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You want out of our marriage, but you still want to talk - yet when we talk all you do is bring up the past and the fact that you feel you are always the victim.  I am the one that did all the harm, as long as you have me, you have someone to blame.  I go to counseling for myself, for our marriage that was, for the future.  I tell you that you should go because you have unresolved issues that you need to talk about.  You say you don't need counseling that your fine but you seem to not be able to separate or understand what being separated/divorced means.

The only thing you see is what you can control or get from me.  You play with my emotions and try to manipulate me, and then when you see that it upsets me, you apologize.  It’s the same circles, the same conversations and nothing good ever comes out of them.  You seem confused and wonder why I tell you that we have nothing more to talk about. My heart still aches.  I still cry for the thought of what could have been, the dream, our family, our future family. 

I go to the grocery store or the mall and I see happy families, husbands and wives and children and I am jealous and heartbroken.  I can't even look at them for too long for they will see my pain and tears. If I see a pregnant woman, I get upset because that was suppose to be me and us but now I fear that it may not happen again. I'm afraid of being alone.  I'm afraid I won't make it on my own. I know I am not alone when I say that I never imagined that this is where I would be.  

My mind, body and spirit are tired.  I wish some days that I could disconnect my head from my heart.  My heart is weak and fragile now.   My mind is never stopping, always running, like a really bad movie that keeps playing over and over again. I see you and you look like the man I married but then I look deep into your eyes and it is as if no one is home at least anyone that I recognize.  I don't know what you are about or what you have become.  You have become a familiar face of a stranger.  In some ways I feel sad for you because you are so lost.


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