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I had never heard of Narcissistic Personality Disorder until my marriage counselor mentioned it, during a session six months ago. I was alone at the therapy session, which wasn't uncommon. We had been to a number counselors in the throughout the years we were married, but not until recently did I learn what our real problem was.

Inside, deep down, I knew there was something wrong.

The counselor gave me a book, which I stayed up reading to completion, expecting to return this book, but instead highlighted words, wrote comments in the margin like, "holy crap" and "wow".  My eyes were finally opened.  Finally the ridiculous things we would fight about made sense.  For so many years I had been wracking my brain trying to make sense of his latest comments or actions, trying, always trying to make it work for our relationship.  Inside though, I knew there was something wrong.  Like hanging out with other women.  He'd introduce us, we'd become acquaintances and then when he knew I was busy or had other plans, suddenly something would come up and he'd be out with this woman or that woman.  He always say they were just friends, or you could have joined us. I'd tell him how it bothered me when he would spend time with them, he'd promise me that he'd never do it again and 2 weeks later, he'd be out again.

Then the many mind games he played about how I could spend my own money or what jobs I should have or who my friends should be.  I always wanted to please him. I always wanted a successful marriage.  But, no matter what I tried, it was never good enough.  He was not a vain person like you'd think.  He wasn't overly handsome but he sure was proud of what was in his pants or what smarts he had.  Always bragging about his success.  I learned to live with that until one day I could not. Until one day this realization hit me like a bullet.  The truth hit me and I realized that there would never be change.  There would always be ways that I would adapt, compromise and be unhappy.  So, I deliberated for a few days and then made the bravest move by filing for divorce.

I have learned, through the help of a support group for Codependents, that I am ENOUGH!  

I am loveable and loved. I do not need a man or anyone else to make myself happy.  I am happy with who I am!  The divorce process is in its infant stages, and let’s just say that the games have begun. However, this new normal is ok.  I am on the way to a new and improved life.  I no longer have to be tortured by his insecurities.  I only hope and pray that you too know that you are ENOUGH!!  Prayers to you all!

(originally posted by a member of our community - First Wives World is a private, community filled with women supporting each other through troubled relationships and divorce. Register today and a sisterhood of support. Or if you're suffering from emotional abuse or navigating divorce, join our Lifeworks program for 24/7 professional trained support, legal discounts, referrals and much more. 

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4 comments

  • Comment Link rowinghome Friday, 04 November 2016 01:29 posted by rowinghome

    Thank you for defining what I have been married to for the past 35 years. Yes I am finally rid of him but the blame game lives on. I have never been able to put into words what exactly IT is...until now. I knew he only truly loved himself (in all perverse mannerisms) but I could not give it a name. NARCISSIST. The hard part is the healing but I am working on it. Not a popular concept, it seems...but I am really trying to find my voice.

  • Comment Link strengthbased Monday, 03 October 2016 00:19 posted by strengthbased

    Thank you for
    This post. It gave me hope again

  • Comment Link Siddarth J Tuesday, 27 September 2016 18:25 posted by Siddarth J

    Well....I have a narcissist mother...it's been 35 years...any suggestions for help..

    Siddarth

    India

  • Comment Link LisaN Friday, 16 September 2016 17:54 posted by LisaN

    You are enough! I have a bracelet that says that same slogan "I am enough".

    I felt like I was reading my own story. I unfortunately didn't realize about him until after 4 years of marriage counseling.

    I delayed divorce because of our young kids. But eventually had to realize divorce was better for them too. They even see now, I'm a happier Mommy. Like you said..."this new normal is ok."

    It will be a year this Oct I've been divorced. If there is anything I do to help you since you are just going through the divorce stage, please let me know.

    Take care, Lisa