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Why is it so easy to make friends with women and it’s so difficult to find a man to be in a relationship with?  Am I pickier when it comes to men?  When my ex left for greener pastures, I moved to a new city to be near my adult children and because I wanted a fresh start.  I've made a lot of friends in the five years I've been here and can be as busy as I want to be after making an effort to find women who share similar interests.  Age isn't a factor with women. I can hang with those much younger as well as those who are my age or older. But the men I've met and dated are a different story, and at this point, I'm not sure I understand their story or even want to understand it.  They say they like my independence, then turn around and say I don't have enough time for them.

Well, which is it?  They say they're active, and then list their ailments and limitations and I find their idea of being active is fishing. Since when does sitting holding a pole qualify as being active?  I don't expect perfection. I'm certainly not perfect, and I know compromise is always needed.  There are, however, a few things I'm not willing to do without, like a sense of humor, or a non-smoker. I want honesty, and someone who enjoys life.  Is that too much to ask for?  Am I too picky?  Is it because men over 60 are "older" than women the same age?  I don't need a man in my life but I'd like having a good man in my life.   My ex was not the man he claimed to be. So am I just afraid of being lied to?   I was married only once, for 40 years so maybe it's too late for me, but I hope not.

 I'm happy with my life as it is. Laughter, family and friends are an important part of it, and a good guy could be the icing on the cake.

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  • Comment Link twintosser Wednesday, 06 June 2018 17:21 posted by twintosser

    I know that I am late to the game in my reply here, but I tend to feel that those men over 50 are really looking for someone to take care of them - again.

    Sure they love your independence - to them it's exactly what they are looking for in a person they would need you to see about all the boring stuff , that they'd rather not deal with - cause you know - fishing!

    Being that you are so independent, also means that you won't be expecting anything from them in return such as marriage or support. Less complications I suppose.

  • Comment Link Lee Sunday, 27 August 2017 04:49 posted by Lee

    I had an awful marriage and could say it was that because the ex had a huge injury that he didn't cope well with as he aged. Our adult sons encircled me when it went physical. So I was thinking ok, an injury. things happen.

    I start in on a new career. its great. I meet a guy who was helping me into this, isn't my dream person but hes sweet. kind. at least I thought he was. that went a long way after the ex who could only be angry.

    We worked together and he was really physical which my ex had not been. so it was like hey attention, why not? Not bad being told I am his dream girl or the most wonderful person in the world etc. so I try it out thinking maybe not do it again but at least I could have someone not my ex. It was good. except that when we did, he just changed. sure he liked that part but he got all weird and controlling. He was texting or pm ing 20-30 times a day. trying for 7 days a week. Former girlfriends had cheated on him (no kidding). I was so trashed --he went from saying how beautiful I was to all these dark weird things and its nonstop. I told my sons about what was going (was so ashamed by then --let it go way too long) and they encircled again. Pretty much put me back together and got me help. I figure the cheating women were trying to put their lives back together and didnt' have a good family to work with. And they advised anything I wanted help on. really amazing sons.

    If I hadnt't wanted to be with him, it was like he had massive rejection --you don't love me---I found I had put aside projects I was trying to do because too many interruptions. I had moved a few hours away with a son and as he got weird if we met, I was driving farther to be with him, he was complaining more so I stopped seeing him except for work.

    and we fought. the first time after my dad died and I had just come home from the funeral. so I was then thinking ok its because I am maybe more sensitive and hey he didn't hit me (though for a moment I wondered if he would) except over time we constantly fought. He wanted make up sex you see. I don't do that. so more fights.

    it was always me the problem and he was always the perfect guy who was putting up with me. so I saw him less. still the daily 20-30 cyber things a day. the good news is you can copy cyber and get a counselor to look at it and yea, he was yanking my chain. so I refused all romantic times away. the 6th refusal was last week and he (once again) unfriended me on fb but this time he banned me there. Apparently, where ever you are still in a group together you still stAy and interact so there are three groups there he is still in. I dumped him from everywhere else. and he texts me for work things or pms in those groups. down to maybe 6-10 texts pms a day.

    He said once he had lied to me, that he was not as ill as he made himself out to be when he would cancel us getting together (back a ways). What I didn't know was he had this separate non sexual relationship with our mutual boss where they shared all these really personal things, were long time friends. and made business decisions from those talks that i had nothing to say in though my position is supposedly same level.

    so I am thinking while in this relationship that hey I am being honest and apparently he never was. The chain he yanked in the physcial side, he was just yanking period. He just had a great time getting my pants off. until he didnt. As a lover he wasn't terrible but more than anything he was not my (angry) ex. and that gives me hope that I could have something good with someone who is good :)

    today I found a new level of lies he had done. and its like sheesh. I have been working hard to open up avenues where I wouldn't have to work with him so I am biding my time and working. or maybe somewhere along the line, he will decide to do something right and stop whatever this weirdness is. My sons say me moving is more likely.

    He liked to say that it was because he was a GUY. and what, my sons are chopped lives? I have all these men in my life and he was the only one like that. I am dealing with levels of feeling betrayed. feeling like oh here is the first guy I went out with post my ex and hes this complete fruitcake. So its like if I date will I just find another screwcase. I had a guy ask me out cyber who lives in my town, is part a group I am in. I find out from the other ladies (thank the Lord for women friends) that he is hitting on them, too. So, that was easy, huh. That guy I just broke up with was funny, at first. He said he could do all these things and he had the cards to prove he had been certified but he was doing really nothing of that impressive listing NOW.

    If you are picky with your listing I am too. I have your list! honesty, non smoker, humor and maybe someone comfortable in his own skin? Is it too hard to ask for someone who actually LIKES themselves?

    has anyone tried the dating sites? there are like 8 huge ones. the guy I broke up with used to look for women he could date, for sex, would not date a woman unless she would put out. i was thinking about that, how to avoid getting scum like him. If I had realized he was that way, gosh I would have said no just on the principle of the thing. he wasn't bad at the seducing part and if not for my ex i could have held out a lot longer, actually. :(

    I am pretty my answers on the sex stuff and happy to move on. I am working on my bucket list of things and maybe along the way some guy might be around in that as I do things. Its just today learning one new level of lies he lives doing, it just hit that part of me that once had trusted this bastard. The worst of it when I was with him was that he was always thinking I was lying to him. I told my sons I just didn't know where he was getting that and I was always trying to reassure him. except now, crap, I know why he was afraid of that. The constant texting so I couldn't even have the space to develop projects uninterrupted...that was from earlier women who cheated on him. What a complicated world he built and for nothing. its like how long can a relationship last started on lies. since we broke up a couple of days ago I went through sadness at the times he would have contacted me but I have gotten so much work done! I am inspiring myself and finally feeling hopeful I can make a difference in my life again. Thanks for listening.

  • Comment Link Big Mama Thursday, 25 May 2017 15:46 posted by Big Mama

    All I seem to run into are childish, ridiculous men who want to mansplain everything to. I was even dating a guy who, when I was nearly hospitalized for pain and something random going on with my insides - GOOGLED MY SYMPTOMS. Well then he mansplained to me that I didn't have kidney stones as the doctor said, rather that I had given him Chlamydia and was therefore a slut. He began telling everyone he could I had given him an STD. He iced the cake by then telling me I was too sensitive and should get over it, after all he had moved on from the "misunderstanding" - why couldn't I? Looking back I also believe he was drugging me when I was at his house, and then giving me a bunch of grief for "passing out all the time".

    Well it was so GD close to my freshly ex-husband and his torrent of abuse I ran, and ran fast. He tried for at least 4 months to contact me via phone, email and text. I did not answer. I know this type. The problem is obviously me, because I just keep meeting the same man over and over again. Needless to say this experience taught me I am not yet ready to date and need to get some more therapy before trying again.

  • Comment Link Lynn Saturday, 16 July 2016 03:21 posted by Lynn

    I agree with you... It is so hard to meet a man.
    I'm to Picky and that is a good thing, The way
    things re today. After a bad marriage it makes
    You a little scared you don't know who to
    Believe, Especially when your ex was lying
    to you for years. I have found that men in their
    60s seem to want Women 10 to 20 years younger
    then them. So yes it's hard to find someone
    but Mr Right is out their. Keep the faith.