I recently looked at myself in the mirror, and said, "Today is the FIRST DAY of the entire rest of my LIFE!!!" And I was so happy. He moved out. He took his stuff. The TV has not been on. Real food has been cooked. There has been no yelling. Dishes have been done. The quiet is deafening.
But today was when I started to really feel it. I slept long and hard last night, and weirdly, I woke up over an hour before my alarm. I NEVER wake up early. Like, ever. I'm beginning to see that I was using sleep (sleeping late, staying up late after he'd gone to bed, taking naps) as a way of avoiding him.
Today, I came downstairs to a mostly clean kitchen (I'm slowly working my way to actual clean). Everything was where I had left it. I kept finding myself standing still, listening. I could hear birds! I heard wind chimes from somewhere. I heard wind in the trees, and distant traffic and the thumps of my dogs' tails as they heard me walking around.
My forehead feels lazy. I didn't realize how much furrowing my brow has been doing. I haven't needed to flip off the walls or the ceiling. I keep taking deep, slow breaths. Not the kind to calm yourself down so you don't kill your husband -- the kind where you realize you can smell the old-fashioned roses you planted. I was SO tired last night. Just 'plumb tuckered out.' Reading in bed is SUCH a luxury now. I can laze about happily now.
Today, I'm at work and have a medium-busy schedule. I'll go home early and do dishes and laundry, and prep dinner. I'll pop out to the store for ice cream sandwiches and watermelon. I'll put new sheets on my bed, and then maybe plant some of the flowers I've been ignoring. Then I'll grab my brand new markers and my new "coloring books for adults", and sit myself down on the front porch and color for a while. That sounds about right.
(originally posted by a member of our community)