Living with a narcissist is a truly difficult challenge in life.
One that becomes natural for you. While you figure out the "why" to your narcissist and his self-serving ways your friends and family are sighing and shaking their heads, trying to understand why you stay where you are. No matter where you turn, it is as though there is no escape and no support.
So, you don't think about leaving.
We stay with a narcissist because nothing seems possible.
The light at the end of the tunnel is surely the oncoming train versus a new life of possibilities. As this continues on you become less of who you used to be and more of who the narcissist wants you to be. His.
Taking the action needed to free yourself from his narcissistic world takes more than just waking up one day and walking out the door. It is a major change in your life especially if your life is truly revolving around him. It takes times and it takes building up the self-esteem and courage to walk towards that door for the last time. In fact, you will have to walk towards that door "for the last time" several times before your brain finally holds down your heart while your legs keep you moving towards the exit.
Wrapped up in the mental mind warped web of the narcissist.
When we're living with a narc, it is easy to de-value your own thoughts taking up his and holding yourself back. It can be easy to disregard what you are thinking as "crazy" because you have heard it enough times and you hold yourself back. But, at some point, you will also realize there is another thought in there that keeps coming back.
"You need to leave."
If you can focus on this lone thought often enough you will realize that this thought is typically followed by others. All of which are coming from your gut telling you to seriously consider the alternative. The key is to let those thoughts run through your mind. Let them sit there and let them begin to grow and develop into ideas. Ideas turn into plans and plans into action and action equals freedom. Freedom leads directly to you.
You don't have to do anything more than just listen to those thoughts.
Let them begin to fill your mind and flood out his abuse. Let them grow and take over the parts of you that have been conditioned to believe you are worthless because the narcissist said so. Those thoughts are there. You have heard them before and have denied them with various reasons and rationalizations. You have found one excuse or reason after another to shut down those initial thoughts because, well, the narcissist has worked your head over enough that you now believe anything he says EVEN THOUGH you know nothing his says about you is true. But, you will find a way to convince yourself it is, pushes those thoughts of freedom away.
Let those thoughts in. They are just thoughts but they are powerful. They are seeds of great trees with massive roots that can take you where you want to go back to you.
So, the next time you think about leaving him let yourself think. Fantasize. Dream. Let those feelings grow! Why? Because what you think about you bring about. So, start thinking about freedom and your personal utopia. You can do it!
(this post was written by a member of the First Wives community.)