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Alice Brooks

Alice Brooks turned 33 in November and wonders when she'll feel like a grown up.

When Alice was little, her athletic and college-basketball-playing father sent her to sports camp every summer, which she hated. Instead of participating, she spent her time with the littlest campers — helping the counselors and telling stories. In elementary school, Alice didn't have many friends, so she spent her time with the littlest kids — helping the teachers and telling stories. Whether Alice became a teacher because she was meant to or whether she just got in the habit because she was unpopular and un-athletic isn't known. After graduating from college, Alice moved to San Francisco with Jake, the boyfriend she'd had since her sophomore year of high school. Over the next several years, they opened a joint bank account, got married, and moved to a fancy apartment. Alice taught a variety of grade levels, got a masters degree, and wondered why she wasn't happier. After ignoring the inevitable for several years, Alice and Jake finally admitted the demise of their 10 year marriage in the summer of 2006. Jake moved out that November.

A year and several months later, we find Alice here: wondering why the divorce process is so long and tedious; living with two cats she loves in a distressing, cat-lady way; teaching high school drama to hostile, inner-city teenagers; writing picture books that are rejected with lovely personal notes from publishing houses; contemplating a PhD; piling rolls of film into the freezer while swearing she'll get into the darkroom next week; and wondering why she can't keep a plant alive.

In addition, Alice is currently, unexpectedly, in a relationship — a real one, with feelings and everything. This means that she has endless fodder for worry and overanalysis: regular dating/relationship fodder + "I haven't really dated since I was 15 and I have no idea what I'm doing" fodder + all the scars and neuroses left from ending a 10 year marriage. The practical upshot of which is that she's filled two journals in the last two months and spends a silly amount of time in her colleague/close friend's classroom hyperventilating.

Click the following to read Alice Brook's blog.

Alice Brooks

Most Recent Articles

Just Learning How To Breathe

Monday, 28 March 2011 13:56
My husband left me for a country.It's a blameless breakup, in many ways. No one had an affair, no one became a Republican, no one had a tragic and disfiguring accident. No one lied, cheated or stole. But when things needed attention, China got in…

First-Time Sex With Someone Other Than My Ex

Sunday, 20 February 2011 08:31
I was married for 10 years. The man I married had been my boyfriend since I was 15. One of the practical upshots of this situation is that I had never had sex with anyone but him.As much as I was looking forward&

Pets Who Prefer Abstinence

Tuesday, 15 March 2011 12:33
My cat doesn't want me to have sex.Larry doesn't really understand that he's a cat. He can't jump, he runs into walls, he eats thumbtacks. He's about as sharp as a marble, but he adores me.Larry is a cat-whore. He'll snuggle with anyone and is…
Sometimes, in my dreams, Mike (the boyfriend) and Jake (the ex-husband) are interchangeable, and I find this hugely uncomfortable upon waking. Sometimes they’ll just swap places mid-dream, or I’ll be doing something with Mike in my dream,…
I was in Boston when I found out my divorce was final.In late November, our lawyer let me know she had scheduled the "bifurcation hearing" for December 30th. This concerned me, as I was supposed to be on the other side of the country  I was not…
My initial thinking, in hiring a divorce lawyer, was that I wanted to go ahead and let someone else do it. Our divorce was straightforward: we had no kids, no property. We had already agreed on a settlement, and, with the help of our fathers (both…
I’d been looking forward to doing my taxes.This year, for the first time, I wouldn’t have to face the nightmare of dealing – alone, since Jake is, as always, in China – with the complications of joint filing with someone who…

Taking Back My Name

Saturday, 21 February 2009 10:15
Getting divorced has been, in many ways, merely tedious. The paperwork, the emails, the forms, the waiting in line.  The most time-consuming has been taking my name back, but the intense happiness of reclaiming myself largely mitigates my…

Prodigal Blogger Returns

Saturday, 14 February 2009 08:18
Well, hey there.How have you been? Is that a new haircut? You look good. I like those shoes. So, what’s going on with you?Me? Yeah, sorry – kind of disappeared there. I know, I know, I should have left a message. Checked in. Something. I…

In The Game — For The First Time

Tuesday, 09 October 2007 09:00
Jake moved out almost a year ago — the day after my birthday. Why we both thought this was a good idea, I have no idea — there was pre-holiday reasoning that seemed perfectly logical at the time, and now escapes me entirely.I left for work …

Meet The Cast

Friday, 12 October 2007 09:00
I like to think of my life as a sitcom. That way, when things go terribly awry, I can put on a mental laugh track and get a bit of perspective.That which is agonizing in person is often hilarious in observation, and really, what could be funnier…

Semantics And Happiness

Tuesday, 16 October 2007 13:15
Thoreau says, "Most men live lives of quiet desperation." I first heard that in high school. I thought it beautiful and sad, and completely untrue. Through high school, through college, through much of my 20s, I couldn't even imagine that kind of…

Calling The Parents

Thursday, 18 October 2007 18:30
My dad asks my sister on a regular basis if I am "dating or anything." He desperately wants to ask me, but just can't bring himself to get farther than "So...how are you doing?"When I told him about First Wives World, the conversation went like…

Graceful Isn't Quite The Word

Monday, 22 October 2007 09:45
A few months after I split up with Jake, my friend Darren and his fiancée broke up, so the two of us decided to have dinner and feel sad together.At dinner, I noticed he was touching me a lot, and sitting rather closer than necessary. I tend not…

Learning To Ask For Help

Thursday, 25 October 2007 18:30
I'm having a bad week. There is, unexpectedly, a boy I could call.I want to call and ask him to say something nice, something comforting, something that will give me that stupid grin I get whenever I talk to him.I know that I can call and say this.…

Newly Single Concern # 32

Friday, 26 October 2007 17:00
My ex-husband Jake had an issue with my period in that he refused to have sex with me if I had it. There was a day he called "the day," the day I claimed my period was over but it still lingered. "Is it the day?" he would ask, all suspicious.My…
1. Going from two incomes to one. I have to learn about things like investing and retirement, and I have to figure them out on my own. How do I turn a teacher's paycheck into financial stability?2. How do I look&

The Feelings Are Coming Back

Tuesday, 06 November 2007 09:00
I finally feel as though I've figured out how to be single, and I like it. I love that if there's a mess in the living room, it's mine. I love that things stay where I put them. I love that the sink isn't full of little bits of stubble every…

Alice's Calendar Of Neuroses

Thursday, 08 November 2007 18:30
A recap of week, after spending very lovely weekend with Long Distance Boy With Whom I Have Undefined Relationship:Monday, October 29:&

No More Playing Games

Monday, 12 November 2007 09:00
When we started dating, Jake — my ex — and I used to play Monopoly. We kept a running tally of wins and losses for almost a year.One would think that someone who liked Monopoly enough to play it every single day would not turn into the…
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