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My Narcissistic Ex-Husband

Reflections on loving and living with a Narcissist.  Let our experts guide you toward the healing power of moving on and allowing yourself some time in the spotlight.  Get advice on healing from his behavior and finding yourself again.

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Empathy is the ability to identify with someone else’s feelings because we have felt that way ourselves.  It is, “I know the pain of loss because I, myself, have been bereft.”  It differs from sympathy in that one can be sympathetic not having known the feelings.  A nurse is sympathetic to a terminal patient.  She provides care, attention, and comfort, but she does not know what it feels like to be dying.  She does not need to know what that feels like in order to provide that care and comfort. 
Posted by
Monday, 05 August 2013 19:25
In most relationships, when one party wants to leave, there is discussion, a break-up.  A narcissist can and likely will leave you at the very moment you stop making them feel important. No surprise when you know, but when you don't it is a huge and traumatic shock.  Your partner leaves, usually without warning or explanation and chances are, if there is an explanation, your partner heaps the blame upon you.  Often they will have another person waiting in the wings.  And there you are left holding the bag, as it were, wondering what you’ve done wrong.
Posted by
Monday, 29 July 2013 16:06
Did you wake up one morning and wonder, what the hell happened?  If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, then you know what it’s like to see your relationship, your sanity, and your self-esteem washed down the drain.  Where once you had a partner you thought was your soulmate, now you’re living with someone who no longer trusts you and whom you no longer trust.  This person criticizes practically everything you do, yet flies into a rage if he even thinks you’re criticizing him.  He has become secretive.  He won’t answer your questions.  He responds to your ten voicemails with one three-word text message.  You think he may be cheating on you.You try to change your behavior.  You go out of your way to not step on the toes of your suddenly super-sensitive partner.  It is all to no avail.  The more you try, the angrier he becomes. He starts exhibiting all sorts of strange behaviors.  He puts more restrictions on you.  He starts criticizing you more.  Perhaps, he withdraws completely and stops communicating altogether. You have now entered the second phase of your relationship with your narcissistic partner.  This is the time when the narcissist starts to erode the foundation of your relationship - the devaluation, or demolition, phase.
Posted by
Monday, 22 July 2013 16:15
Flowers, poetry, moonlight serenade outside the bedroom window.  Ah, new love.  It’s fun.  It’s exhilarating.  Your heart pounds every time the phone rings.  Your partner does everything within his power to get you to notice him and you reciprocate, engaging in a courtship dance like two exotic birds.  You make your friends nauseous.  We’ve all been there.  Then things sort of slow down and you may wonder where the romance has gone.  But, things are still good.  You fall into a routine.  You fit your lives together.  You are happy.  You and your partner grow together and grow closer to one another and you carry on together in your shared life, continuing to grow, your love getting stronger.  It’s love.  It’s life.  Happily ever after, ‘til death do you part.
Posted by
Monday, 15 July 2013 21:58
When I first met my ex, we were colleagues. Me, the sassy New York career girl, and he, the blue-eyed surfer boy fresh in from San Francisco.  He was so handsome, well-groomed, and polite that the chattier girls around the office insisted he was gay...especially after he shacked up with our gay friend, although they both insisted it was purely a financial move, to get my ex out of his room at the YMCA, where he’d been living since he moved. I didn’t care if he was gay or straight. He was really nice and a good listener, always seeming genuinely interested in what was being said to him.
Posted by
Monday, 01 July 2013 15:19
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