I was reading another member's blog and had to agree with the many "aha" and "light bulb" moments we get when we least expect it. It's so difficult to put into words the feelings you have when you've been hurt, betrayed, lied to, and misunderstood by the one person who you thought would love you unconditionally and forever. The "aha" moments give us validation of our progress in dealing with our divorce.
My Light Bulb Moment Since The Divorce
My "aha" came when I realized that my Ex was so miserable, he was doing everything he could to make me just as miserable. The saying "misery loves company" is exactly that. He wasn't happy, he made me unhappy, and what better way to make me unhappy than to sabotage all of the relationships I cherish? The "light bulb" (aka the divorce) came on so that I can see beyond what I thought was real. His lies were truth to me because I trusted him.
Although, I am still shocked at the things he's done, I'm more on the side of feeling sorry for him. He had everything he ever wanted (I know he did, because I made it happen) - but still he wanted more. His unhappiness started when I stopped making it happen. His "wants" never ended. He could never be content with what he had. I was the fool in thinking that we were working towards a "finish" line. Now I know that we never would have reached that finish line. I don't think he'll ever find peace knowing how he is.
I'm Selfish Because I'm Enjoying Me
The Ex accused me of being selfish. At first I was hurt he thought that, but today, I can say that he was right. I'm selfish because I'm happy he's not here. I'm selfish because I love being able to do what I want. I'm selfish because I realized I'm important in my relationship with myself. I'm selfish because I won't let him have the power of my paranoia anymore. I'm selfish because I like who I am today. I'm selfish because I'm content with what I have (it's just stuff), and best of all, I'm selfish because I'm enjoying me.
First Wives World is a community filled with women supporting women through the challenges of divorce. Register today and find inspiration, encouragement and strength.