I continually go through quotes - I search for motivational, inspirational, strengthening, positive... anything that can provide me with a foundation to build my perspective on for the week and be something that others can look up to. This may be a direct impact on my part by working one on one or indirect by way of the motivational and positive quotes and images at my desk. I found one I thought would be great to start the week out with, especially since I have been gone for a few days. Here is what I found:
"When you blame others, you give up the power to change." ~Unknown.
Yes; I know but don't you roll or your eyes at me and don't you DARE take that pity route. I don't want to hear, "It's not my fault. He cheated on ME! I didn't do this! It's his entire fault!!! I didn't make these choices!" And you know what? You are right! You didn't make the choices that put you in a position without a relationship. However, when it comes to what happens after he leaves, well, my dear Ladies, that is where YOU come into play.
Depending upon the man that you had, you have already given enough power to him. You have already given enough of you to him to the point so much you have forgotten where you started and he ended. However, he found that line for you and separated the two of you and here you are trying to figure out what to do with that separation point.
Well, it is not easy to say what to do with that separation point but it is easy to say the choice is yours! You can do anything you want with the point. You no longer have anyone to answer to but you (and kids given your specific situation). It is not an easy point to work with necessarily but it is yours. He left it behind and honestly it doesn't matter why or for whom. As long as you hold to "he did 'this' and 'that' to me" YOU won't be allowing yourself to move on and the more people embrace that mindset of yours the more harm they do to you and your ability to take care of you.
Getting rid of all the negativity, sadness and emptiness and taking care of ourselves.
I know; not what you wanted to hear, but if you are choosing to surround yourself with those who are willing to help you blame someone else for your life rather than encourage you to live for yourself how are you going to take care of you? To add to that, to continue to blame someone else means you are going to rely on them to make the situation better or fix it - do you really think he is going to come back and do that for you? Or anyone else, for that matter? How does blaming anyone at this point improve your situation?
The most important thing to do with all the negativity, sadness and emptiness we feel at the lost of a relationship is to take responsibility for our actions and start taking care of ourselves. Yes; he chose to end the relationship and that is all you need to remember. If you remember the cheating, the lying, the betrayal you will not be able to focus on the opportunities right in front of you. He ended it with his decisions, all his decisions. The only thing you can control are your decisions, your actions and your desires. These are what you should focus on; not what he did or didn't do or the time spent together or whatever else you can use to hold yourself back.
"But, it is hard and I am alone."
No; it is not ideal at this moment but you have an opportunity to make something great happen for yourself and your children. You have the opportunity to be a inspiration to those around you (specifically your children).... and trust me, that is an awesome feeling! So, make the decisions to take responsibility for you and your actions and once you do you will be surprised at what you can do!!! You can do it!
(originally posted by a member of our community)