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I saw my husband recently, and it was only the second time I have seen him since he walked out on me almost nine months ago. He looks terrible and I am sure is drinking a fair amount. That is something relatively new. He does have another women, but she is not living with him. I realized after seeing him that I am in love with someone that no longer exists. I am in love with a memory.

It was not painful to see him or talk to him. It was just sad. He is a shell. I kept looking for him in there, but I could not find him. We spoke mostly about his work, himself and he asked about certain family members. It wasn't until I got in the car to go home that I realized he never once asked about me. I really try not to feel bad for him, because I tend to be a caretaker and God only knows how I have suffered, but he looks to be suffering.

He has lost the support of the family that he walked away from. He will find his way or another women to soothe him. It truly is a death of sorts. What happens to these men after 30 plus years of marriage? Where do they go? He is totally disconnected with himself. Defined by his job and of course the other woman, but I think she has even come second to the job now. I wonder how that feels to her. Actually, I know exactly how it feels.


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