she married ... no woman should shake uncontrollable and be scared to ask for a bottle of water because shes not sure if he is going to hand it to her or throw it at her because she is never sure of his mood swings... when he looks for something in the house .. whether it be a cup or paperwork or or anything.. if its not right in front of him i get sooo nervous because im afraid he is going to blow up because it'll be my fault with the whole" you misplaced it" and" you moved my cup" or" you did this"... and I am constantly protecting my daughter from his outbursts.. i can't be there all the time but she has learned from years of his behavior to just deal with it and if he gets really out of control she just goes in her room and waits till i get home... its been 2 years since he threw anything at me so at least my last threat sunk in his head but who knows what to bring when i get home today... I pray every day for strength and to keep my sense of mental heath whats left of it for my daughters sake... I just keep saying 2 more years till she graduates H.S. then hopefully we will be peaceful. He has full control of me due to finances even though i work and make my own paycheck.. he still has the house mortgage under his name bills both cars insurance phones and everything... nothing is mine so to speak.. he made sure of that.. I know that God will provide when needed and i just need to have a little more time and patience and not give up yet... I am doing this for my daughter... my happiness will come eventually .... I had it once before in my life.. i know ill have it once again... God does not put us here to be unhappy and miserable ... i believe i am supposed to try to make my husband see the light and joy... but if i am not able to do this or enlighten him I am at a loss because i can not endure his emotional and mental abuse for to much longer.. I have a 2 year plan and i am hoping its shorter.. God bless and Peace...

  • Comment Link Bitten Friday, 24 June 2016 16:03 posted by Bitten

    I found this today because my ex is showing up at my house within the next hour (there's no specific time given, that would give up some control for him), & I'm sitting in my car, shaking, heart pounding, a lump in my throat. And he's not even here yet. Pretty much every time. I know it's because i think he's going to bring up a "conversation" aka corner me until I am too nervous to do anything and then i admit all wrong doing for i-dont-know-what. Or, I'll stop the conversation because it's turning and he says I shut down and never talk to him (ya think??)

    I hate that I have this much physica & emotional l reaction to a conversation that hasn't even happened.

  • Comment Link Anea Sunday, 10 April 2016 15:59 posted by Anea

    Try being married to a person like this for 10 years and 3 kids. You wake up one day out of the blue after a 3 day argument and realize he's the reason you have anxiety. Your blood pressure wasn't high until about 2 years into the marriage. You walk on eggshells to combat his flighty moods and you can't be your full self because it collides with his "image" or "idea" of what's "cool." You were told that "I didn't ask you to come to my sisters funeral." After 10 years of this....I can honestly say I've had enough. I am 34 years young and I prayerfully have so much life ahead of me. I refuse to spend the rest of it on an emotional roller coaster.

    Thank you for this article and bless you on your journey as well. You really helped me to put things into perspective.

  • Comment Link Dawn Friday, 08 January 2016 18:32 posted by Dawn

    Hello, everyone. I was married to a narcissist for 14 years. My husband was never physically abusive, rather he was emotionally and spiritually abusive. Because he had been on a mission and was very familiar with scriptures, he used them to teach me that I was not acceptable to God, and effectively prevented me from seeking help and comfort from the very source of all healing. His version of heaven and joy is that everyone is very solemn and pious and no one ever laughs out of turn. I told him that if that were true, I sure didn't want to go where he was going! I could go on and on as many of you have done, but that is not why I have chosen to write. I wanted everyone to know that THERE IS HOPE!!!

    I went through hell, just like like all of you are doing, but I didn't stay there! When I divorced, I began changing my physical surroundings. I bought new bedding, which was to MY taste. I went to the library and got books to read for myself, some for help and some for sheer enjoyment. I planted flowers with my kids. I made a cassette tape of what I called "jumpy tunes"--songs that affirm the joy of life and have energizing music, and each day I would grab each of my kids one by one and dance around the room till I was exhausted but happy. I found a therapist that really helped me. I bought brand new clothes for myself, something that I hadn't been able to do financially since the first year of our marriage. I got a new hairstyle. I deliberately took care of myself as I would a wounded soul, because that's what I was. I kept away from things and people that didn't seem supportive of my efforts to heal myself. I kept going to church, and I got up in front and talked about how I knew that God loved me, and how he loves my kids.I didn't bash my ex, because I know that God loves him too, and that allowed people to see me as brave and hopeful, and I made a lot of friends. I read the scriptures for myself, and I found that my ex had been twisting them horribly. I even found passages that gave me the strength to endure what I had to go through. I learned eventually that God has an amazing sense of humor, and He isn't super serious all the time. I learned to pray deeply and sincerely, and I knew He answered me.

    Once I accepted in therapy that I had allowed myself to become a victim, and that I had chosen this life, I was able to realize that it was I who had the power to change it. Over time, I learned to set new, much stricter boundaries for myself and for the men I dated. It helped me to value myself much more highly. I am highly intelligent, warm and caring, capable in a crisis, and I know how to stand up to a bully now. When I've had to come face-to-face with my ex, I always make sure I look my best, i.e., hair styled, nice clothes, and most importantly, makeup on! Whenever you must go into battle, make sure you've got your war paint on! Not to make him miss you, but to give yourself all the confidence you can muster! My dad gave me the best, and oddest, compliment I've ever received on the day of my daughter's baptism, when I arrived at the church early, composed and gracious, and dressed to the nines: "You are formidable!"

    Over time, I found that I had to be honest with my kids about the crap their dad would subject them to during his visitations. I called it, "The desk and the chair and the lamp." It was reminiscent of film noir crime shows, in which the suspect is interrogated by the detective while seated before a big desk in a hard chair, with the room dark except for a bright lamp that is shining in the suspect's face. That was the exact feeling my kids got when their dad would take them out for one-on-one time and they came home feeling unsettled and exposed. I had to teach my kids to handle his bizarre behavior with a sense of humor, so they could shake off as much damage as possible, and we would always all talk about their experiences with him so I could educate them and give them support. It didn't fix everything, but it gave them the ability to be a lot stronger, and they shared that help with their friends whose parents were also going through divorce.

    God gave you the agency to choose how to decide to handle what life throws at you. Turn to Him for help, and nothing is impossible. You allowed a monster into your life, however unknowingly. You can choose to boot him--or her--out! there are many people and free organizations who can and will help you if you have the courage to make the first step and contact them. You do not have to stay in your ex's circle for the sake of your kids. Growing up with a narcissistic parent is far more damaging, long-term, than going through the inevitable rough seas of divorce and picking up the pieces of your life. Remember, one of the ways a narcissist controls you is by making you believe that no one cares, that there is no one who can or will help you, and that you aren't worth the trouble.

    But I am telling you that you are a human being, that you are beautiful and compassionate. You are wise enough to know that you are miserable, and brave enough to move out of the rut your life is in, and understanding enough to know that you are going to need all the help you can get! No matter what that narc says, you have at least one person in your life, right now, who will believe in you and who can help you in some way to begin to make the changes you need to make to reclaim your, and your kids', lives. Reach out to that person today, and begin your journey to a happy life. God bless you!

  • Comment Link Jim Saturday, 27 June 2015 21:52 posted by Jim

    I bet there is a fine line between true narcissism, mental illness/neuroticism & recovering from narcissistic abuse that can be easily blended into a false diagnosis. True narccicists are extremely rare though narccicistic personality traits are present in everyone -- just as selfishness is -- in varying degrees.

    I have no doubt that many, many psychotic abusive men out there have emotionally crippled their victims. I am a victim of a strange dynamic involved here. My wife has some very strong issues with a sense of value & identity that manifests a generational issue with perfectionism, narcissistic personality traits. The perfectionism has led to stomach problems and chronic anxiety/worry/depression. These dynamics were in play before we met. She has gotten online and self diagnosed our whole situation through the view of these almost exclusively female websites about narccistic spouses. She Is using these sites as an avenue to project all of her emotional disorders & behaviors (verbal/physical abuse, gas lighting etc) onto me as my issues even though any recollection of situations that had witnesses prove she has a unique take on the matter.

    I've yet to see a male run site that discusses with narccistic female spouses. I don't fully understand it but it seems to be interesting at least.

    I guess what I'm saying is... It would be nice to see these websites add some balance that could mitigate the twisting of its true nature & intent by women that are oppressed by the very issues they claim to be victimized by.

    Please don't misunderstand me posting this I don't want to in any way come across like I am questioning the people on here struggling from living in an abusive relationship.

    I just would like it to be know how this site is being used to perpetuate delusional perspectives from female narccisists & individuals with emotional/personality disorders.

  • Comment Link LC Monday, 11 May 2015 18:11 posted by LC

    This is so helpful. It's so strange moving through these stages, especially the triggers, and not having much to really read about them or why they happen. The feeling of a trigger is so strange, and my reactions are so strong and sudden (and I am a fairly reserved person in general -- sudden outbursts of emotion are not "my way") that it is really bewildering. The collection of information and practical tips here is really, really helpful. More than I can say.

  • Comment Link kelley Monday, 26 January 2015 13:09 posted by kelley

    Appears that i am not alone. My ex husband has ruined our family and brought everything we worked for to shit. Claims he is cured after a 4 month stay in VA hospital. Over the past 10 he has destroyed me and i know have secondary ptsd. I have been choked out, put down, made to feel i can do nothing right and my kids and i having suffered right along with me. He feels there is nothing wrong with him and our fights consists of talking in circles. At no point has he ever apologized or admitted fault. Anything that happens is because of me. He lies about gambling and has the nerve to say that also is my fault. ..he does that when he is mad at me. Im tired of the back n forth and i fear for our safety. We have been divorced for three years and reconciled after he left me pregnant for another women. two years in he came back to convince me he wants to be in her life. Telling me we can work through this. As a woman i would have done anything to have my family. He is a sex addict and gets furious if you dont perform...this by far has drug me down the most. Told me i was boring and i do nothing. Not true we would enjoy each others company and two days later (everytime a day or so would pass ) he would expect it and when i was sleeping on my period or whatever he would be ANGRY. Ive known him since i was 16. I am now 32 and most of these behaviors have been a problem since the beginning worsening after his return from iraq. He is controlling and lies to me constantly. He even had an affair with a 17 year old and hes 35. We have two little girls and i am discusted with him and if werent for our kids (11,8,3) i would have ended my life years ago. I am currently looking for a way out and to move home. We left our home due to a possible foreclosure he knew i had little options and took advantage of moving far away from my family to torture me. We filed for a modification and are waiting to hear what our options are. I'm tired of not having money because he gambles it away and i worry for my children's future. I feel like i belong on jerry springer and what is written is barely the tip of the iceberg and so much more had happened to me. I have been raped in my sleep and this is my kids dad? The one person who vowed to love and care for me forever? Im taking my kids for the last time and going back home. He refuses to get help and i am stupid for dragging my kids into this again. Hes retired military..medical retire for ptsd and many other things. I feel like im going crazy and i know i see the truth and need to be strong to protect myself and my children from this lunatic. I remember being on maternity leave (we were divorced he moved out 2.5 years prior) and he broke into our house drunk and standing over me when i woke up. I woke smelling whiskey and immediately asked him to go.....it took what felt like an eternity and a call was made to police. He was long gone before they arrived. What possessed him to go to the house years after we seperated? Did he forget? Sucks when you both own the house and the guy is told to leave but in court due to family violence he was not aloud there. Funny i lifted the "he cant know my address" after adding the baby two years after birth. I dont know if im writing to vent, warn others, or have this out there incase something happens to me. In the three years before divorce he never did visitations. He did one summer when the baby was small she didnt go. I needed him to let me go and be a dad......that will never happen. He used that to prevent me from making money. (By never having kids on his weekend i lost money as a stylist). He has gone through any way he can to ruin my life and even convinced a judge to continue with joint custody (hes good at that). It is like people feel pity for him wtf? I sure as shit do not. I just remind myself that one day it wont be like this and i will get through it once and for all. The best thing is to protect my family from their dad , pick up the peices and move on. He is a lost cause and since i failed to report abuse. ..someone else in contact with him will one day and he will finally be locked up.

  • Comment Link marye Wednesday, 04 June 2014 19:34 posted by marye

    Jo, It takes time to get your footing back but you will! I'd suggest finding a counselor first then a lawyer if you don't have one. Your lawyer can slap a court order on the girlfriend so if she contacts you she goes to jail ... your lawyer can also get temporary child support orders until the divorce is final ...he is not in control but he doesn't want you to know it.

  • Comment Link jo Tuesday, 03 June 2014 23:06 posted by jo

    Hi all, I've been married to a narcissit for 18 years we have been totally separated for 2 months. For the last 18 months he has been having an affair with someone 18 years younger. We separated 3 times during this time and each time begged me to have him back. Not sure why I did we have 4 children together and our youngest is disabled. He promised it was over each time but it never stopped. He tormented me by telling me she was younger, prettier and loved him more than I ever did. That may be true but he destroyed sny love I had by cheating on me over and over again over the years. He always treated me terribly after the first year he did some awful things. When I met him I ws depressed but had a fantastic career he lived in a hostel and was penniless. Then 2 years ago I had to give up my job to look after our youngest and he has the best job ever he replaced me with a younger model. The problem is he still is in control he won't agree times anddays to see the children, turning up when he wants, he constantly criticises me. Then yesterday he turned and told me he can't have the children to stay at weekend because his friend is with him. He then asked the children if they wanted to meet his friend who they already know about and know this was partly a cause of the end of our marriage they said no. But he facetimed her and made the children see her. They phoned me and asked me to pick them up and are refusing to see him if he is with her. They have seen his violent behaviour the 2 oldest refused totally to see him after we split. He actually grinned when he told them we were separating. I just feel like even though I have taken the step to leave him and want to get on with my life and the childrens he is still control. He decides what money he gives me the least he has to until the divorce, he dictates when he sees the kids, he walks in my house as if he owns it and wonders around even though I ask him to wait outside. I feel I will never be totally rid of him and he always have some control. Even his mistress phoned me and tormented over the last 18 months telling me how well he treats her when it was never like that with us even though I stuck by him each time he lost his job etc. He takes pleasure out of hurting me and the kids and has no empathy or conscience about anything he does. How do I go on from here? I feel I have no direction, I feel like I have lost my life that I wasted 18 years. I still feel he is in control. Help me to find my way through this as when I think it can't get any worse it does and I am back to step one.

  • Comment Link tonya Saturday, 31 May 2014 21:25 posted by tonya

    I got threw it by down loading the tune from the wizard of oz "If I only had a brain" so when he called i was laughing already. i could handle what ever he said to me .

  • Comment Link Jeanne Thursday, 29 May 2014 16:21 posted by Jeanne

    Excellent article, Marye. While I do not experience this with an ex (I remain happily married), I do have this from a previous family relationship that has left a lot of scars. Reading about your triggers helped me identify mine. Thank you.

  • Comment Link Margaret Thursday, 29 May 2014 12:10 posted by Margaret

    How true. I'm new to all thus. I was married to my ex for 28 years. We had three children. One little boy we lost to cancer at 2.5 years old. We have a 20 year old and a 13 year old.
    Over the years and towards the end of our relationship he became increasingly distant living a double of life. He became full of his own grandiosity even wanting a helicopter for his own personal use. Perusing other women and joining a pornograhic web site. He felt he deserved better than a Loyal trusting wife who took her vow seriously thru thick and thin. He went bankrupt he lied to many people he borrowed money from family friends and never paid them back. He now I know was a narcissit thru and thru. He left myself and the girls cashless homeless and car less with no remorse not accountability. I pay for everything to keep my family going and am lucky to have the support of my family and friends many who were on the receiving end if his deceit. Yet he makes me out to be the whole problem. Sure. Ill put my hand up and accept I was not the perfect wife but fir every complaint he had about me I have two or three for him. Yet he continues to seek out victims to loan him money and he talks the talk. Even in the 8 months since our separation people are finding out what a liar ( to people's face ) he is. I am shoot the anxiety is gone of having to walk on egg shells evey day but part of me wants him to have to face up to the hurt he has caused. I don't like that feeling. ! But it's there. He has no friends money and a girlfriend who has stupidly given him money - poor girl - how desperate and dateless must she be. I just hope or all comes out in the wash as they say!