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My Narcissistic Ex-Husband

Reflections on loving and living with a Narcissist.  Let our experts guide you toward the healing power of moving on and allowing yourself some time in the spotlight.  Get advice on healing from his behavior and finding yourself again.

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You usually hear about the forceful narcissists that come in and control everything with their mind games and manipulations, anger and verbal abuse. There is another category of narcissist that is just as difficult to deal with, but somewhat more difficult to identify. The passive-aggressive narcissist uses an entirely different method to victimize his prey.

How Come Everyone Is Out to Get Me?

The passive-aggressive narcissist is the eternal pessimist. Nothing ever works out for him, everyone from his co-worker to the guy at the bank sabotages his every attempt to achieve his dreams. He experiences difficulty after difficulty. Every time it seems like something is going to work out for him somehow it falls through. It is never his fault but always the fault of others. In fact, he is usually so very good at it that it seems like he is a magnet for bad luck.

No one Understands Me

The passive-aggressive narcissist will complain that no one “gets” him. No one understands his troubles, the depth of his angst, or the sensitivity of his soul. Where the “regular” narcissist will get angry and demand his way the passive-aggressive narcissist will take a different approach.

He will manipulate your emotions to guilt you into doing what he wants. You’ll feel sorry for him, want to protect him, or even feel that you need to fix his situation. He’ll tell you that you are the only one who understands him and the only one in the world that values him.

At least you’ll be on the “nice” list until you do something he doesn’t like. At that point he will begin to manipulate your emotions.

You’re just like everyone else.

You’ve never loved me.

You don’t care about me.

You don’t respect me.

Well, I guess I was wrong about you.

Procrastination Is Control

Another tool that the passive-aggressive narcissist uses is procrastination. It is one way of punishing you by keeping you off balance. It is his way of showing you that he’ll do it his way. If you say something he may tell you that he forgot.

Or, he may simply fail to show up for some important event where he promised to be. You can be sure that there will be a great excuse for why he didn’t show. He didn’t have gas money (but he had money for something else), his dog ran away, or some other excuse – he always has one.

He Has No Preferences – Until You Make a Decision

You’ve decided to go out to eat at a restaurant. You ask the passive aggressive narc where he’d like to eat and her shrugs and says he doesn’t care. You head to your favorite Italian place and are seated. He looks at the menu and sighs.

“I’m not in the mood for Italian.”

The rest of the meal is quiet and uncomfortable with him sulking and you feeling like you’ve done something terribly wrong.

Hint: you haven’t.

When we moved into our house it was painted in the most awful colors. I asked my not-yet-ex what color he wanted in the bedroom. He told me he didn’t care and that I should just pick something. I asked if rose was OK. He said it was.

I bought wallpaper border with roses and then matched the paint to the roses in the border. I brought the paint home and…

You guessed it.

“This is not rose, it’ pink”

It was rose, a very pretty rose, and I was furious because everyone knows rose is a pink color! To this day my room is yellow – very pretty with the border but not the rose I wanted.

The Eeyore Effect

You know who Eeyore is, right? The sad little donkey in Winnie the Pooh never has anything go right. In many ways he is a cute, cartoon version of a passive aggressive narcissist. He will exaggerate his problems and you can bet that no matter how bad your day has been his has been infinitely worse. He’ll whine and complain about the people he works with, his family, your family, and everything else.

He’s like a little rain cloud just waiting for a parade.

Stonewalling

I am a writer and a communicator. If there is a problem I need to talk it out and I need to have it resolved before I go on to the next thing. Nothing in my life is right while there is a disagreement.

Stonewalling is when the narcissist makes light of what you’re saying, changes the subject, or walks away. He has decided not to deal with the problem and let it disappear on its own. It is probably the most frustrating thing that a passive aggressive narcissist does.

He’ll tell you to stop harassing him, call you a nag, or whatever but he won’t listen. He may even pretend to listen just to shut you up. Over time, as you get more and more frustrated, you learn to respond to his stonewalling by following him and continuing the conversation. You want a response but more than likely you won’t get one.

Be Honest and Share Your Feelings

When you are in a relationship with a narcissist you learn to keep your emotions on lockdown. You learn that sharing them gives the narcissist a view into your vulnerable areas. If you are going to survive the narcissistic onslaught from the relationship then you need to begin to share your feelings again.

By doing so you acknowledge that you have feelings, that you deserve honor, and that you are willing to stand up for yourself. It’s not going to change the narcissist but it will change your attitude about yourself.

Confront, Confront, Confront

Begin to call him out on his lies and exaggerations. If he thinks he is getting away with a lie he will continue to lie, it’s that simple. Calling him on it lets him know that you can see the real him whether anyone else can or not.

That’s one thing you can do to keep him off balance for a change!

Refuse to Help Him

No matter what is going on it’s a good idea to refuse to help the passive-aggressive narcissist. That may sound cruel but helping a narcissist is the equivalent of putting someone on life support. At some point you are going to have to stop it and that’s emotionally difficult. A passive-aggressive narcissist is perfectly happy to live on someone else’s dime while they feign weakness of some sort.

Just say no.

A narcissist doesn’t change. They may get good at hiding who they are but eventually it will come out. When you are dealing with a narcissist you need the support of others who have been there. Join First Wives World today and get the support you need to move on with your life.

Lead Image Courtesy of Flickr's Creative Commons, User:h.koppdelaney

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37 comments

  • Comment Link Eileen Cibil Monday, 11 December 2017 16:32 posted by Eileen Cibil

    You described my Boyfriend's sister exactly. Thank you for writing and posting this article. This will help me deal with her in future.

  • Comment Link Stacey Lueck Thursday, 23 November 2017 17:06 posted by Stacey Lueck

    While reading your article the light bulb suddenly came on and I realized I found the answers Ive been looking for regarding my soon to be ex's behavior. We spent 6 rocky off and on years together and finally married in 2016...Well that lasted 1 1/2 years and Monday he filed for divorce. I stayed with him because I was hoping he would change but as the last line reads...they never change. Ive dealt with all of the behaviors above plus some, always making me feel like it was my fault. He takes pride in his nickname being Eeyore. He stonewalls me to the point to where I get angry and explode and then makes me feel like I'm the crazy one. This article has made my day as I sit here alone on Thanksgiving...I will keep it with me reminding me that what I did was enough...I was in a no win situation.

  • Comment Link Mary Ann Amadora, MSCP Wednesday, 01 November 2017 01:32 posted by Mary Ann Amadora, MSCP

    I can't believe I, as a trained therapist did not see this. I dx his behaviors as Asperger's and then major depression due his adult daughter's death.
    I found him out by accident and then the serial cheating came to light. No remorse....just excuses that he has always been a polyamory individual...he has no intention of correcting his behaviors and admitted that he is a sexual deviant and will always be but....he loves me and wants to care for me and protect me.
    Really....hell, it took me 2 months to clear my brain, seek prof assistance, research every stinking thing about narcs and yes.....I am DONE. Leaving as soon as I get accepted to the senior housing apartment. Hope I am not killed in the meantime.
    I am truly, honestly afraid now that I know what narcs really are.

  • Comment Link Mary Ann Amadora, MSCP Wednesday, 01 November 2017 01:11 posted by Mary Ann Amadora, MSCP

    I can't believe I, as a trained therapist did not see this. I dx his behaviors as Asperger's and then major depression due his adult daughter's death.
    I found him out by accident and then the serial cheating came to light. No remorse....just excuses that he has always been a polyamory individual...he has no intention of correcting his behaviors and admitted that he is a sexual deviant and will always be but....he loves me and wants to care for me and protect me.
    Really....hell, it took me 2 months to clear my brain, seek prof assistance, research every stinking thing about narcs and yes.....I am DONE. Leaving as soon as I get accepted to the senior housing apartment. Hope I am not killed in the meantime.
    I am truly, honestly afraid now that I know what narcs really are.

  • Comment Link frustrated@guy.de Thursday, 12 October 2017 14:46 posted by frustrated@guy.de

    Is a man allowed to comment?

    My wife is often like this. Luckily not all the time, but when she is tired, when we face difficult decisions, when her crazy family acts up, or when she has her period she start to show this kind of behaviour.

    Typical example: We wanted to buy a house. We had a good house in sight. As soon as it started to become concrete she started to sabotage, concentrated only on things that could go wrong. Unpleasant but useful because it made me check every eventuality and find solutions and create fail-safes. In the end I said: "I want this house, but it should be something you support as well". She said: "No". Not a week after it had been bought by somebody else she started to complain that we missed an unique chance and that I should have been more of a man and should have made the decision for her. When I do take a decision on my own, I am a male chauvinist pig that doesn't care about her opinion.

    My wife has very good qualities, she can be loving, caring, social and creative. But the periods where she wallows in self-pity, sees only the negative in everything, where very bit of my behaviour that is less than perfect is interpreted as a severe attack on her and I am seen as "just like her father" (an abusive psychiatric patient) is sucking the blood out of our relationship.

    If we wouldn't have kids, I might be gone already.

  • Comment Link Victoria Peters Friday, 06 October 2017 19:10 posted by Victoria Peters

    I divorced my PA, cerebral narcissist a year ago, after 26 hellish years. I accepted all of it as part of the vow. On our honeymoon, he was a monster. No intimacy from the get-go. No bridal suite. He just booked a cheap room. He looked at me with disgust when I bought a pair of vintage earrings for a memento. They were 5 bucks! Got a pack of socks that Christmas, then eventually no gifts at all. His excuse would be that he was mad at me. I got the same look of disgust when I had walking pneumonia and the bill came in. MONSTER. He always procrastinated on everything. He couldn't fix a window screen in six month's time. I got used to doing more of the work, just to avoid the confrontation. All part of his plan. I could feel his cold, satisfied stare as I labored at something he refused to do. MONSTER. He never said, "yes," or "no." It was always, "ok," or "maybe," so you'd never know what he meant, or what to expect, as they like it. Friends tell me I am beautiful, but he'd always say I was a handsome woman! Every compliment was a veiled put-down. Straw that broke the camel's back was when he came home late, for months. Finally the fight came. I discovered he was working on a book that was really going to garner some major attention and accolades for him. I had no idea because I was never consulted. I was told I was never loved, and that he no longer wanted a family. Something snapped. I threw him out and have never looked back. When I think of all the times I prayed for the grace to stay with him and find some way to love him, all the while he could have cared less if I died. Once I heard he never loved me, everything seemed clear. I'm smeared as the abusive nut, who never supported his career, though I moved 8 times, leaving home, friends and job for him. He quit a job right after we adopted our first child, reassuring me he'd find another. He did not, forcing me to find work, and my poor widowed mother to take us in, though his parents were millionaires. All I could claim as non-marital assets was my cheap wedding band. Discovered during the divorce that all the money from his family was in his name, only. Left me with $170,000 in debt, but complains I get some of his take-home pay. He's sadistic towards our three younger children. He placed a bare Christmas tree in the living room of his home, last year, telling them they did not need ornaments. MONSTER, who no one but the kids and I know. He's got over 1300 "friends" on Facebook and posts to his timeline several times a day, pandering for likes and comments. My advice: Just move on. Don't try to get closure. There will be none. Don't try to get an apology. There will be none. Just breathe, and thank God for deliverance!

  • Comment Link Braam Swanepoel Wednesday, 15 March 2017 12:26 posted by Braam Swanepoel

    Hi, its the info I needed but its now the 4 explanation/article I read and in all four cases the narcissist was revered to as he; why?

  • Comment Link Anonymous Wednesday, 01 March 2017 17:52 posted by Anonymous

    This sounds just like me.

  • Comment Link Lena Thursday, 26 January 2017 18:51 posted by Lena

    I have just realised after being married for 9 years and each of those years getting worse that I am married to a PAN. my husband fulfills every one of those points. We argue constantly I get very angry and frustrated because he refuses to see the way he contributes to the problems. His mother is also a PA and enjoys provoking me so I loose my rag. My husband obviously doesn't see this either as of course it's all passive behaviour.
    I have spent years trying new methods to save our relationship and we have been in conselling for six months. Nothing has changed. What do I do or shall I just reside to the fact we can't save our marriage. HELP!

  • Comment Link Debbie Saturday, 26 November 2016 20:28 posted by Debbie

    Hi I was married for 13 yrs when last year my husband just got up and left with the words you made me admit I'm unhappy so I've got to leave you . I was in shock and now I'm still finding it hard to let go its like he still has control of my inner feelings and I don't know how to let it go I would like to know if this is a common problem thanks

  • Comment Link sonna Tuesday, 01 November 2016 01:50 posted by sonna

    I was married to a passive aggressive narcissist for 13 years. I didn't realize he was this personality type until I was in deep. I could never pinpoint what was wrong, but I finally figured it out. After I divorced I got involved with a full blown Narcissist, bordering psychopath. This time I realized way to late after being gaslighted continuously. It was the lowest, darkest time of my life. Again I made it out, and I have grown tremendously! It is possible... I am now in a beautiful loving healthy relationship. The rainbow after the storms...
    I want to give hope to those who have suffered. You are not out of your mind. Trust yourself. There is hope. Stay strong, get spiritual therapy, pray and don't give up. There are some healthy men out there, and you will feel empowered knowing you can detect a narcissist almost instantaneously.

  • Comment Link kristin Friday, 07 October 2016 01:08 posted by kristin

    sounds just like my stepdaughter

  • Comment Link vibribbon Thursday, 29 September 2016 22:01 posted by vibribbon

    My ex fits this mold pretty well.

    She had "issues" with most people in her life, boss, ex-husband, relatives. Very much a poor little Eeyore.

    Procrastination - oh yeah. We were trying to organise a holiday. I had researched and found a good hotel deal. But no we had to wait then spend hours together on her terms, checking. Only to arrive at the same hotel I'd found. Then when I'd spent time looking up costs etc. (sarcastically) "I wish I had the time at work to do that." I've come to realise she was more of a hindrance than a help during the whole process.

    No preference but watch out, yup. I like gaming. Woe betide if I decide to do some without consulting her first. She needed notification so she could plan her time around it, apparently. But when I asked her exactly how much "notice" she required, things would go south very quickly.

  • Comment Link Crys Thursday, 29 September 2016 03:49 posted by Crys

    I totally get where your coming from. My son is just like that except more extreme. I said that I couldn't help him the other week so he ran out into the road into traffic. I had to drive away. I emailed him to say I still loved and respected him but he has refused contact with me. My husband and I have to manage his financial life because he has got into debt. He is trying to stop drinking and we've tried to be supportive but if I dare to say no to something no matter how unreasonable a demand he punishes me. It is either texts calling me a who're phone calls at all hours of the night or dramatic gestures like running ion the road. My mother and elder sister have done similar things in the past but I have avoided contact with them. Although mother is getting older now so I am forced to spend time with her. She still pulls the same stunts she always has. You aren't allowed to have boundaries but they are. Their expectations of you are huge but you can't have any of them.

  • Comment Link Chris Mitchell Saturday, 20 August 2016 09:51 posted by Chris Mitchell

    You know, I've read this over, and I have to say that I fail to see how any of your former partner's behaviors are specifically narcissistic, as opposed to simply passive-aggressive. You cite examples of his narcissism, but the instances are mundane and don't seem to reflect the self-involvement that is typical of narcissistic personalities: "this is not rose, it's pink"--this is the type of petty squabble that couples have from time to time on bad days.

    Furthermore, even if your partner exhibited the behaviors you described--stonewalling, indecisive, uncommunicative, emotionally unavailable, etc--consistently throughout your relationship for reasons that had nothing to do with you, he wouldn't be narcissistic. Childish, ingrown, and manipulative? Yep--check, check, check. But narcissistic? No, sorry: this doesn't rise to the level.

    Unless there's something you're not telling us, you weren't in a relationship with a narcissist. You were in a relationship with a jackass, and there is a world of difference between those two types of people.

  • Comment Link Still a victim of the PAN Thursday, 21 July 2016 20:47 posted by Still a victim of the PAN

    Happy? optimistic? Empathic? Confident? Passionate? Charitable? Glass-half-full free-spirited kinda gal? Well-educated? Well travelled? Articulate? Communicative? Willing to please? Generous? Loving? Creative? Homely yet independent? Need I go on?
    You are a primary target for the passive-aggressive narcissist. You are everything that they are not, and everything they wish they could be. Believe me, ultimately they will do everything in their power to crush you: Emotionally, financially, socially, morally. It's not really their fault though, is it? Or so I'm endlessly told. It's my fault, allegedly. ... It was all me. They did nothing. God help you if you have kids btw...

  • Comment Link Rose Wednesday, 27 April 2016 21:08 posted by Rose

    I was married to one, and when I began to realize , with the help of God's word, that I needed to change the way I reacted to his behavior, in that way too, he knew that I knew his deceitful ways. Only doing that really brought out verbal abuse towards me, sometimes violent reactions. So I couldn't be too open with my feelings because he would turn it into an attach on me.

  • Comment Link Rose Wednesday, 27 April 2016 19:25 posted by Rose

    I was married to one, and when I began to realize , with the help of God's word, that I needed to change the way I reacted to his behavior, in that way too, he knew that I knew his deceitful ways. Only doing that really brought out verbal abuse towards me, sometimes violent reactions. So I couldn't be too open with my feelings because he would turn it into an attach on me.

  • Comment Link Terri Rorex Sunday, 17 April 2016 07:55 posted by Terri Rorex

    I am married to a passive agressive narrisstic person. I do not like the person who I have become due to the stress and disaccord in our life . I have tried everything except have come to relate I need to leave him

  • Comment Link Jaye Wednesday, 10 February 2016 03:11 posted by Jaye

    Omg this is my husband. We are separated and he texts me 200 times a day begging for me to come back and how I ruined our life together. He is verbally abusive and says I do everything wrong. Thanks for sharing...

  • Comment Link Ellie Wednesday, 03 February 2016 19:14 posted by Ellie

    OMG - I was friends with that guy! Everything that was mentioned in this article was him! It started with a sob story about his dead dog and exploded from there! I'm a professional videographer and met him on a shoot I was doing for the city he lives in. He latched onto me, showing interest in videography and eventually bought $6,000 worth of professional video gear - hello, red flag - who does that!?!?!
    He described himself as "such a nice guy" (40 years old, never married) but only attracted crazy, bi-polar women who only used him for his money.
    Stupidly, I bought his story. A year and a half of listening to his depressing tales - mean co-workers, incompetent bosses, friends and women who used him, illnesses, traffic accidents and any other type of negative thing that could possibly happen - happened to him.
    Then he met a younger, newer, prettier and fresher supply - a Miss Rodeo contestant that needed videos. I ended our friendship - I felt bad about it for a while - until I heard from Miss Rodeo's mother that he was calling me crazy and mean and stalking him - everything that he had told me about his ex-friends - how ironic.
    If you're involved with a passive/aggressive narc get ready for a ride. The "poor me" stories never end, they will NOT look to better themselves (he was a hoarder as well, but never made the effort to clean anything up, just complained about the mess) he said he hated his job, but didn't look for anything better. They WILL BLAME YOU - it's just a matter of time. Listen to how he speaks about past friendships, if they are all CRAZY - you will be described that way too. Instead of talking things out, you will receive the silent treatment - that is his punishment for you. At the end, you will not receive closure - you are now his enemy and he will say anything and everything to smear your name.
    For me, he called the people we knew in common and told them I was crazy and stalking him.
    It's been nearly a year since I've seen him and I continue my recovery.
    Some advice for the true victims - never look him up again - you don't need to know what he's doing or who he's "friends" with - it only hurts you. Understand the importance of boundaries - and don't let anyone push yours. Do not try and warn the next victim, they are in the midst of believing his stories and if you try and say something, he will twist it to fit his story. Learn as much as you can about NPD and the red flags. Love bombing blinds you to the hook they are using to snag you. If something seems off - question it - if you don't believe the answer (or he is unable to give you an answer) run for the hills!
    Healing takes time and there will be days you miss him, but know that you are worth so much more and deserve to have friends that support you and share positive experiences with.

  • Comment Link Zoe Sunday, 24 January 2016 05:47 posted by Zoe

    *Keep your feelings on lockdown* That hit home hard.

  • Comment Link Amanda Sunday, 06 December 2015 18:39 posted by Amanda

    I have an ex I recently broke up with (8 mo ago) who still continues to call me though he has moved in with an older woman and had (may still be having) sex with. I know throughout the entire 3 years he never told me the truth, (lies by ommission) and had the whole I am the greatest bf you will ever know as well as the Gods' gift to women complex. These are things that seeminly haven't changed. What do I do? Change my phone number? Run away? What? I had hoped he would have gotten help by now but after all this reading am realizing he may never seek help. What is the next step(s) in order to move on completely?

  • Comment Link Joe Friday, 23 October 2015 18:34 posted by Joe

    LOL you poor "victim of this guy". Pot meet kettle, kettle meet pot. If only he were perfect, say, like you! Then you guys could have the best relationship and live happily ever after. You dont realize that he's sullen because you always ask him and coerce him into making decision after decision because you don't want to be responsible for making a bad decision. Then when you go where you want to (you know, where you should have to begin with because obviously you had some place in mind and instead of just saying "Hey, I feel like Italian tonight" you beat around the bush and push the decision on him. When he doesn't respond, you just go there anyway (since it's what you wanted in the first place) and then get all uppity when he says he didn't feel like Italian. You could have just said, "Hey, want Italian for dinner?" to which he could have said, nah i dont feel like it. Problem solved. But nope lets go to the restaurant I wanted in the first place and then give you crap because A. you didn't make a decision and B. now you've said your opinion. The rest of the article I can understand, but that crap of omg i made a decision now he's all sad and angry just drives me nuts. You didn't make any more of a decision than he did, you attempted to force him to make a decision and when he balked, you went where YOU wanted to go. Same with the paint, if you painted your walls any color than the one you wanted to, it's YOUR fault. Because he pointed out that it was pink, not rose, who cares? You had to go get another color because he didn't agree it was rose? Who's passive aggressive here? I mean everyone knows rose is a pink color and this made you furious?? LOL pot and kettle, pot and kettle.

  • Comment Link Gia W Thursday, 08 October 2015 14:38 posted by Gia W

    My father is a passive aggressive narcissist. I'm 31 years old and I work with him as a partner in our family business. He is an absolute nightmare to work with. He'll randomly tell our front office staff to cut hours and reschedule patients or he'll declare that he is dying and can't work. He once spent an entire week in the hospital, and they couldn't find anything wrong with him. He never says Thank you or expresses appreciation. He's emotionally draining for me. He just takes and takes and takes. And then complains that it's just not enough! I hate working with him, but I'm stuck for now.

  • Comment Link Karen Saturday, 05 September 2015 03:31 posted by Karen

    20 + years here. Crazy! All I know is that it has been A crazy tortuous
    emotional Rollercoaster of A ride! it was a mere 3 years ago that I even knew that this f ed up way of life had an actual name or lable, diagnosis whatever you want to call it. The only reason I even figured something was horribly wrong was because I finally caught him in this insane web of lies. He was actually able to hide A side of himself , like living two different lives. It WAS A second life filled with Pornography , calling women in different countries having phone relationships with God knows how many women and thousands of dollars just gone!! Still cant believe all the shit! All the while saying " I love you". Void of all remorse. I know his game And he cant hurt me anymore because I don't allow it. Im in control of me not to mention the thrill is gone baby:))

  • Comment Link brett wheel Tuesday, 31 March 2015 15:13 posted by brett wheel

    We are all narcissist

  • Comment Link Savannah Tuesday, 24 March 2015 11:42 posted by Savannah

    This discribes my 3-day-old-ex to a tee! The stonewalling, the none commital answers - "we'll see." Or "If you're good..." Can you imagine being talked to like that and you're a grown woman? 'If I'm good??'
    The Eeyore mentality was especially frustrating. He made me feel like no matter what I did, I could never get it right and he could never catch a break. Everything was just working against him. Life was picking on poor hapless him and it wasn't his fault but everybody else's.
    I started to feel my mind slipping. Scary feeling. So I left and it's the best thing (and bravest thing) I've done in a long while. :-)

  • Comment Link pat dwyer Friday, 30 January 2015 19:50 posted by pat dwyer

    My ex wife kim I was just like this and after 4 years she still plays the victim! All she knows is to point her finger and blame blame blame!

  • Comment Link Ashley Tuesday, 30 December 2014 02:06 posted by Ashley

    Oddly enough this is my roommate. She acts like this. She is grossly overweight and manipulates my feelings all the time. I actually do most of all the chores at this point. I make her meals so she doesn't have to worry about eating unhealthy, but then she eats McDonald's or something just as bad when she is at work, she probably even just throws my homemade meals away. She never works on her issues, just avoids every responsibility. She is now under tons of debt and I feel like she is bringing me down, I even had to float her rent money through the summer. It can get sticky very fast, she takes and takes. I think once the lease is up I will have to come up with a good reason to leave to save some face.

  • Comment Link setfree2014 Sunday, 12 October 2014 18:38 posted by setfree2014

    Hi...this is my ex husband too..He replaced me days after he left our house. He's with an Ex girlfriend whom he said really nasty things about (no surprise). It's been 7 months since our split and the beginning of their "relationship" (i made him leave) is he doing the same stuff to her by now? He's not one of the charming P/A's In fact he whines to everyone who will listen to him. What kind of life is he leading now..He's had no contact directly with me in over 6 months. He's not changed his old cell number on his facebook page that is now in my sons possession..He hasn't taken time to add my name to bills that i pay or take his name off bills here...All the signs show that he's aware he's made a large mistake. He seems to be trying to get me to nag at him as new texts are coming from his new facebook for iphone app..to my sons cell phone! Each time he got a new number, facebook was the first number he changed. I wish someone would put my mind at ease and tell me they don't get better for the next girl or the next girl after that?

  • Comment Link fiddlefancier Saturday, 23 August 2014 15:19 posted by fiddlefancier

    My guy to a T. He gets mad and mows down my flower beds, bangs the air conditioner unit, drips paint all over the deck while he's painting the wall. Christmas is an ordeal, vacation is an ordeal, taking out the garbage is an ordeal. He considers my cancer his ordeal! He's a martyr to my cancer. Isn't that great.

  • Comment Link Tazz Wednesday, 04 June 2014 10:28 posted by Tazz

    I stand up for the males that have gone through the mental abuse of a narcissist , its more painful than a broken back ,in fact i would be happy to have all my bones broken than to live with a narcissist female again they can be pure evil and get away with murder in deceiving the court .god help them

    Honestly she destroyed peoples lives and the biggest problem iv ever dealt with and im no pussy ,she was my nightmare come true ,the only way out of the nightmare was to get out and stay out ,even a restraining order issued by the court , on her did not stop her evil narcissistic games as she run down my girlfriend 10 months later and convinced the court that she was provoked ,all lies and she was good at it , and her parents too told me she was the same when she was growing up they too were scared of her , there is just to many drama story's to be told, enough that one day i want to wright a book on her and tell the story of the lives and family's she destroyed ,check with the parents first about any problems they will know because they won't have her live with them again.
    narcissistic s be very careful who you fall in love with............name withheld

  • Comment Link Pretty Angel Sunday, 04 May 2014 16:33 posted by Pretty Angel

    This is my ex to a T. But how do you handle the frusfration? The anger?


    This type of behavior makes me so angry that I have to withdraw completely. Shut off communication. We have a child so it isn't that easy. But I wish there was more info on the passive agressive narc.

  • Comment Link samsara Saturday, 26 April 2014 22:47 posted by samsara

    DITTO!!

    this explained my husband spot ON.. on every single thing..

    just disheartened to know they never change..

  • Comment Link Kathyjojo123 Saturday, 26 April 2014 20:58 posted by Kathyjojo123

    That is so right I lived with one for 20 years iam now split from him but he still tries to controll me and my daughter he is a total nightmare

  • Comment Link Michelle Friday, 25 April 2014 17:30 posted by Michelle

    Oh my gosh, every single comment was on point with my ex! I finally figured out he was a narcissist, but there was still something not quite on the mark with most descriptions of NARC behaviour. But this!! This is golden and it is exactly what I lived with for 20 years.

    I still catch myself trying to solve things for him, like how the kids don't spend time talking to him (he whines to me in a text, I try to fix it), but yes, I do recongize that I need to pull back and stop solving his problems...I only end up solving them "wrong" anyway, and then he's got something new to complain about.

    Passive aggressive NPD...look out search engines, I'm on the prowl!